The Merits of Hide-and-Seek

by tangle.of.ivy

Playing a game of hide and seek with your significant other can be cute…unless your significant other uses a magical ring to cheat. Yes…I'm looking at you Bilbo Baggins!

Words: 5,399

Pairings: Bilbo Baggins / OC

Takes Place: between The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings

Warnings: None. Just fluff.

Purpose: I signed up to complete sdavid09's Plot Bunny challenge. My plot bunny was "Playing a game of hide and seek with your significant other can be cute…unless your significant other uses a magical ring to cheat. Yes…I'm looking at you Bilbo Baggins!" Thank you sdavid09 for the inspiration! I hope the story didn't turn out too cheesy!

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Bilbo sighed and stuffed his mouth full with another bite of cake, the universal sign for For the love of the Shire, please don't come up and talk to me. It didn't work.

"Bilbo Baggins! I've been wanting a word."

Bilbo sighed heavily, then coughed as the air made a crumb go down the wrong pipe.

"Oh. Is this a bad time, Bilbo?" asked Lobelia Sachville-Baggins, unconvincing concern twisting her face.

Bilbo's frustrated "Yes" was mangled by his coughing fit, and that was the only opening the spiteful woman needed.

"Delightful! I was meaning to bring by your wedding gift. I was so sorry that my invitation was lost in the mail. Next Tuesday is best for me. And I thought I'd bring by some of my famous apple turnovers while I was at it. It's been so long since Otho and I have been over to the Hill for a nice Second Breakfast."

Eyes wide with horror, Bilbo stumbled over to a nearby table, desperately looking for a glass of something to wash his throat clear with. The last thing he needed was the Sackville-Baggins' coming around to Bag End right now!

"Perfect! We'll see you then." Lobelia said with a smug smile. "Remember, I like blackberry tarts with cream." And with that, the stout woman all but strutted away.

Bilbo finally found a glass of lemonade and downed most of it, coughed again, then took another swig, finally breathing easier.

"Miserable, greedy, old hag." He wheezed, massaging his sore throat.

"I hope you didn't mean me." Came a teasing tone from just by his ear.

Bilbo jumped with alarm, only to turn and find himself facing the laughing face of his new bride.

"Heather, dear! N-No! I meant…! You could never…! Lobelia-!"

The soft press of lips against his finally stopped his sputtering. His wife's eyes danced with merriment as she pulled away, laughing again.

"You know better to listen to that old bat."

Bilbo chuckled in relief. "Well, she caught me at a bit of a vulnerable moment." He admitted. "She's invited herself over to Second Breakfast on Tuesday."

Heather frowned.

"You mean the day we planned on having a picnic down by the river?"

Bilbo shifted uncomfortably. "Er…yes. That'd be the one."

"Ah." Heather let the moment hang with charged tension for a few long seconds, or so it seemed to Bilbo. "Good thing you have a new wife to blame for rude, last minute cancelations now." She said, smiling once more, to his relief. "One of the advantages of no longer being a bachelor. You have someone to blame for you own bad manners."

"Oh, you could never be a bad influence on me, my dear." He said fondly.

"Really?" Heather wrapped her arms around his neck and he placed his hands comfortably on her waist in response. "Who was it who gave you a kick out the door after a crazy wizard and a pack of dwarves?"

Bilbo laughed. "As I recall, it was a firm shove, and you pulled me right back in to stuff my pockets with extra handkerchiefs before pushing me out again."

"Still, most of the hobbits would definitely define that as disgraceful behavior."

Bilbo smiled down at her. "They never understood me like you did. Better than I knew myself. I thought I could be happy living the life as a respectable hobbit while I waited for the courage to ask you for your hand."

"And I knew better. You would have procrastinated about asking me to marry you. And you would've gotten bored and antsy until you'd have up and left one day to go seek out adventure for yourself. Knowing you, you would've gotten lost too. At least this way, I knew you had a some-what capable wizard and a dwarf with a map with you."

"True." Thinking of the dwarf king caused Bilbo's smile to falter and is eyes to lose their sparkle. It wasn't until there was another soft touch of lips on his that he dug his train of thought out of the past once more.

"I'm sorry for bringing up Thorin." Heather murmured, looking crestfallen.

"No, no. It's all right." He mustered a smile that wasn't as hard to force as it had been when he'd first come back from his travels. "How can I be sad when I have the smartest, wittiest, kindest, most lovely woman in the whole Shire to call my wife."

Heather giggled. "Flatterer."

"You know I mean it." Bilbo leant down to kiss his bride properly, but she placed two fingers to his lips to stop him.

"Remember, Sweetheart, this is a children's birthday party."

Bilbo groaned. "How did I let you talk me into coming again? We just got back from our honeymoon yesterday. I think people would understand if we wanted a few days (or weeks) to ourselves."

"We came because my niece, Wendy, cornered me at the wedding as we were leaving and tearfully begged me to come back in time for her party. She has this extraordinary ability to…I don't know what it is. She…inflates her eyes, or something. They get all round and shiny and it's impossible to say no. Besides, it's not as horrible as you pretend it is."

"No of course not." Bilbo grunted. "Just being accosted by unwelcome relatives, nearly choking to death on rather dry, over-sweetened cake, and missing out on time better spent working peacefully in the garden with you."

"Old grump."

"Bad influence."

Heather grinned. "Touché." She said, turning to snag a cookie from the snack table.

Bilbo sighed. "But, seriously, can we please go home. We've been here at least two hours already."

"It hasn't been three-quarters of an hour!"

"Please? Can't you come up with some excuse for your niece? You already gave her our present. And I'm tired of people constantly coming up to me and-"

"Mr. Baggins! Mr. Baggins!"

"Oh, what now?" Bilbo cried, turning to face the newcomer.

The little hobbit lass who'd come up behind him froze, her smile wavering.

"That is… I mean… Um," Bilbo knelt so that he was on a level with the child. "What can I do for you, young lady?"

The little girl gave him a gap-toothed grin.

"Will you please tell us a story, Mr. Baggins?" she asked. "Pleeeeaaase?" she begged, her bottom lip sticking out for effect.

Bilbo looked up to see that, sure enough, a crowd of small, curly heads waited a few steps behind the lass, trembling with anticipation.

"Well, I-"

"The one about the dragon!" a young hobbit lad added.

"The one with the treasure, and the big battle, and all of the dwarves and elves!" cried another.

Now, Bilbo didn't mind telling stories about his adventures. He'd told bits and pieces of the tale to a number of people. But Heather was the only one who knew every detail, hardship, and heartbreak of the whole business. And he really just wasn't up to fighting the painful memories right then. He didn't even feel up to a less challenging story, such as the episode with the trolls. He looked into the excited, expectant faces of the children, and felt caught between a rock and a dozen, adorable pleading faces.

"Oooooor…" a heavenly voice seemed to come out of no where to save him. "We could all play a game of hide and seek! By the time we're done, lunch should be ready and then it'll be time to churn the ice cream. How does that sound?"

"Yes! Yes!" Was the unanimous vote. Some may have still preferred story time over playing, but the mention of ice cream had distracted them, as was the intent.

Bilbo let out his breath in relief, thanking the stars for his quick thinking wife, and stood once more. Leaning over, he kissed Heather on the cheek.

"Thank you, my dear."

The hobbit woman smiled wickedly. "Don't think me yet. You're going to be It first. How does that sound children? Do you want Mister Baggins to play?"

"What? But-" Bilbo argued. But he was interrupted by a chorus of excited agreement from the hobbit younglings. Groaning, at his laughing wife, he walked over to a tree, leaned his forehead against the bark, closed his eyes, and began to loudly count down from fifty. He could hear many pairs of feet scurrying away behind him and Heather instructing them to stay on the green. He'd already reached thirty, when he felt Heather wrap her arms around him from behind. Her warmth soaked into his bones and he placed a hand over hers on his belly.

"There are eleven children to find, plus me. But I bet you twenty kisses that you'll never find me." She whispered in his ear.

Bilbo shivered pleasantly. He took a break between twenty-five and twenty-four to whisper, "I bet I can find you in less than five minutes."

"You're on."

The warmth disappeared from behind him and he felt the swish of her skirt on his legs as she left. Smiling to himself, he finished the countdown, checked his pocket watch for his start-time, and started his search.

Within the first two minutes, he found six of the children. Most of them were the younger ones. The ones who'd hidden behind rocks or trees too small to cover them. There was one especially adorable two-year-old that Bilbo let think he didn't see hiding behind her mother's skirts for quite a while before scooping her up when she didn't expect it. The little girl squealed with surprise and delight as he tossed her into the air, catching her gently and laughing along with her. He regretted his sour mood from earlier. Despite his sometimes crusty exterior, he really did love children. Sure, he'd still much rather be at home alone with his wife right now. But you'd have to be older and crustier than him to not enjoy the sound of the younglings' laugher, the tiny arms now wrapped tightly around his neck, and the small hands tugging at his free arm and his trouser legs as they searched for the others.

By the four-minute mark, he'd found all of the other children, even the one that'd hidden under a large, overturned basket by the food table. But Bilbo was getting disgruntled as he started running out of places to look. He checked the barrel over by the food table, under all the table cloths, behind all of the foliage large enough to hide a full-grown hobbit woman, and even peeked under the rim of Rosalind Proudfoot's ridiculously large bonnet, just to be sure Heather hadn't cleverly borrowed the hat as a disguise. Still holding the little hobbit lass to his chest, he began jogging around the green, trailing a cloud of younglings behind him like a cloak. He checked his pocket watch one last time and saw that he had less than thirty seconds left.

Suddenly, something small boinked off his head and tumbled to the ground, causing an unmanly yelp to escape him. The little hobbit lass was giggling in his ear as he turned around in a circle to find what hit him. Finally, he spotted a pinecone on the ground and lifted his head to give the crowd of children a stern look.

"It's not nice to throw things at people." He said.

"But, Mister Baggins, it wasn't us!" one young lad said.

"Fibbing is also wrong."

Another, slightly older girl tapped Bilbo on the arm to get his attention. "We really didn't, sir. It fell from the sky."

"The sky?" Bilbo looked up at the clear, blue sky and back down at the younglings. "I think you all may have eaten too much ca-" Another pinecone bounced off his shoulder with a thump. "All right, what the-" He looked up just in time for another cone to hit him on the forehead.

All of the children were laughing like loons as he turned in circles, looking around to find the source of the ammunition. He spotted the very tree he'd been counting under and automatically dismissed it until another cone hit him in the back. Scowling, he marched under the tree's outlying branches and looked up. High above them, perched on a branch, was his wife, shaking with the effort of muffling her laughter.

"That's cheating!" he called up. "And HOW did you get up there? I was right against the trunk the whole time!"

"A true magician never reveals her secrets!" she called. "Right children?"

The chorus of agreement from the ragamuffins made Bilbo huff as he set his precious burden down so that he could place his hands on his hips and step up to the trunk.

"That's still cheating!"

"No, it's not! I only said that you had to stay on the green! This tree is on the green."

"But YOU are not."

Heather looked down at the crowd behind him. "What do you all think? Did I win?"

A resounding "Yes!" from the little traitors made Bilbo turn to mock glare at them.

"Who's side are you on?" he asked indignantly, making them all erupt into giggles. Fighting his own smile, he turned back to the tree, crossed his arms, and looked up once more. "Will you come down now?"

"Not until you declare that I won the bet too!"

Bilbo sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes. "Fine! You win."

"Yay!" Heather cried, swinging down from branch to branch with grace and speed that implied years of practice. Bilbo bit back an automatic "Be careful!" He was used to his wife's affinity to tree climbing, and to be honest, he was a little put out that he hadn't thought to check the trees in the first place. He moved forward to catch her as she swung off the last branch, holding her bridal-style. His thoughts automatically flashed back to the previous day, when he'd carried her just like this over the threshold of Bag End for the first time since they returned from their honeymoon. The memory made his skin tingle with pride that this woman had chosen to tie herself to him, of all hobbits.

"Ready to collect your spoils, sweetheart?" he asked with a loving smile, leaning in. Once more though, she placed a hand over his lips to stop him.

"It's still a birthday party. And I believe I'm It now!" she said, chuckling at his frustrated expression. As he sat her down on the ground, she was immediately surrounded by a hoard of younglings. "Thank you, my dears. But I think that from now on we should make a rule that tree climbing is not allowed. That way, Mister Baggins won't get so grumpy."

"Grumpy?" Bilbo groused as the children sniggered.

"Okay, now. Everyone go hide again!" said Heather.

Bilbo watched them all scatter, an idea forming in his head. "Want to make another bet?" he asked, as she walked over to close her eyes against the trunk.

"You already lost once. Do you really want to continue that streak?" she teased.

"Oh, why not? It'll make things more interesting."

Heather looked at him with interest. "What are you willing to bet?"

"Hmmm…" Bilbo sauntered over to her, pretending to think about it. "I bet a whole day of doing whatever the other wants, that you can't find me until I let you."

"You know what, I think you're getting a bit cocky, Bilbo Baggins. You're on!"

"Good." He kissed his wife on the cheek and strolled away, smirking to himself.

Once he heard her start to count, he ducked behind a bush and slipped a certain, gold ring out of his inside pocket.

Heather Baggins was getting extremely frustrated. She'd found the other children easily enough, but it had been nearly twenty minutes all together now and there was still no sign of her husband. Despite the rule change, she'd even checked the trees twice just to be certain. Huffing with frustration, she turned to head back to the tables that were set up for the party.

"Marianne?" she asked her friend. "Did you happen to see where Bilbo hid? I can't find him anywhere."

"No. Sorry. I was making more lemonade. But, just so you know, lunch is going to be served in less than five minutes."

"Dag-blame-it!" Heather swore under her breath, wandering away again. She meandered back towards the original tree, gazing around the green with her hands resting on her hips. The children had gotten bored and gone off to look at the new chicks one of the Gamgees had brought by. Slipping back into the shade, she leaned back against the trunk with a sigh, crossing her arms over her chest. Well, it looked like her husband had won the bet. She didn't have the faintest idea about where else to look. "Well played, Bilbo Baggins. Well played." She murmured under her breath.

"Why, thank you, my dear." Came a voice in her ear.

With a shriek, Heather jumped about a foot in the air. Gasping, she looked frantically around, but could see now one.

"What-? How did you-?" Then realization dawned on her. "Why you sneaky, cheating, devious little burglar!" Glancing back at the party-goers, she was relieved to see that no one seemed to have noticed her reaction. "I thought you had agreed not to carry that thing around with you anymore." She whispered, testily. "It makes me nervous. There's something not right about it."

"I think you're just trying to avoid admitting that I won." Came her husband's voice from a foot or so to her right. There was a pause, and she felt an arm wrap around her waist and another hand brush a few of her curls back from her face. "Come on. Say it." She felt his warm breath on her face, and she suppressed a pleasant shiver.

"I will not. If what I did with the tree was bending the rules, then you flat out broke them. I think it's clear that I won this round too."

"Hmmm… You think so, huh?" The warm breath moved along her face, tickling her cheek and continued down towards her neck. She swallowed hard. "I hate to disagree with my wife, but I'm afraid my mother raised me to be a truthful hobbit. And the truth is, sweetheart, that you lost. Admit it."

Heather felt a pair of ghostly lips leave a trail of feather light kisses down her neck and along her shoulder as far as her dress would allow. She swallowed a moan, but closed her eyes and signed as she felt him pull her flush against his invisible chest.

"No. I won't say it." She said stubbornly.

"Pleeeaaase?"

Heather felt his hands began to wander and looked worriedly over towards the rest of the party-goers. Bilbo must have seen her look, because he pulled her gently around to the other side of the tree. Her relief was short lived however, because her husband waisted no time in pushing her up against the trunk and pressing a passionate kiss to her lips. Unable to stop the whimper from escaping this time, Heather grasped the tree bark behind her to keep herself grounded as she was thoroughly snogged by her invisible man. She felt every inch of him, from nose to shins against her, making a delightful warmth spread throughout her limbs. Her mouth opened of its own volition when he ran the tip of his tongue along her bottom lip. The thought that she really hoped no one came around the tree to see this extremely strange sight slipped into her mind and straight out again as one of Bilbo's hands slid down past her waist at the same time as he did something rather spectacular with his mouth.

It was several, long minutes later that he finally broke away, leaving her to gasp in lungfuls of much needed oxygen. She blinked slowly, opening heavy eyelids, still unable to see his face.

"Do you give in?"

She groaned. "Yes! Fine! You win." Gasping, she mock glared at the space where his face would be. "Stop smirking." She grumbled, breathlessly.

"You can't see me." He pointed out.

"Yeah, but I can tell. You are far too smug about this." She reached up to smooth her ruffled hair a bit as he chuckled. Because he was still entwined around her so closely, she felt the vibrations of his laugh, and it made her stomach flip. "You know that doesn't count as one of the twenty kisses you owe me."

"And why not?" He asked, pretending outrage. "That was an amazing kiss."

"My prize, my rules." She countered, trying to sound confident.

"Hmph." He grumbled. Then seemed to have an idea. "Fine. I owe you twenty kisses starting now. And I suggest that you head over to join the others. It looks like it's time to eat."

"Aww!" Heather pouted, making him chuckle. She straightened her dress and stood up straight as he moved away from her. "And why don't you go take that thing off somewhere private, so you can join us." She said, already walking away.

"No."

She stopped and turned back. "No?"

"No. You can tell everyone that I ate something that disagreed with me, or that I forgot to water the garden this morning. I'm sure they won't mind."

Heather sputtered. "But, you can't- What are you- Why-"

"You'll see, my dear. Just go have fun and give everyone my apologies."

"Oh, suit yourself." She said with a frustrated huff, making her way back to the party.

It wasn't until she was seated at one of the tables laid out for the party, helping to spoon various foods from the platters onto the children's plates that she started to get an inkling about Bilbo's plan. As she scooped up a portion of potato salad for little Henry, she felt the tickling touch of two hands running up her arms. She jerked at the sensation and ended up ruining the young lad's trousers by dropping the whole spoonful into his lap. After apologizing and helping him to clean up the mess, Heather sat back to eat her own first course, feeling very wary and apprehensive now. As she picked up her glass of lemonade she felt the warmth of a solid chest press against her back. Taking a careful sip, she tried to listen to what Lillian Brown was saying to her, as invisible hands stoked up and down her upper arms and gently massaged her shoulders. She tried to reach subtly around behind her deliver a pinch to the culprit, but a hand gripped her wrist as she felt a chuckle run through his form. After a brief struggle, she had no choice but to replace her hand to avoid suspicion. Trying to distract herself, she spread jam on a biscuit for little Henry and tried to ignore the ghostly hands running all over her.

When the hands started drifting a little too purposefully towards her very ticklish underarms she whispered, "Don't even think about it." Through clenched teeth.

"What was that, dear?" asked Susan Lightfoot.

"Hmm? Oh, Henry was saying he wanted more jam." She lied, quickly. Reaching for the jar again, she ignored the sensation of warm breath tickling her ear.

"How disgraceful." Was the barely audible whisper in her ear. "Lying and blaming children. Maybe you are a bad example to me."

Heather bit her tongue to keep from replying as she gave the biscuit to Henry and returned once more to her own plate. Less than a minute later though, while she paused between bites to look down the table to her left, she felt Bilbo lean around her and the next thing she knew, and invisible set of lips were pressed tenderly against her own. She froze at the touch, torn between pleasure and fear of discovery. The second she began to move her mouth against his though, he pulled away, smothering a self-satisfied guffaw at the stunned expression on her face.

"One." He whispered into her ear, and Heather had to stop herself from groaning aloud.

Bilbo snuck in two more kisses before he added a new element to his prank. Heather felt him leaning around her again and quickly turned her face away, but he wasn't going in for a kiss. She felt his hand brush hers and a spit second later, a slice of fried potato vanished from her plate. Quickly and subtly looking around to make sure no one had seen, she jabbed her elbow back at the mass behind her. But all she heard was a muffled chuckle, as though someone with a full mouth was trying and failing not to laugh.

And that's how it went. For the next hour and a half, Heather had to endure the best morsels disappearing off her plate into thin air, interspersed with distracting comments whispered in her ear, and even more distracting kissed pressed to her mouth, neck, ears, and shoulders. She had to refill her plate so many times that Mrs. Smallburrow took notice. Sometime around the seventeenth kiss, she spoke up about it.

"My. You certainly have a mighty appetite today, my dear." She commented, as Heather took her third helping of raspberries.

"Oh…you know. I didn't have much of a second breakfast today."

"Hmmm…" said the kind, elderly hobbit thoughtfully. "Is there any chance… I mean, it's pretty soon, but…is there a possibility that you may be um…pregnant?"

Heather choked on her mouthful of ham. Coughing, she pulled out a handkerchief and pressed it to her mouth. Once her fit had subsided, she turned back to the woman only to see that half a dozen people around her were laughing along with her.

"I'm so sorry, Heather dear!" cried Mrs. Smallburrow. "But your face looked so funny!" She took several deep breaths to try and calm her mirth. "By your reaction, I'd assume the answer is no. But I had to ask."

Heather's voice was a little shaky as she said, "Yeah… Sure. Uh…no harm done."

The others around her went back to their own food and conversations, Mrs. Smallburrow leaned forward so that they could speak more privately. Unfortunately, Heather knew her voice was plenty loud enough for her invisible shadow to hear. He'd gone very still over the last few minutes. But she could still feel him behind her.

"But in all seriousness, have you and Bilbo talked about having children?"

Heather swallowed hard, and forced herself not to glance reflexively behind her. "I, uh… Well, yes. Of course we have. It's sort of an important thing to know before one gets married. We both know that we definitely want children. But we haven't really discussed the when of it all. It does seem a little soon to be jumping into something so big."

Mrs. Smallburrow nodded solemnly. "That's very mature of you, dear. So many people jump into it too early, before they've really gotten used to living together as a couple."

Heather relaxed a bit, and nodded. "I personally would like a few years of having Bilbo to myself before adding another person into the mix. But of course, I'll have to talk to him about it."

"Yes, that's a good plan. I must say though, I think you'll make a wonderful mother, Heather dear. Whenever you and Bilbo decide to take that step."

Smiling, the younger woman subtly leaned back into the form behind her. "I think Bilbo will be an even more amazing father. Bilbo thinks he's no good with kids, but he's dead wrong. They are mesmerized by his stories and he's so natural with them. Not to mention protective. He tried to down-play it, but I know the dwarves would not have made it all of the way to the mountain without him to mother over them."

Mrs. Smallburrow chuckled, but nodded. "I agree with you completely. I saw how he was carrying my little granddaughter around earlier. I can't wait to see the amazing little hobbits you'll raise together in the years to come."

Heather smiled, feeling much more relaxed. "Thank you, ma'am."

For the rest of the meal, her invisible husband uttered nary a peep. His hands, resting comfortably on her shoulders, did not move, and no more of her meal got up and walked away on its own. Soon after lunch, presents were opened, a few songs sung, and then it was time to go.

Heather said her goodbyes, and then started walking back up the hill to Bag End in the late afternoon sunlight. She knew Bilbo was still there. He didn't dare hold her hand in case someone was watching, but he let his shoulder brush hers every now and then to let her know he was there. They didn't speak until they reached home. She lit a few lights while Bilbo removed the ring and stored it in a box hidden at the bottom of his wardrobe. Hands in his pockets, he wandered back to the drawing room, where his wife was opening the windows to let the light summer breeze into the warm room. He stood in the doorway for a minute, watching her lean out and breath in the fragrant air and finger a small flower that was growing up close to the window.

"You think I'd make a good father?" he asked suddenly. The question had left his mouth without his knowledge, but he waited in suspense as Heather turned to face him. She studied him from top to toe for several long moments.

"No."

Bilbo stumbled back half a step. "What?"

"No. I don't think you'll make a good father." Bilbo tensed as she walked over to him, her face completely unreadable. She stood right in front of him, staring into his face for another stressful pause. Finally, her face broke into a wide smile. "I think you'll be the best."

Bilbo let out a gusty breath of relief as his wife laughed and threw her arms around her.

"You're cheesy, and slightly evil." He declared.

"Thank you." Was her pert reply. She sniggered as her husband groaned.

Tucking her head under his chin and pressing her face into his neck, they stayed wrapped in their embrace for a long, peaceful stretch of time. It was Bilbo who finally broke the silence.

"You know, Mrs. Smallburrow's right."

"Hmm?"

"We really do need to discuss when we want to start trying to have a baby. I agree with what you said to her, but we should probably discuss it a bit more."

"Sure. Sounds good." Was the muffled reply. "But not this afternoon."

Bilbo chuckled. "That's fine. You owe me a day of doing whatever I want anyway."

Heather groaned. "Not today. Besides, if we start now, you'll only get part of a day."

"True enough."

"And anyway, you still owe me three kisses."

"Really?" he pulled back, despite his wife's protests. "Keeping count, were ya?"

"Yeah, yeah." She rolled her eyes. "Don't get cocky."

Bilbo laughed. "And you want to collect them now?"

His wife perked up. "Yes. Now sounds good. Let's go with now."

Smiling smugly, he purred, "Are you sure? Because," His hand came up to cup her chin, tilting it up to just the right angle. "I seem to have a surplus of kisses to bestow on a hapless victim. There is a strong possibility of an overdose. Are you sure you want to risk it?"

"Now who's the cheeseball?" she asked absently, gaze already fixed on her husband's lips. "I'm no lightweight though. I think I can take it."

"You're sure?"

"Mmhmm."

"Positive?"

"Absolutely?"

"Definitely certain?"

"Oh for heaven's sake! Just kiss me, damn it!"

"Woah! Kiss that dirty mouth? I don't-" Bilbo's response transformed into a muffled laugh as Heather tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled him down firmly until her lips crashed into his. His laugh soon faded into a moan as she used her thumbs to trace the points of his ears like she knew he liked. Forgetting about the bet (and everything else), Bilbo Baggins kissed his wife with all the pent-up energy from a day of children, pranks, and teasing. The only thought that flashed through his mind that didn't involve the woman in his arms, was the idea that hide-and-seek really was a rewarding game.