Fallen From Grace
Despair
Skitty
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
Distribution: Tell me.
Rating : not sure yet
Summary/Authors Notes: Umm... I don't know about Spoilers, to be safe, I'll say all through "Cavalry" and "First Date," but it actually takes place much later, sometime after Buffy ends.
Story:
Chapter One
Buffy moved through the streets of L.A., blinking at the destruction that had once been her hometown. People in the streets bled helplessly, screamed violently, or simply sobbed, unable to help, or hinder the remaining innocents. There were so few remaining innocents. And she'd thought Sunnydale was bad.
She'd never defeated the First. When they'd killed Anya, she'd vowed that she would destroy them as painfully as she could to Xander. Then Spike had been desouled by the First after already being dechipped (by her). Giles had given her a few pointed looks, but never said anything in his Giles like way, that is before Spike had sucked him dry. Buffy had let Robin stake Spike then.
Robin. They'd gotten very close very quickly. She'd felt more for him than she'd ever felt for anyone but Angel. She still did. It was why she'd left. He was sweet, and loving, and attentive, and an amazingly strong lover. His kisses were tender, and gentle, not shy as Riley's had been, not clumsy as Parker's had been, not demeaning as Spikes had been, though not quite as skilled as Angel's had been. He had accepted over time her history with Spike, and with Angel, though staking Spike had certainly helped.
He was perfect for her. Which was why he couldn't see her now. Now when he and Dawn were all that was left. When Willow was once again the big bad, only bigger and badder, and backed by the biggest baddest bad in history, and Xander was in an institution, after having lost too much in too rapid a succession. He wasn't insane, he just had no reason to live. Buffy did, sort of.
She had to live to destroy what was left of her Willow. As Giles had told her, there was no longer an out. There was no way to save her friend. Willow was no longer able to control her actions, and she never would be again. After she'd tortured Xander, and killed Kennedy, Buffy wasn't sure the friend she'd known would want to. But Willow was the First's last ditch effort.
The Bringers were gone. All of them. The Scoobies had smashed the thing in the basement that made the Tarquins. The First had no one to rely on but Willow, and apparently Cordelia, if what Willow had said was true.
No "I love yous" would bring either back this time, only death. Death Buffy herself had to bring to her last 2 remaining friends, if she could ever really have considered Cordelia a friend. Death Buffy had abandoned the man she loved, her sister, and the man who would never be anything less than a father to her, forever, to give.
For she could not go back. Should she live or die, she could not go back, any more than she could stay in L.A. She would send Faith out, or Angel, should she see one of them, but she would seek neither out. She would slay, and leave. Maybe to New York, or Chicago, or maybe she'd leave the states all together.
She was a Slayer. She was no longer in a position to deny that that meant those she loved would die. There was, however, a simple solution. She would no longer allow her love to be shown. Even to Dawn, Giles, Robin or Angel, she would be nothing but indifferent, no matter what her heart said. And in time, if she had time, her heart would no longer argue.
What better place to begin than where her former best friend had gone to destroy the world, where her one time lover and still soul mate lived, where his new girlfriend would help her friend in the earth's destruction?
But nothing mattered anymore. Buffy was a fighter. The woman who knew love so intimately was gone forever. Fate had finally shown itself.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Angel felt her, in the city, through all the destruction, the heartache and misery, and everything, he felt Buffy. Wesley had said the help restoring his soul had come from an anonymous source, but he'd sworn it was not her. Angel had assumed it was Willow.
All he wanted was to find Cordelia and spend the next few hours with his freshly bound soul, forgetting the last few weeks. The beast was destroyed. The sun would return at sunrise tomorrow. Faith, leased from jail on a pardon from the mayor, had promised to be out there restoring order. All that remained was finding Cordelia and locking the bedroom door.
Until he'd felt her. And that threw him. She was the ex. He was over her. But still, he was under her spell. She was the bane of his existence sometimes, when he needed or wanted her least she was there. Or maybe she was only there when he needed and wanted her most, and he never realized it.
After all, hadn't that Thanksgiving given him the belief that she still loved him, after everything? Hadn't he accepted then that she always would? In that final instant when she turned away, hadn't he decided his choice was for the best? That his love for her was worthy of her love for him, because he would give everything up for her?
And had he really wanted humanity anyway?
The debacle with Faith had also taught him. He'd seen in those minutes when they were fighting most, that she was struggling too. Maybe she had moved on. Maybe she had loved Riley, even. But she hadn't ever fully forgotten him, or even forgiven him for leaving. And having her angry at him felt good, even if it had put Faith in the middle.
Her mom's funeral had helped him. He had needed to see someone who wasn't angry with him, someone who would still look at him with love no matter what he'd done. Yes, he'd gone on the pretenses of helping her in her time of need, but in reality, Dawn had done that after he left, according to Giles, whom he'd checked with from time to time. Buffy had saved him. Again.
And when she'd returned from death, he'd been healed. Enabled to love again, because she had told him she wanted him too. She had lain silent in his arms for hours, pouring love into him. Then she'd asked him to love another, to give his heart because hers would soon stop again. Forever.
She'd shown a maturity he'd never expected. And he'd seen that she truly wanted him to be happy. "After all, if I taught you to love, and you love someone else who can be around longer, then I'll be around longer, through you and through her. Through your love."
He had no clue why she was here now, what secret higher purpose her being there had for him, or if she'd even see him while she was there. But her aura felt different to him, more in despair than he'd ever felt her. Maybe it was his turn. Maybe he was supposed to save her.
Or maybe he was supposed to let her go.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
Distribution: Tell me.
Rating : not sure yet
Summary/Authors Notes: Umm... I don't know about Spoilers, to be safe, I'll say all through "Cavalry" and "First Date," but it actually takes place much later, sometime after Buffy ends.
Story:
Chapter One
Buffy moved through the streets of L.A., blinking at the destruction that had once been her hometown. People in the streets bled helplessly, screamed violently, or simply sobbed, unable to help, or hinder the remaining innocents. There were so few remaining innocents. And she'd thought Sunnydale was bad.
She'd never defeated the First. When they'd killed Anya, she'd vowed that she would destroy them as painfully as she could to Xander. Then Spike had been desouled by the First after already being dechipped (by her). Giles had given her a few pointed looks, but never said anything in his Giles like way, that is before Spike had sucked him dry. Buffy had let Robin stake Spike then.
Robin. They'd gotten very close very quickly. She'd felt more for him than she'd ever felt for anyone but Angel. She still did. It was why she'd left. He was sweet, and loving, and attentive, and an amazingly strong lover. His kisses were tender, and gentle, not shy as Riley's had been, not clumsy as Parker's had been, not demeaning as Spikes had been, though not quite as skilled as Angel's had been. He had accepted over time her history with Spike, and with Angel, though staking Spike had certainly helped.
He was perfect for her. Which was why he couldn't see her now. Now when he and Dawn were all that was left. When Willow was once again the big bad, only bigger and badder, and backed by the biggest baddest bad in history, and Xander was in an institution, after having lost too much in too rapid a succession. He wasn't insane, he just had no reason to live. Buffy did, sort of.
She had to live to destroy what was left of her Willow. As Giles had told her, there was no longer an out. There was no way to save her friend. Willow was no longer able to control her actions, and she never would be again. After she'd tortured Xander, and killed Kennedy, Buffy wasn't sure the friend she'd known would want to. But Willow was the First's last ditch effort.
The Bringers were gone. All of them. The Scoobies had smashed the thing in the basement that made the Tarquins. The First had no one to rely on but Willow, and apparently Cordelia, if what Willow had said was true.
No "I love yous" would bring either back this time, only death. Death Buffy herself had to bring to her last 2 remaining friends, if she could ever really have considered Cordelia a friend. Death Buffy had abandoned the man she loved, her sister, and the man who would never be anything less than a father to her, forever, to give.
For she could not go back. Should she live or die, she could not go back, any more than she could stay in L.A. She would send Faith out, or Angel, should she see one of them, but she would seek neither out. She would slay, and leave. Maybe to New York, or Chicago, or maybe she'd leave the states all together.
She was a Slayer. She was no longer in a position to deny that that meant those she loved would die. There was, however, a simple solution. She would no longer allow her love to be shown. Even to Dawn, Giles, Robin or Angel, she would be nothing but indifferent, no matter what her heart said. And in time, if she had time, her heart would no longer argue.
What better place to begin than where her former best friend had gone to destroy the world, where her one time lover and still soul mate lived, where his new girlfriend would help her friend in the earth's destruction?
But nothing mattered anymore. Buffy was a fighter. The woman who knew love so intimately was gone forever. Fate had finally shown itself.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Angel felt her, in the city, through all the destruction, the heartache and misery, and everything, he felt Buffy. Wesley had said the help restoring his soul had come from an anonymous source, but he'd sworn it was not her. Angel had assumed it was Willow.
All he wanted was to find Cordelia and spend the next few hours with his freshly bound soul, forgetting the last few weeks. The beast was destroyed. The sun would return at sunrise tomorrow. Faith, leased from jail on a pardon from the mayor, had promised to be out there restoring order. All that remained was finding Cordelia and locking the bedroom door.
Until he'd felt her. And that threw him. She was the ex. He was over her. But still, he was under her spell. She was the bane of his existence sometimes, when he needed or wanted her least she was there. Or maybe she was only there when he needed and wanted her most, and he never realized it.
After all, hadn't that Thanksgiving given him the belief that she still loved him, after everything? Hadn't he accepted then that she always would? In that final instant when she turned away, hadn't he decided his choice was for the best? That his love for her was worthy of her love for him, because he would give everything up for her?
And had he really wanted humanity anyway?
The debacle with Faith had also taught him. He'd seen in those minutes when they were fighting most, that she was struggling too. Maybe she had moved on. Maybe she had loved Riley, even. But she hadn't ever fully forgotten him, or even forgiven him for leaving. And having her angry at him felt good, even if it had put Faith in the middle.
Her mom's funeral had helped him. He had needed to see someone who wasn't angry with him, someone who would still look at him with love no matter what he'd done. Yes, he'd gone on the pretenses of helping her in her time of need, but in reality, Dawn had done that after he left, according to Giles, whom he'd checked with from time to time. Buffy had saved him. Again.
And when she'd returned from death, he'd been healed. Enabled to love again, because she had told him she wanted him too. She had lain silent in his arms for hours, pouring love into him. Then she'd asked him to love another, to give his heart because hers would soon stop again. Forever.
She'd shown a maturity he'd never expected. And he'd seen that she truly wanted him to be happy. "After all, if I taught you to love, and you love someone else who can be around longer, then I'll be around longer, through you and through her. Through your love."
He had no clue why she was here now, what secret higher purpose her being there had for him, or if she'd even see him while she was there. But her aura felt different to him, more in despair than he'd ever felt her. Maybe it was his turn. Maybe he was supposed to save her.
Or maybe he was supposed to let her go.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~