Disclaimer: don't own, can't sell, sad day
Warning: well…. There really is no warning. Oh, this is obviously set in HBP. Crack fic too… nothing here is serious except maybe the beginning and the end.
This is for you my dear friend Captain Obvious, love Sergeant Sarcasm.
The ancient man sighed wearily as he touched his blackened hand. He was weakening and he felt it. By the end of the school year he would die; if all went according to plan, Albus Dumbledore would be killed by Severus Snape leaving the path to Voldemort open for Harry to take. The plan wasn't so reassuring, yet he accepted the fate he had to come by in order to help his student free the wizarding world of the current evils. Taking in his surroundings for the hundredth time that night, Dumbledore closed his eyes and sank back into the memories he never wanted to remove from his head.
*
"Hey lover," purred a twenty one year old Grindlewald as Dumbledore walked into the small kitchen in his house. He was not surprised to see his sexy man toy in his house as he was there every other day for raucous activities of the physical nature.
"You know I hate the term 'lover,' Grindy. I prefer 'sex buddy' and you know it," Dumbledore bit out through clenched teeth.
"Oh don't be such a spoil sport. There is something rotten in England and it's your piss poor attitude lately. Stop being mister doom and gloom, and let's go dress you up as a little French maid, rawr!"
Dumbledore looked apprehensively at his partner, but he agreed to this escapade and soon was running around in a French maid uniform much to the delight of the other man.
"OH OH OH! HE'S KILLING ME, OOOOOOHHHHH!!!!" Screams could be heard through the thin walls to the neighbors outside. Two women looked shocked at disgusted as they hurriedly pushed their baby strollers passed the small house. Everyone knew of the illicit affair between the men, but no one wanted to hear it happening! Inside the house, however, was a different story altogether.
"Turn it up, turn it up! Ooooh yeaaaaahhhh."
"I just can't get enough!"
"Mmmmmmm…"
Squeals of delight echoed off the walls as Ricky Martin music pounded off the walls causing the two young men to dance and squee like young school girls. To any outsider or eavesdropper, this scene would sound quite disturbing indeed. Maybe some people shouldn't jump to conclusions so easily or at least get their minds out of the gutter.
Then the couple fell into the bean bag chairs and…. began to ki- JUST KIDDING! They began to play with a Ouija board until they grew bored of the silly antics of the board.
"Oh, this will not do!" Shouted Gindy shrilly.
"Fine, what should we do now then? Have a tea party and bake a cake?" In the kitchen an oven timer went off.
"My cake is ready!" Gindy jumped up and ran to the kitchen to take his cake out of the oven. "And you hate tea parties Dumby honey!" he called from the kitchen. "Just remember, I'm the lady, show some class!" Dumbledore merely rolled his eyes at his flamboyant man lover.
"So, where were we?" Grindy sauntered in shaking his hips seductively. "Oh yes, I remember now…" AND THEN THEY MADE WILD AND PASSIONATE LOVE ALL THE REST OF THE DAY THE END!
*
Dumbledore felt his heart race at the memory of his youth. He closed his eyes as his breathing became labored and a pain shot through his chest. Later that night Snape found the cold body of the old Headmaster propped upright in the chair. Professor Dumbledore had died of heartache and happiness, or a heart attack. Take your pick.
HAHAHA! So, there we go. All complete and I hope you did enjoy it. All of you. But mostly Courty and Captain Obvious. Note: the Lowry High School production of Get Smart (2007) was used as well as The Hills Have Eyes, Tea Party by Kerli was mentioned, Sassy Gay Friend Hamlet, and a little things I discussed once in gov with my friend. xo