Title: Investing in Cupid
Summary: Happy Birthday TheGayGumballMachine. General silliness revolving around the "Haircuts" scene in S3. You can always count on Nicky in a time of need.
Disclaimer: I do not own OITNB or any of its characters. They belong to Jenji Kohen, I do, however, own my writing so please don't steal- Johanna002©
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A/N: Happy Birthday, Ice. I know that's not your penname anymore, but that's what I call you LOL. I know you don't read much anymore, but still, happy birthday, hope your day is going better than Reds. *Hugs*
"Maybe we should give up and be gay."
"We got the haircuts."
Arms crossed over her chest, Red walked slowly down the long corridors of Litchfield. She couldn't get her earlier conversation with Gloria out of her mind. What had she been thinking?
You weren't thinking, a little voice in her head argued. It was just a joke, she consoled herself. She knew that… Gloria knew that. Her response was simply that— a response to her joke. Still, she couldn't help but mentally berate herself. She cursed Nicky's name under her breath. Too much time spent with the girl, trying to keep her out of trouble and ringing in her smart mouth, hadn't done her a lick of good. All it had served to do was send her mind down the same twisty and perverted path.
She dug her nails into her biceps. Her mind flashed wish images of the way Gloria had shifted on the spot, her lips pursing together, as she sized her up. She had arched her brow and a coy, seductive smile had pulled across her pink, plump lips. She was teasing, and playful, trying to see how far she could push it.
And what did you do? A voice that had sounded suspiciously like her mothers echoed in head. You never could leave well enough alone, Galina.
"How was I supposed to know?" She whispered to herself. She moved a hand through her hair before rubbing it down the length of her face. She then rubbed her hand over her mouth. She repressed a groan at the lipstick she could feel smear against her palm.
"Ahh, come on Red. You can do better than that." Nicky's voice came from nowhere. Before Red could react, the younger woman was wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "You're supposed to have someone else smear your lipstick, not your hand. That only gets you so far."
Red eyes widened in horror. "Nicky!" She exclaimed. She moved away, her face heating up at the insinuation.
"What?" The younger woman questioned her innocently. "It's not like I said you had dick-sucking lips."
"Oh my god…" Red covered her face with her hand. She tried to shake the way Gloria had looked at her when Healy had walked by. The insinuation that Gloria had made with regards to their relationship… it wasn't lost on her. In fact, she had played into that one too. Gloria had joked she was working it from every angle.
"What angel do you want to work her from?"
"Excuse me?" Red snapped.
"Vause," Nicky frowned at her. She looked over to Lorna who was now walking at her side. "Morello is gonna do her eyebrows."
Lorna held up her tweezers. "I'm gonna get that Amazon!" She exclaimed, a wild look flashing in her eyes.
Nicky nodded her head in a sign of dismissal. "I'll catch up to you, doll. Make sure you save the unibrow for me. I want to get that."
"Oh, Nicky," Lorna complained. "We really hurt her feelings when we started calling her Flores junior."
"Trust me," Nicky smiled. "Nothing about Vause is junior sized." She hip checked Red playfully. "She's got the most massive jugs- "
Red held up her hand. "I don't want to hear it."
"What's going on with you?" Nicky asked with a frown. "You love heaving about my sexual conquests."
"No," Red shook her head. A smile pulled across her lips. "I've never liked hearing about how many fingers you stuck up in how many vaginas— why do you think I make you wash your hands every time I see you?"
"Mm," Nicky shrugged. "I thought it was because you were feeding me. Proper etiquette and all."
"Oh, now you're worried about proper etiquette?"
"Hey," Nicky wagged her brows suggestively. "I never turn down a moist- "
Red knocked her shoulder roughly against Nicky. "Enough," she said warningly. "I mean it it Nicky, cut it out."
"Meow," Nicky hissed her. "What got your feathers ruffled my, little chicken?"
Turning to face her, Red halted in her steps. "Are you high?" She asked, brows furrowing in worry.
"Not even a little," Nicky smiled. "Disappointing, huh?" She walked around her to lean against the wall. "What's gotten into you, though?"
"Nothing," Red said quietly. She ran a hand through her hair and down the back of her neck where she rubbed awkwardly. "I guess I'm just tired. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep," she confessed.
"Well that's too bad," Nicky said sympathetically. "Why don't you go and take a nap? I'll even let you lay down in my bunk, since you know, you always take such good care of me."
"Thank you, sweetheart," Red smiled at her. She brought her hand up to cup her cheek and pat her affectionately a couple times. Her power increased every time her hand connected Nicky's skin.
"Ow! Okay, okay," Nicky pushed Red's hand away as she rubbed at her sore cheek. "I got the message-watch my mouth." Scowling, she pushed herself from the wall and began to make her departure.
A glint of amusement in her eye, Red watched her back as Nicky headed off towards the dorms. She had only let her get about five steps away when she found herself calling out for her. "Wait, Nicky." Wringing her hands together, Red cautiously stepped toward her. "Since I have a minute alone with you… I need to ask you something."
Nicky pursed her lips in thought. "Depends…" she said. "I don't think you deserve my wisdom for free now." She pouted her lips, but at the look of annoyance Red gifted her in return she sighed. "Fine," she crossed her arms. What can I help you with?"
Red inhaled a deep breath before slowly releasing it. Grabbing Nicky by the arm, she pulled her near the wall. It did nothing to give them privacy but the illusion of it was better than nothing. "Nicky," Red crossed her arms over her chest. "Honey, do you get a gay vibe from me?"
Whatever Nicky had been expecting her mother to ask her, it was clear she wasn't expecting this. A large smile pulled across her face, and she swayed slightly on the spot. Her brow arched, and she bit her lip in an attempt to conceal the laughter that threatened to bubble from within her.
"A gay vibe?" She repeated finally.
"Yea," Red nodded her hands. She uncrossed her arms, wrung her hand together and then threw them up, as if to say I give up. "You know, does your gaydar ever go off when you're around me?"
Try as she might, Nicky couldn't help herself. "It's not a metal detector, Red." She doubled over in a fit of laughter. Her hands cradled her abdomen and she felt the laughter tightly burning her insides. "It doesn't just go off," she chuckled. Standing up, she shook her head as her amusement threatened to drown her. "Thanks," she wiped at the corner of her eyes. "I really needed that."
"Nicky," Red pinched her roughly. "Damn it, don't laugh at me!" Her cheeks flamed red. "You know what I mean," she was desperate. "You can tell right? I mean... Generally speaking. If someone were gay, you could tell?"
"I guess so," Nicky rubbed at the spot Red had just pinched. She turned her arm to examine the red mark highlighting her arm.
"And?" Red pressed.
"And what?" Nicky asked.
Red huffed a breath of frustration. "Do you?" She lowered her voice and looked around cautiously. "Do you get a gay vibe from me?"
Nicky smiled at her softly. "Would it matter if I did?"
"You're not answering my question," Red narrowed her eyes at her.
Nicky placed her hands on Red's shoulders and rubbed them encouragingly. "No matter what," her tone took on one of a doting mother. "Nothing could make me stop loving you. Not even if you were gay."
"So, you do? Nicky!"
"Look," Nicky shrugged. "I mean… I don't know. It's not like your marriage worked out, right?"
"Because I'm in here!" Red gestured around their surroundings. "I have children," she said. "I have three sons. I was married over twenty years."
"So, what?" Nicky tilted her head, awaiting an answer. "If anything, the straight, married sex worked, and you got knocked up. Doesn't mean it works for you. But, that's something only you can answer for yourself."
"So..." Red rubbed a hand over her mouth. "So, you think-"
Nicky held up a hand, silencing her. "It doesn't matter what I think." She made a sweeping motion across her neck, as if to say leave me out of it. Turning to lean on the wall, she jerked her head in the direction of a group of inmates. "This place is like an animal shelter. Pussies everywhere."
"Ugh," Red rolled her eyes. As she turned to also lean against the wall, she immediately stood a little straighter as Gloria and Aleida walked by. Catching the younger woman's eyes, she fought against the blush she could feel igniting across her skin. She was positive Nicky had seen it also. Gloria smiled at her and then turned her attention back to the conversation Aleida had her engaged in.
Nicky knocked her shoulder against her mothers. "Unless you had someone in mind already," she turned her head to watch Gloria's back side. She nodded her head and shrugged. "Not bad…" she whispered. "You have good taste, and she has all her teeth." She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "I raised you well, Ma. Let me know if you need any more help. Lorna tells me I'm a wonderful cupid."