I hope everyone had a great Christmas holiday. I just wanted to put out this short one to have fun one more time with Hodgins. I hope you enjoy it. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
"Dude, you need to shoot me!" Hodgins came barreling into Booth's office at the Hoover Building.
Booth looked up, the confusion clearly showing on his face. "What?" he said loudly, thinking he could not have heard what he just heard.
"Nothing serious or permanent, but a good sized flesh wound would do," Hodgins told him, ignoring what Booth had asked. "Something that will land me in the hospital with some stitches and pain meds, but will heal in a few weeks."
Booth stood up and glared. "What the Hell are you talking about?" he roared.
"It's that psychotic freak, Billy!" Hodgins said, turning his head and looking around as if the man would shown up here. "He wants to take me hunting!" He thought back to about twenty minutes before when Angela had come into his office at the Jeffersonian.
"Hey, Hodgie," Angela smiled as she came into the office. She got a warm and fuzzy feeling as she looked at Hodgins making faces and noises at their son, Michael. "I just got off the phone with Dad."
Hodgins paled and his head shot up looking at his wife. "Huh?" he squeaked.
"Yeah, he had a peace offering for you," she told her husband, not sure how this one would go over. In fact she was pretty sure Hodgie would freak out.
"Oh?" Hodgins questioned, sure that there was no such thing as a peace offering when it came to that psycho.
"Yeah, it seems that one of the guys in Dad's hunting group can't go this year, so he wants you to join the group for a week of hunting out in the wild down in East Texas," Angela told him.
"Hunting?" he croaked.
"MmHmm," Angela replied.
"With guns?" Hodgins asked, a sickly, nervous tone in his voice.
"Of course," she told him.
"Absolutely not!" Hodgins decreed.
"I told him you'd be thrilled to go hunting with him," Angela said with a look that told Hodgins that he was going whether he liked it or not.
"Why the Hell would you do that?" Hodgins shrieked. "The man's already mutilated my perfect specimen of a body! You want him to finish the job and inherit all my fortune?"
"Dad wouldn't hurt a flea, Hodgie," Angela said, amused at his antics. She loved her husband to death, but sometimes Hodgie could be such a wimp. What were a couple of tattoos, only one of which she'd insisted be removed?
Hodgins paled even further. "What have you been smoking?" he demanded. "Or better yet, how has that nut job brainwashed you? Angie, the man left me in the desert for the buzzards with a tattoo! And then gave me another tattoo and left me in an alley for the sole reason that I refused to let out child be named Staccato Mamba!"
"I have not been brainwashed," Angela informed him. "Dad's a pussycat. You leave tomorrow morning on Dad's jet."
Hodgins felt his balls and manhood shrinking and curling up back inside with no plans to make any future appearances at that announcement. "I gotta go take care of something," he said as he rushed out his office and the lab.
Booth just laughed. "I'm sure you'll be alright," he told the Bug Man. "Besides, there's nothing like bonding over an open fire on a good camping and hunting trip."
"But I don't want to bond with that nut!" Hodgins screamed. "I want him behind bars for what he's done to me, but that won't happen because I want to have sex with my wife again in this lifetime! I tell you it's a conspiracy to get me killed!"
"Go on the trip, show the man you don't hold any grudges, and make Angela happy," Booth advised.
Hodgins' shoulders slumped. "I am so fucked," he said as he walked out of the office. "Are you sure you won't shoot me?" he turned back, almost pleading.
"Go hunting, Hodgins, and think of this. You'll have a rifle, too," Booth reminded him.
"He'll probably give me a cap gun," Hodgins grumbled as he walked away.
One Week Later
Hodgins dragged himself into Booth's office and flopped down into a chair across from the FBI Agent. He looked absolutely miserable.
"Hey, Hodgins, how'd the hunting trip go?" Booth asked, looking up and trying to hide the amused smile at the disheveled appearance of the Bug and Slime Guy. "Any new tattoos?"
"No!" Hodgins returned the glare. "Bonding, huh? Fun time, huh? Sure, Dude. Keep deluding yourself."
"What happened?" Booth sighed, knowing he'd hear about it anyway.
"Well, let's see," Hodgins groaned. "I stepped on a rusty nail and have to have tetanus shots! I got sprayed by a skunk! Billy's hunting dog decided my leg was sexy as Hell and tried to hump me at every turn! I got stung by a scorpion and had to be treated with anti-venom! And then as the JUNIOR member of the group I got to take night watch every fucking night! I was so damn miserable all week long that I want nothing more than to have that sick freak jailed for the rest of his psychotic existence!"
"That won't happen," Booth chuckled.
"Why not?" Hodgins demanded, not really thinking too clearly.
"Because you want to actually have sex again you whipped Squint," Booth laughed.
"Speaking of which, Angie better be ready," Hodgins stood up, obviously in a bit of pain. "Daddy is heading home and wants some after hunting nookie from his wife!"
With that, and with as much pained dignity as he could muster, Hodgins walked out of Booth's office heading home for his nookie. Booth on the other hand got out some air spray and began fumigating the office as some skunk smell was lingering in the air. He had a feeling that Hodgins would be sleeping solo for a few more days. Oh well, at least he didn't have any father-in-law woes to speak of so far. Max had been great!Yep. Better Hodgins than him.
A/N: Just a fun, humorous piece. I hope you all enjoyed it. Gregg.