Lord of the Rings: Gone Rum—Never Prank an Elf!

"He, he, he!" giggled Aragorn, covering his mouth with a hand. "This is going to be great!" He peeked out from behind the tree and made sure Legolas was still in position. "This will scare the feathers off that sissy, pretty-boy elf!"

He lowered his voice to a whisper, so the sleeping elf wouldn't be disturbed from his rest…yet.

"He needs his beauty sleep," giggled the ranger.

"No, he doesn't," said Gimli, coming up behind him. "He is too pretty now. He's stealing all of my fans!"

"Oh, boo-hoo," insulted Aragorn. "You're far too ugly to have fans anyway, Gimli!"

"Ah!" exclaimed Gimli. "How dare you, Aragorn! I do have fans!"

"Yeah," laughed Aragorn, "your mommy!"

"Don't talk about my mommy that way, daddy's girl! Now, you shall pay!"

"Oh, really!" said Aragorn mockingly. "And just how do you plan to accomplish this?"

"Well, I…" began Gimli. "I guess I…"

Aragorn leaned against the tree, his arms crossed, waiting patiently.

"Uh…," continued Gimli. "Um…ah, I know!" He sprinted forward.

"AHHHHH!" he cried, attacking Aragorn dwarfishly.

"Ouch!" said Aragorn. "That was not so courteous."

Gimli turned to leave, well pleased.

"Come back here!" growled Aragorn. "I'll bite your legs off!" Aragorn crawled after Gimli, snarling and snapping at his heels like a warg fighting over a piece of meat.

"Ah, help," screamed Gimli. "Aragorn's gone mad! Run for your lives! AHHHHH!"

"Grrrr…. Can't an elf get any sleep around here!" Legolas yelled from his tent.

"You see Aragorn," said Gimli. "Look what you have done! You woke up the elf! You had better hope he doesn't discover the—"

A blood-curdling scream, followed by a ground-shaking explosion, knocked the man and dwarf to the earth.

"Oops," whispered Gimli, ever so quietly. "I think he did."

They immediately heard footsteps approaching them from behind and turned, seeing a frightful sight.

"You'll pay for this!" screeched Legolas. "You just wait!"

"Me!" asked Aragorn in feigned disbelief. "What did I do?"

"Oh, nothing," snapped Legolas. "Only dyed my hair green while I was sleeping! Only installed a time bomb in my tent that would go off the next time I looked in the mirror! Only stole all of my clothes and dragged them through the mud! Only toilet-papered the inside of my tent! Only swiped all my make-up! Only poured honey all over the floor so when I woke up I would step in it! Only drew dark circles around my eyes with eyeliner! That's all."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah! Try to implicate me in this scheme, will ya?" said Aragorn walking away, his hands over his ears. "Well, I'm not listening! Yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah!"

He felt an arrow in his rear.

"Dagnabbit!" said Aragorn. "I almost got away with it, too!"

Finis