The Great Intergalactic Baking Show

Where everything's made up and canon compliance doesn't matter!

CAST:

Hosts: Poe Dameron, Finn

Judges: Ben Solo, Maz Kanata

Bakers: Rey, Hux, K2-SO, Phasma, Chewbacca, Rose Tico, Lando Calrissian, Jar-Jar Binks, Darth Maul, Admiral Ackbar, Paige Tico, Nien Nunb

Episode 1 - Cakes

"We know you've all been dying for a new season of The Great Intergalactic Baking Show, and the wait is over! Our contestants are here to bake a name for themselves," announced Finn, walking in front of the group of 12 bakers.

"These home bakers have stepped out of their kitchens and into the doughmain of our judges — the rye Kylo Ren and sage Maz Kanata," said Poe Dameron, the other show host, walking to meet Finn in the middle of the motley group of bakers.

—

"I've eaten loads of times at Maz's Castle. Her flavors are amazing," gushed contestant Rose Tico. She pushed her fisted hands into her cheeks and let out a squeal of excitement. "I can't believe she's going to taste my bakes! The Maz Kanata!"

—

"Hmm, yes, Kylo Ren — he's a bit like a bull in a china shop in the kitchen, isn't he? Always making a big mess and a big fuss," said Hux distastefully. Then his eyes rounded and shot from side to side. "He's not going to be watching this bit, is he?"

—

"Ahhh, Pastry Chef-a Kylo Ren! Hesa got a fierce reputation. Mesa think he will like Gungan home baking," said Jar-Jar Binks.

—

"Over the next 10 weeks, their baking skills will be put to the test. Welcome to Week One of The Great Intergalactic Baking show. Meet our bakers and see if they can take the cake on Cake Week!" finished Finn.

[Week One in the tent in Hanna City on sunny Chandrila.]

"Bakers, this week Kylo and Maz would like to see you make a Ryscate for your first signature challenge," said Finn, pulling smartly on the lapels of his blazer. "Now this is a sweet, pastry cake — a Corellian specialty — made with vweilu nuts and Corellian whiskey."

The group of twelve bakers stood behind their baking benches, frothing at the mouth for the timer to start and the battle to begin.

Poe Dameron cocked one dark eyebrow and said, "Let's see if our bakers can give the judges an imaginutive take on this Corellian cake."

"On your mark," said Finn.

"Get set —" said Poe.

Then they both said together, in harmonized falsetto, "Bake!"

The tent erupted in a flurry of motion as the bakers raced to get a good start on their two hour challenge.

—

"Ryscate is traditional for your family, isn't it Ben? Your father, Han Solo, being from Corellia?" Maz asked as she and Kylo Ren sat at the picnic table off to the side of the main baking area. From this vantage point, they could keep an eye on contestant blunders.

Kylo nodded, expression bland. "Yes, it's a cake often made by Corellians off-world to remember the home-planet. Not your everyday cake, but something your above average home baker should know how to make. The key here is going to be using a quality whiskey, and just the right amount."

—

Phasma muttered, "Did I really have to surrender my armor?"

She narrowed her ice blue eyes at the camera and crossed her arms over the chest. "There, ah, wasn't much food where I come from. Baking has been a hobby of mine since joining the First Order. I find a lot of peace in a good kneading."

—

"Tell us about your Ryscate, Phasma," prompted Finn, with a little smirk, as he approached her work bench followed by Kylo Ren and Maz Kanata.

Phasma glared at Finn and wiped her flour covered hands on her silver apron. She spared a glance for Kylo and Maz, only some of the chill diminished from her eyes. "I'm making a traditional Ryscate and doing it perfectly."

Kylo Ren raised his dark eyebrows. "That's quite a promise."

"I have high standards," Phasma sniffed.

Maz nodded, eyes trained to the vweilu nuts resting on Phasma's cutting board. "Ah, and you'll be leaving your nuts quite large then?"

"Yes, I find large nuts give a satisfying chew to the cake."

Finn's lips compressed and his eyes widened, darting to the side to catch Poe slightly off-camera, but bent over laughing.

—

"We learned how to bake together," said Paige Tico, hooking an arm around Rose's shoulders. "We're sisters — we learned how to do everything together."

Rose smiled at Paige and leaned into her side. "I can't believe we both made it to the baking show! No matter what happens, we're going to be cheering each other on. But wouldn't it be great if we both made it to the finals?! That would be so awesome!"

—

"Rose and I are doing very similar cakes, actually," said Paige, lowering the top of her mixing stand and locking it into place. "But I'm switching out the Corellian whiskey for some good old hangar-made jet juice."

Kylo Ren's nose wrinkled and Poe suddenly appeared at his elbow, looking very intrigued.

"Jet juice, you say?" said Poe, snatching up the glass jar on Paige's bench. "Going to use all of this?" he asked, sloshing the clear liquid inside the jar. When Paige laughed and shook her head, he waggled his eyebrows, unscrewed the lid, and took a swig.

He coughed and whirled around on the ball of his foot, so as not to spray her entire work area with spittle. Poe turned back around, red-faced, to a look of concern from Maz and derision from Kylo.

"That's the good stuff," Poe wheezed, slamming a hand down on the wood countertop.

—

K2-SO let out an electronic sigh. "Yes, I'm supposed to be retired, but it was boring. Baking is scientific and productive. You can always calculate the success rates of your bakes."

—

"So, what are you doing with your Ryscate?" Maz asked as she approached K2-SO's workbench.

The hulking black droid froze, and the gears of his neck whirred as he looked at her. "I am making a Ryscate."

Maz raised her eyebrows behind her large goggles. "And how are you making this Ryscate?"

"This is a Ryscate."

"Yes," said Kylo, exasperated. "That was the challenge. How are you baking your Ryscate?"

K2-SO's eyes glowed. "I'm baking it in the oven."

—

A couple of songbirds tweeted in the background. Rey tilted her head and smiled sheepishly at the camera. "I haven't really been baking long. Until a few years ago, the only baking I did was adding water to portion packets." She shrugged. "My friends seem to like what I've come up with between missions, so hopefully the judges will too."

—

"The way you're working that cake batter is quite clumsy," said Kylo Ren, with a slight sneer for the splodges of batter puddling around her work station. When he looked up at Rey and met her eyes, he stilled.

Rey colored and pushed batter down the sides of her mixing bowl with a spatula. Maybe if she whipped it into order quick enough, he would forget the mess.

His eyes narrowed on Rey's furious mixing. "And why are you hand mixing it when we've got state of the art equipment here?"

Rey gave him a tight smile, and ran a hand over her mussed buns. "Well, I didn't have all that fancy equipment on Jakku, nor do I have it in on a ship by ship basis now. Makes sense to do it the way I'm used to — don't want to mess things up trying to do it a new way. Not here in the tent."

Kylo gave her a short nod. "With proper training, you could master these new tools easily."

Maz and Finn shared a look behind Kylo's back, which Rey missed, being completely captivated by the slight smile curving Kylo's mouth.

"Why, uh, thank you," said Rey, suddenly not knowing where to look. Her cake. Cake was a good place to look.

—

"Everyone was able to plan and practice their first bake," Finn said, after the first round was finished. "But this next one is a complete mystery. It's time for the Technical Challenge!"

"For Cake Week, it's going to be a Maz Kanata recipe," said Poe. A smattering of applause came from the bakers assembled at their stations. "Your very first Technical Challenge is Maz's classic jorgan fruit cake."

"The jorgan fruit needs to be suspended throughout the cake. It should be stacked high and decorated elegantly," added Finn.

"And most importantly, it should be garnished with fresh jorgan fruit," said Poe. He pointed two fingers at his eyes then flipped them around on the bakers. "You have got 2 hours to bake Maz's cake!"

—

"This cake is a relic of the Galactic Republic." Hux stood stiffly in front of the recipe on his work bench. "Of course I know how to make it," he snapped. "But she has kept these instructions rather simple, hasn't she?"

"Heh, heh," vocalized K2-SO. He disregarded the recipe completely and stalked over to the cupboards of kitchen supplies. "I do love having a protocol based memory."

"What?" said Hux, immediately looking for Finn and Poe. "Is that cheating? Is it cheating to be a droid in this competition? That does seem to be an unnecessarily unfair advantage."

"Aww, Hugs," said Poe, appearing behind Hux. "But consider his great handicap — he can't taste his own bakes!"

Hux glared at Poe's smiling face. "It still seems to be an exploitation of the system, especially for a droid so old he probably pre-dates the Galactic Republic," he grumbled. Poe slapped him on the back a few times in a manner that appeared congenial, though Hux turned red and jerked with each clap of Poe's hand.

Chewbacca roared behind them as plum-colored round jorgan fruit flew up into the air, the Wookie's furry arms wheeling in the air fruitlessly to catch them. The fruit hit the ground of the tent with a hollow thud and rolled everywhere, leaking juice where the skin had burst. The hosts ran over to Chewie while Nien Nunb, in the very back, started snickering.

Finn approached Lando's bench after helping Chewie collect his escaped fruit. "Lando Calrissian, titan of industry, rebellion general, and home baker?" Finn marveled. "Is there anything you can't do?"

Lando laughed, syrupy smooth. "Kid, everything you've heard about me is true."

"You did really well in the signature bake — the judges really enjoyed your Ryscate," said Finn, leaning down to examine what Lando had going on in one of the bowls at his station. "How does make you feel about the rest of the day?"

Chuckling, Lando Calrissian did a little spin, cape flaring behind him. "It'll be a piece of cake," he said, grinning. "I've eaten a lot of Ryscate. I go way back with a certain Corellian." Lando winked.

Finn licked the finger he'd dipped in the bowl. Lando smacked his hand and Finn scampered away to another bench.

"What about you, Jar-Jar? Your Ryscate was a bit of a miss," said Finn. "Kylo Ren was a bit harsh."

Jar-Jar nodded and went about chopping his fruit. "Mesa didn't do so well, no. But mesa had lots of jorgan fruit cakes. Very popular on Coruscant. Kylo Ren will like mesa jorgan fruit cake."

"Oh please," groaned Darth Maul, with an exaggerated eye-roll. He wielded his knife rather delicately as he sliced his jorgan fruit into small pieces.

Jar-Jar looked over his shoulder, his large ears following the momentum of his head, and glared at Maul. "Mesa will not listen to you, half-man."

Darth Maul glowered and rested both hands on his counter, leaning forward menacingly towards Jar-Jar.

"Now, now, gentlemen," Poe cut in, coming between the two bakers. "This is not that kind of show. Darth Maul, sir, you will get your turn for comments."

Finn and Poe continued their rounds of the tent, stopping by everyone's bench for a pep talk. The tent was full of nervous energy as the bakers worked through the recipe. There were a lot of furtive glances from one baking station to the other to see what the competitors were doing.

The clock ticked on and cake tiers started getting stacked.

K2-SO glanced around the tent, taking in everyone's frenetic pace, then said to the nearby lurking Finn, "Do you know what the odds are of everyone finishing this bake successfully?"

Finn frown and tilted his head to the side. "I hope it's high, but let's keep it a surprise for the judging table, yeah?" he said, then walked off to inspect Rose's tiers.

"It's very low," K2-SO said under his non-existent breath.

The next twenty minutes flew by as the bakers put the finishing touches on their cakes.

"Time's up!" said Poe. "Stop messing with your cakes and bring them up to the table, place them behind your picture, and prepare for The Judging. Let's see how your jorgan fruit cakes stack up." Several groans came from the assembled bakers.

—

Kylo Ren and Maz Kanata reentered the tent. Kylo's dark eyes zeroed in on the table of cakes and raked over them critically. His eye seeming to catch on each piece of crumb caught in frosting and unevenly risen layer.

Rey tried not to squirm in her seat on the stools assembled before the judging table, where she waited with the rest of the bakers. This had to be the worst part. Having someone come through, taste something you spent hours slaving over, and then have them not like it.

It was as if you were being picked apart, not just your cake.

And she hadn't done particularly well in the first challenge. She's gotten the ratio of whiskey and vweilu nuts correct, but somehow, her cake had been underdone. It hadn't set her up to be in a good position coming into this technical challenge. A challenge that involved a cake she'd never seen before. Jorgan fruit cake seemed to be a fancy cake reserved for people in the infrastructured core worlds that could afford them.

Examining the recipe revealed it to be a simple fruit cake in nature though, dressed up to be grand. She could do that, she told herself.

But now, looking at her cake sitting amongst the others, she started to have doubts.

Hux's looked the best, of course, elaborate care had gone into the extra step of making ladyfingers to stand up and surround the cake layers on each tier. It was tall, straight and decorated with shining jorgan fruit on top. And was that...edible glitter? Rey swore the jorgan fruit were sparkling.

Hux caught Rey staring at his cake and smirked, straightening his crisp, ice blue, monogrammed apron. Adding insult to injury, there wasn't a speck of flour or sugar marring the apron — it was completely clean.

"Right," said Kylo, his deep voice cutting through her thoughts. "Let's start on the end here, shall we?"

The cake on the end was even more lopsided than her own and the frosting was very clumsily done.

"The decoration is very… rustic," Maz said diplomatically.

Kylo picked up the cake knife and cut into it, setting the piece on the plate waiting for him. He and Maz both stuck their forks in and took a bite.

Eyes narrowing, Kylo looked over at the bakers while he chewed. "Has a great flavor," he said finally. "But the decoration is a mess."

Chewie let out a low, annoyed warble and Kylo kept his eyes averted from the big Wookie, whose picture was sitting in front of the messy cake. The picture pointed out toward the bakers while the judges stood behind the table, so they wouldn't know who baked each cake.

Not that the bakers had the best poker faces when their cakes were being tested.

They went on down the row of cakes, tasting each one. Hux and Phasma both received full marks for a tasty cake with perfect decorations. Jar-Jar and Admiral Ackbar joined Chewie with a cake that tasted good, but wasn't decorated well.

Kylo stopped in front of the next cake and glared at it. "This cake has no jorgan fruit on top." He looked down at Maz. "Didn't your recipe specify jorgan fruit to go on top?"

Maz raised her eyebrows and her mouth pinched. "There were directions for that step."

Paige, who was sitting beside Rey, let out a soft groan and closed her eyes. "This is going to be bad," she whispered.

The clink of the metal knife hitting porcelain filled the silent tent as Kylo portioned out another slice of cake for he and Maz to sample.

He poked at the slice with his fork. "Look, all the fruit has gone to the bottom," he said, holding up the cake slice for everyone to see. "It was left in huge chunks and that's why it's all settled." He continued poking the cake. "And the sponge is close-textured," he added, before actually taking a bite. It wasn't even Rey's cake and she felt on edge.

Maz looked thoughtful as she chewed. "There is too much jorgan fruit in this cake, actually. It's added so much moisture the cake isn't quite cooked through."

Paige shook next to Rey and Rose's arm almost hit Rey in the nose as it flew around her sister's shoulder for comfort.

Two more cakes were tasted, then they arrived at Rey's. She bit the inside of her lip to keep from betraying that it was hers.

"Quite delicious," Maz said, once she'd finished chewing. "Really nailed the flavor of the jorgan fruit. The pieces are the perfect size to get a little burst in each bite."

Kylo nodded, examining the cake closely, as if looking for something to criticize. Finding nothing, he said, "Good jorgan fruit cake."

And they moved on.

Rey's heart slowed its frantic pace, now that the agony of awaiting her judging was over.

Hux took first place for the first technical challenge and looked way too smarmy about it. Rey resisted rolling her eyes, especially after Paige Tico was named for last place, and Hux's uppity expression intensified.

—

"Alright bakers, this is your last challenge of the weekend before someone is crowned this week's Star Baker. That's right, it's time for the Showstopper!" said Finn at the head of the tent. It was early in the morning, but he was peppy and energetic, like he'd had at least five cups of caff before filming started.

"And it's your last chance to impress the judges before they decide who goes home this week," said Poe, making an exaggerated sad face. "Now, your lovely judges," he said, motioning toward a smiling Maz and frowning Kylo, "would like you to make a chocolate cake."

Finn raised his eyebrows and pressed the palms of his hands together in front his chest, almost like he was praying, using them to point out at the group of bakers. "But this has to be a perfect, beautiful chocolate cake. Fit for our favorite in-house Dark Lord." He jabbed his clasped hands at Kylo, whose frown turned into a glower. "It should be decorated with chocolate from the light side, the dark, or both!"

"You've got four hours," said Finn.

"On your marks," said Poe.

"Get set!"

"Bake!" they chorused in low baritone.

—

"I'm making a dark chocolate cake with raspberry jam filling and a chocolate mirror glaze," said Hux. He was moving efficiently behind his bench, taking a moment to consult the bulleted list of a recipe he'd brought for his showstopper.

Kylo studied him. "Not very original. I'm not sure if that's quite what we would consider to a be a showstopper."

Hux clanged a spoon into his chocolate bain marie and gave it a violent stir.

"It is quite simple, but done well, could be very good. It will all come down to your decorations," said Maz, a little more diplomatically, though her mouth was compressed and her eyebrows raised.

"Right," Hux bit out. "And it shall be decorous. It will eclipse all the other cakes —"

Kylo cut him off with a slice of the hand.

—

"Hello Rose," said Maz, coming up to the bench with Kylo and Finn in tow. "What are you making today? I don't see any regular chocolate here." Maz poked at the packages littering Rose's counter.

Rose flushed and took a quick sip of tea from her mug. Finn's eyes caught on the image printed on the mug and did a a double-take.

"Is that…?" Finn asked, gesturing towards the mug.

Rose froze, caught. "Uhm, well, yes, it's you and Poe. Classic back-to-back pose. I'm such a fan. You and Poe are the best part of the show! I just love your chemistry," she said with a little grin, then her head whipped towards Maz as she realized Finn wasn't the only person who'd asked her a question.

Kylo stood behind Maz, his unamused expression in plain sight due to him being several heads taller than the older woman.

"I mean...uhh… I love everyone on the show! You're all great!" Rose winced.

Maz chuckled and patted Rose's hand. "Tell us what you're making, dear."

"Right," Rose nodded and looked at baking supplies scattered in front of her. "I'm making a pink champagne, white chocolate and rose cake."

Kylo's eyebrows shot up. "Just white chocolate? That can be a bit…overly sweet."

"Sometimes," Rose said slowly. "But I've practiced this cake a million times. You're going to love it."

"Mmmm, I do love a good champagne," said Maz. "Are you going to be showing any special skills with this cake?"

"It's going to be decorated with sugar roses, icing roses, and fresh flowers," said Rose, excitedly.

"Sounds like it'll be a gorgeous cake," said Finn, leaning down on the counter on one elbow. "Can't wait to taste it."

"You're not a ju—"

"Come Kylo," said Maz, interrupting him. "Let's go see what my boyfriend's got going on over there."

"Your boy—?"

Maz grabbed Kylo by the cloak and dragged him over to Chewbacca's workbench.

"Chewbacca," she said with a grin. "What are you making?"

Chewie growled a low, friendly response and Kylo's face brightened from the scowl that had been pasted on when Maz dragged him around like a child.

"Kashyyyk Forest cake," said Kylo, translating the Shyriiwook. "That is one of my absolute favorites."

"Mmm. I'd like to frolic in your forest," said Maz, raising an eyebrow at Chewbacca.

A soft laugh rumbled out of Chewie.

—

"I have a bad feeling about this," Paige moaned as she stared at her cake baking in the oven.

Poe chose that moment to walk up with the judges to ask about her bake. "Good morning, Paige," he chirped.

She shot up from where she'd been kneeling in front of the oven, and wiped her sticky chocolate covered fingers on her already messy apron. "Oh hi," she said.

Kylo's nose wrinkled as he took in her wrecked workstation. It looked like a chocolate Jabba had thrown up all over it. "What do you have for us today?" he asked, trying to pull his eyes away from the mess to the baker in front of him.

Maz jabbed her elbow into his side and gave him the evil eye.

"I'm making a molten chocolate bomb cake," said Paige. She had seen where Kylo's eyes lingered and was hunting through the mess for a tea towel to use for damage control.

"Looks like it already went off," commented Kylo. "Have you made a molten cake before? They can be a bit tricky."

"I've been practicing with Rose. It's turned out great at home," said Paige. She'd abandoned her search for a towel and resorted to worrying her hands in front of her.

—

"Can I taste that?" Kylo asked, pointing to a bowl of dark chocolate frosting Rey had prepped. Before she could finish nodding, he'd found a clean spoon and dipped it into the bowl.

She watched as he brought the spoon up to his mouth and closed his lips around it. She knew the moment the chocolate hit his tongue because his left eyebrow shot up. He stared at her as he finished the bite. It made Rey fidgety that he wasn't saying anything.

"Let's hope the rest of your cake is as well-balanced as your frosting," he said finally.

Then he stalked away, whipping his black cloak out of the way when some icing sugar went flying out of Nien Nunb's mixer. Kylo glared at the Sullustan as Nien babbled away angrily in his native language.

—

"Alright bakers! Time's up! Bring your cakes to the end of your bench. It is time for The Judging," Poe called out.

"Submit your cake for inspection," Phasma whisper-hissed at Paige, who was still fiddling with the chocolate curls decorating the top of her cake.

Hux was eager to bring his dark, shiny cake up first. When they called his name, he popped off his stool and grabbed the cake to bring up to the judging table.

Everything was perfect.

Rey tapped her foot nervously, waiting her turn. She'd put a mirror glaze on her cake too, but it was only on the top, dripping a little down the sides. She looked down at her cake, which was a little messier than Hux's.

Rose's cake was a confection of pink. White chocolate ganache covered the top and dripped down the sides. Flowers ringed the top of her cake, adding height. It was the most beautiful cake Rey thought she'd ever seen. Rose received top marks from the judges.

Then Paige had to go right after her sister's dreamy cake was presented.

Paige's molten chocolate bomb cake wasn't really round like the name would imply. It was a very flat disc. Well, not flat, it was lopsided. Her frosting had broken, never quite having reached the emulsifying stage.

Rey tried to keep her expression neutral but she felt bad for Paige, especially when she saw the thunderous look on Kylo's face as he took in the cake when Paige set it down in front of him.

He said nothing and picked up his knife and sliced down into the cake twice and pulled out a piece. He turned the cake stand around, so that the spot he'd just cut from faced Paige.

"See anything wrong here?" he asked, tapping the point of the knife on the cake.

All the color drained from Paige's face. "It's solid."

"It's solid," Kylo confirmed. "Shouldn't we have a good ooze of chocolate from the center if this is a molten cake?"

Paige put her face in her hands and said a muffled, "Yes."

Maz pressed her lips together then picked up a fork and took a very small piece of the cake to try. She chewed it for a long time before she said anything. "I think you know this didn't come out well, dear."

Paige just nodded solemnly and went to retrieve her cake.

The rest of the judging was a mixed bag, with no one reaching Hux's level of praise. But then it was Rey's turn.

She'd made a triple chocolate ombre cake. She'd been proud of the recipe and design until she saw Hux's elegant cake. It made hers look very amateur in comparison.

But she went through the extra effort of showcasing her chocolate work by making a few dark and white chocolate truffles to decorate the top. Maybe that would help. She hoped.

The tent was silent except for the sounds of chewing once Maz and Kylo took their bites. Kylo looked up and met Rey's nervous eyes. He took another bite and chewed some more, slower.

"Now that's a cake," said Maz, also putting her fork to plate for another bite. She turned the cake around so the other bakers could see the cross-section where they'd cut their test piece from. "It's perfectly layered and even throughout. You've got a great crumb texture in all three of your cakes. They've all baked evenly."

"You've managed a perfectly balanced chocolate flavor throughout," Kylo added, licking the remaining frosting from his fork, not breaking eye contact with Rey. Her stomach fluttered. They liked it?

—

The judging was over and now the bakers were assembled in a line at the front of the tent. Kylo Ren, Maz, Finn and Poe stood before them.

Finn smiled at the bakers. "I get the honor of announcing this week's Star Baker! Our Star Baker made a perfect Ryscate that any Corellian would love, a towering jorgan fruit cake, and a chocolate cake shiny enough to admire his own reflection in — Hux, you are this week's Star Baker."

Weak applause broke out from the other bakers and Hux raised his eyebrows, lips pursed together but smiling.

"Now, I get the much less pleasant task of announcing who will be leaving us this week," said Poe. "A baker that gave her all, but just isn't destined to stay in the tent. Paige, I'm sorry but you're going home."

Paige's face crumpled but she nodded then immediately buried her face in Rose's shoulder.

"Aww, come on now! You're a great baker," said Poe as he and Finn approached Paige. "Let's make a Poe Finn sandwich! Get in here!"

Finn and Poe wrapped Paige up in a hug, Rose caught in the middle of it as well. She may have pinched Finn's bum, because he let out a little yelp and a "Who did that?"

—

NEXT TIME ON THE GREAT INTERGALACTIC BAKING SHOW: Bread Week