My dreams of Funland
Every night since I was seven I have had the same dream…
The Scene
A bright sunny day as we see a familiar friend skip down the street towards the camera -Ronald McDonald! (Cue: The Brady Kids "Sunshine Day")– As the camera pans around Ronald we see he is walking toward his favorite haunt…McDonald's.
Ronald gets his Happy Meal at the counter and proceeds to the McDonald's playground, formerly known as Funland!
(Ronald sits) – Suddenly clouds loom in the distance and roll over head. The playground becomes gray, misty.
Ronald: We'll it looks like rain, ah too bad! I guess I'll have to play tomorrow…
Unseen voice- (menacingly): Not so fast McDonald…
Ronald (stammering): Wh….Who…Who's…there?
Unseen voice: Has it really been that long…
Ronald (stammering): What?
Unseen voice: 30 years...30 year since you left us…left us to die here alone…
Ronald: Whattttt?
Unseen voice (yells): Say what again mother fucker!
Ronald: I didn't do anything….
(Steps out of shadows)Former-Unseen voice: Oh didn't you! (Laughs)
Ronald: Mayor McCheese? Oh gosh you scared the heck out of me…wow it is great to see you..
WHAP! (McCheese punches Ronald and busts his sad clown lip open)
Ronald: I don't understand…whyyy? (Begins to sob)
McCheese: 30 YEARS!
Ronald (yells): Grimace HELPPPP!
McCheese: That Purple douche bag isn't gonna help you…
Ronald: GRIMACE!
McCheese(yelling): HE CAN'T HELP YOU NOW! He's dead, we milked him!
Ronald: NO!...What do you mean we…
Another figure moves out of the mists of the past…
(Irish accent) Big Mac: You left us all, you know Ronald…
(Bad Pirate Voice)Captain McCrook: All of us Matey!
(In unison)Fry Guys: Even us Ronald, even us?
Ronald (Frantic): I had no idea…they said you all retired..
(Big Mac Kicks him in the MCJunk)
McCheese: 30 year's of living off dropped fries you bastard!
Big Mac: We can't barely even do that now thanks to that stupid "Super Size" Movie!
Ronald (Frantic): Please…I didn't know…
McCheese: Didn't know or didn't care…You always had it better, better money, better whores, better oil for your fries…But you didn't remember your friends, did you…
Ronald: Guys…come on...I can make this up to you…I have stock options, McDonaldland gift certificates…
Early Bird: Let me peck his f'n eyes out…
Ronald: Noooo!
McCheese: No is right Ronald…I have something better in mind for you…(laughs manically)
Ronald: Noooo!
(From the darkness): Robble, Robble…
Ronald (blood curdling scream): Nooooooooo!
Then I wake up!...Awesome!