The Shamanic plays
Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King OR any of the fairy tails you will see in this fic.
Warning! There's not really anything to warn about... I know! Contains lots of comedy. Watch out for side splittingly funny thigs.
WARNING 2!!! I AM PARTIALLY INSAINE!!! PLEASE BE CAREFUL!
WARNING 3!!! THERE IS A TINY SMIGIT OF YAOI!!! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME FOR IT!!!
Well, I hope evryone will enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writting it! And please review at the end! And I also wrote it like a play, I hope you don't mind! It's the only way it sounded good. Now let's start this!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kit: Okay people, we're doing snow white first. Tamao, casting please!
(Tamao pulls out a note book out of nowhere.)
Tamao: The casting is as follows: Evil queen- Anna. Good queen- moi (bows) Snow White- Ren. Prince Charming- Yoh. Hunts Man- Hao. Dwarves- Manta, Chocolove, Millie, Lillie, Pirika, Lyserg, and Horo. Morror- Faust. That's all. (bows)
Ren: YOU CASTED ME AS WHO?!
Kit: Snow White. (smiles) Ah, don't feel bad! Besides, ya'd look good in a skirt! ;P (turns to every one else) The rest of you can crawl somewhere dark and die for all I care. CAST MEMBERS! GET READY! THE AUDIENCE WILL BE HERE SOON!
-later-
(The curtain raises to show a castle stage left, a forest center stage and the dwarves' cottage on stage right. Tamao was wearing a pink dress and was sitting in a chair in the castle on stage left sewing)
Kit: (Over vioce over) Once, there was a queen who more than anything wanted a daughter. One day while she was sewing, she pricked her finger. (blood drips on the stage)
Tamao: (wailing) I'm really bleeding!
Kit: Will someone get her a band-aid? I wanna see Ren in a skirt!
(Ryu put a band-aid on Tamao's finger)
Kit: (over voice over) The queen looked at the blood, snow and ebony window frame.
Tamao: I wish I had a daughter with lips as red as blood, skin as white as snow, and hair the color of ebany wood.
Kit: (over voice over) The queen's daughter was named Snow White. Not long after she was born, the queen died. A few years passed and the king married again. This time an evil bitch who thpugh she was the sexiest beast to walk the earth. Every morning she would always ask her enchanted mirror,
Anna: (wearing a long black dress, fake black finger nails, and TON of black makeup) Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the sexiest of them all?
Faust: (over voice over, doing mirror) Queen, you are the sexiest of them all.
Kit: (over voice over) And so the queen was pleased. Many years passed and Snow White grew into a sexy young woman.
-backstage-
Ren: Do I have to go out there dressed like this?
Yoh: Ah, don't worry Ren! You look great! Now go on!
(Yoh starts pushing Ren who is trying to resist but winds up on stage any way. He's wearing a red tubetop, black miniskirt, hair un-pointy, knee-length black leather high heel boots and red lip stick.)
Audience: GO REN!!! YOU'RE SO HOT BABY!
Kit: (over voice over) then one day, as always,
Anna: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the sexiest of them all?
Faust: (over voice over) Queen, you are very sexy, it's true, but little Snow White is way sexier than you!
Audience: Hell, yeah! Amen to that!
Anna: (compleatly furious) That little whore took my title! Huntsman!
Hao: (dressed as he normaly is. wouldn't get into costume.) Yes? What is it?
Anna: Take Snow White into the forest and Kill her. Bring her heart back in this box as proof. (she tossed a box at Hao.)
Hao: Okay.
Kit: (over voice over) So, the huntsman took Snow White into the forest.But he was so moved by her sexiness that he let her go.
(On stage was different. Hao thought he was actualy SUPPOSED to kill Ren, so)
Hao: (mallitiously) Spirit of Fire!
Kit: I SAID HE LET HER GO! HAO! LET REN GO!
Hao: Fine. Spirit of Fire, we'll finish this later. ( Spirit of Fire leaves the stage) Go on. ( Hao pushes Ren off stage.)
Kit: (over voice over) Awild boar ran past and the huntsman killed it and put its heart in the box and went to see the queen. Meanwhile with Snow White, She was wandering around the forest for hours when she came upon a little cottage. when she entered she saw seven little beds, chaires, etc. But it was also very dirty.
Ren: It looks like seven mimi Horos live here.
Horo: I HEARD THAT, DUDE!
Kit: (over voice over) Anyway, Snow White decided to clean up the small cottage.
Ren: I will NOT clean this small thing you call a cottage. (He takes out his kwan dao and points it back stage.) You, Manta, clean this cottage for me.
Manta: (running on stage dressed as a garden gnome.) Yes, sir! Right away, sir! (he quickly cleans the cottage and runs back stage.)
Kit: (over voice over) Snow White was so tired after cleaning she climbed into one of the tiny beds and went to sleep.
(Ren crawled into one of the tiny beds and to fit in it he had to curl into a fetal position)
Yoh: Wow! He looks sooo cute like that!
Audience: Aaaaawwwwww!
Kit: Hee hee! He does look cute like that! (over voice over) Any way, meanwhile with the queen,
Hao: (tossing the box to Anna) Here, just like you wanted.
Anna: Thank you.
(she opens the box and eats the heart, thinking it was really chicken.)
Kit: (turnning to Faust) Do you think she knows that's a real boar's heart?
Faust: (freaked out) I don't think she does.
Kit: do you think we should tell her?
Faust: No. It would probably be better for all of us if we don't.
Kit: You're probably right. (over voice over) So the queen asked the mirror,
Anna: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the sexiest of all?
Faust: ( over voice over) Queen you are very sexy it is true, but somewhere in the forest, Snow White is still alive and is still more sexy than you.
Anna: Argh! That hunts man tricked me! I guess I'll have to kill her myself!
Kit: (over voice over) So the queen dressed asan old hag and poisoned an apple. At the dwarve's house, the dwarves were just comming home from the mines. They were suprised to find the house clean when they got home. they were even more supprised to find Snow White sleeping in one of their beds.
Millie: Who's that?
Manta: How an I supposed to know?
Lyserg: She's pretty sexy. (every one looks at him funny. Lyserg blushes) What? It's in the script!
Choco: THERE'S A SCRIPT?! I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL IMPROV!
Kit: Well, it's not! There is a script. Now get on with it!
Horo: Kit, it's your line.
Kit: Oh, (over voice over) When Snow White woke up she was supprised to see all the midgets--
Manta and Millie: Dwarves, not midgets!
Kit: Dwarves all around her.
Ren: Why do I have seven garden gnomes staring at me?
Pirika: We're not gnomes, we're dwarves.
Ren: Fine. Dwarves.
Horo: This is our house.
Ren: like I couldn't tell by the total pigsty was in when I got here.
Horo: YOU TAKE THAT BACK! (he advances tward Ren, who got out of bed. Pirika grabs hold of Horo and Lyserg grabs hold of Ren.)
Pirika: Onii-san, don't worry about it. It's okay!
Horo: What do you mean 'it's okay?!' He just insulted me! (Pirika lets go of Horo and goes tward Ren herself.)
PIrika: (getting angry) Oh, he did, did he? (Choco grabs hold of Pirika)
Choco: (wearing a fur coat) C'mon, guys, no need to be 'fury'ous!
Ren: This is no time for on of your bad jokes, Choco!
Kit: Get on with the story!
Lyserg: It's your line again.
Kit: Oh, okay. (nareration continued) The dwarves promised to let Snow White if she would clean the house for them, which they were too lazy to do.
Ren: I WILL NOT CLEAN! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!
Kit:(over voice over) One day, the dwarves were leaving to go work in the mines and as usual, they gave Snow White some advice before leaving.
Lillie: Never talk to strangers!
Choco: And don't let anyone into the house!
Lyserg: We don't want you to get hurt because you're our friend. (Lyserg's face was totaly red and everyone just staring at him.)
Kit: Okay, dwarves, mines, NOW!
Dwarves: Okay, we're going!
Kit: (over voice over) Later that day, the evil queen, dressed as an old hag, went to Snow White's home with a poisened apple.
Anna: Hello there. Would you like an apple?
Ren: I don't need an apple.
Anna: Are you sure? It will make you strong enough to be shaman king!
Ren: Fine! I'll take it! (Ren snatched the apple out of Anna's hand and took a bit out of it)
Kit: (Over voice over) Unfortunitaly, when the apple touched her lips, Snow White 'died.'
(Ren suddenly fell to the floor and the apple rolled out of his hand.)
Faust: Is he really dead?
Kit: No, he's just asleep.
Faust: I tought that the apple was poisoned.
Kit: Nope! Not poison, sleeping potion. He'll wake up after the kiss.
Faust: Oh, okay.
Kit: (Over voice over) When the dwarves came home they found Snow White 'dead' on the floor and were overcome with sorrow. They built her a coffin made of glass so everyone could see how sexy she was. One day a prince rode in to see Snow White.
(Yoh 'rides' in, but Silva was really bashing two coconuts together back stage. Yoh was wearing gold and silver armor.)
Kit: (Over voice over) And so, like all good fairy tails, truelove's first kiss will break the spell. The prince kissed Snow White.
(Yoh had actualy really wanted to do this for soo long, so he kissed Ren long and meaningfuly, like he ment it. Well he did, but that's beside the point. Ren imediatly woke up while Yoh was still kissing him. The look on his face was like 'what the hell is going on?' When Yoh finaly broke away Ren got up and went off stage to wash his mouth out.)
Kit: (Over voice over) The prince asked Snow White to marry him. They rode off and got married. Meanwhile, with the queen.
Anna: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the sexiest one of all?
Faust: (over voice over) Queen, you are very sexy it's true, but the new queen is sexier than you.
Anna: Who is this new queen?
Faust: (over voice over) Snow White.
Anna:WHAT!?!
Kit: (over voice over) And so the old queen ran out and was run over by an 18-wheeler and everyone else lived hapily ever after. Especialy me, 'cuz I got the whole thing on DVD!
Ren: WHAT?!? GIVE THAT HERE!
Kit: See ya!
(She ran off as fast as her legs could take her.)
-End-