Disclaimer: Allie owns it all

The Guy's Road trip

This wall is glaring and it's too high for me to climb
I've ran and ran and now there's nothing left behind
I see a picture of a broken man inside
I've tried and tried and now there's nothing left but time

-Mat Kearney

(Wait)

He wished the car ride wasn't so long. The tension in the air was too thick, too weird. Grant, Jonas, and Preston had all fallen asleep, so of course Zach and his father were the only ones awake, studiously trying to ignore each other. More than anything, Zach wished Cammie were there; she would know how to diffuse the tension, or at least distract him from it. However, she wasn't there, so Zach was on his own.

As Townsend stared out the window Zach observed him, as subtly as he could. He wanted to see himself in the older man, but he just couldn't. He didn't know this man as his father; he probably never would. Imagining that was surreal, and if he didn't know any better, he wouldn't have believed it. He remembered the look on Cammie's face when his mother had spoken; it had changed from surprise to realization, as if somehow it all suddenly made sense— which meant that she saw Townsend in him. But for whatever reason, Zach just couldn't see it. More than that, he didn't want to see it. He didn't see the same curve of their jaw or slope of their nose, but Cammie obviously did.

When Townsend's eyes shifted to meet his, Zach knew he hadn't been successful in his attempt to be subtle. In fact, he'd probably been openly gawking, unable to look away.
"I'm doing it too," Townsend said, holding his gaze.
Zach didn't have to ask what he meant. Although, Zach hadn't noticed Townsend staring blatantly at him. He must have been too preoccupied.

Zach didn't know what to say. What were you supposed to say to a father you never knew? Who never knew you even existed?

"You didn't know, right?" he found himself saying, just because he didn't want to leave Townsend's comment unanswered.

For some strange reason, the other man let out a laugh, it was short and brief, and hardly held any humor. "I'm not that much of a jerk Zach," he replied. "No, I didn't know, never even suspected."

"Me neither," Zach mumbled. He had never felt so unsecure in his life. He wanted to alienate this man from his life, thinking that there must have been some way Townsend could have found out. But at the same time, something in Zach was craving acceptance from Townsend, affection even. Love? He didn't know the answer to that one yet.

Townsend smiled, almost sadly. "I wouldn't have left you with her Zach— if I had known. I hope you understand that."
Zach was a teenage boy; he didn't want to understand anything; especially when it went against his gut feelings. But he knew Townsend's words were genuine and sincere.

"I think this is just going to take some getting used to," he replied quietly.
"I think you're right about that," Townsend replied.

They were quite for a moment, but the tension had dissipated a tiny bit, and Zach felt his muscles relax. There was a question itching in the back of Zach's throat, but he was wondering if it was polite or appropriate enough to ask. But when had Zach ever cared about being polite or appropriate? Besides it was new territory for both of them.

"What did you see in her?" Zach finally asked, breaking the silence this time. "Why were you with her?"

Townsend met his eyes again, regret shining through like a beacon, and for a moment Zach felt a stab of pain. But then he realized Townsend wasn't regretting him (he hadn't gotten the chance to regret Zach, yet), he was regretting the decision he'd made to be with his mother. Zach probably would have regretted that one too.

"I ask myself those questions every day," he murmured, almost like he was talking to himself. "Seems like a lifetime ago."

He hadn't answered the question, but Zach didn't prod him just yet, knowing he was collecting his thoughts.

"Don't worry about defending her," Zach inputted when he thought Townsend wasn't going to say anything.

Townsend laughed again. "I'm not," he said. "I'm worried about defending myself."
Zach raised an eyebrow in question.

The other man sighed. "It was a long time ago— I wasn't the same person I am today. I was an idealist, wanting to make the world as pure as it could be," he paused. "I thought I could change your mother, in all honesty." He let out another humorless laugh. "Turned out to be quite a colossal mistake." Zach almost smiled, only someone as British as Townsend would use the word "Colossal" in casual conversation.

"I was blinded," he continued. "I wasted more than a year of my life with her, hoping I could, for lack of a better word, fix her."

"And you regret it." It wasn't a question.

He sighed again. "For your sake I wish I didn't, but I'm not going to lie to you: I did, every moment. Although now I guess something good did come of it."

"Me?" Zach asked, confusion in his voice. Why did Townsend think he was a good thing? He was illegitimate and broken; it still surprised him that even Cammie saw something redeemable in him.

"Zach you've done a lot of milestone things for this country. For Cammie, and even Abby," Townsend's voice softened when he mentioned Cammie's aunt. "Without you who knows where we'd be? World War III might have already killed us all."
Zach felt flattered, because this was coming from a senior agent, someone who was well respected and powerful in the spy community. And Zach knew he wasn't just saying it as a father to his son, he meant it, in every word.

"Don't jinx it," Zach muttered, knowing they weren't out of the woods yet.

Townsend laughed again, but this time it sounded like he'd actually found something funny.

"My point is," Townsend continued. "You're a good guy Zach, and I think one day you'll even be a hero." Zach knew he'd told Cammie he was good guy, but hearing if from Townsend made it sound so much legitimate. He'd spoken the words to Cammie in order to comfort her, but now even Townsend said it was the truth.

Townsend continued, "How can I regret that? And even though I can't take any credit in the way you turned out I still want you to know that I'm proud of you, even just as an agent. . . if that's all you want." The second part of his statement pricked at Zach's ears.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I'll try to be a father to you in any way I can, if you want me to be," he said. "I'd say I'd try to make it up to you, but I think that's a little to clichéd and outdated for me. But I mean it, and I want you to know that."

Zach would never admit this to anyone (maybe Cammie if she really prodded) but in that moment he felt a sense of belonging. Similar to the way he did with Cammie and Joe, but not the same. In Townsend's case it was more obligatory than anything, but Zach found himself wanting that. Wanting the father he'd never known, now he was getting the opportunity. So what if he was already eighteen? They had to start somewhere.

"Yeah," Zach replied, hoping he sounded casual, and that Townsend didn't see the eagerness in his eyes. "That sounds good."

Townsend smiled in response, because he'd secretly been hoping for Zach's answer. He felt the same way Zach did, but was hiding it a whole lot better. He wanted a chance to know Zach, as more than just an agent. He felt he owed him that, and even more: he wanted it.

The tension was gone and Townsend's smile turned to a teasing grin.

"Then I guess just call me dad."

Maybe Abby's idea of separating car by gender wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Ok so I just finished the book, I got it early haha, and I had to write something. I literally screamed like three times throughout the book. And I was so excited when Grant and Jonas showed up and then like ten seconds later was devastated because of what happened to Bex. I really wish Ally had shown more Jonas and Grant (they seem like such central characters on fanfic) but the book was still amzaing. Obviously a huge part was when Zach found out Townsend was his father (Which I totally love, hence the fanfic I just wrote) and I really wanted to elaborate more on their relationship since Allie kind of left it open. Either way, the book was amazing and I'm so sad its finally over, but at least now we have all the answers :)

Please review because I want to know if you guys feel this might have happen in the book or, if it's a good portrayal of their relationship. I'll probs be writing another fic about Cammie and Zach too, post GG6, but no promise
Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed and review me your thoughts about the story and the book!