Rating: T
Warning: This story is Slash. If you don't like that then don't read any further.
Paring: Horatio/Speed
Disclaimer: DOA – Don't Own Anything
Author's Note: I have updated this story somewhat from the original. Basically, my writing style has improved significantly since I started doing this and this version of the story flows much better and fits in more easily with the rest of the series now. Hopefully all of the typos are now fixed also.
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It is said that a person's sense of smell can instantly transport him back in time and space through a vivid memory. Spontaneous, whether good or bad, it is something we, as human beings, have no control over.
Horatio inserted his key into the lock of his front door. Upon opening the door he inhaled deeply and was immediately confronted with a strong aroma. He closed and latched the door behind him then turned toward the kitchen, greeted by the sight of Tim Speedle, barefoot, clad in an old pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, moving around the kitchen to the music coming through his headphones and preparing their dinner. He hadn't heard Horatio enter.
Horatio closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, parmesan chicken, garlic bread, and brussel sprouts. He smiled to himself as the memories returned, of how their first date came about, their first kiss, and the first time they made love, a bitter-sweat memory. A relationship spawned of brussel sprouts.
one year ago
Speed, Calliegh, and Eric were in the layout room going over yet another missing child case. Horatio came to the door and watched quietly without revealing his presence. The three CSIs were looking at photos from the night of the boy's disappearance laid out on the table, trying to get a better feel for the scene.
Eric set out some photos of the dining room table. The boy had disappeared just before dinner. As he placed a photo of a plate still full of food, steak, potatoes, and peas, on the table, he noticed Calliegh grimace.
"What is it Cal? You see something there?" he asked.
Calliegh smiled, a bit embarrassed. "No, its just, I could never stand peas. My mom used to make me eat them as a kid." She shrugged and the others gave a chuckle.
Eric chimed in, "With me its carrots. They were a staple in my house when I was little." He visibly shivered which caused Calliegh to laugh out loud.
Horatio chose that moment to reveal himself. He said simply and without preface, "Brussel spouts." Both Eric and Calliegh made a face. "My old man loved them. My mother would sometimes make them two or three time a week when they were in season." The three shared a laugh. Speed remained silent, staring at the photos.
After a moment Horatio directed them back to the case. "Eric, what do we have on the tire marks found in the driveway?"
"Looks like they come from a late model sedan. Mom drives a minivan. They're over with the auto guy now."
"Go see if he's come up with anything, Eric," Horatio instructed.
"You got it, H." He turned on his heals and left the room.
He then directed his attention to Calliegh, "We got anything back from DNA yet?"
"Don't know, but I'll go check," Calliegh said with a smile.
She, too, exited the room, leaving Horatio and Speed alone. Before he could ask Speed any questions about the case, Speed looked over at him and said, "You know, if you cook them right, they are actually quite good."
Horatio looked momentarily confused so Speed continued, "Brussel sprouts, I mean."
Horatio ducked his head and smiled. "You cook?"
Speed nodded, "Surprised?"
Horatio looked at him and replied, "A little." They stared into each others eyes until the moment became a bit uncomfortable. Then Horatio cleared his throat and said, "Well, I guess you'll have to give me a recipe." Then after another moment, "I'm not," he paused and looked down, "I'm not opposed to trying new things."
Speed couldn't help hearing a double meaning in those words. He had always, secretly admired Horatio and lately those thoughts were becoming more romantic in nature. He never actually considered that Horatio might return them. His heart was pounding in his chest as an idea formed in his mind. Its now or never. He took a deep breath to steel himself.
"Or," he started nervously, "I could cook them for you. Dinner at my place." His palms were sweating and he felt like his heart was going to burst through his chest. He held his breath.
Horatio, momentarily caught off guard, didn't immediately answer. He had also been having certain feelings toward his trace analyst that were anything but professional. He was hoping against hope that he was right about what he was hearing in the subtext of the invitation.
Realizing that he still hadn't said anything and not wanting Speed to get the wrong idea, he cleared his throat and said, "Sure, I think I'd like that." This time they held each other's gaze with out any discomfort in the moment. Speed finally let out his breath. Agreeing to wait until after the case was solved, they got back to business.
It was two days later, Friday afternoon. The case was solved. The boy had been found in a motel in Daytona, unharmed and in the company of his father. The parents were in the middle of a custody battle and the father had become impatient waiting for the courts to make a decision. All was well. The boy was home with his mother and the father was in the county lock-up.
Speed found himself shuffling up the stairs to Horatio's office. Horatio sat behind his desk going through some paperwork. Speed cleared his throat by way of announcing himself and Horatio looked up.
"Speed, what can I do for you?" Horatio said with a smile.
"Well, uh, I was wondering, uh… the case is over and uh,… are you still up for dinner?" He was so much more nervous than he expected to be. And once again, Horatio didn't answer immediately so Speed began to ramble. "But if not, I understand, I mean we've had a long week and all… If your tired or something…"
While Speed was rambling on, Horatio got up from his desk and walked over to the younger man. Speed was shuffling back and forth and staring intently at his feet. Horatio reached his hand out and raised Speed's chin so that he was looking him right in the eye, sending a shiver through the younger man's body.
"Yes, I would like very much to have dinner with you," he said very deliberately. He let his hand linger a moment longer than he had meant to. Then he lowered it. Speed immediately missed the contact.
"Cool," he said trying not to sound too eager, but failing. "My place around seven sound good? I'll have everything ready. You bring the wine."
"Okay," Horatio replied, "but how about I come by earlier and help with the cooking. That is, if you don't mind." He smiled, "I'm not completely useless in the kitchen."
That earned him a snort of laughter form Speed. "You're on. My place in an hour then." Plans made, Speed left to go to the grocery store to pick up everything they would need for dinner.
An hour later, Horatio arrived at Speed's front door, bottle of wine in hand. He knocked and heard Tim yell from inside, "Come on in. Its open."
He opened the door and stepped inside, taking in Speed's condo with a sweeping glance. The front door open on to a big living room; sofa, a couple of chairs, a stereo system, and a wide screen TV. Beyond was a dining area that Speed seemed to have turned in to a makeshift office. Next to that was a large kitchen with a breakfast bar separating the kitchen area from the dining area. Behind was a set of sliding glass doors that led outside to a patio overlooking the ocean. To the left was a hallway that Horatio assumed lead to the bedroom and bathroom.
"Nice place," he said.
"Thanks. Just put the wine on the table," Speed replied looking over his shoulder.
He was still unpacking the groceries and laying some things out on the counter for dinner. Horatio noticed chicken, tomato sauce, parmesan cheese, mushrooms, leeks, a loaf of bread, and finally a container of brussel sprouts.
"So what exactly are we making?" Horatio said, rolling up his sleeves.
Speed pointed to the ingredients. "Parmesan chicken, garlic bread, and sprouts with mushrooms and leeks."
Horatio was impressed. "Wow. You really can cook. I think I may be a little out matched here," he chuckled. A sound that went right to Tim's heart.
Tim smiled, a genuine smile that Horatio loved to see. "Don't worry, I'll teach you." He winked. Horatio could feel the blush rising in his cheeks at the look on Speed's face. "Now wash your hands before we start."
"Yes sir," he replied and turned to the sink.
They move around the kitchen easily together. Tim was a very adept cook and a good teacher. They had been thoroughly enjoying each other's company. They set all the food to cooking. It would be about 30 minutes before dinner would be ready. Horatio asked Tim for a corkscrew then opened the wine. Tim got out a couple of glasses and they moved to the living room. He put on a CD of light music then joined Horatio on the sofa.
He raised his glass, "So what should we drink to?"
Horatio ducked his head, deciding to take a chance, and with a shy smile said, "How about us?"
At that moment he looked up and met Tim's intense gaze. Once again hoping he was right. They were sitting very close together, knees touching. Tim took his opportunity, leaned in and captured Horatio's lips in a soft yet seductive kiss. He was glad to see that Horatio did not react badly. In fact, he joined in whole-heartedly and slipped his free hand around Tim's neck and deepened the kiss.
After a few minutes the need for air became too great and they separated. Both men, breathing heavily, rested their foreheads together. Tim regained his voice first.
"How long, H?"
"Months, years, who knows," was Horatio's husky reply.
They sat up and looked at each other. "H, I've always seen you with women. I had no idea…" He let thought trail off.
The blush was back in Horatio's cheeks. The curse of the fair skinned. "Well," he started and looked at his lap, "I suppose,… I suppose you could say I swing both ways. I've had relationships with both men and women." Speed nodded. "That's not a problem is it?"
He finally dared to looked up at Tim, trying to gage his response. Tim looked back, his expression unreadable. "No, not a problem. But you should know, I've only been with other men. That's not a problem, is it?"
Horatio showed him a mischievous smile and said, "Not a problem but, I guess this means no threesomes, huh?" They both laughed and the tension of the moment was broken.
Twenty minutes later they were engaged in a pretty hot make-out session when Speed began to unbutton Horatio's shirt. He got the first couple of buttons undone when Horatio panicked and took his hands. He hadn't expected things to move so quickly. He knew if Speed got any further his secret would be out before he had a chance to talk to him.
Speed look confused. "Horatio, what's wrong?"
Horatio attempted to smile, "Foods almost ready," he said as he let out a breath.
Speed looked at his watch just as the oven timer sounded. Speed gave him one more kiss before he stood up to moved to the kitchen. "Okay, give me a couple of minutes and this will all be ready."
Horatio just nodded, unable to find his voice, then re-buttoned his shirt. Placing his head in his hands, he tried to will his heart to slow down. He knew he had to talk to Tim before this went any further. He was hoping the younger man would understand, even thought he himself wasn't completely sure he did.
At work it was so much easier. At work he was Lieutenant Caine and Lieutenant Caine was strong, confident, and in charge. Lieutenant Caine could stare down the most hardened criminals without flinching. Lieutenant Caine could stand up to the feds and IAB and usually come out on top.
Horatio Caine, the man, had baggage, quite a lot of baggage. Horatio Caine, the boy, had been abused, beaten by a drunken father, bullied. Until, that is, he was big enough to finally stand up for himself. But not before his father had left his mark on the boy. He had scars, faded over time but still visible on his body. He was embarrassed by them, shamed. A reminder of a time when he couldn't fight back. But, it was one of the things that made Lieutenant Caine so strong.
He had to tell Tim before he saw for himself the helpless child he once was. It had caused him problems with every other man he'd ever been with and he couldn't bear the thought of that happening with Tim. The looks of pity were always more than he could take. He had to talk to Tim before this went any further.
When dinner was finished, Tim put on a pot of coffee. "Once again, Tim, that was wonderful." Horatio smiled.
"Thanks, H. Why don't you go in the other room and I'll bring the coffee in."
Horatio agreed and took a seat in the living room. As Tim cleared the table and got the coffee ready he was thinking about the evening's events. He wondered why Horatio had stopped him earlier, not for a moment believing his excuse of the food. Something was bothering the other man and Speed wondered if he had moved things along to quickly. He was used to Horatio being in charge and had initially assumed that would carry over, but he was wrong. Horatio seemed different in the context of this relationship, shier, less confident, wanting him to take the lead. He wasn't used to that.
He brought two mugs of coffee to the living room, then moved to the stereo to change the CD. Again, something light and romantic. Horatio chuckled and Tim looked at him, confused. "What?"
"It just, this isn't the sort of music I tend to associate with you," he said with a smile.
Tim laughed, "If you prefer, I could spin some Nirvana or maybe Nine Inch Nails."
"No, thanks. This is just fine with me," Horatio replied, rolling his eyes.
Tim held out his hand, "Dance with me, H."
Horatio hesitated only a moment before taking Tim's hand, moving effortlessly into his arms. Tim took the lead and moved Horatio around the floor until the music slowed and so did they. Tim now had his arms around Horatio's waist and Horatio had his around Tim's neck and his head rested lightly on Tim's shoulder.
Tim began trailing light kisses down Horatio's jaw to his neck, grazing his teeth on the skin as he went. Horatio was enjoying the feeling immensely. That was until Tim began to pull his shirt free of his slacks as he whispered in his ear, "I want to make love to you, H. Please, will you let me?"
Horatio stiffened and stopped moving. Tim took a step back and Horatio suddenly felt alone. Tim looked him in the eye, "If I'm going to fast…"
"It's not that." Horatio cut him off. "I want this, Tim. I really do, more than you can imagine."
"Then what's the problem." He waited for a moment. Horatio was standing with his head down. "Horatio, talk to me. Please." He was pleading.
Horatio took a deep breath, then let it out. "I need to tell you something." Tim took his hand and sat them both down on the sofa. He waited for Horatio to start. "There are thing about me, that I've never told anyone at the lab about." He took another breath. "When I was a kid…" He stopped and decided to approach this from another angle, not able to come right out and say it. "Did you ever wonder why I get so emotionally involved in cases dealing with children, Tim?"
"You're compassionate. Children are innocent victims, unable to stand up for themselves." A thought was forming in Tim's mind as he said this and he didn't like where it was taking him.
"Or maybe,… maybe its because I see myself in them." There, it was out, not the detail but the idea. Tim didn't know what to say.
"You… you were abused as a child?" he finally managed. The words were difficult for him, as was the concept.
Horatio nodded. "By my father. And, Tim, he left his mark on me." He said this so quietly that Speed could barely hear him.
"You're telling me you have scars. That's why you wouldn't let me take your shirt off earlier." Horatio just nodded. "H, I don't know what to say…"
Horatio couldn't look at him. He was afraid of what he'd see. That look that pitied him. The one that had ruined so many other potential relationships for him, and now Tim. He felt tears welling up but vowed he wouldn't let himself cry.
Tim, for his part, was getting over his initial shock at the admission. A lot of thing were beginning to make sense for him. But didn't Horatio realize, he thought. Then it dawned on him. No he didn't. He immediately took Horatio's hands in his.
"Horatio, look at me." Horatio didn't move. "Please. Look, it doesn't make a difference to me. Everything in your past, good and bad, is what makes you the man you are today. And that man is the man I love."
Hearing Tim say those word, Horatio look up, a single tear breaking loose. "You, you mean that?"
"With all my heart." He reached up and wiped the tear away then leaned in for another kiss. "Let me love you." This time Horatio just nodded and Tim pulled him to his feet, leading him down the hallway to the bedroom.
He turned the lights down in his bedroom. Horatio stepped closer to him. They began kissing and exploring each other's bodies. Tim ran his hand down Horatio's back to the curve of his ass. Horatio moved his hands up under Tim's shirt, caressing the muscles of his back, then around and up his chest. Tim took a quick step back and pulled his shirt up over his head. He stepped in closer and ran his hands over Horatio's shoulders and down his arms.
Horatio began trailing kisses down the newly exposed skin of Tim's torso. Tim began slowly unbuttoning Horatio's shirt. This time he didn't protest, other than a slight hesitation in his worship of Tim's body. Tim began whispering, "Its OK. Let me see you," in Horatio's ear, trying to calm him. For his part, Horatio was doing his best to concentrate on what he was doing. He didn't even notice when Tim had removed his shirt.
He reached out and undid the button on Tim's jeans and soon all of their close had been shed. They stood there just taking each other in when Tim noticed a mark on Horatio's side that disappeared around to his back. His curiosity got the better of him. He took Horatio by the shoulders and slowly turned him around. What he saw shocked him.
He had several long scars that reached from his right shoulder all the way to his left hip. As well as several smaller ones running cross-wise. Tim couldn't suppress a gasp. He became aware that Horatio was standing still, hanging his head. He moved in close and wrapped his arms around Horatio's body, pulling him into a tight hug from the back.
"Its OK. I meant what I said before. It just," for a moment he couldn't continue, "it just makes me angry. It doesn't change how I feel about you." Horatio turned in Tim's arms and looked into his eyes. He saw nothing but love.
Present day
Its amazing what an aroma can conjure up. Memories flooding back in only moments. Something from his past that had always brought memories of his father, now only brought memories of Tim.
Horatio opened his eyes just as Tim turned and noticed him standing there. He pulled his earbuds out, "Horatio, how long have you been standing there?"
"Just a minute, I just got in." He walked into the kitchen and gave him a kiss. "Dinner smells wonderful, as usual."
"Thanks, I'm making your favorite." He smiled, "Happy anniversary, H."
"Happy anniversary, Tim."