Hello! Sorry! Please don't kill me!

For those of you who were expecting an update for DNE or NFHNFF, I am sorry, RL is a bitch, and the Plunnies attacked. (You know how they are . . .)

In other news, this is obviously a time travel fic (my first one ever YAY!) but I'm going a different route and instead of Naruto, Kakashi, Sasuke or Sakura taking the plunge so to speak, I chose Obito as my sacrificial time-traveling lamb.

This is also an AU!Fic, in that Kamui is not a strictly Mangekyō ability. With three-tomoe Sharingan, Obito can phase parts of his body through things, but he can't completely access the alternate dimension within Kamui—which means he can't warp-travel or anything like that.

Also, my timeline is pretty much all over the place, and my facts are probably so wrong they'll make Canon-enthusiasts cry since I haven't really been up to date with the manga for a few years. Even so, this is FANFICTION—it's basically a free licence to do whatever the hell you like.

With that said, on with the show!

EDIT 22/10/15: UGH! I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT THE SCENE WHERE OBITO ACTUALLY GIVES KAKASHI THE PRESENT! GAH!

So sorry.

Well, at least you get an extra 800 or so words for your trouble . . .

A Bellyflop Through Time

Chapter 1/Prologue

My first thought was; this is all just one weird-ass dream. Because really, when you suddenly wake up in the past after a botched attempt at your newest Sharingan ability what could it be other than one big FUBAR of a dream?

. . .

Well, it could be a self-sustaining Genjutsu, but I'm just going to go with dream for now.

. . .

I like to be optimistic, so sue me.

What the hell am I talking about?

Well I, Uchiha Obito have somehow managed to time travel. Don't ask me how, but I have.

(Seriously, don't ask. Because I have absolutely no fricking clue.)

I like to think that I didn't panic when I looked at my unscarred face in the mirror . . . but I did. Big Time. I'm actually quite proud of myself that I didn't start screaming.

I don't need Kakashi telling me I'm an idiot and insane.

But seriously, would you do any better? (Don't lie) I mean, one second I'm on my way to meet up with Rin and Kakashi after spending a year and a bit in a cave with Madara and I (kinda stupidly) activate my Sharingan for the hell of it and start messing around with the ghosty-thing that I can do, then I trip over something—it wasn't my own feet, I swear—and then—Bam! I'm waking up in my own bed, in my own bedroom, in my own house, with Bā-chan calling me down to breakfast. Even worse (better?) is that when I look at the calendar I see that it's last year and the day before Kanabi Bridge.

No joke. Mindfuck Central right here.

It was only after Bā-chan sent me back to my room to pack for the Mission that it actually registered that I was—discounting the possibility of extremely realistic dream or self-sustaining Genjutsu—in the goddamn past. Which should be impossible but then again, for Shinobi, the word 'impossible' is taken more as a challenge than anything else.

So, like any normal person who had just found out they were in the past—I cried. A lot. And before any of you start calling me a crybaby, it was either that or laughing.

Like I said before, I don't exactly want to have a first-hand experience with a white padded room, thank you.

One of the first things I decided to do (after I was done—mildly—panicking and I'd gotten those dust-bunnies out of my eyes) was go and finish making Kakashi's Congratulations-you're-a-Jōnin present, to make up for not giving it to him last time. Sure, I gave him my Sharingan . . . eventually . . . while on the brink of death, but I don't exactly want to go that far this time. I don't know if he'll appreciate it or not, but it's the thought that counts, right? A part of me is wondering why I'm even bothering, but the rest of me knows it's because I feel guilty. I've had over a year to think about what happened at Kanabi Bridge, and why it went so wrong and I can say with at least 98% certainty that it was my fault the mission went so far down the toilet.

Why the convoluted way of thinking? (Yes, I know that word) I blame Madara and Zetsu, those two ended up growing on me a little.

Zetsu kinda literally . . .

Let's get back on topic people.

Truthfully, looking back, Kakashi had begun opening up to us even before he was promoted, to the point where he actually said thank you to Rin, who he usually just ignored, and even looked kinda hurt when I didn't give him a gift.

I'd actually been planning to make little uniforms for all of his Ninken—nothing too outrageous, just a vest with the Henohenomoheji on the back—in fact, I'd already started on them, but then about two days before the Mission he said something that really, really hurt: he said that I'd never awaken the Sharingan, and that I was a disgrace to the village—and he said it like it was a fact that everyone knew. What made it worse was that that was what my clan kept muttering about me behind my back.

I was really angry at him. Angry and hurt—what the hell did he know? So I stopped working on the uniforms and left them unfinished in a box under my bed.

Back then I hadn't even noticed that he'd started to change so I hadn't really bothered to finish them, because why go to so much effort when the jerk would just scoff at it and say it was worthless, like every other present I'd given him until that point?

It probably felt like a slap to the face to him—he'd finally started to open up to the Team—actually made the effort to do so, like Sensei had been wanting him to for years, and then I refused to acknowledge that he'd started to change—in fact, I don't think anyone—even Sensei—actually noticed, because the change had been so miniscule and gradual.

Admittedly though, back then I wasn't too great at reading people and with Kakashi constantly covering the majority of his face and his eyes being about as expressive as a dead fish, trying to read him was basically impossible. But now that I've spent a fair amount of time with that old fossil Madara (who has the pokerface of all pokerfaces unless he's ranting about Hashirama or his 'unfair' life) I could actually see how much me not giving him a gift had affected the guy.

Well, not actually see with my eyes, but you know what I mean . . .

It'd bothered him, so going along with his 'if it bothers me, pretend it doesn't exist' mentality, he pretty much ignored me the entire mission—which of course pissed me the hell off—up until Rin was captured and we had to work together, which didn't even happen until we'd had a screaming match in the middle of enemy territory (BIG no-no) and I gave him a speech that left him shocked stupid—also a big no-no when in the middle of enemy territory with hostile shinobi not even 100 metres away.

Hell, we're Chūnin (well, I'm a Chūnin, he's a Jōnin), we may not like each other (haha, understatement) and our teamwork is practically non-existent (what 'practically'?), but we know how much of a BAD IDEA (in bold, capital, underlined letters) it is to split up, and yet that's exactly what we did, in the middle of the most important mission we'd ever had, where success or failure meant winning or losing the War.

We split up, because I'd decided to be the dickhead for once.

That kinda stings.

The day went by exactly the same as it did Last time, with Sensei coming over around lunch time to make sure that I was actually packing and to tell me to bring a gift for Kakashi tomorrow and to get there at least before 9am—cue pointed stare that I kinda-accidently-on-purpose completely ignored because I was trying not to burst into tears.

He probably noticed, but decided not to ask.

Thank god.

The rest of the day ended up being pretty monotonous, so morning came way earlier than I would have liked. I tried to stall a bit, I realy did but with Bā-chan hanging over my shoulder like a polite bad smell, doing so was pretty much impossible.

We met up before the Mission the same way as Before, and admittedly I was a little (ok, a lot) nervous about what Kakashi would think of the uniforms. I think I got the sizes right, since his Ninken had actually let me measure them when I told them about it, but I might've measured it wrong or they might've grown or he might not like the colour—I picked dark blue, since it's the same colour as the Shinobi standard uniform, but maybe it should have been black?

I was also having a mini (Re: major) freak out about seeing Rin again.

(Because a) she's my crush and b) she's an Iryo-nin and Iryo-nin notice everything and she'll probably think I'm having some sort of mental breakdown or something)

. . .

Which, all things considered, wouldn't really be too far off the mark.

Kakashi didn't help at all (not that I'd expected him to), and just insulted me because I was late again—only the reason this time was that I was frantically finishing the Ninken uniforms, instead of helping Asami-bā-chan with her shopping.

It occurred to me though, as I once again watched Sensei give Kakashi one of his Hiraishin Kunai, that he'd never actually explained to Kakashi why the kunai was so special. If Kakashi'd known just what that kunai could do, he'd probably have called Sensei to where I was trapped the first time around and I would never have been saved by Madara.

With that in mind, I asked my (rather pointed) question. "Why's that weird kunai so special?"

"It's one of my Hiraishin Kunai, Obito—"

"You completed it then?" Kakashi asked with a raised eyebrow as he hefted the kunai in question.

"Well, yeah." Sensei grinned back, looking extremely proud of himself. "There's a reason why everyone's calling me the 'Yellow Flash' nowadays. Anyway, it's simple; all you have to do is throw the kunai in the air and the seal will send a signal back to me so I know where you are, and then I can use Hiraishin to travel to where the kunai is. Did you notice it when you first touched the kunai?"

"Notice what?" I didn't notice anything . . .

"Yes," Kakashi nodded, completely ignoring me, (arsehole) "it took a miniscule amount of my chakra into the seal."

"Yes, that's so that I can differentiate between this one and the fifty or so others that I have with me, so that I don't end up flashing between you and the battlefield every few seconds."

"Yeah," I nodded, "that makes sense." It's pretty smart actually . . .

"Of course it does, idiot."

"Hey!"

"Guys, can we not fight? I don't want Kakashi to use his new first aid kit this soon."

I looked up from my glaring match with the Human Icicle and rubbed the back of my neck, grinning sheepishly. "Sorry Rin,"

"That reminds me," Sensei turned to me with a cautiously expectant look on his face, "Obito?"

"What?" Was I supposed to have done something? I can't exactly remember, since I've been kinda preoccupied putting my mediocre sewing skills to use for over twelve hours.

"Aren't you going to give Kakashi a congratulatory gift?"

"OH!" That's right, "Yeah, I remembered it!" I grinned, digging around in my pack until I found the paper bag that I'd shoved the uniforms into.

Give me a break, I'd only just finished them and I only had about five minutes to get dressed and ready for the Mission. I grabbed the first thing I could find that would fit them in—it's not my fault it just happens to be a Hana Dango takeaway bag.

Kakashi was looking at me like I'd just offered him a pile of dog shit. "You got me food."

Sensei sighed and looked like he wanted to face palm and Rin looked like she couldn't decide whether to wince or give an exasperated smile.

Thanks guys. Thanks for the stunning vote of confidence.

"No, it's not—I swear, look!" I held the bag out further in Kakashi's direction, and the utter bastard took it from me and held it like it was the dirtiest thing on earth—he didn't even look at it. "Open it, Bakakashi."

He did so, but the jerk made it seem like I was making him do some excruciatingly painful task, instead of just opening a damn paper bag.

It was kinda satisfying to see him actually freeze when he saw what was in it. That satisfaction switched right back to nervousness when he pulled one of the smaller vests out and started staring at the Henohenomoheji on the back.

"What are these?"

"They're—they're uniforms, you know, for your Ninken." I rubbed the back of my neck nervously, "I just figured that since they're always together, they should have something so that people know that they're your Ninken and not Inuzuka dogs or something. . . ."

"That's good material they're made out of," Minato-Sensei said, taking one from the bag and holding it up, "Where did you get them from?"

"I didn't—uh, I um, made them myself. Kinda." Bā-chan did help me with cutting the material straight . . .

"They'll be useless if they don't fit, though—"

"So why don't you summon your pack to try them on?" Sensei butted in before I could even open my mouth, obviously trying to nip this argument in the bud.

A few handsigns and a burst of smoke later, all eight of Kakashi's Ninken sat in front of us.

"Yo Kakashi, whatcha need us for this time?" The pug—Pakkun—called out from where he sat on the Boer-something-or-other—Bull—'s head. Then of course he noticed the rest of us—more specifically, me. "Huh? Oh, hey Obito. You don't need to measure us again, do you? This would be the seventh time now."

Bakakashi didn't look like he was going to say it if his life depended on it, so I said it for him instead. "Nah, Bakakashi here just wants you to try on the vests to make sure they fit properly."

"Oh!" Guruko bounced forward "So you finished them didja? We're gonna look so cool—I hope you got our measurements right though—I think Bull's grown a bit since then, but that doesn't matter though does it, since you made all of these in just what, two, three days? You can make another one quick, right?"

"Uh, yeah sure Guruko, and thanks! At least you have manners." I jerked a thumb at Kakashi, "Captain Jerkface over here didn't even say thanks."

"Really?" Uhei looked over at Kakashi with a questioning look in his eyes, which Kakashi completely ignored. "Anyway, let's just get this over and done with—you look like you're about to head out on a mission, and we don't want to hold you back at all."

It was fairly easy to put the right vests on the right Ninken, mostly because I wrote their names on the inside (which was a bit of a last minute thing). It turned out that Bull hadn't grown that much—or more to the point, I made his vest just slightly too big for the last measurements I had—which was an honest-to-god (pretty lucky) mistake.

But the Ninken were all happy and poofed away to wherever the heck they go when they reverse summon, which left just the four of us again.

"Come on you three," Sensei said in his 'business tone', "we need to move out."

"Right!"

. . .

Is it strange that I feel like everything's going to go to Hell in a pretty little handbasket? Even worse than it did last time?

Should I let things go the same way they did before (apart from my being smushed)? Or should I try to change it?

. . .

Eh, I'll just improvise; it's what I'm good at.

. . . ish

In case any of you were wondering what the "Boer-something-or-other" is, it's a dog breed called the Boerboel. They're absolutely massive dogs, and they look kinda like giant Bulldogs, so I thought that breed would suit Bull pretty well.