AUTHOR'S NOTE: First fan-fic. Constructive criticism appreciated?

I pulled up into Bella's driveway, in Charlie's spot, so she would realize that this probably would not be the talk that she had been hoping for. Everytime she had looked at me in the past few days, I saw her fear and her anxiety when she noticed how withdrawn and emotionless I was. I had been arguing with myself, knowing the right choice, but wishing I could make the wrong one; and I knew that any pain in my eyes would give away the lie. There's still time, the selfish part of me pleaded with my entire being not to do what I was about to do. There are other ways! The selfish part of me was desperate, hoping that I would side with him. No. You've nearly gotten her killed twice. She deserves a better life than you. Leave her alone. Your family has already agreed to it. They've left. The decision is made. And I knew that the logical, selfless part of me was absolutely right. My Bella couldn't be my Bella anymore when my very existence put her in the greatest danger she would ever face. More dangerous than her own two feet, more dangerous still than the attraction she seemed to have for trouble. No. This was it. But before I could say goodbye, there was something I knew I had to do. I reached to get the spare key she had hidden in the eaves above the porch, and the memory flooded back to me. The memory of the day that changed me forever...

"The door was unlocked?"

"No, I used the key from under the eave."

She was silent for a second, and though I couldn't read her thoughts, I could guess what was going through her mind.

"I was curious about you," I answered her unspoken question.

"You spied on me?" I nearly laughed; her voice was a strange mix of flattery and embarrassment.

The pain of that memory, of knowing all I would have left of her were memories, pushed me to get through with this agonizing task as quickly as I could. I walked up to her bedroom and began to put all the things that we had given her in a pile on her bed- the CD that was still in the player, the tickets that were sitting on top of her desk. I moved on to her new photo album, knowing there would be a few pictures of us together. I shook my head when I opened the book and saw that she had folded the picture Bella-side down and stuck it into the metal holders. I gathered everything together, preparing her house for the promise I knew I would have to make- a life without reminders of me, my family, and the horrible danger I always put her in.

"I'm so sorry love," I whispered as I walked to her bedroom door for the last time. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't just take all of me out of her life. I had to leave something here, a connection that she would never feel again, but I would always know was there. I found a loose floorboard at the foot of her bed and hid the gifts and pictures under the wood.

I ran down her stairs, making a short stop in the kitchen to scrawl a note to Charlie; I knew it would take some time to do what I was about to do. I checked over it, knowing he would never notice the slight difference in handwriting, and walked back out to my car to wait for her to get home.

I could hear her truck rumbling down the street and my hands started to shake. The realization that this would be the last time I would ever see the most beautiful face I knew hit me harder than her scent had that first day, and the pain was more immense than any I had ever felt before. I waited for her truck to appear, and then stepped out of my car as she ungracefully hopped out of her Chevy. I could see the disappointed expression on her face when she saw where my car was parked. Her bag was slung over her shoulder, the same as every other day, and I saw the slight relief in her eyes when I grabbed it. But when I put it back on to the seat of her truck, the fear returned. This was killing me.

"Come for a walk with me," I said, my voice unemotional. Usually, I was a good liar. I could infuse any emotion into any word to make it sound convincing. But for this, I could only mask the pain with... nothing. Literally, my face, voice, eyes... they were all devoid of emotion. I imagined I was scaring her, and I hated myself for it. This is for the best. For HER, I reminded myself. I gently grabbed her hand and pulled her a few steps into the woods. You can't put this off any longer, stop stalling. I braced myself against a tree for support and stared at her perfect features... her heartshaped face, beautiful brown eyes, full lips that I would remain attached to for the rest of my life if I could... but I couldn't. Not ever again.

"Okay. Let's talk," she said. She thinly attempted to cover her fear, but I saw right through it. This alone was enough to chip at my resolve, to make me want to undo the hardest decision I would ever make. Who will protect her when she's scared after I leave? But then I realized, the only times I had ever seen her scared were when I was putting her in danger. There would be nothing to fear after I was gone. I took a deep breath, my entire body trying to keep inside the words that I was about to say.

"Bella, we're leaving." Those three words were all I could muster. I waited for her to react.

She took a deep breath too, but she didn't look upset. I wondered why.

"Why now? Another year..." she asked.

My stomach sank to the forest floor. She thought I was asking her to come with me. Bella, how do I tell you? I couldn't just deny her outright. So I pretended to be oblivious to the real meaning of her words. It was cowardly and I knew it, but it was the only thing I could do without completely ruining the lie. "Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless." We stared at each other, and I could tell she was confused. But that quickly passed, and for a split second I was afraid she was going to be sick.

"When you say we..." she whispered. Her words cut me. How can I do this?! I can't just tell her... But I did.

"I mean my family and myself," I finally told her. It was so hard to force those words out. For her, for her, I had to keep telling myself. She was quiet for a long time, but I welcomed it. I stared at her, memorizing every detail on her face, not taking any second I still had with her for granted. It would be over all too soon.

"Okay. I'll come with you." How is it possible that you know exactly what to say to affect me like this, love?

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going..." What did I say now? What did I tell her? That I didn't want her? I couldn't do that. I knew I would never be able to shove those words past my protesting lips. "...it's not the right place for you," I finished lamely. Vague, but true. She didn't belong with vampires. She deserved better than that. Better than me.

"Where you are is the right place for me," she insisted. I wish that were still true. But it's not anymore, Bella.

"I'm no good for you, Bella." How true that was. Why couldn't she see that?

"Don't be ridiculous," she pleaded. "You're the very best part of my life." What? BEST part? How can I be the best part when all I can do for you is get you nearly killed?

"My world is not for you," I told her. I wondered how she didn't understand that, with all that had happened in the last six months.

"What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" WHAT?! You nearly become the victim of a brutal vampire murder, and it's NOTHING? She was willing to overlook so much just to be with me. I didn't deserve this perfect, selfless creature. How do I say this, without revealing how much I still care?

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected." My voice sounded so strange and distant, I wondered if she would see through me anyway.

"You promised!" She was still pleading. Still grasping for anything that would make me stay. "In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"

"As long as that was best for you," I interrupted, grateful to myself for leaving a loophole. My resolve to leave had been shaken so badly, I probably would have used that promise as an excuse to stay. But what was best for her now was a normal life. A happy, human life with no sadistic vampires coming after her, no one threatening her life because they lost control of their killer instinct over a small papercut.

"No!" Her change in tone surprised me, but that didn't leak past my carefully composed mask. "This is about my soul isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. You can have my soul. I don't want it without you- it's yours already!" I was in shock. Her soul? She was willing to give up her soul to be with me? She didn't understand what that meant for her. How could she love me so much? The realization hit me. She wasn't going to let me go. I had told her we were leaving, and she refused to accept that we were going to be apart. This is so hard, Bella. Please, don't make me do this. But I knew I had to. I had to force the impossible words through my lips. This would be the blackest lie I would ever tell. I took a deep breath and stared at the ground, making sure to rid my eyes of the truth. If I didn't know any better, I would think that I was having a nightmare. I looked at her, and summoned all the strength I could muster, knowing I would have to repeat this lie a thousand times over to keep Bella safe. She would never fall for this.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I felt as though I had been burned. Instead of frozen and solid, my lips felt as though they had burst into flame, and it was slowly spreading through the rest of my body. I watched her while I was speaking those words, looking for... what? I didn't know. Just staring at this glorious beauty, cherishing the last time I would be able to look upon her face, even if it was in the most painful situation I would ever have to live through.

"You... don't... want me?" she choked out, hoping to find some contrariety to the statement I had just made. Oh, angel. Yes. And that's the problem. I want you forever, and that CAN'T happen.

"No," I said simply, keeping the careful guard over my eyes, my expression.

"Well, that changes things." Her voice was numb, sounding almost... calm, but that barely registered, You believe me!? That quickly, and everything we had together... you think I don't care anymore?! Just like that!? I had to look away, to stop seeing the absolute acceptance of that blatant falsehood in her eyes. The pain rippled through me, one like I had never felt before. My insides were shattering. I care! I love you! I wanted to scream.

"Of course I'll always love you... in a way." That would have to do. I would have to settle for giving her a diluted variation of a cliche breakup line as the only hint to how very much I still wanted her. But I had to step away from that territory. It was inevitable that I would slip and reveal the truth if I tried to hint at my true feelings. "But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm..." dying inside right now. "tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on for much too long, and I'm sorry for that." And that was true. She was in deep, and she loved me. I hated that I caused her this heartbreak. But she was human. She would move on after a few weeks, forget all about me, fall in love with someone she deserved. I didn't know who that would be, but I would envy him for all of eternity.

"Don't," she whispered, her voice pure agony. "Don't do this." But I have to, Bella. For you. I couldn't respond at first, so I just looked at her. I knew what I would have to say next, to convince her that she couldn't be with me. I was going to hurt her so much that I despised myself for putting these words in the same sentence.

"You're not good for me, Bella," I said, in that same strange, distant voice. You're too good for me, love. I'm so sorry. I saw the pain enter her eyes, and it felt as if my insides had hollowed out, as if my heart had left my body. Along with pain, there was defeat. She tried to say something, but no sound escaped her lips. I just waited, wanting to reach out and comfort her, tell her I was sorry, take it all back.

"If... that's what you want," she finally said. I knew Carlisle had told me that vampires couldn't cry, but suddenly I wondered if he was wrong. A lump built up in my throat, making it impossible to say anything in a steady voice. So I just nodded. She started shaking, looking as though her legs would give out at any second. But she had to promise me something before I could leave her on her own.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I said. This was unbearable. Her face already held so much pain and I hadn't even left yet. As soon as she processed what I was saying, she looked helpless, as if she would blindly follow whatever instruction I gave her, no matter what it was. My control slipped in response, the misery and denial visible on my face for only a split second before I composed myself again. Her perceptive eyes caught it, but I could tell she'd had no time to read the expression.

"Anything," she promised. I wanted her to know how serious I was about what I was about to ask her, so I carefully took down the emotional guard from my eyes, making sure all she could see was the intensity with which I hoped she would heed my words. If she didn't promise to try to take care of herself, I wouldn't be able to function. Another memory came back, from the first time she confronted me with my secrets.

I cocked my head to the side, wondering how she could believe her own words. "I dazzle people?" I asked disbelievingly.

She looked back at me, skepticism written all over her face. "You haven't noticed?" she protested. "Do you think everybody gets their way so easily?"

Well, that much was true, I knew how to get responses from people who were normally never generous. But I wondered if I'd ever impressed her the way she claimed I did other people. "Do I dazzle you?"

"Frequently," she muttered. I felt a little smug, knowing she had noticed me the same way I had noticed her.

I pushed that to the side, focusing on the present. "Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I commanded her. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" She just nodded, seeming dazed. Please, Bella. Take care of yourself. I silently begged her. But before her flawless intuition could catch the real meaning behind my words, I put the mask back up. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself- for him." I used her father as an excuse for my request.

"I will," she vowed. Her promise allowed me to relax infinitesimally.

"And I'll make you a promise in return." I felt our conversation coming to a close, so I tried to make everything a little easier for her. I wanted to make sure there would be no surprises to hurt her further. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me." I can't believe I just uttered those words to you. Bella, I LOVE YOU. "I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again." I hate hurting you this way, but it's for the best. Please understand, please don't hate me. "You can go on with your life without any more interference from me." How much of your life have I ruined already? "It will be as if I'd never existed." Because now, there's no reason for me to exist.

She was trembling, her heart pounding so fast I wondered how it stayed in her chest. I wanted to hold her and support her, but I knew that I couldn't make contact. I doubted I would be strong enough to let go. I threw her the best forced smile I could manage and tried to reassure her.

"Dont worry. You're human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." It was the only comfort I could offer her. That she could forget me. I wondered why I didn't collapse to the ground.

"And your memories?" she wondered.

"Well..." No, Bella. I'll never forget you. "I won't forget. But my kind... we're very easily distracted." I pushed the false smile back on to my face. How badly I wanted to hold her, one last time. So I stepped away. "That's everything, I suppose." It's ending too soon. "We won't bother you again."

"Alice isn't coming back," she whispered, so low I doubted she was able to hear it with her own ears. I was still staring at her, refusing to waste these last few seconds I had with her.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" She was still in shock.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." That wasn't completely true. Alice was furious at me for doing this, for making us leave. (In reality, I doubted any one of my family agreed with my decision to cut myself out of Bella's life, with the exception of Rosalie, but Alice was definitely the most vocal.) I knew that if I allowed her to stay, she would find a way to tell Bella the truth, or make it so I couldn't leave. She had tried to guard her thoughts around me, but they slipped and revealed her plans. I was able to convince Jasper to help in making Alice stay away from Bella.

I watched Bella for a few more precious seconds. She was having trouble breathing.

"Goodbye, Bella." I love you more than anything. I wish I didn't have to do this.

"Wait!" she begged before I was able to turn. I couldn't deny her that. Her arms were stretched toward me, and I reached for her too- a reflex reaction. I recovered, and pulled her wrists down to her sides. I was too close, my lips begging for contact with hers. But I would never kiss those lips again. I settled for kissing her forehead for a too-brief moment.

"Take care of yourself," I reminded her, and I felt my will break into pieces. I knew that if I stayed for one second longer, I would rescind my words, take back all those blasphemous lies I had fed her; call my family to come home; and keep her in danger to keep her close. So I ran. I sprinted away from the one thing I needed, the one thing I could never have. And as I ran, every second that we had ever been together began to play in my head like a movie...

"Which one is the boy with the reddish brown hair?"

"Ladies first, partner?"

"I want to know the truth. I want to know why I'm lying for you."

"I'm tired of trying to stay away from you Bella."

"I have a theory about that..."

"I love you, Edward."

From beginning to end. And I knew the movie would never stop.

Thanks for reading : Should I continue, maybe write about when he leaves his family? Let me know!