So the long awaited (not really) sequel to Dear Annoying Blonde Roommate (although if you haven't read it it's not necessary to understand this). Written mostly in class to avoid the trauma of watching A Clockwork Orange seriously if someone asks you if you want to see it, say no, it has scarred me for life.
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Here lies Elphaba Thropp, killed when mistaken for a traffic light. I'm glad you would find that so amusing.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Why am I the only person in Oz who doesn't want to go to your cultish social gathering?
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Trying to get me drunk is not apt forgiveness for nearly killing me.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Nor is saying 'but that hat makes a really good point!' (which isn't even clever or witty).
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Those pants are going to cut off the blood supply to your legs.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
And they don't even look that good on you.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Well, only a little.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
'I was organising a necessary social event,' is not an appropriate excuse for being late for your first lesson. It is also a lie.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Well I think Galinda finally has competition for the least effort put into class.
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Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Writing an essay about how great you are is not a suitable answer to a question about the Royal Linage in the Vinkus.
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Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Really I do pity the Vinkans who are to be ruled by you.
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Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
In fact I pity my sister who will have to rule a province nearby yours.
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Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
I pity myself too, that any province in Oz could be ruled by such an idiot while I am residing in the same country…
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
No, my skin does not turn sunlight into energy, thank you for that tactful question. However, I am impressed that the word 'photosynthesise' is in your vocabulary.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Galinda's face is up here, not on her chest.
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Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
No, I cannot use my magic powers to turn Morrible into a fish.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Nor will I use them to turn her hair green.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
And it really wouldn't be funny.
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Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Well not funny enough to risk my future anyway.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
A kiss is not a decent payment for me helping you with your essay.
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Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Seriously, how does Galinda put up with you when you flirt with anything that moves?
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
That's it. You are not allowed in my dorm when I am not present.
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Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Anyone screams when they have a water bomb thrown at them, my skin does not react with the water and cause me to melt as you seem to be implying.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
Exactly how many castles do your family own?
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
I did not traumatise that cub with my shouting. If it got traumatised at all it would have been by you not holding the cage steadily.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
I cannot say 'sexy' if the Wizard asks me what I think my qualities are.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
It would be a complete lie for starters.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
And I did not blush when you said that. It was simply a hot day.
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Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
I think the Wizard would want me to show something less gimmicky than pulling a rabbit out of a hat.
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Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
You must forgive me if I ignore everything on your list of sights I must see in the Emerald City. You see you appear to have missed out any interesting museums or libraries and I'm afraid the one party I have attended has scarred me for life.
xxx
Dear Brainless Vinkan Prince,
While I appreciate your good luck note, 'you'll be the most emerald person in the City' proves that you have still not mastered the art of being clever or witty.