a/n: don't do drugs, kids
I wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy, only not really, cause fuck that guy, and fuck Doctor Luke too (I'm with Kesha ride or die), anyway I wake up and there's a forest and shit I'm feeling like someone but not any of the aforementioned people, just someone somewhere sometime and - shit where the fuck are my hands, they were just there, I swear to God if this is a prank I'm gunna shank a bitch, know what I'm saying, yeah, that's what I thought, ride or die, bitches, and then I realize I can't see my feet, it's all fat and fur and oh God oh God I'm such a fat fuck oh my God I'm a Munchlax this is like the worst possible timeline, Zelda ain't got nothing on this motherfucking bullshit how am I supposed to milk the cow if I can't even bend over FUCK - and then there's this dumbass Pikachu all up in my grill with this dumbass smile on its dumbass face - FUCK Pikachu like holy shit, Raichu is far superior hell I'll take Pichu over this lame ass not-evolving-aiming-for-the-horn-capable-of-wanking motherfucker, can I get an AMEN, and then this motherfucker starts speaking and that's when I know I'm tripping balls, talking is like the only thing Pikachu can't do yet I'm pretty sure, not that I watch a show for babies, nah, fuck that noise, anyway he's talking mad shit and I don't trust a single word he says because I ain't no little Disney bitch ass princess going tiptoe through the motherfucking tulips while birds sing and braid my nappy ass hair (that ain't it, chief) but I pretend to fall for it because I'm playing 4D chess while numbnuts over there is still playing checkers, and it reminds me of the time I'm at Pizza Hut with my homies and they start snorting hot sauce and I'm so fucking baffled because the coke is right there in the car but they're snorting hot sauce those dumbasses, that's my life in a nutshell, dumbasses surround me and I ain't no Lil Wayne, I'm not bout to swim from the pussy to the butt (although I totally bump his shit in the whip in the night), I'm more of a tits man, feel me - oh shit numbnuts is asking for my name, so I go with Kendrick because he's the realest negus alive, and then that stupid fucking electric rat starts going on about weather and natural disasters and I just do not give a FUCK because I'm currently a fatass fucking Munchlax for God knows what reason, only then comes along this Butterfree and she's crying or whatever bugs do (fuck bugs, creepy ass motherfuckers) about her kid and, and, and, get this, numbnuts offers to help and I wanna shout "this dick ain't free" but I'm reminded of Ricky's bro and how he got shot by the police (shoulda zigged instead of zagged stupid little bitch) and fuck pigs, I see any of 'em around here I will sit my big fat black ass right on their face, them and people who use the word 'everypony', even ironically, I don't discriminate I shoot straight from the hip like a bona fide hustler, anyway so I'm thinking all this and the butterfree is doing her bug-crying shit and numbnuts is looking at me like a fucking dope and asks me to help so I open my mouth: "Sure." I say