Wow. Ok, well this is what happens when my iPod decides that it's going to play really depressing songs all night.
Obviously not the next chapter of We Carry On.
"What?" Kate asked, trying to tell herself that he hadn't just said what she thought he'd said. He couldn't have.
"I'm leaving, Kate. I have enough research; I don't need to stay here." Rick told her, and Kate fought to keep the tears from her eyes or voice.
"Is that what this was to you?" She asked him, "Just for the research?"
"Yes." He lied, but she believed him. She completely missed the pain filling his eyes.
"Fine, then." She pointed toward the elevator. "Go. And don't come back."
Without another word, he did what she asked. She looked around, just realizing how loud she'd told him to leave. Half the bull pen was staring at her, the other half watching him go. She also noticed this was the exact spot he had left with Gina last summer, only this time, he wasn't coming back.
Kate took another swig of the vodka bottle she was holding. She heard a knock at the door, jumped, and ended up on the floor, having fallen off her seat. She stood up carefully and stumbled her way to the door. When she opened it, she saw Lanie standing in front of her, looking worried.
"Hey, Lanie." She said, and she was surprised after how much she had drank that it wasn't slurred. Lanie made a face.
"God, girl. Your breath, are you drunk?" Lanie asked her as she came in.
"No, I'm fine." Kate assured her, slurring slightly this time. Lanie just shook her head. She hated seeing her best friend like this. She hated Castle for doing this to her.
Walking in farther, she noticed all the bottles scattered around the apartment and realized just how much her friend had drank.
"Geez, how are you still walking around?" Lanie asked. There were at least a dozen beer or liquor bottles.
Kate sat down at the table again and rested her head in her hand, her elbow resting on the tabletop. She shrugged, and took another gulp of the bottle. Lanie snatched it out of her hand and poured it down the sink.
"Hey!" Kate protested weakly. Lanie noticed that she defiantly wasn't herself, and not just because she was drunk.
"What happened to you saying you weren't ever going to drink to make yourself feel better? Remember when you told me that, when your dad was going through rehab?" Lanie sat down in the chair next to the detective.
"That was before." Kate whispered.
"Before what?"
"Before he left." Kate looked down at the table and when she looked back up, the ME saw that she was crying. Kate's defenses were much weaker when she drank. They always had been.
"Honey," Lanie said, putting a hand on Kate's arm, "You weren't even dating him."
"I know, but he promised." Kate said, and her tone of voice was one of the saddest things Lanie had ever heard. She just sounded so defeated and depressed.
"He promised what?" The ME asked softly
"He said – He said he would always be there – be there for me. Always." She sobbed, and Lanie just looked at her, concerned. Kate Beckett rarely sobbed, even when she was drunk, and it was even rarer that she let anyone see her sob.
"Ok, honey, come here." Lanie told her friend, giving her a hug. "You have Josh, why do you need Castle?"
Kate was silent for a few moments as she calmed her tears. Once she wasn't crying any more, she pulled out of the hug.
"Lanie, I love him." Kate informed her. Lanie was glad she finally admitted it, even if it was a little too late, and she probably wouldn't remember it in the morning.
When Rick got home, he grabbed two six-packs of beer and flopped down on the couch. That's where Alexis found him when she got home.
"Dad?" she asked worriedly as she came in. He didn't seem to hear her, so she went to the back of the couch and tried again. "Dad?" She asked louder, and Rick looked up at her slowly, setting the beer in his hand on the floor as he did.
"Hey, Lex…" He muttered. Alexis had never seen her dad this depressed, and it worried her.
"Dad, are you ok?" She asked, just now noticing all the empty beer bottles on the ground. That worried her even more; her dad rarely drank that much.
"Yeah, pumpkin. I'm alright." He slurred.
"Dad, you're drunk." She stated. She wasn't sure what she should do. "Do you want me to call…" She racked her brain for who she could call for help "Detective Beckett?" She asked, and as soon as the name came out of her mouth, the pain on her father's face was evident. She realized this must be about her. She walked around the couch and sat on the floor in front of it so that their heads were at about the same level.
"What's going on, Dad?" Alexis asked, and Rick sighed.
"I told her I was leaving."
"You what? Why?"
"She has Josh… She doesn't need me." He took another mouthful of the beer in his hand, and Alexis took it away from him.
"What's that for?" He asked, but she ignored the question.
"For being around women all the time, you really don't know anything about us, do you?" She asked softly
"Huh?"
Alexis shook her head. "Dad, why didn't you just tell her how you feel?"
"I can't. She has Josh…"
"Dad, stop using Josh as an excuse. You should just tell her how you feel, and she might leave Josh."
"But she loves Josh…"
"DAD! Stop that! You don't know that. And maybe she does, but I know she loves you too."
The next time there was a knock on Kate's door, Lanie went to get it. She opened the door to reveal a red-headed teen.
"Alexis." She said, surprised. Inside the apartment, Kate's eyes widened.
"Yeah. How's Detective Beckett?" She asked as Lanie let her in.
"She's, uh…" Lanie was struggling to find the right words, but Alexis understood.
"Yeah, so is Dad." She informed them. She spotted Kate sitting on the couch and walked over to her.
"Hi, Detective." She said as she sat down on the chair next to the couch.
"You can call me Kate." She sounded as bad as Rick did. Alexis shook her head at how clueless her dad could be sometimes.
"Kate, I know what my dad did, but I don't really understand why."
"He told me he had enough research, so he didn't need me anymore." Kate told her, and Alexis could hear the obvious pain in her voice.
"Kate, that's not at all why he did it," She assured the detective, "He did it because he loves you, but he's too scared to tell you that because you have Josh."
"He… what?"
"He loves you, but he's using Josh as an excuse not to tell you. I don't know why. He's so clueless sometimes."
"Alexis…" Kate whispered, "I love him too."
By the end my iPod stopped trying to make me commit suicide, and started playing happy songs again. It's bipolar like that. You're lucky for that though, or someone might've died….