A/N: Hi, I'm back. I know I've been quiet on this front for a long time. But the new Citadel DLC inspired me. I just had to write this story to compensate my feelings. Yeah, I had a lot of them about these characters. XD

This story is dedicated to the most lovely angely15. She never failed to inspire me and give me strength to keep on writitng.

Now, enjoy.

Five little words

Chapter One: Illusion

Kaidan Alenko entered my new apartment one hour after I sent him the email. The Sentinel looked tired, though the smile on his face made up for the shadows under his eyes. With every step he took towards me, his smile grew wider.

I watched him closely, looking for signs on his insight. It was of huge importance that I knew what he was thinking, what he was seeing. All of me that was presented to him was carefully planned. All that I would say had been studied for hours. I had thought through this evening. I even practiced my moves.

Tonight was important. For both of us. Tonight, everything would be perfect, every little detail. I could not afford to fail tonight, because in the coming hours, I would change everything forever.

"Hey, there," Alenko said, walking up to me at the end of the stairs slowly. I had a good view of him and let my eyes wander over his body. He looked good in that suit and I knew he knew it. His posture was teasing but his eyes spoke out an invitation I had been waiting for.

"You made me wait," I said, not really accusing. These words were carefully chosen, showing my impatience without aggravating him. "You look good, though." I added.

"I came here as quickly as I could." Alenko explained. He didn't hesitate as he embraced me in greeting, which was saying a lot about the nature of this relationship. He gave me a short kiss on my cheek and then went for my fridge.

As he bent over to open the door, I knew he was showing off with his body. Ever compliment about his backside I'd heart were justified. Though Alenko's body didn't distract me as nearly as much I had thought, I couldn't deny that it was a glorious view.

I walked up to him and closed my arms around him from behind. This move wasn't planned, but it was natural and necessary. I heard Alenko chuckle and credited myself for achieving it. The sound was smooth and it pleased me. I wondered if I could afford to get sidetracked just for a bit. If I could tease him a little more, if I could hear the rich variation in his voice.

"You smell good," I said, sniffing his nape. His hair was tickling, but soon, I got used to it. Again, Alenko chucked, this time a little deeper. Maybe my closeness had more effect on him than on me.

"You're very impatient, tonight." He responded, turning around in my arm.

I found myself pinned down by his glare, those sensual brown eyes fixed on me. I didn't want him to look at me that closely. Even if love might cloud his judgment, this man was still the second human Spectre. I feared the moment he discovered the doubts in my eyes, the uncertainty about the success of this evening. I could not let him go now. Not that I had him here.

"What's wrong?" He asked gently, one hand stroking my cheek.

"Nothing!" I replied immediately, angry because I couldn't hide anything from him. "I'm fine."

"I know this look," Alenko insisted. He laid his arms around my neck and leaned back against the counter. "You're worried. Is it about the thief?"

"I didn't ask you here to talk about work," I tried to change the subject. My mission tonight had too many unknown variables already; I didn't need Alenko to add more. "It's supposed to be a night just for the two of us."

"I like that idea," Alenko smiled slightly. "But why do you really want me here? You said it was urgent."

"What if it's my need that is urgent? What if I just want you here, with me?"

"Oh, that simple?"

"You don't believe me?"

"Not yet."

I started to hate that man's wit. No doubt he had seen through my mask and discovered my tension. No doubt he knew that I was avoiding the subject.

"Well," I said and pressed him tighter against the counter. "Let me convince you."

Alenko didn't reject as I leaned in to kiss him. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about it all the time. I knew that it was coming and added it to my plan. Actually, I was counting on it.

What I didn't consider was how good this felt. The warmth was unexpected, so was the gentleness of his arms. At the same time, it was fierce, claiming me as his. His hands were all over my body, exploring something that wasn't his. As Alenko's hands reached my backside, he squeezed, teasing me. The strength in those fingers surprised me. What surprised me more was how much I liked it.

As Alenko's tongue pressed on, making me open my mouth, I accepted the fact that the talk I had prepared would come later. Now, I would have to pay my undivided attention to Alenko, to make him understand and believe that I loved him.

"John..." He moaned as I traced my lips along his neck. "This feels good..."

His skin was hot, his face flushed. His lips were red from all my kissing and I saw passion in his eyes. I could sense his devotion, his love and wondered if he knew how I felt. Not able to look at him without devouring him on the spot, I closed my eyes and thought about my goal. I must not let anything get in the way, not while I was only one step away from true victory.

"God, John!" Alenko moaned. His voice sounded like velvet and his tone was urging. "Come on!"

I understood Alenko's need. In his voice and his moves, I read the undeniable truth that Alenko wanted me. Not as a Commander, not as a Spectre, but as a person. Alenko wanted me regardless of who I was. Alenko wanted me because of how I was.

"I swear, John," He breathed against my forehead. "If don't start soon..."

On his command, I lifted him a little off the floor and sat him on the counter. I quickly unzipped his suit, touching his chest gently with my fingers. He intrigued me. He mesmerized me. Hearing him moan and watching him gasp had an effect on me I didn't want to admit.

Reminding my mission, I ripped his cloth open. I pressed my lips on his skin and tasted what would soon by mine. His nipples hardened under my tongue, telling me that I was doing it right. His breaths quickened, inviting me to press forwards. I pulled his suit from his shoulders and traced those strong line with delight. I had never thought that taking him would grand me that much satisfaction.

Alenko's hands were unsteady as he opened my fatigues. Once my skin was bare, he pressed his lips against it, kissing me everywhere he could reach. It felt incredible. I had not felt this good for a long time. In my days of solitude and concentration, there was less time for intimacy. Alenko's touch thrilled through my body and set my insides on fire.

I decided that I didn't want to delay anymore. Time was short and I had to use every second of it. Who knew what would happen in the next minute? Who knew if Alenko was still there when I opened my eyes?

I took him on the counter hard and merciless. I thrust him against the cold wood regardless how loudly he screamed. I grabbed his hair, pulling him up to my mouth to kiss him until hwe choked. Eventually, I spread my seets deep inside him.

When I finished, Alenko was exhausted. He laid his forehead on the chilly surface and panted. His legs were shaky, his breaths hollow. He turned to watch me, a satisfied smile on his face.

"I had no idea you where that stressed out," he said, closing his eyes. "You're okay?"

I was not, but that was something I couldn't tell him.

"I'm okay," I said instead. "Don't worry about me."

Alenko sighed with a smile. He gathered himself and reached for a glass of water. As he drank it, I tried to remember why I asked him here. My goal seemed to blur, becoming unclear before my mind's eye. The meaning behind my mission started to fade, leaving me exposed.

I knew I was supposed to feel triumphant because I succeeded at fooling Alenko. I knew I was supposed to laugh because I took something that wasn't mine. I should celebrate for I took what belonged to Commander Shepard.

But I felt tired, empty. There was no meaning in what I did even if I damaged their bound. I wondered what had made Alenko love Shepard in the first place. I wondered what this relationship meant to those two. I wondered why I could not love someone as Alenko did.

"You're not okay," Alenko breathed, closing in on me again. "You're acting all kind of weird. Something is off, tell me."

"You wouldn't understand." I said as I felt it.

"Try me," he challenged. It didn't seem to bother him that we were both naked. Apparently, they had been together many times.

"What did you feel when I took you hard?" I shouldn't have asked that. As soon as I spoke out the words, images of our previous union flashed through my mind, making my insides turn and my cock jerk. "Did you like it?"

"I liked it." Alenko answered, smirking at me. "I thought how lucky I am to know this side of you."

"And?"

"And that I love you." He whispered.

"You don't know what you're saying." I sighed.

"What's the matter with you?" Alenko asked again. I could see suspicion rising in him. Maybe I pushed too far. He narrowed his eyes and shook his head slightly. "You're not okay, I can see that. Come here."

"I told you I'm fine."

"So I'm only your boot-call tonight?" Alenko teased again.

He opened his arms and I almost leapt into them. I had no idea I wanted him that badly, wanted him to touch me and to hold me. He pressed his temple against mine and breathed out. He rested his chin on my shoulder and stroked my back gently. Every single one of his touch drew me deeper into the whole I was falling in. Every one of his breaths made me want to abandon my quest.

I couldn't understand it. Couldn't comprehend what was happening to me. This wasn't me, wasn't what I was meant to be. I was a lone wolf; I didn't need Alenko to feel complete.

"Do you love me?" I whispered against my better judgment.

"I said that, didn't I?"

"I want to hear it again," I told him. "Tell me that you'll love me no matter who I am or what I am. Tell me that your heart belongs to me, that you belong to me. Promise me, you'll never leave me alone."

"I promise," Alenko said, gazing deeply into my eyes. "You'll never get rid of me, you hear me? I don't care who you are or what. You are mine. And to the end of time, I'm yours."

"Say it."

"I love you, John Shepard."

With that he ruined it all.

Those five little words shattered my dream, my illusion. I felt anger rising in me, consuming me. Those five little words were a slap in my face, reminding me that his love wasn't true. That he said it not because of me but of the man I hated so much. The man I was supposed to be but was not.

Shepard had taken everything that could be mine and corrupted it. He had abandoned his path and betrayed our species. He had failed, had let himself become distracted. He surrounded himself with dead weight, like Alenko here. He was compromised by his own emotions, his own selfish desires.

I was meant to be more.

And I would be by taking what was his and make them mine.

"Feel this?" I whispered into Alenko's ears while my hand guided him to my erection. "This could be yours, all yours. But you have to work for it."

"You're a shameless tease!"

"And you like it."

"How would you know?"

"Because once I've started, you'd be begging me for more."

"Bold claim, Commander."

"Having doubts in me?"

"Only in your endurance."

"You will pay for this."

"Come and get me, Cowboy."

"With pleasure, Spectre Alenko."

In that night I took him ferociously until he felt asleep.

When all lights went out, I returned to where I came from. In the shadows of my lair, I reviewed my assets. Alenko would break when the time was right. And with him would fall the legendary Commander Shepard.

As the dawn approached, I closed my eyes and saw nothing but Kaidan Alenko's face in my dreams.