Rating: PG-13
Characters: Cassie/Nick
Summary: The first time he touches her, really touches her with any intent she's 17 and half dead from the Stitches' hands.
Authors Note: I can't thank jazmin22 enough for being an awesome beta and encouraging the awfulwrongness of Cassie/Nick. Feedback, as always, is welcome in any form.
There's blood in Cassie's mouth and the echo of an old pain curled inside her body when she wakes on the bed of sometime ratty hotel room. She cries out, trapped in that terrible moment of static disconnect before her memory comes rushing back and she remembers; the crowded market and the light brush of feminine fingers at her elbow, blood slipping out between old wounds and the sudden, paralyzing sensation of pain. Now there's only a dull throb and the feel of smooth, new skin beneath her hands.
She rolls over when the bed dips and feels the effort of muscles and nerves working together. For a moment all she can see is Nick, face pale and drawn, hovering before her but behind him she sees the body of a woman, the Stitch from Hong Kong dead on the floor. Her eyes are open, face surprised but there's no blood. Cassie doesn't have time to feel the burn of disgust before Nick's hands are on her face, on her body, anywhere he can touch. He's frantic and she doesn't have the strength to push him away before his mouth is on hers, hungry in a way the visions never could show.
She fists his shirt in her hands, body on fire when he moves between her legs, hands on her stomach. "Cassie, Cassie, Cassie," he chants her name like a drowning man gasping for breath before his mouth is on hers again. There's an urgent, worrying movement to his lips against hers -like he's trying to crawl inside her- that makes her ache against him. She's seen this moment a hundred different times in a hundred different ways but never like this, never with him so desperate above her.
"You were dead, and I thought, " he starts before kissing her again.
There's blood on his lips, her blood and Cassie doesn't know what to say, what to do so she reaches out for him, closes the unused space between them to press his body against hers. The solidness of his weight above her makes her feel safe and protected in a way she didn't realize she needed. "Nick," she breathes against him, mouth brushing against his to stop the frantic sounds he's making. "I'm ok," she says, eyes fluttering, limbs heavy and mouth slack. "I'm ok."
"I love you," he says and it's all she can do to keep her eyes open, to fight against the pull of her newly healed body. "I love you," Nick whispers against her mouth and it's the last thing Cassie remembers before exhaustion pulls her under.
--
Cassie comes awake in pieces. Her arm trapped between Nick's body and her own, right leg tangled with his and her heart, rapid and fast in her chest. Nick looks peaceful in sleep, younger and happier. Behind him the corner is empty but Cassie still sees the woman's body and her dead eyes. She knows whatever happened, whatever Nick did was to protect her, to keep her safe but it frightens her, this idea of him killing for her. There's no disgust, just sadness and regret. This was not the life she pictured for herself, for them. They weren't meant to keep running from Division, Kira should have been their answer, their salvation. She's dead now, two years gone by a better designed project from Division.
Her mother's death is close, too, and Cassie feels it constantly. She's waiting for that final vision, the one where the edges are sharp, defined and permanently fixed. It's getting harder to pretend things will fall in their favor, the future is running out of variations and Cassie's losing her hope a little more each day. She doesn't have the strength to tell Nick, to pull away the promise of better times she knows keeps him going. She wants so badly to share the burden with him, to let that awful, pressing weight of the future slip between her lips. She knows the words she'd use, what she'd say and imagines how it'd feel.
She doesn't realize she's crying until she feels Nick's palm against her cheek, the blue of his eyes so bright she has to look away. "Hey, hey," he soothes, "why are you crying, what's wrong?"
"I'm scared," she sobs, chokes down the burn of shame and fear. "I'm just so scared that we're losing," Cassie admits, mouth dry and body hot. "I don't know how to keep going. I'm tired of watching you die, tired of seeing my mother wasting away. I don't know what to do. "
"We take things one day at a time," Nick replies, pulls her close and pushes a kiss to her forehead. "I don't know what's going to happen in the future, things are changing too fast but I know, no matter what, we're in this together. I won't ever leave you," he says and the conviction in his voice is stronger, clearer than any vision that she's seen before. It eases, a little, that terrible feeling that's been festering inside.
"I love you," she admits after a moments and turns to look up at him. His face is half shadowed in the predawn light but she can see the soft draw of his brows, the scattered emotion across his face.
"I know," he says quietly, thumb against her bottom lip. He doesn't say it back to her, not that she expects him too. She remembers his words from before and the raw feel of his emotions behind each, desperate kiss. Their future is uncertain, a maelstrom of horrible possibilities she can't push away, but for right now Nick's beside her, alive and warm, lips questing against her own.
It's enough.