'You left me all alone'
By Silva-Trees
Disclaimer: I don't own Roxas or Axel or any of the KH Characters. If I did, I'd scrap the stupid bit where Roxas walks away from Axel saying 'Nobody would miss me' and have Axel swing him round and yell what he says at him. Then 'MWAH!' biiiig kiss. But that's just me ;;;; Hehe.
Summary: Axel and Roxas were best friends before Roxas was taken at 14, now two years later he returns and is a completely different person. Can only Axel draw out the person he used to be? His twin brother Sora has also changed, but he's found Riku and it's for the better. Yaoi. Zemyx, AkuRoku and SoraXRiku. May be more pairings later.
I'm not quite sure how I will write this, occasionally in POVs or maybe just third person. If there is a POV I will state whose it is before typing any further. This is a Yaoi/Shonen-ai fic, if you don't like that kind of thing (e.g. BoyXBoy) then I'd advise you not to read.
The characters might be OOC if so, I'm sorry but it's just how I write. Also this is an AU (Alternate Universe) fic, which means it, will differ completely from the came. Nothing in common really, except for the characters being from the game.
I was writing my other Kingdom Hearts fic, when I realised I hadn't written anything AkuRoku yet, which is amazing as that's the couple I fell in love with before I even played any of the games. So here it is my AkuRoku fic. It does have other pairings in it, but is based mainly around Axel and Roxas. I also had to throw in Zexion and Demyx as I am gradually coming to love them too.
Right just to help 'thoughts' is Roxas thinking usually, but occasisionally it might have him thinking without the ''. This chapter is in third person and other people's POVs. Enjoy!
A young fourteen year old wanders down the street of closed shops, he's smiling slightly as he rethinks events that happened earlier that day. His light blond hair is darkened by the pouring rain, that spatters down on the pavement; swirling into the drains.
Lost in a daydream, he fails to notice the black, unrecognisable car that's slowly following him down the street like a cougar stalking its prey. He steps into a puddle and swears slightly, before pulling his baggy, too big jeans further up his hips.
His clothes are completely soaked from the on going rain and yet he doesn't seem to mind, infact why should he? He can easily change when he gets home from school and drink hot chocolate with his twin brother, who's currently off school, with a sickbug.
Roxas doesn't mind walking alone, infact he walked alone quite often. In his opinion, when you're on your own there's no one to bug you with annoying ideas or comments about how your clothing seems kinda dark today Rox, and then proceed to ask if you're feeling okay. In which you have to reply, that you are but just felt like wearing black today. Although you can't really get mad at them, as black is a drastic change from his usual wardrobe.
He smiles thinking of his twin, and how Riku obviously doesn't like him just as a friend. Everyone except Sora can see how obvious Riku is, although all of their friends are too nice to say anything about it. Riku will tell Sora in his own time, no one's really quite sure if Sora likes Riku back. Yet Roxas knows, he can tell that his brother is in love with his best friend…Even if he doesn't realise it yet.
The car makes a slight squeak as the back door is opened, revealing a guy dressed in black. His hair is black with a grey streak in it, and his face is exposed to the stormy sky, revealing skin that's pocketed with scars. Roxas' eyes widen briefly and he speaks quietly before attempting to run.
'Who are you? What do you want?' His eyes dart to the car, and knowledge that is taught to you in primary school flashes in his head. If a stranger approaches you, ignore them and run to the safest place you know, then call the police, or tell an adult.
The stranger's mouth twists in to a wolfish smile, before he chases after Roxas and drags him towards the car, hand over his mouth to prevent the screams of horror. Later Roxas would discover the name of his capturer was, Xigbar.
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Roxas' eyes widen in fear, and his thrashing limbs being encased in the duvet. Sitting up in bed, he places a hand to his head, 'That dream again.' He sighed and lay back down, hands behind his head, attempting to slow his breathing.
'It's okay Roxas that happened two years ago, you managed to get away from them six months ago…Just don't freak out. They can't hurt you anymore.' Another deep breath, his mind was still in turmoil. Screw this. Clambering out of bed, he went to sit beside his window, eyes clouded and sad. They can't hurt me anymore…They can't. Right?
Even though he had managed to escape from them, he couldn't shake off the feeling that he would never truly be free of them. It felt as though he was on a leash, that would slowly grow tighter and tighter, until it would pull him back to them.
Think positive Roxas. He tried to cast all negative thoughts from his mind, dwelling on them only caused more suffering, pain, self-loathing and paranoia. Roxas knew all about those emotions, he had been feeling them non-stop for two years and six months.
Tearing his gaze away from the moon, he stood up and walked towards his door, shivering slightly, his thin linen pants that he slept in didn't keep him very warm. Opening it as quietly as he could, he slipped out into the gloom of the upstairs landing.
Maybe seeing Sora would calm me down slightly? Nodding, he gently opened his twin brother's room, and walked silently inside. Sora's cinnamon spikes were rumpled from sleep, as Roxas stared down at his older brother, by ten minutes; he felt such sadness and loneliness creeping into his heart. He knew how much pain he was causing his twin.
Sora couldn't cope with the fact that Roxas had gone missing and when he returned, two years older, that he couldn't deal with human contact of any kind. So the much relieved Sora couldn't hug his twin that he had missed so much. Roxas wanted to be able to let him, but whenever anyone touched him, it brought back vivid memories that he had tried to bury.
Disturbing, morbid memories that he couldn't deny from his past, even though he may want to with his entire being. He was damaged. But even damaged things can be repaired over time, until you can't even see the cracks which faintly reveal the brokenness. Roxas just needed to find the person who could mend his cracks.
He sighed gently, before reaching out a pale, cool finger and lightly touching Sora and the forehead. I know I may not show it, but I do care about you Sora. You're my brother…I'm just so sorry. Hanging his head, he removed his finger gently and turned away. One clear tear slid down his cheek.
I'm so useless.
Axel's POV:
Roxas, you've finally returned, but it feels like I don't know you at all. We used to have this connection…Its gone now; you've placed a steel wall around your heart and emotions. I feel so alone, and cold.
The hope I had is fading, but I won't give up on you Roxas. Never, you're worth fighting for till the end of time itself.
Listen to me now, I sound like I'm Romeo, a lovesick Romeo at that. All I need to do to complete my look is pull on some tights and prance around in them declaring my love. Shit, that's creepy.
Shudder.
Why can't I sleep? I'm constantly thinking of Roxas, he occupies every thought I have, well except fire, but I bet soon those thoughts will be mingled with Roxy ones. Not that that's a bad thing, it just means I can't think about anything else.
Roxas…what happened to us? Hey that makes me think of a song that I used to be addicted to. 'What happened to us?' By Hoobastank. Hey! Leave me alone, so I have a varied taste, silence fools!
I really should get some sleep; ah Insomnia can be a bitch some time. Roxas…Why don't you trust me? I would never hurt you…I l-l-love you.
My unruly head hit the pillow and the last thing I remember was Roxas' expression, when I found him six months ago. It held hope, pain and fear all crammed into one. It hurt, to see fear and pain in his eyes when looked at me.
Belle's POV:
I can't believe I let it happen. If I'd only been more careful…Roxas would've been exactly as he was two years ago. He's changed so much; if his appearance changed I wouldn't recognise him at all. It's my entire fault.
His father and I split up two months after he went missing. We both blamed each other, but I see now it was my fault. If I'd only…walked with him or made him wait for Axel. Thing's might've been different. Instead I have a depressed, emotional wreck of a son, who won't tell anyone anything. A counsellor is completely out of the option, as he's nervous around people he knows well, let alone a complete stranger.
One good point is he's going to back to school in two days. I hope he's prepared; Sora should look out for him. Oh Sora, my poor baby. He's also changed, taking all the blame not only for Roxas but my failed marriage. I don't know how to tell him its not his but mine, I've tried to already and he ended up crying and walking away. That solved nothing.
Maybe Riku can convince him? That boy always managed to work wonders with Sora. I'm only hoping Axel will be the same with Roxas. I have a sneaking suspicion that both Riku and Axel are gay or Bi and love my sons. Well I'm perfectly okay with that. Your heart chooses your soul mate, gender is of no importance. Besides, both of those boys would make excellent partners, although I won't say that. It's too embarrassing for them, although their faces would be hilarious to see.
I know that sleep has scuttled away from me, no hope of regaining any dreams I had. All I would have is nightmares anyway. I glance at the clock, its 7:30am anyway, that's not too early. I'll just get up and cook breakfast, or go for a run…
Walking into the bathroom, I shower and pull on some sweatpants and a t-shirt. Looks like it's a run today. I slide out of my room, creeping along the landing. Wait…There's a light on in Roxas' room. No harm in looking.
I stick my head round the door; he's slumped on his bed, asleep. Curled up on top of the duvet, he's going to get cold that way. I have a dilemma, due to reasons he won't tell us, Roxas is an extremely light sleeper, so if I try to drape anything on top of him or pull the duvet over him, he'd wake up and going by the dark circles under his eyes; I'd say he hasn't been sleeping well.
With a silent sigh, I withdraw my head. I guess he'll just have to get cold, his window's not open so he shouldn't freeze or anything. Hmmm…On second thought. I stick my head round the door again and creep inside his room, slipping over to the radiator I crank up the heat measure, there he should be warmer now.
Creeping out of his room with a small smile on my face, I then proceed to tip-toe down the stairs. Swiping a bottle of water out of the fridge, a fleece off of the hook in the hall, scrawling a small note of Be back soon, gone for a run – Mom. And I'm ready to leave.
Hopefully Sora will wake up first, Roxas now has a thing about people going out alone and even though he's terrified he'd insist on going out after me. Sora would read the note then scrunch it up and go ahead to make breakfast. Please let Sora wake up first. Roxas needs to sleep more, although knowing him he's probably awake now. His biological clock goes off really early.
Quietly shutting the door behind me, I begin to jog lightly along the path. It's too early even for the birds, no sound in the slightly chilly morning air. I fail to notice a small face at the window of a bedroom upstairs.
Roxas' POV:
I watch her walk away; I knew that sometime I'd have to let her run alone. I was smothering her and worrying her, with the amount of times she caught me awake when I should've been sleeping. I just can't sleep though, I try to, I really do…It just always seems to fail. When I do sleep, I'm tormented with dreams of those days when I wanted to die.
Trying to convince myself that nothing will happen to her, I return to what I was doing before she came in to check up on me. I'm so lucky to have such family members that care about me so much. The drawing of her lies on my desk, half finished. Her smile shines out of the paper.
I draw. That's all I can say, ever since I was small I've always drawn my emotions or any muses that I had. Drawing…I can lose myself in, and I'm pretty decent at, nothing special but its okay. Returning to the drawing, I sketch in her dark hair and almond eyes. She's so beautiful, I know that no matter how much I try the picture will never be able to compare to her.
Maybe music can help me tap into the muse that surrounds her whole being; full of light and love. I climb across my bed to reach and find my mp3 player. Scanning through the songs, I discover a song that never ceases to cause an emotional wave of feelings erupt. I hide my tears and pain from the world, guys are meant to be strong and never cry. Looks like I'm a failure at that too.
The familiar words echo through my speakers:
What
I thought wasn't mine
In the light
Was a one of a kind,
A
precious pearl
When I wanted to cry
I couldn't cause
I
Wasn't allowed
Gomenasai for everything
Gomenasai, I
know I let you down
Gomenasai till the end
I never needed a
friend
Like I do now
What I thought wasn't all
So
innocent
Was a delicate doll
Of porcelain
When I wanted
to call you
And ask you for help
I stopped myself
Gomenasai
for everything
Gomenasai, I know I let you down
Gomenasai till
the end
I never needed a friend
Like I do now
What I
thought was a dream
A mirage
Was as real as it seemed
A
privilege
When I wanted to tell you
I made a mistake
I
walked away
Gomenasai, for everything
Gomenasai, Gomenasai,
Gomenasai
I never needed a friend,
Like I do now
Gomenasai,
I let you down
Gomenasai, Gomenasai,
Gomenasai till the end
I
never needed a friend
Like I do now
I sigh, throwing down the drawing and just lie on my bed, staring into space. That song always manages to get to me, it seems to have a hidden meaning…It hurts. I don't want to remember anymore, I used to think if I never thought about when I was away, then my brain would blank out those memories. It seems even my brain is against me.
Typical, just bloody typical.
I hear Sora stirring in the room next door, then his padded footsteps muffled by the carpet. My door creaks slightly and I instinctively shut my eyes. I hear him sigh.
'Rox, I know you're awake, since when have you ever slept. I'm curious though, you must've heard Mom leaving…Why didn't you follow her?'
Opening my eyes with resignation, I shake my hair and look up at Sora. 'It's time…I let her go. I can't follow her around forever, trying to protect her from everything out there. Even if my heart doesn't want to accept that, my brain already has.'
I see a small smile break across Sora's face. 'Rox…You got it. We have to let Mom go out, alone with an escort all the time. Else she'd grow sick of us right?' He smiled at me sheepishly. 'I know how you felt though; I was exactly like that too…after you…weren't…here.'
Looks like he's still not comfortable with saying I was kidnapped, sexually abused all that jazz. Although they don't know about the sexual bit, I think mom suspects but Sora…I don't think it's even crossed his mind.
In all truth, I'm glad. My innocent twin is still too young and naïve to know such things can happen to people you know in real life. I wouldn't want to twist his happiness of me returning with sinister and morbid thoughts.
Smiling slightly at Sora, I pull myself out of bed and motion to the door 'Shall we go downstairs? Breakfast anyone?' He grins and walks past me, careful not to even brush my bare skin.
He knows the reaction I can't help experiencing when my skin comes into physical contact with another person. It involves many shakes and my mind is clouded with fear, then I end up blacking out. Gradually it's been improving.
I hope so, as I've got high school in two days…well one and a half days now? High school is renowned for its touchy feely-ness. People brushing by other people, I guess I'll just have to wear long sleeves and cover myself up a lot. I hope its cold on that day else I'll look like a complete spaz.
Sora's POV:
I could see Roxas was panicking about high school, I can understand though. He was totally freaking about the personal space issue he has. Looks like it's time for me to comfort him. 'Rox…Don't worry about school okay? You'll be fine and I think any one of our friends is in all of your classes. Axel's in most of them so don't worry. We're your bodyguards.' I couldn't resist tagging that last bit along.
Roxas smiled at me gratefully. 'Thanks Sora, yeah I'm just being overly paranoid.' Its times like this that I wish I could hug him, just to comfort him or convince him that we do care. I know that's impossible but it doesn't stop me from wishing.
'Guys, I'm home!' Mom's back. Roxas and I exchanged glances before smiling simultaneously and rushing downstairs. I let him get ahead, before I didn't want to risk touching his personal space, he like has a radar that can tell him how close other people are. It's pretty amazing.
He stopped just before mom and smiled at her, then reached out his little pinky. That was how he greeted people if he wanted to make physical contact, and he doesn't touch them for long. It shows that he cares and wants to be able to hug them. He has yet to do that to me, I know he probably doesn't realize it, but I still feel empty when I see him doing that to mom or Axel and not to me.
Trying to put it out of my mind, I smile as Mom returns the gesture to him and smiles, all her love concentrated into that one smile, she then looks past him and beams at me, before holding out her other pinky.
I feel a sudden flood of love for my mom; she always knows what I'm thinking. Gratefully I reach out with my pinky to connect with hers, and then realize with shock that Roxas is also holding out his other pinky towards me. Grinning, I outstretch my unused pinky to his.
We all walk through to the kitchen, I grab cereal boxes out of the cupboard and bowls, Mom fetches the fruit juice while Roxas struggles with the huge, immense fruit bowl we have. Smiling slightly I hoist it out of his arms and place it on the counter. Even though we're nearly identical twins, I'm the slightly taller one, but Roxas is stronger than I am, well usually…That strength seems to be non-existent when it comes to the fruit bowl carrying.
I'd advise you though, never challenge Roxas to a fight though, he beats everyone. Even Riku and Axel didn't stand a chance against him, while he was gone, he learnt immense self-defence…but then I guess he'd have to. For someone so scrawny he can pack a mean punch.
'So I hear Riku and Axel are coming round today to get you guys, where you going?' Oh yeah, Mom just reminded me. I'd forgotten about that. Next to me, Roxas is wolfing down fruit, that's all he seems to eat now well in the mornings anyway, it seems he forgot too. Well judging by the curses he's muttering as he leaves the table to head upstairs. He stops at the door though and turns around. 'Thanks Mom, Sora.' He's then is off to get changed.
As soon as he's out of the door, Mom turns towards me, 'So, did you wake before him?' I raise an eyebrow at her skeptically.
'Mom since when have I ever woken before Roxas? His body clock seems to always manage to wake him up before anyone else. Infact I'm not even sure he slept last night, atleast he didn't sleep well.' She sighs and looks down at the note she left.
'Yeah I know, I was hoping that he would manage to get atleast a few hours, when I went into his room earlier, he nearly fooled me into thinking that he was asleep, yet somehow I knew he wasn't. I knew he was only pretending so I didn't worry as much. It doesn't stop me worrying though…'
Poor Mom, I know Roxas doesn't mean to make us worry, but he does. I also know he's extremely conscious of how much we worry and it affects him. He really tries to sleep, I know he does from the countless times I sat outside his room and listened to his nightmares. All I can say to that is I had no idea things were that bad…What he must've had to go through to prevent him from even sleeping. He fears that whoever took him away in the first place will return to take him away once more. That's his greatest fear I think, that and one of us discovering what really happened to him.
'Well Mom, I better go get dressed, don't want to make Riku, Axel and Roxy wait now do I.' I smile at her cheerily before dumping my cereal bowl in the sink and heading upstairs. What should I wear today? I wonder what Roxas is wearing, I'll go peek.
Silently creeping to his door, I push it slowly open to have Roxas watching me. Oops. Damn. 'Sora…You know you could just ask me instead of spying to see what I'm wearing.' 'Yeah well, this way's more fun. Even though you catch me every time.'
Glancing at Rox, I see he's wearing dark blue slightly baggy jeans, and a light blue t-shirt that matches his eyes. He's also thrown a thick blue hoodie into it too, to protect him from the chill and also the whole touching people thing.
I'm envious to say that he looks great in anything; I'm the one who actually has to try. It's not fair, he doesn't even care what he looks like, yet why do I have to be the one who has to wear selective clothing else I look stupid.
Mock glaring at him, I say jealously. 'You look awesome Roxy.' He shrugs and glares at me for calling him Roxy, he always hated that name and so I take pleasure in calling him that for fun. He knows I don't mean it though.
Oh Mom's calling. 'Roxas, Sora they're here.' Oh crap. I'm late, gazing pleadingly at Roxas I almost beg him. Rolling his eyes he sighs, 'Don't worry Sora. I'll distract them…somehow.' He looks unsure yet still motions for me to go get in the shower.
Grinning at him with big thankful eyes, I run into my room, sweep up some clothes and head for the bathroom. 'Thanks Roxy, you're the best.'
'SHUT UP! Stop calling me Roxy.'
Concealing my giggles, I lock the shower door before an angry Roxas can catch sight of me and say he's not going to make them wait for me. Riku's here, awesome. AWESOME! Well and Axel I suppose, he's cool but Riku rules.
I'm not obsessed. Honest.
Author's Note:
Okay, here's my newest story which I'm going to continue along with 'Two Halves make a whole' which is my other KH fic. Hopefully I will be able to update quite frequently, but lately I've been having school tests so don't hold too much hope for daily updates. I should update more than once a week though. I failed my French test though, soooo I really should be revising for that ;;;; Oops.
AKUROKU + RikuSora Teh Smex. Hehe. Let's not forget Zemyx though, they're sooo sweet together. Squee!! I loveth Zexion and Demyx.
Silva.
Oh please Review, if you do…I'll…I'll give you chocolate and a T-shirt with either 'AkuRoku Teh Smex' or 'RikuXSora Teh Smex' or both if you're like me. I'll also throw in a Zemyx Keychain for those who like that pairing. XD
P.S. Anyone who guesses correctly what song the title is from get's a chocolate cookie. Lol, I bet I'll have no cookies left, its so simple to get.