Had the odd urge to write this. Its not quite what was in my head but it is my first time playing with these characters and I have been drinking. Hope you enjoy reading.
Losing My Religion
It was as if everything she had ever known had deserted her in one short month. Sophie woke regularly in the middle of the night terrified of the next big disaster. The world around her home had literally fallen down around her and the fall out of a dying woman's confession had destroyed her family.
Sometimes she finds herself wishing that if they had to suffer that one of them had been caught under the rubble because doctors could fix broken bones and she had no idea how to fix this pain. After she always curses herself for being momentarily so morbid and then god himself for putting them through so much. And maybe she was not so afraid any more of thinking bad thoughts because god did not hesitate to do bad things to the people she loved. Her faith was being slowly eroded by each tear she cried, with each dead body.
It was worse than her mother's cancer, as terrible at that was back then they still had each other, they were a family and it had seemed almost impossible that something so invisible could take away someone as strong as her mother.
But now, now her mother cries silent bitter tears and her face twists with rage. Now her sister has moved away and she has a half brother that has no idea what he is meant to make her feel. His tiny red faced innocence pulled her insides apart. And worse of all she can not even look at her father. The one person she thought she could always turn to was the one destroying everything she believed in.
She has Sian and she pretends so hard that her beautiful girlfriend is enough but it is a lie. And she hates how she is terrified that Sian will leave or break her heart just like everyone else and how she can't tell anyone because she has to at least try to be strong. Even if she knows she fails at it miserably at least she tries.
It's easier to pretend after a few drinks. It makes her feel her own age for once, sneaking to the bus stop to down unnaturally coloured alcohol with the girl whose giggle still made her stomach roll with excitement. They could be drunk and almost carefree. Sophie could look into her girlfriend's eyes and almost forget a few hours ago she had watched her father leave her.
It surprises her how much she suddenly need Sian in such a physical way. In the dimmed light of her bedroom she wanted nothing more than to be lost in the softness of her beautiful skin, the warmth of her smile. God might not even exist and pacts seemed silly. Life was fleeting and often cruel and she did not want to be alone any more.