**EDIT: this will not be continued. Only one-shot now. I haven't been posting much since I slammed my hand in a door, and now that school's started... Let's just say that this isn't my top priority. Never really was. Sorry!**
So, this was an idea that both me and my friend ( u/2939957/ ) were messing around with last night at midnight. So, The Avengers go into therapy after the events of the invasion.
I only wanted to do this because it meant writing about Tony.
"So, Mr. Stark-"The Therapist started, not looking up from his clipboard.
"Please, call me Tony." Mr. Warph looked at him over his glasses, signalling for him to be quiet.
"As I was saying… Mr. Stark, I would like for you to start out about describing your situation right now. How do you feel about being a superhero?"
"I love it!" Tony said, leaning back with his hands behind his head. "I mean, all the fans, and the publicity, and the fan girls, and Natasha! Have you seen her? She's like, wow. Just, wow. She could kill me in twelve different ways with her breasts alone." He turned his head and chuckled to himself. "Boobies."
"Mr. Stark, please refrain from acting like an idiot." Tony looked up at the shrink with a look of faux innocence. "Okay then, please, on this piece of paper, write down your favorite thing about each Avenger." Mr. Warph offered Tony a slip of paper and a pencil.
Tony took it and looked over it with fake interest. "It's blank."
"Exactly." Mr. Warph handed him a book to write on. "Now, what's your favorite part of Mr. Banner?"
Tony began messily jotting down notes.
"Out loud, please."
"Oh. Umm… The ability to turn into a giant green rage monster. Yup, that's my favorite part. Oh, and his hair. His hair's pretty cool too."
"And what about Mr. Rogers?" Tony looked up at him with a 'what do you think?' look.
"Steve's boring. And too perfect. And can't get drunk. No matter how much you try, trust me, that guy will not get anywhere past a little tipsy." Tony turned away and muttered something about being a millionaire and Steve being lucky. "But, I technically own him. It's fun to hold that over him."
"Mr. Stark, I would advise that you stop doing that for your own safety." Mr. Warph chastised.
"Whatever." Tony waved dismissively. "Who's next?"
"Ms. Romanoff."
"Boobies." Tony said before thinking. Mr. Warph glared at him. "I mean… uhh… Her amazing talent at killing and her…. Wonderful personality."
"Mr. Barton?"
"Oh, Cockeye? Yeah, he's my favorite. So many nicknames. I can give you a few to use when you talk to him if you like."
"Tony…"
"Fine." Tony backed down. "Heh, Legolas."
"And Nick Fury?"
"Fury's an ass. Next?"
"Thor?"
"I like him. He's got a pretty big hammer. If y'know what I mean."
"Mr. Stark, are you in anyway a homosexual? Are you perhaps interested in the same sex?" Mr. Warph asked in a monotone.
"Ugh, eww." Tony shivered. "Noooo~ I don't have any interest in Thor." Mr. Warph raised an eyebrow. "Or Steve, or Banner or anyone!"
"Then what are you interest in?"
"Natasha." He said with a smile.
"And Miss. Potts. How do you feel about Miss. Potts?"
"… Pepper? Oh yeah, she's my babe. Yeah we're uh… we've uh…" Tony paused. "Next question please."
"Fine." Mr. Warph wrote something down. "What is your opinion on Loki?"
"He's a cool dude, y'know, if he wasn't a villain and all." Tony paused before laughing. "Heh, cool dude. Get it, because he's a Frost Giant? Heh."
"How did Agent Coulson's death affect you?" Tony grew silent, losing his smile.
"Coulson was a great man. And kind of a nerd. And, yes, I did get jealous of his relationship with Pepper a few times, but he was still a great man." Tony smiled again. "But he did have killer taste in suits. Man had secret-agent style."
"But his death, Mr. Stark."
"Oh, yeah…" Tony cleared his throat. "It was sad. Really sad. But it helped get The Avengers into action, so that was good. Leave it to Coulson to help save the world even after he died. I hope that when I die, I die like him."
"By being stabbed through the middle by a Norse god?"
"No. Actually helping and doing something." Tony pouted. "Coulson was a giant teddy bear. And I mean literally a teddy bear. He did this because he lost a dare. Fit the role perfectly." Tony pulled out his phone and showed Mr. Warph a photo of Coulson dressed as a giant teddy-bear.
"Okay then, Mr. Stark. I believe that is all for today." Mr. Warph said, putting down his clipboard.
"Wait, you mean I'll have to come back?" Mr. Warph nodded. Tony flopped back down on the couch and groaned, pulling one of the throw pillows over his face.
"Mr. Stark, please refrain from groaning into my pillows. I just had them dry-cleaned."
I own Mr. Warph, that's it.
And yes, all Tony ever thinks about is boobies. It's a fact.