A/N: Hey guys! So, it's been a while since I've written anything, so I apologize if I'm a little rusty. Just a forewarning, I've rated this one T, but there are two instances with the "F"-word, and a few slightly mature scenes, but definitely nothing too graphic. Just thought I'd get that out of the way so I don't offend anyone . Now, this fic does have some SEDDIE moments, but it is kind of depressing for the most part, so I hope you guys can make it through (and I hope you think the ending is worth it lol). Anyway, here is my story!
I do not own iCarly or the song "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette.
I have a new girlfriend now. I met her in school. I thought you should know.
She read and re-read the text over and over, tears threatening to spill down her face. Words couldn't describe what she was feeling at that moment. How could he have done this? Hadn't it only been a few months since he broke up with her? She took a deep, shuddering breath, hitting the "ok" button to reply.
I'm happy for you.
Her bottom lip quivered, and she sucked in a deep breath. She hated what she had become recently. She couldn't recall a day that she felt genuinely happy, and crying herself to sleep had become a nightly routine. She shook her head violently, as if forbidding more tears to spill. Samantha Puckett does not cry, especially over a boy (but telling herself this was no use, seeing as she had cried over the same boy for nearly two months straight). Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone vibrating. She opened it and read the text:
I'm so sorry, Sam. I never meant to hurt you as badly as I did. This just sort of happened, you know? I didn't expect it to. I just figured you should hear it from me instead of Facebook.
So many things that she wanted to say to him flew through her mind, but she closed her phone instead. She had gone two long months without letting him know how much this break-up was killing her, and she was not about to let him know that this news was ripping her apart from the inside out.
I want you to know
That I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but
The best for you both
Sam got onto her computer, determined to do a bit of Facebook creeping on this new girl. As if mocking her, the first item on her newsfeed read, "Freddie Benson is now in a relationship with Vanessa Wyatt". Sam clicked Vanessa's name, half-expecting her profile to be blocked. It wasn't. Her profile picture revealed a light-skinned, brown-haired girl smiling with a puppy pressed against her face. Sam couldn't resist going through the rest of her pictures. Clearly she was older because there were many albums from previous years in college, during which time Sam and Freddie had still been in high school. Sam scoffed as she looked through the pictures, each one more and more depicting Vanessa as a hardcore, environmentalist, animal lover. Sam navigated to Vanessa's profile page (noting that her status was, "never felt so happy! 3" and that Freddie Benson had "liked" it) and found out that Vanessa was a vegetarian majoring in social work. Sam felt physically ill. How in the world could he go from Sam to…her?
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me?
Would she go down on you in a theater?
Doe she speak eloquently?
And would she have your baby?
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother
She navigated back to her own page, going into her photos and accessing an album that was invisible to anybody but her. The album was titled "8-13-11 3" and featured pictures of herself and Freddie. As she scrolled through the pictures, she became oblivious to the hot tears streaming down her face (because she cried so much nowadays, it felt less common for her face to be dry). The photos began to bring back painful memories that she desperately tried to shut out, but it was no use. Visions of every kiss, every whisper, every touch began flooding her mind…
He lay on top of her, his lips gently brushing against hers (and she's amazed at how great of a kisser he turned out to be). His lips capture hers completely, moving roughly but slowly. His tongue gently passes over her lips, and she gladly allows him access. She feels his hand slide softly down her front, his fingers barely grazing the cotton of her tee-shirt. He lifts it up just an inch, his fingers making contact with the small bit of skin underneath. She sighs into his mouth as his teeth graze her bottom lip (and she wants to cry out the three words she's been yearning to say, but her voice has left her). He trails a few kisses down to her neck and allows his lips to softly linger in the sensitive spot directly behind her ear. She shudders, but he pulls away too soon. He looks down at her, his chocolate brown eyes full of a passion she'd never seen from him. Before she has time to comprehend what is happening, he speaks:
"I love you."
She's frozen, mouth agape (and she's sure that she looks pretty silly right now). He looks at her, almost pleading, and she finally finds her voice:
"I love you too."
A smile forms on his lips as he runs his fingers through her blonde curls, and she feels her heart soar with a happiness she had never known.
Sam jolts awake, rubbing her eyes at the brightness of the computer screen. She looked at the time: 2:15. Had she really been asleep for nearly three hours? Freddie would probably wonder what happened to her…(but then she looked at her computer screen, and it reminded her that she was not Freddie's girlfriend…not anymore). She closed her laptop and stood up, feeling a stiffness in her joints that had come from falling asleep in her desk chair. She climbed up to her top bunk, noting that her roommate was not back yet (because it was Friday, and everyone but her was out having a good time). A damp spot had formed on her pillow, and she didn't know nor care if it was because she was crying, or if it was now just permanently damp. She closed her eyes, allowing sleep to wash over her once again. It wasn't hard for her to sleep nowadays because it was the moment of bliss that her body craved on a daily basis.
She's lying in a bed, though the bed is not hers. He's straddling her once again, his soft lips dancing playfully over her own. His light kisses trail across her jawline and up her cheek. He pauses to nibble on her ear before whispering, "Happy one year, babe." She shudders at the sound of his voice.
"Happy one year," she breathes.
She feels his fingers slowly grazing the skin right above her belt. They trail up her stomach and over her breasts before sliding the tee shirt off her slender frame (and she doesn't put up any resistance, because she's wanted this for a long time). His own shirt comes off, and his skin is touching hers. She sighs, wanting this feeling to be imprinted on her mind forever. His fingertips softly graze the tops of her jeans.
"You know I love you," he breathes heavily into her ear. She just nods, unable to find her voice (which is severely unlike her, especially around him). "And you know I'm going to love you until the day I die, right?" She doesn't say anything for fear of believing such a bold statement. He stiffens slightly, pulling himself up to rest on his elbows and look down into her baby blue eyes.
"Sam?"
She forces herself to meet his gaze, her eyes big and questioning. He sighs, gently stroking her cheek with the back of his fingers.
"I love you," he repeats, "so much. And I'm going to love you and hold you until the day that I die."
"Promise?" she whispers weakly (and she momentarily hates herself, because she is never weak). He nods in response, his eyes strong and sincere.
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
'Cause the love that you gave
That we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you be open wide, no
"Does she know that?" she heard herself asking, her mind in a state halfway between sleep and consciousness. Her eyes fluttered open, and she registered that the pillow was once again wet beneath her face. She blinked a few times, allowing her eyes to adjust to the beam of sunlight streaming through her window.
"Does who know what?" her roommate yawned. Sam sighed, turning over onto her back and staring at the blank ceiling.
"Nobody," she mumbled. "Forget it."
"Alright. Hey, you missed a great party by the way," the roommate continued, oblivious to Sam's current mood (or maybe she was just so used to it by now that she didn't even acknowledge it). Sam grunted in response. She could almost feel her roommate's eyes roll in response.
"Alright," she sighed, "what is it?"
"None of your business, Ashley." Suddenly, Ashley's eyes were level with Sam's bed.
"Stop putting on this 'tough girl' demeanor and tell me," she said sternly. Sam continued to stare at the ceiling, refusing to meet Ashley's gaze.
"You wouldn't understand," Sam mumbled lamely, knowing full well that Ashley would understand. Ashley snorted in response.
"Seriously? That's your excuse? Do we need to go back to what happened to me last year?"
Sam took a deep breath, willing herself to calm down. She knew full well that Ashley had been with a guy for nearly four years; a guy who had given her a promise ring at the end of high school and had vowed to marry her after college. She had accepted, only to find him in bed with her sister days later. Sam knew that if anybody were to understand her feelings right now, it would be Ashley.
"Freddie has a girlfriend," Sam admitted reluctantly. Ashley's gaze softened.
"I'm sorry," she breathed softly. Sam nodded, trying hard to swallow the lump that was building up in her throat.
"Yeah," she said softly, angrily blinking back tears. "Me too."
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you die
'Till you die
But you're still alive
Spring break came nearly five months later, and Sam was dreading every second of it. She knew she had to go back to Seattle, which meant that the chances of running into Freddie were greatly increased. That thought was confirmed when her phone rang on her first day back, interrupting Sam's snack of Cheetos. She licked the cheese residue off her fingers and answered her phone.
"Hey, Carls."
"Hey Sam! Are you home for spring break too?"
"Yup."
"Wanna run to the Groovy Smoothie with me then we can hang out at my place for a bit?"
"Sure," she responded, popping another Cheeto into her mouth. "I'll meet you there in ten."
"Sounds good. See ya!"
Sam drove down to their favorite hangout, spotting Carly just outside of it.
"Hey Carls," Sam said brightly, hugging her long-time best friend.
"Oh it's so good to see you!" Carly responded excitedly. "How have you been?" Sam shrugged, knowing that Carly was talking about the breakup.
"Hit and miss days, I guess," she replied. "I'm getting better though." Carly nodded.
"Well, those smoothies aren't gonna drink themselves," she said, quickly changing the subject. "Let's head inside."
It happened in an instant; one minute Sam was completely fine, and the next, she felt as if she'd taken a bulldozer to the stomach. Just inside the front door, sitting about two tables to the right, was Freddie Benson with a girl that could only be Vanessa. They both sat leaning over the table, their noses practically touching. Their hands were connected on the tabletop, and exuberant smiles graced their faces.
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
She sits at a table alone, glancing at the door every few seconds. He was supposed to be there five minutes ago. She smooths her skirt nervously (even though she never wears skirts, and she wonders why she's making an exception for him). Finally, he bursts through the door, his face slightly pink. He spots her and dashes over to the table.
"Hey," he pants. He looks her up and down quickly and then smiles. "You're looking good."
"You're late," she responds, attempting to hold back a smile and hoping that resorting back to her normal, insulting personality would help ease her nerves.
"Sorry about that," he answers. "I just wanted to get you these." He pulls a bundle of four flowers from his jacket, and she can't help but smile.
"Tulips," she answers. "My favorite. How did you remember?" He smirks.
"You've been my best friend for almost four years. It'd be pretty pathetic if I didn't know your favorite flower by now." She accepts them with a smile.
"Well, I guess this is turning out to be a pretty good first date after all," she says lightly, a playful smirk forming on her lips.
"Sam?" Carly's voice pulled Sam back from her daydream. She shook her head.
"Sorry, what?"
"I said we can go somewhere else if you want," Carly repeated, concern written all over her face. Sam inhales deeply, stealing one last glance at the happy couple. Everything inside of her told her to stay.
"Show him," her mind hissed, "show him that you're happy now and that you don't need him anymore!"
"Sure," Sam sighed. "Yeah, let's go somewhere else."
You seem very well
Things seem peaceful
I'm not quite as well
I thought you should know
Summer came long before Sam was expecting it. It had been a few months since Freddie's news, and Sam had done everything in her power to avoid him. She was coming home from college for the summer, and had just finished convincing herself that she would be fine when she pulled into the driveway of her all-too-familiar house. She stepped out of the car and stretched, not expecting her mother to coming running out and greet her. She didn't feel like carrying all of her things in, and made a mental note to bring them in later as she made her way to the front door. She pulled on the handle, then groaned in frustration when she found it locked.
"Figures mom would forget I was coming home today and leave the door locked," she grumbled under her breath, fishing her phone from her pocket. She searched for Carly's name and called her, figuring she could just crash there until her mom returned.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Carls. My mom locked me out again. Any chance I can come crash with you?" There was a momentary pause.
"Uh…I'm not really home right now," Carly finally confessed. "I'm visiting Chris for the weekend. Didn't I tell you?" Sam sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger.
"Well what am I supposed to do then?" she asked defensively.
"You could try Gibby?" Carly suggested. "Or…"
"No," Sam said flatly before Carly could finish her thought.
"I'm just saying…it's been about eight months. You're going to have to confront him sooner or later."
"I'm gonna call Gibby," Sam responded as if Carly hadn't spoken. She hung up without saying goodbye and immediately dialed Gibby's number.
"This is Gibby. I'm not here right now. Leave a message. *beep*". Sam groaned loudly in frustration, hanging up and trying again. Gibby's voicemail picked up once more. Sam hung up, hitting her head violently against the door. She scrolled through her contacts, trying to find anyone that lived close by that she could crash with for the night. Nobody. She had deleted almost all of her contacts from high school the minute she got to college. She took a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves in her stomach, and finally dialed the number she had been dreading to dial for nearly ten months.
"Sam?" a confused Freddie answered. "Why are you calling me? I'm kind of in the middle of dinner."
"Sorry to bug you," Sam seethed sarcastically.
"What do you want?"
"I'm locked out and I need a place to stay."
"Couldn't you have tried Carly?"
"Don't you think I tried that already?"
"It's just…I'm not sure that's such a good…"
"Look, Fredweird," Sam snapped, half-embarrassed about resorting back to her middle-school insult, "I'm not any happier about this than you are, but it's starting to rain and I don't know when my mom will be back." She heard him sigh on the other end.
"Alright," he answered. "I'll be home in about fifteen minutes. Meet me outside the apartment." Sam hung up without another word.
Did you forget about me?
Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
Sam found herself outside of Freddie's apartment half an hour later. Her stomach was in knots, and she found it took every ounce of courage inside of her to take the final step to his door. She stood in front of it as memories she had blocked out for nearly four months began flooding her brain once again.
She stands outside his apartment, fingers shaking at her sides. She knew tonight was going to be the night, so why was she so nervous all of a sudden? They had tried before, but she had chickened out at the last minute. This time would be different. This time, they were going to go all the way. She attempts to pull down her shirt a little more before she realizes that it stops just below her belly button. Her short skirt rests just below her hips, and pulling it up any higher would cause indecent exposure. She takes a deep breath and finally knocks on the door, praying (not for the first time) that his mother was gone for as long as he said she was. He opens the door, takes one look at her, and his eyes go wide.
"Wow," he breathes. "You look…wow." She smiles, feeling her cheeks turn slightly pink.
"Thanks," she answers softly, stepping through the doorway to his apartment. He closes the door and stares at her for a brief second. Then, before she registers what's happening, he has her pinned against the wall with her legs wrapped around his waist, and he is kissing her with a kind of fever she had never known before. He breathes heavily, roughly kissing her neck and running his fingers wildly through her hair. His hands roam lower and begin to move steadily up her thighs.
"Fruh-Freddie," she finally gasps, "stop." He looks up at her, a mixture of confusion and guilt in his eyes. "I don't want it to be like this," she confesses. "I want it to be nice and special…and preferably in a bed," she added shyly. Relief washes over Freddie's face. He allows her to softly sink to the floor before picking her up bridal style and carrying her to his bedroom.
When it was over, he lay on his side facing her, softly stroking her gold locks. A glimmer of a smile crosses his face.
"What?" she asks.
"I love you," he whispers (and his words are so sincere that she can't help but believe every bit of them).
"I love you too," she answers.
"Do you want to be with me?" he asks.
"Didn't I just do that?" she responds, puzzled.
"No, I mean like actually be with me…forever." Sam makes a sharp intake of breath.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm asking…if you want to marry me. Someday, I mean." Sam looks at him, studying his every feature. It had been over a year, and she could not find a single thing she did not love about him (and that scares her, because she had never known an emotion as strong as love).
"Yes," she finally breathes. "I really do want to marry you…someday."
"Hey," a familiar voice called softly, jolting Sam from her memory. She looked at him, unaware that she had even knocked on the door.
"Hey," she answered back, emotions she couldn't even place running through her body.
"So, you coming in?" Sam clenched her teeth and nodded, stepping into the familiar apartment.
"Do you…have…company?" Sam asked hesitantly. Freddie shook his head.
"No. She's back home right now. She's not visiting for a couple of weeks." Sam nodded, finding it hard to control all the emotions raging through her mind. They stood in silence for an awkward few seconds, each one fearful of opening their mouths. Freddie broke the silence.
"Look Sam, I…"
"Save it," she interjected. "I don't want to hear it."
"I never meant to hurt you…"
"I said save it," Sam growled. "I'm fine. I don't need your sympathy, and I don't need your apologies. I've been getting along perfectly fine without you."
"It didn't seem that way over spring break when you left the Groovy Smoothie after seeing me with her." Sam let out a short, sarcastic laugh.
"I'm glad you're paying attention to my every move, Freddork. Seems like you're the one who's not over me." As soon as the words escaped her mouth, Sam regretted them.
"I'm not over you? Are you serious?" Freddie practically shouted. "I'm the one who has a girlfriend. I'm not the one who's been avoiding you like the plague. If I didn't know better, I would say you're the one who's not over me!"
"Yeah? Well, you do know better," Sam seethed, making her way for the door. She opened it, standing halfway through the frame and looking back over her shoulder. "I can't help that I meant it every time I told you I loved you. I can't help it that sex actually meant something much deeper to me. And I can't help it that I actually believed you when you said you wanted to spend forever with me!" Sam could see the hurt mixed with rage cross Freddie's face, and a feeling of victory began creeping into her body. "But clearly you'll tell girls whatever they want to get into their pants, right? And you know what I hope? I sincerely hope that you think about me every time you fuck her." With that, Sam exited the apartment, slamming the door in her wake.
It was a slap in the face
How quickly I was replaced
And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?
'Cause the love that you gave
That we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you die
'Till you die
But you're still alive
Sam leaned against the wall in the hallway of the apartment complex, hot tears streaming down her face (and she hated herself for it, because it had just begun to seem like forever since she'd cried). She breathed in, short choking sobs racking her whole body. How could she have been stupid enough to believe that a visit to Freddie's apartment would actually be a good thing? She squeezed her eyes shut, desperate to stop the flow of tears. She breathed in deeply, attempting to quiet her sobs.
"He told me he loved me," she thought pleadingly. "He told me he wanted to marry me. He told me he'd love me until the day he died."
It's graduation day, and she has never felt a more powerful mix of emotions. Part of her was ecstatic to be rid of the tyranny of high school, part of her was sad that a chapter in her life was ending, and part of her was dreading the end of summer when she knew she'd have to leave Carly and Freddie. She walks outside of the gymnasium, clutching her diploma to her chest.
"Can you believe it?" she breathes as Freddie falls into step next to her. "We finally graduated."
"It's pretty incredible," he answers. She stops walking and looks over at him, a soon-to-be familiar pang taking over her stomach.
"I can't believe that we'll be leaving for college in a few short months," she says softly. He reaches out, running a gentle hand down her face. She puts her own hand over his, closing her eyes and savoring the moment.
"Come with me," he whispers. She opens her eyes and looks at him questioningly. He gestures down a hallway with his head. "As in follow me this way." He leads her down a familiar hallway and into a deserted classroom, closing the door behind them.
"What are we doing?" she asks. He walks up to her, reaching into his pocket and extracting a small box. He opens the box, and Sam's breath catches in her throat.
"Is that…"
"It's a promise ring," he says quickly. "It's not an engagement ring yet…it's just a ring that symbolizes my love for you and my promise to marry you as soon as college is done. Will you…will you accept it?" he asks sheepishly. She nods slowly, holding out her hand. He gently slides the silver ring onto her finger, and she feels as if she's never seen anything more beautiful in her life. He walks up to her, cupping her face in his hand.
"I love you, so much," he whispers, gazing deeply into her eyes.
"I love you too," she answers. "And I swear that I will until the day I die."
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
Sam laid in another unfamiliar bed watching the ceiling spin lazily above her. The current guy of the evening was on top of her, breathing her name heavily between moans and grunts. She breathed heavily too, though she was faking every minute of it (but faking it had become second nature to her, considering she'd been doing it since the encounter with Freddie). When he was finally finished, he collapsed on top of her, making it difficult for her to breathe.
"That was amazing," he whispered into her ear. She nodded, refusing to make eye contact with him. He began to twirl his fingers through her hair, and the motion was so like Freddie that Sam jerked away.
"What's wrong?" he asked, sitting up on his elbow.
"I just…I have to get home," Sam lied, standing up and searching drunkenly for her clothes. "My roommates will wonder."
"Well, will I get to see you again?" the guy (Sam could not remember his name) asked from the bed.
"Yeah, sure," she replied absently, slipping into her jeans and pulling her shirt back over her head. "I'll see you around," she added before walking out the door. The cool autumn evening air brushed her face as she stepped outside his house. She looked around, having absolutely no idea where she was. She collapsed on the front step, hugging her knees to her chest and burying her head.
"Need some help?" a familiar voice asked softly. She looked up and saw Ashley towering over her. She quickly wiped her eyes and nodded, allowing Ashley to pull her to her feet.
"How did you know where to find me?" Sam choked out.
"I've kind of made a habit of following you out of parties," Ashley confessed, putting her arm around Sam and leading her down the road. "I figured what you were up to, and I knew one of these days you wouldn't actually spend the night, so I knew I should be here to get you home safely." Sam sniffed, amazed that her roommate cared so much for her.
"So, you just follow me and hang around outside random houses all night?"
"I give it a couple hours," Ashley said. There was no trace of anger or annoyance in her voice. "I usually figure that you're spending the night after about an hour or two. Unless he's superman or something, in which case you wouldn't be finished yet." Sam offered half a smile at Ashley's joke, and the two did not say anything more the entire way to their apartment.
When they finally walked through the front door of the apartment, Ashley broke off to her bedroom, leaving Sam in the common area alone. Sam pulled up her computer, logging onto her Facebook page and quickly updating her status.
"Another great night. Hope I'm not too sore tomorrow ;)".
She sighed, hitting the "share" button before she could regret it. She was fully aware that she was presenting herself as a slut all over the social network, but she stopped caring ages ago. In the back of her head, she was really hoping that each status update was slowly tearing Freddie Benson apart and pushing the conversation from summer out of his head forever.
"I need to show him I've moved on," she growled to herself. "I need to show him that I don't need him anymore."
'Cause the joke that you laid
On the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes
And you know it
And every time I scratch my nails
Down someone else's back I hope you feel it
Well can you feel it?
The song "Your Guardian Angel" by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus begins echoing around her dorm room, and she instantly knows that he's calling.
"Hey," she says brightly, unable to contain her smile.
"Hi," he says from the other line, his voice sounding hollow and broken. She scrunches her eyebrows together and sits gently on the bottom bunk.
"What's wrong?" she asks. She hears him sigh.
"I miss you," he answers.
"I miss you too," she sighs, "but we'll see each other soon."
"Not soon enough," he grumbles. She rolls her eyes.
"Freddie, it's not that bad."
"You sound like you don't even care!"
"I do care," she protests, anger beginning to form in the pit of her stomach. "Why would you say something like that?"
"Every time I tell you I miss you, you say things like 'it's not that bad' or 'it's not that long'."
"It's not! You're acting like we'll never see each other again. We see each other every couple of weeks, and that's plenty compared to other couples!"
"Like what couples?" he shoots back angrily.
"Like girls whose boyfriends are off fighting for their country, Freddie," she seethes. She feels he's taken aback by this comment, and she can't help but feel a little victorious.
"I just…I just feel like I can't give you everything you deserve," he finally says, his voice significantly softer.
"You've given me everything I've ever wanted and then some," she assures him, examining the silver ring on her finger. She hears him sniff on the other line.
"It's just not good enough."
"Why in the world would you say that?"
"Because you always seem unhappy with me. You always seem like you're having a great time without me, and it seems like every time we do talk, we end up fighting." She remains silent for a moment.
"It'll all be better when we see each other."
"And between those times?" he argues. "Are we supposed to just put up with the sadness and fighting during then?"
"I don't know, Freddie! But we've managed to make it work so far."
"And maybe it's been enough." The words hit her like a blow to the stomach. She is speechless, her mouth hanging slightly open. "Sam?"
"What are you saying?" she finally forces out.
"I'm saying that I don't think we should do this anymore. It's…it's not worth it."
"Then clearly you were never worth it." She hangs up the phone, slides the ring off her finger, and throws it against the wall as hard as she can as the first of a seemingly endless stream of tears begins to cascade down her face.
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
Sam lounged on her couch, absently scrolling through her Facebook newsfeed. She set her laptop down on a table before getting up to grab a soda. She came back, plopping on the couch and refreshing her page as she took a sip of her soda. The first item on her newsfeed nearly made her spit her drink all over the computer:
"Freddie Benson is now single."
Sam blinked, staring at the screen for what felt like ages. This couldn't be possible. She clicked on his profile, as if needing verification. Sure enough, the first item on his wall was that he was no longer in a relationship. So many questions flooded through her mind, but she worked to repress them.
"Why do I care?" she scoffed. "It doesn't make any difference to me." Suddenly her phone began to vibrate, stirring her from her thoughts. She looked at the caller ID (and it causes a sharp intake of breath because it's the last person she would have expected). She found herself pressing the answer button, though she was very unsure as to why.
"Hello?"
"You were right all along, I was never worth it."
"Why?
"Because I managed to throw away the greatest thing that's ever happened to me…and it's been so damn long, and I've been so damn stupid, I'm pretty sure she'll never forgive me."
And for the first time in a long time, Sam felt a genuine smile creep back onto her face.