A/N: This has been rewritten since it was originally posted. There were just too many aspects of the story that were bothering me, so I fixed it. Enjoy!
"You don't seem as happy as the others."
Tonks stood in the doorway to the balcony, glass of champagne in hand, staring at the rigid back of her former professor. Lupin was gazing out over the rooftops of London, a cold November breeze ruffling his greying hair. He snorted.
"Whatever gave you that impression?"
Tonks approached slowly, placing her glass on the railing several feet away from him.
"Oh, you know. The dark brooding looks, the lack of a drink, the fact that you haven't spoken to anyone since you entered the room."
She watched Lupin's profile as he raised an eyebrow.
"You speak as though I'm usually the life of the party."
It was her turn to snort. Professor Lupin was not known for his social grace. In fact, his arrival in a room often prompted most of its occupants to leave.
"Touché," she said. "Let me correct myself – you seem even more antisocial than usual."
Lupin finally turned to look at her. As always, his unsettling amber eyes bored into her, like he was searching for something. Most people who met Lupin thought he was creepy. Tonks just always found herself wondering what he was looking for.
"I apologize if my celebrations don't live up to your standards, Miss Tonks."
She crossed her arms.
"Stop being a dick," she said. "Your team captured the last of the Reapers! They've been on the run since the War ended fifteen years ago, it's the end of a fucking era. Look, Sirius is dangling from the bloody chandelier!"
Lupin craned his neck to look back through the balcony door. Sure enough, there was Sirius, hanging upside down with a bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand. Only a fraction of the liquid seemed to be entering his mouth – the rest of it was showering on the party below – but Tonks's cousin didn't seem to mind. The last of Voldemort's soldiers had been caught. Everyone was celebrating – everyone, that is, except for the man who had helped make it happen.
"So why are you moping around out here?" she asked.
Shaking his head at his colleague's antics, Lupin turned back and resumed his examination of the London skyline. He completely ignored her question. Tonks rolled her eyes and grabbed her glass of champagne, taking another sip. She had known Professor Lupin for six years now, ever since he'd taken up the Defense Against the Dark Arts position in her seventh year at Hogwarts. He'd gone on to teach for the Auror training program at the Ministry, and she had worked with him several times since she'd qualified as an Auror three years ago. At this point, she knew him well enough to say that he was a brilliant teacher, a good person to have at your back in a fight… and a terrible conversationalist.
Giving up on Lupin, Tonks was about to return to the festivities when she caught a glimpse of Mundungus Fletcher prowling through the crowd inside. She grimaced. Last time she had encountered Dung, he'd pinched her bum and she'd broken his nose. She would prefer not to get blood on the Potters' carpet again. Sighing, she turned back and rested her forearms on the balcony next to Lupin.
They were in the Potter family's penthouse flat in Covent Garden, with a stunning view of Big Ben and the London Eye. Tonks didn't want to think about how much this place cost. Her tiny room in Brixton was almost more than she could afford on an Auror salary. She couldn't hold it against the Potters though – they were lovely people, and very generous with their money. This wasn't the first drunken night she'd had here…
Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that Lupin was twisting his hands together. Maybe it was the four glasses of champagne she'd already consumed, but it almost looked like he was trying to keep them from trembling. She looked up at him, liquid courage spurring her to ask a question she never would have voiced otherwise.
"Are you alright?"
Lupin stiffened. He was notoriously bad with personal questions. People prying into his affairs were met with a scowl if they were lucky, an angry snarl if they weren't. She was therefore surprised when he turned to her, his expression mildly curious.
"Why do you care, Miss Tonks?"
She furrowed her brow. To be honest, she didn't really know the answer to that question.
"I dunno," she responded intelligently. "Because that's what friends do, I suppose. Care."
He raised an eyebrow again.
"Are we… friends?"
She shrugged, taking another sip of champagne.
"Well… I'd say we're at least friend-ly."
Lupin gave her a long, searching look.
"I would be careful if I were you, Tonks," he finally said. "Being friendly with a werewolf and former Reaper won't do your career any good."
It was said with deadly earnest, and yet Tonks found herself snorting with laughter.
"Is that what this is about?" she giggled. Lupin stared at her, bewildered.
"All this sulking out here on the balcony?" she continued. "You think nobody wants you in there because you used to be a Reaper?"
Lupin was now glaring at her. Once upon a time, she would have found this terrifying. Now, she knew the man well enough to recognise that he used anger to conceal discomfort.
"No, Miss Tonks," he growled. "I'm out here because I just betrayed the last of my brothers. Forgive me if I don't feel like celebrating that fact."
Tonks stopped laughing abruptly. Lupin glared at her for another moment, then turned back to the open air. Tense silence stretched between them.
Everyone knew the story. Remus Lupin had been raised in the werewolf packs. At eleven years old, he was chosen by Voldemort himself to join the Dark Lord's elite team of Dark Creature bodyguards – the Reapers. He had gained Voldemort's trust, even his affection. Then he had betrayed his master to the Order of the Phoenix, risking everything to give Dumbledore the information he needed to defeat Lord Voldemort at last.
The man was a hero. He was also a war criminal. The Wizengamot had pardoned him, because they knew that without his help, Voldemort would have won the War. But everyone knew that Lupin had killed more people before his seventeenth birthday than most Death Eaters had in their entire lives.
Needless to say, the man had a lot of enemies, and very few friends. Tonks had always figured that Lupin liked it that way. He certainly didn't seem interested in making himself agreeable to people. In fact, she suspected that he got perverse pleasure out of terrifying anyone who met him. He had a bad habit of growling at anyone who got too close to him.
Now, however, Tonks found herself wondering whether Lupin's pariah status bothered him more than he let on.
"I'm sorry," she finally said. "I never realized how much the Reapers mean to you."
The man scoffed, turning to her fully and crossing his arms over his chest.
"They're fucking bastards, the lot of them. They don't mean anything to me."
"Liar," she retorted. "You just said they're your brothers."
"You don't get to choose your family, Miss Tonks," Lupin said. "I certainly didn't get to choose mine."
He reached up and pulled at the collar of his shirt. Tonks knew that underneath the layer of thin cotton, the tattoo of a twisting black snack marred his skin, branding him as one of Voldemort's bodyguards. There was no hiding it now – his hands were trembling.
"If you don't care about them, then why are you so upset?" she asked, draining the last of her champagne. Lupin glared at her but she ignored him.
"You'll be able to see them again, you know," she said. "If they were taken as children, like you were, then they might get lighter sentences."
Something went hard and cold in Lupin's eyes. Tonks froze. What had she said?
"You'll – you'll be able to testify at their trial. The Wizengamot will listen to you," she continued, more tentatively. Lupin's expression was making her uneasy.
"There won't be a trial, Miss Tonks. Not for them."
Lupin's voice was quiet and calm, but the finality of his tone frightened her.
"What? What do you mean?"
He turned back to look out over London, bracing his forearms on the balcony railing again. He took a deep breath, paused, then began to speak.
"When we brought them back to the Ministry, Beast Division came and collected them. Umbridge said they would be kept in the cells overnight before trial. Everyone else fucked off here to start drinking. But I…"
His voice was strained now, quiet. Out of the corner of her eye, Tonks saw James Potter walk onto the balcony, drink in hand. A subtle shake of her head kept him quiet, and they both stood, listening to Lupin.
"I didn't trust her, or her goons," he continued, eyes staring blankly out at Big Ben. "I Disillusioned myself, and followed them. They brought the Reapers down to the cells, just like they said they would. But the Dementors were waiting for them."
Tonks gasped involuntarily, hand flying to her mouth. She could see Lupin's face twisting as he remembered what he had seen.
"They won't get a trial," he said, "because they were Kissed, right then and there."
Nobody spoke for a long moment. The only sound was Lupin's harsh breathing. Finally, James stepped forward, reaching out a hand to his colleague's shoulder.
"Remus…"
Lupin flinched violently, twisting away from the man he hadn't known was listening.
"Don't – " he began, but then fell silent. Tonks caught a glimpse of his anguished face before he turned away, breathing deeply.
"Remus, mate, I'm sorry – " James began, but Lupin was already retreating back into his shell. When he looked back at them, his face had returned to its normal expressionless mask. He straightened his shoulders. Tonks watched this transformation in mute astonishment.
"It doesn't matter," Lupin muttered. "It doesn't fucking matter."
"It does matter!" James cried. "Every single one of those men deserved a trial, I don't care what they did. And none of them deserved the Kiss, that was outlawed two years ago! Umbridge has gone way too far this time, she won't get away with it – "
Lupin laughed. It was not a happy sound.
"Do you really think anyone will care, James?" he asked bitterly. "A few more of Voldemort's lackies got the Kiss. They'll pawn it off as some sort of accident, a rogue Dementor or something. The wizarding world will rejoice."
"If that's true, then we're no better than the Death Eaters," Tonks said incredulously. "Give us a bit more credit than that, Professor."
"Exactly," James agreed. "They can't just sweep this under the rug. Umbridge has half the Ministry under her thumb, but this could be the evidence to bring her down once and for all. We have to do something about this!"
"Do somethin' 'bout what?" Sirius slurred, wandering out onto the balcony with the empty bottle of Firewhiskey still in his hand. James ignored him.
"Look, mate, come talk to Dumbledore with me. Tell him what happened!"
But Lupin was already shaking his head.
"It really doesn't matter, I didn't want to – to make a big deal of it. I was just… I don't know, I was just talking."
He gestured helplessly towards Tonks. Suddenly he looked exhausted.
"Just forget about it, okay?"
He started for the door, dodging James's outstretched hand.
"What are you afraid of, Remus?"
Lupin paused, his hand on the doorframe. He didn't turn around, and Tonks had to strain to hear his response.
"I'm not afraid, James. I'm just tired of fighting."
He disappeared into the crowd. James, Sirius and Tonks looked at each other.
"Wha' was that all 'bout?" Sirius asked, swaying gently on his feet. Tonks didn't stay to hear James's response. Sudden resolve spurred her feet forward, and she followed Lupin into the crowded room. She caught a glimpse of him heading for the front door. He was leaving. He hadn't even been there for twenty minutes.
"Professor!" she cried. He didn't turn around. She pushed her way through the crowd, ignoring greetings from coworkers, former classmates, and friends. Dodging Bill's and Charlie's attempts to pull her into conversation, she called to Lupin again.
"Professor Lupin! Remus!"
This time he turned around and caught her eye. His entire body was tense, and she could tell that he wanted nothing more than to escape through the door behind him. She hurried forward, not quite sure what she planned on doing. What could she possibly say that would be at all helpful?
Any delusions of saying something meaningful abruptly vanished when her foot caught a stray table leg. She spared a brief moment to curse her incessant clumsiness, and then the floor rose rapidly to meet her.
Strong arms caught her in midflight. Lupin pulled her upright, warm hands on her waist. She looked up at him, astonished. He must have leapt several metres across the room to catch her before she hit the ground. And then, suddenly, she knew what she needed to do.
Lupin was already pulling away, but Tonks pressed her body into his, wrapping her arms around his bony shoulders. The man stiffened, clearly shocked. He held his hands out to the sides for a long moment before awkwardly returning them to the middle of her back. He cleared his throat, and Tonks could feel the rumble of it in his chest where it was pressed against hers. He smelled like wood smoke and sweat, but it was an oddly pleasant scent.
"Um, Tonks?" he asked, his voice perceptibly higher than normal. He sounded bemused.
"Just go with it, Professor," she said. "Everyone needs a hug now and then."
To her surprise, she actually felt his arms tighten around her.
"Could you please stop calling me Professor?" he muttered. Tonks grinned, pulling back just far enough to look at his face.
"Why?" she asked. "Am I making you feel old?"
A slight flush of his cheeks was all the response she needed. She watched his eyes dart over her shoulder, and she craned her neck to see James and Sirius pushing their way through the crowd. She turned back to Lupin and saw his clenched jaw and hard expression.
"Do you want to get out of here? I know a good Muggle pub."
"Yeah," Lupin replied immediately. He turned and pulled the door open, ushering her through before slamming it shut behind him. Tonks offered him her hand, and he looked down at it, then back up at her.
"Go on, then," she said, grinning. He reached out and clasped her hand, and she Apparated on the spot.
They landed in an alley a few streets away from Tonks's favorite pub in Brixton. Lupin – clearly not used to side-along Apparating – struggled for balance and pitched forward towards Tonks. She grabbed his sides, and he managed to catch himself on the alley wall behind her. For the second time in as many minutes, Tonks found herself very close to one of the deadliest men in wizarding Britain.
"You haven't even had anything to drink yet, mate," she said, laughing. "What's your excuse?"
Lupin leapt away from her. She couldn't see his face, but she was willing to bet that the flush in his cheeks was even more obvious now.
"Where's this pub?" he asked gruffly, ignoring her teasing. She jerked her head up the alley.
"A few streets away, come on."
They walked in awkward silence. Tonks didn't really know what had come over her, inviting her former professor for a drink. Her only explanation was that he really looked like he could use one.
"I'm sorry," he said suddenly. She glanced at him.
"What for?"
"For… well, for unloading that on you. You shouldn't have to hear about shite like that."
"I'm an Auror, Professor. If I didn't want to hear about shite like that, I would have applied to be a waitress at Madam Puddifoot's."
Lupin let out a strangled bark of laughter.
"I cannot imagine a worse job for you. All that crockery. You would interrupt so many romantic moments with projectile teacups."
Tonks sniggered.
"I think most of the romantic moments in that shop could do with a projectile teacup or two," she replied. Lupin snorted.
"True," he said. "Regardless, I…"
He seemed to be struggling for words. Tonks guided him down a side road. She could already hear the noise of the pub in the distance.
"… I'm not looking for – for sympathy or anything. I know better than anyone that those bastards deserved what they got. So just forget that I said anything, alright?"
"Professor," Tonks said, stopping in her tracks. It took a moment for Lupin to stop as well. He turned to face her, grimacing.
"Please call me Remus. I'm not your Professor anymore."
"Fine, Remus," Tonks said, crossing her arms. "Look. You don't have to pretend. Not with me. You're allowed to mourn for people you cared about."
Lupin shifted on his feet, looking uncomfortable. Tonks finally let out a long sigh.
"Whiskey?" she asked. He nodded wordlessly, and they pushed their way into the pub.
Tonks always kept a good store of Muggle currency on hand for occasions such as this, and it wasn't long before they were wedged into a corner booth of the ancient pub, drinking triple shots of Scotch.
"Muggles are an odd bunch, but they do know their alcohol," Tonks said, sipping the brown liquid slowly.
"Mmm," was Lupin's only response. He threw his whiskey back with shocking speed. Tonks gaped at him. He held his hand out.
"Let me show you a trick," he said. "Throw me a few quid."
He was obviously used to Muggle currency. She placed her remaining three coins in his palm. He closed his fist, turned his hand around, and deposited ten new pound coins in a row on the table. She raised an eyebrow at him, but he looked unrepentant.
"That's illegal, you know," she said, unable to keep the laughter out of her voice. He gave her a crooked smile.
"The Wizengamot really shouldn't have pardoned me," he said, before heading to the bar for another drink. She shook her head, smiling as she took another sip of whiskey.
Thirty seconds later, another triple shot appeared in front of her. Lupin was sliding back into his seat across from her, a beer now in front of him. She spluttered.
"I'm not even halfway through this!" she said, gesturing to her first drink. "And that's not fair – you can't switch to beer and give me another triple, are you trying to get me drunk?"
"Yes," Lupin said bluntly. "But don't worry, I'm trying to get drunk too. I had another whiskey at the bar, I'm just waiting for you to catch up."
Tonks glared at him. If he wanted a drinking contest, she would give him one. She downed the rest of her glass in one gulp. His face split into a broad grin.
"That's what I like to see," he said. Tonks coughed, her throat burning.
"You know - " she began, before coughing again. Lupin took a deep swig of his beer – some sort of porter, most likely – and looked at her intently. Tonks caught her breath and continued.
"You actually have a very nice smile, when you're not trying to scare people."
He let out a surprised bark of laughter.
"I don't try to scare people. That's just what they're expecting."
"That is not true, and you know it," Tonks hiccupped, grasping her second glass of whiskey. "I saw you growl at Rita Skeeter, and then grin like some sort of demented hobgoblin when she screamed."
Lupin cocked his head, confused.
"When was that?"
"My last year of Hogwarts. Your first year of teaching."
Lupin was obviously sifting through memories. Finally, his lips curled up in a faint smile.
"Oh yeah… But that's what I mean. She came there to try and dig up dirt so Dumbledore would be forced to fire me. She was going to tell everyone that I'm a bloodthirsty monster anyway, I might as well have fun with it."
"But she is far from the only person you've done that to. I think you enjoy it."
"Well… yeah. People don't change, Tonks. If they think I'm evil going into the conversation, then nothing I do is going to make any difference."
"That's a very defeatist attitude."
"Says the Metamorphmagus who makes a pig nose every time someone asks her to."
"That's different."
"How so? Everyone expects you to be the comic relief. After a while, didn't it just become easier to adopt that persona?"
Tonks had no response to this. She took another sip of whiskey.
"All I'm saying is that you actually seem like rather a nice person, underneath all the grouchiness."
Lupin inclined his head to her.
"I'm… glad you think so. You actually seem like rather a good Auror, underneath all the clumsiness."
"Oy!" she exclaimed, laughing despite herself. She tried to kick his shin underneath the table, but he dodged her foot. He was laughing again. She spared a moment to wonder whether she had ever seen him laugh before. She felt like she would have remembered it if she had.
"That coin trick was a pretty impressive bit of wandless magic," she said. "Where did you learn it?"
Lupin didn't answer right away, taking his time with a long swig of beer. Finally, he set his glass down and responded.
"My friend Vlad taught me. It's like leprechaun gold, it disappears after a few days. Otherwise he would have singlehandedly inflated the currency of Bulgaria."
"I take it he likes his booze."
"That's one way of putting it."
"Teach me?"
"I'd love to, but it's a bit risky in a Muggle pub. First time I tried it, I ended up with a hunk of molten metal burning a hole through the table. That would be rather difficult to explain here."
Tonks snorted.
"Fair enough. Looks like you're in charge of buying drinks from now on, then."
Lupin raised an eyebrow.
"Certain people at this table need to finish the drink that's in front of them before they start talking about more."
Taking his bait, Tonks downed her second whiskey.
"Bring it on, Professor," she said. Lupin glared at her.
"If you continue to insist on calling me Professor, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to start calling you – "
"Don't you do it!"
" – Nympha – "
"Don't you dare! "
"- dora!"
"Oh, you've done it now, mate."
"What are you having, Nymphadora? Beer? More whiskey?"
"I'm having your head on a spike if you continue to call me Nymphadora."
"Alright then – Dora. What'll it be?"
Tonks growled at him. He pointed a finger at her.
"See? Isn't it fun to growl at people? I'm getting you another whiskey."
He disappeared into the crowd. She sat there, torn between laughter and fury.
"Is anyone sitting here?"
A female voice rang out from above her. A Muggle girl and her boyfriend were pointing to the bench opposite Tonks that Remus had just vacated. Tonks looked around. The pub was packed. There was no place for the girl and her boyfriend to stand.
"No, go ahead," she said, gesturing them to sit down. Remus could just sit next to her.
The man in question returned a minute later. Taking the new situation in stride, he sat down next to Tonks and pushed a whiskey and a beer towards her.
"I didn't know what you like, so I just got you a pale ale. Figured that was the safest bet."
"Works for me," Tonks said. "I would say thank you, but I know you're basically stealing these, so I'll just say… cheers."
They raised their glasses to each other. Tonks took a sip of whiskey, and looked up to find Remus examining her quizzically.
"What?" she asked.
"Why did you invite me here?" he asked. Tonks shrugged.
"You looked like you needed to unwind a bit, and that party clearly wasn't your speed."
"Why do you care, though?"
"That's the second time you've asked me that tonight."
"Well, you still haven't given me a good answer."
"Do I need a reason? I know you think of yourself as some sort of – of – pariah, but honestly you seem like a decent bloke to me."
"You don't know me very well."
"Does anybody?"
Remus didn't answer. He suddenly seemed very interested in the contents of his glass. Tonks gazed at him for a long moment.
"Did they know you? The men who were Kissed tonight?"
Remus looked up at her, swallowed, and nodded slowly.
"Yes. They knew me."
He sighed, running a hand through his greying brown hair. Tonks didn't say anything. She simply sat there, waiting for him to say more. Because she knew that he needed to say more.
With a subtle wave of his hand, Remus cast a Muffling Charm around them. Tonks could understand why. Their conversation was bound to seem odd to Muggle ears. She watched as Remus took another swig of whiskey, fortifying himself. He looked up at her, and she noticed that he was clenching and unclenching his free hand.
"I grew up with some of those men," he said softly. "We were children together, in the packs. They were just like me – running scared, looking for anything or anyone that would protect them. Becoming a Reaper was the best thing that could happen to a kid in a pack. It got you off the street, it gave you somewhere to belong, somewhere you didn't have to kill for every scrap of food."
He finished his whiskey, and immediately reached for the beer. Tonks could already feel the hangover she would have tomorrow morning. Something told her this would be worth it, though.
"Voldemort was a fucking evil bastard, but he certainly knew how to motivate his people," Remus continued. "We were young, desperate, hungry. Most of us had real families who didn't want us anymore, because of what we were. Voldemort hand-picked the strongest and most talented, and turned us into killing machines. We would have done anything for him. I… I would have done anything for him."
Remus trailed off, lost in memories. Tonks reached out tentatively, resting a hand on his knee.
"What changed?"
He turned to look at her.
"Clearly something changed, or you never would have contacted Dumbledore."
Remus gave her a wan smile.
"Yes, something did change. But that's a story for another night."
Silence fell between them. But it wasn't awkward, like it was before. They both sipped on their beers. Tonks finally realized her hand was still on Lupin's knee. She was about to let it fall when she felt the touch of his calloused fingers. He was exploring her skin absentmindedly, tracing her fingers and veins with a featherlight touch. He picked her hand up, stroking her palm with his thumb. Then, to her complete and utter shock, he raised her hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles. She drew in a single, sharp gasp.
Suddenly, Remus returned to planet Earth. He dropped her hand like it had burned him, and looked up at her with wide, fearful eyes. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. The pair just gaped at each other for a long, painful moment. And then he scooted backwards, practically falling out of the booth.
"I – I'm sorry Miss Tonks, that – that will never happen again," he said quickly, before practically running out the door. Tonks sat, stunned, for a single second. And then she was on her feet and racing out the door too.
"Wait!" she cried, running down the dark street after him. There was no way he couldn't hear her, and yet he didn't stop walking, his back rigid and his fists clenched. She was getting very tired of running after him.
"Goddammit Remus, stop!" she cried, finally grabbing his forearm and pulling him back to look at her. He refused to meet her gaze, his eyes covered by sandy brown fringe as he stared at the ground.
"What the hell was that all about?" she demanded, still holding him tightly. She didn't put it past him to Apparate right here in the middle of the street, if it meant escaping this awkward situation. At least if she was holding onto him, he couldn't leave her behind.
"Please let me go, Miss Tonks."
"Miss Tonks? I thought you'd decided to play with fire and refer to me as Dora. You know my dad is the only one who calls me that, right?"
"Yes."
The blunt answer took her aback.
"…wait. What?"
"I know your father calls you that, Dora."
Now Tonks was really confused.
"What? How the hell do you know that?"
Remus ran a shaking hand down his face, then pulled her into a nearby alley.
"Look, you… you asked what happened to make me change, to make me contact Dumbledore."
"… yeah…"
"Well… you happened."
"What are you talking about?"
"I met you outside Diagon Alley when you were four years old. I was fourteen. I was there to spy for Voldemort, to try and track the Order's movements. I was posing as a homeless bum, across the street from the Leaky Cauldron."
Tonks stared at Lupin incredulously. This couldn't be real. Could it?
"Nobody else gave me the time of day," Lupin continued. "The Muggles thought I was some weird, drugged out teenager wearing gold contacts, and the wizards knew what I was from a mile away. I liked it that way. Nobody bothered me, they were all too scared. Until you came along."
His words were stirring uncomfortable memories in Tonks's mind.
"You walked right up and told me I looked sad. You handed me a chocolate frog, as though that was the solution for sadness. Then you asked what my name was."
"You said you didn't have a name."
Remus paused, looking up at Tonks in shock. She met his gaze steadily.
"You said you didn't have a name, and I told you that I liked your eyes. Then I made my eyes match yours."
Remus swallowed thickly and nodded. He seemed unable to speak.
"Then my dad saw me and called out my name. He hauled me away from you, and my mother yelled at me that night about not talking to strangers."
"I'm sorry," Remus whispered. Tonks snorted.
"Don't be, she's always yelling at me about something. But are you serious? That's what made you turn?"
Remus ducked his head, staring at the ground yet again.
"A week later, Voldemort planned an attack on Diagon Alley. I couldn't… I couldn't help but think that you might be there. That I might see a little pink-haired body among the dead."
He looked back up at her, and for a moment she caught a glimpse of the desperate boy he must have been. His eyes were hard, determined, fierce, frightening.
"I couldn't let that happen," he growled. "So I sold out everyone I'd ever known, everyone I'd ever loved. Because none of them – not a single one of them – had ever given me affection without expecting something in return. You showed me, in thirty seconds, what it meant to be human. You made me believe that I could be human, too."
They stood there in the dark for several minutes, just staring at each other. Finally, unable to bear the silence anymore, Tonks asked, "So all those times you asked me why I care… that wasn't just referring to tonight, was it?"
"No," he said quietly. "No, Dora, you never cease to amaze me. When I saw you at Hogwarts, as vibrant and kind as you had been at four years old, but fully grown and beautiful…"
Tonks snorted. She was many things, but beautiful was not one of them. Lupin furrowed his brows.
"You are beautiful, Dora," he insisted. "Always. Even with a pig nose."
She stared up at him, searching his golden eyes intently. She opened her mouth, but was spared the necessity of coming up with a suitable response, because Sirius's Patronus chose that moment to appear. The giant, glowing blue dog bounded up to them, panting. Her cousin's voice echoed in the deserted alleyway.
"Tonks, are you with Remus? Get that idiot back to Grimmauld Place, pronto. Beast Division is out looking for him. Someone saw him at the Ministry, they know he was a witness. If they find him, they'll kill him. Get to Grimmauld, now."
With that, the Patronus dog dissipated. Tonks and Lupin looked at each other.
"You heard the man," she said. "Grimmauld Place it is."
"Dora, I can't put you all at risk because of this. I can take care of myself."
"Would you stop being an idiot?" Tonks said, exasperated. "Beast Division is not about to break into Sirius Black's house to murder a war hero. They're hoping to shank you down some back alley. Much like the one we're currently standing in, so if you don't mind, I'm ready to call the Knight Bus."
Apparating was not an option in their current state. They were both drunk enough that splinching was a real possibility. So Tonks marched to the side of the road and stuck her wand out. Remus followed, and when he reached her side she looked up to see his mouth twitching with suppressed laughter.
"Did you just use the word 'shank'?" he asked. She glared at him.
"Yeah, so?"
He shook his head.
"Nothing. You've clearly just been watching too many Muggle crime shows."
The Knight Bus arrived with a BANG! Stan Shunpike jumped down the steps and opened the door for them.
"Tonks!" he cried happily. "I haven't seen you in ages!"
"Wotcher Stan," Tonks said, not really in the mood for pleasantries on the curb. She started forward, but stopped at the look on Stan's face. He had caught sight of Remus, and was now staring at the man with blatant terror in his eyes.
Stan Shunpike was a year above Tonks at Hogwarts. After graduation, he had immediately started working on the Knight Bus. Hence, he had never encountered Remus Lupin before. It was obvious.
"H- hello Mr. Lupin, sir," he said, his voice trembling. Remus shot Tonks an exasperated glance.
"I'm not going to hurt you, son," he growled. "We just need a ride."
"Y- yes, sir!" Stan said. "Right this way, sir!"
With that, the young man bounded up the steps, not even bothering to conceal his hurry to get away from the famous ex-Reaper. Tonks looked at Remus, her lips quirking in amusement. He glared at her.
"I'm sorry, it's just… I'm starting to understand why you fuck with people sometimes. Even when you don't, they're terrified of you."
"It gets old after a while," he muttered. "Shall we?"
They climbed the stairs onto the bus, and Tonks gave the driver an address down the road from Sirius's house. Tonks and Remus then took a seat on one of the many beds that lined the walls. It was nearing midnight on a Thursday, and while Muggle London seemed to be hopping, Wizarding London was decidedly less busy. There were only two other people on the bus, and they were fast asleep on their own beds. Stan informed Tonks that they were aboard for longer journeys, and that unless there was another call, the bus should be at her stop in just a few minutes. The young man was now ignoring Remus entirely, which seemed to suit the werewolf just fine.
The bus set off with a jolt. Tonks grabbed the bedspread, struggling to keep her seat. The Knight Bus was not her favorite mode of transportation. Not even a minute passed before they stopped with an even bigger jolt. Tonks put her hands out, searching for anything that would keep her from reuniting painfully with the floor. Her left hand found Remus's thigh. She felt his right arm snake around her middle and pull her back onto the bed.
"We're not at your stop yet, Tonks!" Stan yelled from the front. "Someone else hailed us, give us a minute!"
Neither she nor Remus replied. Remus's arm was warm around her back, and she could feel the muscles of his leg tensing under her grip. She looked up to find that his face was very close to hers – so close that she could feel his breath on her lips.
"Hem hem."
It was as though Remus had been hit by an electric shock. He was on his feet, wand out, body between Tonks and whoever had just boarded the bus. She jumped to her feet as well, drawing her wand. But Remus's hand kept her behind him.
"Not very smart, Reaper," a female voice simpered. Tonks tried to peer around Remus, but he pinned her to his back.
"Did you forget about the tracking spell?" the simpering voice continued. "We were informed the second you stepped foot on this bus. Your movements on Ministry transport systems are tracked, by order of the Wizengamot. You may have been pardoned, but that doesn't mean anyone trusts you."
Pressed up against Remus's back, Tonks could feel the muscles in his body tightening, his stance lowering, like a wound up spring about to explode.
"Drop your wand, Reaper" the woman ordered. "Come quietly, and I'll think about letting the girl go with only a modified memory."
"Leave her alone, Umbridge. She has nothing to do with this."
Umbridge. The Head of Beast Division. Tonks had never met her, but she had heard many stories about her – none of them good.
"Oh really?" Umbridge replied. "It certainly looks like you two are… friendly. Is that another charge for me to put on your record – fraternizing with an underage student?"
With a snarl, Tonks wrenched herself free from Remus's grip and stepped out from behind him, brandishing her wand at the toad-like woman before her. Umbridge was wearing a fluffy pink kitten jumper, and Tonks trained her wand directly on the kitten's face.
"I am neither underage, nor am I his student, Umbridge," she spat. "So if we want to fraternize, it's really none of your business! Now get off this bus before I burn a hole through that kitten on your chest."
"Dora, please, get behind me – "
"Shut up, Remus."
To be fair, now that she could see, Tonks could understand Remus's desire to shield her. Half a dozen burly men had filed onto the bus after Umbridge, armed to the teeth and wearing the unmistakable uniform of the Werewolf Capture Unit. Tonks's heart sank. This did not look good.
Umbridge nodded to the men behind her, and they took the cue to raise their guns. Tonks was willing to bet that they were loaded with silver bullets.
"This is your last warning," Umbridge said. "Drop. Your. Wands."
Tonks heard Remus's wand clatter to floor next to her. Then his hand was on her outstretched wrist.
"Please, Dora," he whispered in her ear. His chest pressed against her side, and she felt his remarkably steady heartbeat. "Put it down. I can't let you get hurt because of me. Please."
Slowly, reluctantly, she lowered her wand. Umbridge's smile was sickeningly sweet.
"Now drop it, my dear."
Despair twisting in the pit of her stomach, Tonks let her wand fall to the floor.
"What exactly are you charging him with?" she snarled. "He hasn't done anything wrong. You have no right to take him."
"Oh, I think the Wizengamot will see it my way," Umbridge said. "After all, this werewolf went mad, and attacked the occupants of the Knight Bus! And raped an innocent young girl! We had no choice but to take him into custody!"
"But that's not true!" Tonks cried. "None of it!"
"It will be. You will testify to it," Umbridge promised, smiling. "Boys, cuff the Reaper and take him back to the cells."
Tonks watched helplessly as two of the largest men stepped forward.
"No – " she protested, grabbing Remus by the hand. "No, you're not taking him."
But she was roughly pushed aside, her grip on Remus broken.
"Tonks, don't fight them – "
"But she's going to make me think that you raped me! I can't let her do that, you would never – "
"Wouldn't he?" Umbridge interjected. "With a track record like yours, Lupin, I don't think it would take much imagination for the Wizengamot and the general public to believe a story like that. So no one will be terribly upset about a little accident with a Dementor in the Beast Division cells."
Umbridge smiled, rubbing her hands together gleefully.
"The last of the Reapers, all gone at the same time. The wizarding world might very well declare a holiday."
"You foul little toad!" Tonks snarled. She'd had far too much whiskey to control the rage that was now coursing through her. She dove for her wand, intent on wiping the smirk off Umbridge's face once and for all.
"Dora, no!" she heard Remus scream to her left. She heard a scuffle, but her hand was already around her wand –
A body slammed into her, and a deafening blast echoed through the Knight Bus, almost bursting her eardrums. She flew backwards, sliding along the floor of the bus until she came to rest near the stairs. For a single, strange moment, she came face to face with a terrified Stan Shunpike, who was cowering near the door.
She looked back. What the hell had happened?
Remus lay on the ground where she had been only seconds before. One of his captors stood over him, gun in hand. The inner wall of the Knight Bus was covered in a sickening spray of blood. Tonks just gaped, unable to process what her eyes were telling her. Remus tried to lift himself onto his elbows, but the man above him stepped on his shoulder, pushing him back into the bloodstained floor.
"It's not fatal, marm," the WCU man said, examining Lupin's wound.
"Pity," Umbridge said. "Ah well, another soul for the Dementors."
Umbridge continued to speak, but Tonks was distracted by a hand on her arm. She turned to see Stan frantically gesturing to her.
"Come on!" he whispered. "Let's get out of here!"
She opened her mouth to tell him that she couldn't just run away, she couldn't leave Remus with these monsters – but then her rational mind took hold. She couldn't save him, not without help. If she stayed, she would only end up Obliviated, with horrible, manufactured memories of the man who had probably just saved her life.
Tonks took one last, desperate look at Remus, bleeding on the floor at Umbridge's feet. The Beast Division had momentarily forgotten about her. She crawled silently down the steps and sprinted after Stan down the dark London streets.
They had been running for mere seconds before she heard shouts behind her.
"The girl!"
"They're getting away!"
"Stupefy!"
"Protego!" she cried, throwing up a shield behind her and Stan. At least she had managed to get her wand back.
Heavy footsteps pounded behind them. Tonks looked over at Stan, who glanced back at her, clearly terrified.
"Do you trust me?" she asked. He nodded immediately.
"Take my hand!" she cried. He grabbed it, and she Apparated.
Here's hoping I'm not still drunk, she thought to herself as they twisted through space.
They landed hard on the pavement outside the Black family home.
"Fuck!" Tonks cried. Her arm was on fire. Looking down, she saw the tell-tale sign of splinching – a spiraling gash running down her right forearm. Desperately, she looked over at Stan.
"Are you okay?"
He nodded.
"Yeah, thanks to you."
She had no time to worry about the blood dripping from her fingertips.
"Come on," she said, stumbling to her feet and fumbling in her pockets for her keys. They crashed through the front door, and were immediately accosted by James, Lily, and Sirius.
"Where's Remus – "
"Tonks, what happened to your arm?"
"Who's this guy?"
"Cuz, you smell like a whiskey distillery – "
"Where have you been – "
"Where is Remus?!"
James Potter's voice rang out above the ruckus, repeating his initial question. Tonks turned to him desperately.
"They have him. Umbridge and the others. We were taking the Knight Bus here, because we were too drunk to Apparate."
At this, she gestured helplessly to her mangled arm, as if to prove her point.
"I guess they're notified every time he uses public transportation – something about a court order, I don't know. Doesn't matter. Umbridge found us, and Remus got shot."
"What?"
"Is he alive?"
"Where are they taking him?"
"They're taking him to the cells, with the rest of the Reapers," Tonks replied. "At least, that was their plan before I escaped. Please – we have to stop them. They're going to let the Dementors at him, just like the others!"
Lily Potter was rolling up Tonks's sleeve to examine her wound. Tonks pulled away from her.
"There's no time!" she cried. "We have to go now, or it'll be too late!"
"But you escaped, Tonksy," Sirius said quietly. He must have taken a sobering potion, for he was no longer swaying on his feet. She turned to look at him, confused.
"Yeah…"
"Umbridge won't bring Remus back to the Ministry, now that she knows you're calling in the cavalry."
Tonks stared at him, the pit dropping out of her stomach. No, no, no, no, no…
"What are you saying?" she whispered. Sirius grimaced.
"Tonks… she's probably already dumped him off some cliff in Norway."
There was a horrible silence. Finally, Tonks collapsed in a chair, shaking uncontrollably.
"No," she said, shaking her head defiantly. "No, it can't just be over like that, it can't."
Nobody spoke for a long moment. Poor Stan shifted awkwardly in the doorway, looking lost and out of place in the morbid scene.
"I'm sorry, Tonks," James finally said sadly, kneeling down in front of her and resting a hand on her knee. "But… but you escaped with your memory intact, you'll be able to testify against her. She's gotten away with so many terrible things because of her damn memory charms, but this will be the last of it. Remus's death won't be in vain – "
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
Tonks stared up at him with contempt. She was shaking with rage.
"How can you just give up on him like that?" she demanded. "How can you just accept that he's dead?!"
"Tonks, we're just as upset as you are – "
"You sure as hell don't act like it!" she cried, stumbling back to her feet. "I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to give up. He might still be alive, and I'm going to find him – with or without your help."
She pushed her way back to the front door, ignoring the unpleasant sensation of blood trickling down her arm. There was no time to fix her Splinch, she needed to find Remus, she needed to save him –
She pulled open the door, and almost screamed.
Remus stood on the doorstep, covered in blood. His fist was raised to knock, and Tonks's sudden appearance was clearly as surprising to him as his was to her. His gaze dropped immediately to her wounded arm.
"What happened?" he demanded, a surprising amount of panic in his voice. She just gaped at him.
"You're – you're…"
"Did you Splinch yourself?" he asked, ignoring the crowd of people now gathering in the doorway behind Tonks to gawp at him. Unable to make a sound, Tonks just nodded. Remus snorted, eyeing the wound critically.
"To be fair, you did have quite a lot of whiskey."
Tonks launched forward, intending to wrap her arms around the insufferable man and never let go. But Remus stumbled backward, holding a hand out to keep her away.
"Oy!" he exclaimed, gesturing to his bloody clothing. "You want lycanthropy too?!"
Breathing deeply, Tonks managed to reign in her emotions.
"Where's Umbridge? What happened?"
Remus stuck his thumb over his shoulder. She followed the gesture to see the Knight Bus parked on the corner of Grimmauld Place.
"She's tied up in there, along with her goons," Remus said. "Once you were safely off the bus, I could afford to be a little more… aggressive."
"You beat up Umbridge and half a dozen armed guards with a bullet in your shoulder?" Tonks asked incredulously. Remus shrugged, then immediately looked like he regretted the movement.
"Beat up is a strong phrase," he said. "Incapacitated is more accurate. And technically the bullet isn't in my shoulder, it's buried in the wall of the Knight Bus somewhere. I think your friend Stan has his work cut out for him, cleaning all the werewolf blood off the upholstery."
Tonks stared at him incredulously.
"Get in here, you lunatic," she said, gesturing him inside. He gave her a crooked, exhausted smile, and complied.
"Oh, Lily," he said to the red-haired woman as he passed her in the hallway. "You might want to call someone at St. Mungo's and get them to bring over some Skele-gro."
"Skele-gro?"
"One of those wankers tried to shoot Tonks. I can't be sure, but the last time I broke someone's arm like that, it was shattered in about seven places."
Two days later, Dolores Umbridge was put on trial in front of the Wizengamot, charged with Soul Snatching. Both Tonks and Remus were called to testify in front of a huge courtroom filled with Ministry officials, reporters, and curious members of the public. The trial was a media sensation, broadcast live around the globe on the Wizarding Wireless. Tonks didn't know how the rest of the world reacted when Umbridge was found guilty, but she for one was relieved. There were several tense moments during the trial when she had despaired of the Wizengamot's ability to see beyond the fact that the victims were Reapers.
In the end, though, justice prevailed, and Umbridge would be spending the rest of her life in Azkaban. Even though the prison was no longer guarded by Dementors, it was far from a pleasant place to spend one's final years. Tonks found herself unable to feel the least bit sorry for the woman.
She found Remus after the trial, snarling at a Daily Prophet reporter who was trying to interview him. She watched the poor man hurry away, a smile playing at her lips.
"Charming as ever, I see," she teased. Remus glared at her.
"Little bastard just wanted a sob story. I don't need anyone's pity."
"What do you need, Remus Lupin?"
He looked at her, one eyebrow raised.
"And if you ask me why I care again, then I swear – "
"I wouldn't say no to another drink sometime."
Tonks halted mid-sentence, her mouth wide open in shock. The moment stretched on, and Lupin began to look uncomfortable.
"I mean, only if you want to," he said, shifting on his feet. "I feel like our last trip to the pub ended a little… prematurely."
Tonks's lips were slowly spreading into a grin.
"I'd love nothing better."
Remus smiled – a true, genuine smile. Tonks was about to throw caution to the wind and hug him right there in front of everyone, when a young Beast Division employee interrupted them.
"Professor – I mean, Mr. Lupin, sir, could I have a moment?"
They turned to the young man. Tonks vaguely recognized him. He might have been a Slytherin in the year below her, but she couldn't be sure. Remus, on the other hand, greeted him immediately.
"Mr. Mulligan, what can I do for you?"
The young man looked extremely nervous, but he took a deep breath and soldiered on bravely.
"We're, um… well, we're about to transport the Reapers to a facility up north. They'll be well looked after, sir!" he exclaimed, seeing a scowl forming on his former teacher's face. "But we… well, we need your signature in order to do it."
"My signature? Why?"
"Someone put you down as their next of kin."
"What?"
Mr. Mulligan – Neil, maybe, Tonks thought to herself – pulled a roll of parchment out of his pocket and handed it to Remus.
"It's one of the forms the Reapers filled out when you first brought them in and filed charges. Out of the seven of them, only one person actually wrote anything useful – the rest just put down a wide variety of colorful insults."
Remus snorted, smiling despite himself. He unrolled the parchment, scanned it, and froze, his eyes wide.
"This man Vladimir obviously still cared about you, sir," Mulligan said softly. Tonks's stomach clenched. Vladimir?
She stepped around to Remus's side, putting a hand on his forearm as she read the parchment as well. It was a standard Ministry form – name, date of birth, marital status, address, occupation… Most of these lines were left blank, but the name Vladimir Sokolov was written at the top in messy script. From the date of birth, Tonks calculated that the man had been 45 years old. And there at the bottom, the next of kin was clear – Remus Lupin. In the blank space underneath the line, Vladimir had written something else.
I forgive you, kid.
Remus looked up at Mulligan, his hands shaking.
"Can I see him?"
Mulligan looked uncomfortable.
"I… I really wouldn't recommend that, sir. There's nothing left of them, they're just… shells."
"I know that, Neil. But I… I have to say goodbye. I'll sign your form while I'm down there."
Neil hesitated, hazel eyes examining his former teacher. After a moment, he nodded.
"Alright. I'll bring you to them. And sir?"
"Yes?"
"They will be well looked after. I give you my word. Not everyone in Beast Division was in Umbridge's pocket."
Remus nodded, reaching out and grasping the younger man's shoulder.
"I know, Neil. Thank you."
Neil turned to lead Remus down to the cells. Remus turned to Tonks.
"Do you want me to come with you?" she asked. He shook his head.
"I have to do this on my own," he said gruffly. "Hold onto this for me, will you?"
He pressed the roll of parchment into her hand. She put it in her pocket.
"I'll wait for you at the Atrium fountain. We can go for that drink."
He nodded wordlessly, then followed Mulligan towards Beast Division.
Tonks wandered to the fountain and sat down, feeling numb. James, Sirius, and Lily soon joined her.
"Where's Remus?" Sirius asked. "Avoiding Skeeter like the plague?"
Tonks didn't even crack a smile.
"He's down in the cells saying goodbye to the Reapers.
"Oh," Sirius responded awkwardly. "Um… are you waiting for him?"
"Yes."
"Right. Well, we'll wait for him too."
They waited. Fifteen minutes passed. The Atrium slowly emptied as the Wizengamot, reporters, and members of the public dissipated. Soon things were back to normal, Ministry employees bustling back and forth in the course of everyday work.
Finally, after what felt like an age, Tonks saw Remus walking back across the Atrium towards them. Neil was with him, looking haunted. As they approached, Tonks rose, her hands twisting together. Remus's normal stoic mask was firmly in place, his mouth pulled into a thin, angry line.
"… are you alright?" she asked quietly. His eyes rose to meet hers, and for a long moment he just stared at her, searching her face for… something. Then his gaze faltered. He took a long, shuddering breath.
"No," he whispered, and she saw his face twist. "No, I'm not."
Tonks didn't hesitate. She stepped forward and pulled him into her arms, wrapping herself around his shaking body. This time, he accepted her embrace immediately, pulling her to his chest and burying his face in her shoulder. Barely a second later, she felt his chest heave as he began to cry. He was quite a bit taller than she was, and Tonks felt her feet leaving the floor as he held her to him with all of his considerable strength.
They stood like that for several minutes, the ex-Reaper's gasping breaths the only sound the small group of people could hear. Tonks felt hot tears running down the side of her neck where Remus was pressing into her. Her whole body moved with every heave of his chest. She rubbed the nape of his neck in slow, soothing circles, her eyes tightly closed to hold back her own tears.
Gradually, he began to calm down. His sobs slowed, then stopped. Tonks felt her feet touch the floor again, but still he stood, his arms around her, his face buried in her shoulder. She felt his body shudder as he tried desperately to control his breathing. She turned and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Stubble rasped against her lips, and she heard his breath hitch. She pulled back. His eyes were closed, and his face was wet with tears.
"See?" she whispered. He opened bloodshot golden eyes, searching her face desperately. She managed to summon a smile for him.
"You are human, Remus Lupin. You always have been."
A/N: Apologies to anyone who liked it better the first time around. For those of you reading my other story Give Me Up for Gone - I haven't given up on it! (haha see what I did there)
Let me know what you thought!