Chapter 1: New Laws!

I didn't like this at all, and so my mood was rather sour.

I wanted to be cheery, and I truly tried to be. I had waited sixteen years in our manor for this chance, and so I tried to be excited for the opportunity. I wanted to move somewhere that I could fight demons and meet others my own age, and that was exactly what was happening.

I had lived in our large manor on our enormous plot of land with few neighbours around since I was born, and so had my older brother. It was awesome in our home, and a fantastic place to grow-up.

We had more privacy than I could ever want, and we had the freedom to do whatever we wanted. Our home was safe and held little danger. It was on the top of a large hill, giving an incredible view of the many fields around us.

Yet, it was beyond lonely and amazingly boring. Our home never held any entertainment or guests, and so I could count all that I had ever met on one hand. It also made me feel pointless, since I was a Shadowhunter and had never done anything to help our species.

It was also time to move on from our protected and isolated home. Both my brother and I had grown-up enough and were ready to experience the real world.

Which was exactly what we were doing today. However, there was a catch, and I didn't like it at all.

The Shadowhunter population was decreasing daily, and we were becoming a dying breed. We were out-numbered, due to our risky life-style that caused short life-spans, the hoards of demons weekly, the sheer area we had to cover and our trouble with repopulating. Most of us never got past twenty, and never had the chance for children.

Therefore, the only reason our parents had agreed to move into the big city was to organise our futures. We were going to find spouses for ourselves, and quickly, since there had been a new law that all had to be married before eighteen.

That was why I was upset.

I was only sixteen years old, and my brother was seventeen. We hadn't even talked to someone our own age, - apart from each other - let alone had a relationship with them, and we weren't prepared for romance. But we had no choice in the matter, and it was the only reason we were leaving our home of prisonment.

Obviously we wouldn't be marrying anyone until we were adults, and we were able to choose who. Although, we still had to find such a someone and be forced into a romantic attachment whether we were ready or not. Or be thrown into a relationship with someone we didn't want. It was either choose by adulthood, or have the choice made for you.

It wasn't fair.

The idea of boys frightened me, because I had never talked to one, other than my brother. I had seen boys in Alicante. But only a few had been near my age, - since most lived in other parts of the world, - and I had never spoken to any of them.

I didn't even know what to do in front of boys or in a romantic relationship, since I had never had the opportunity. I had no experience with boys or relationships.

Even the idea of girls made me nervous, since I had seen as many of them as I had boys and I had as much experience with girls as I had with boys.

I didn't know what to expect. I believed that the Shadowhunters inside Institutes would be utterly different to my brother and I, as if we were different species. I also didn't even know whether any would find me even the least bit attractive.

What am I going to do-

My bedroom door opened with a loud creek, scaring me half to death. My head darted up and my breath hitched, until my mother's head poked around the corner.

"Clary, we have to go," she said, looking to my clothes.

It was odd, because I had always prided myself on how tough and responsible I could be, and I had never been weak or in tears before. Yet, those words made my legs go to liquid and my mouth go dry. I felt as if I might cry, or scream.

"I told you to wear something nice, for a good impression…" my mother trailed off, because she noticed my mood.

My eyes darted to my clothes, and I shrugged. I had had a few arguments with my parents, because I didn't want to dress-up for what could be my future-husband and I wasn't ready for it.

I wore my blue sneakers, a pair of old dirty jeans, a loose shirt with a funny phrase full of my kind of attitude on the front and a black leather hoodie.

"What's wrong?" She asked, as she walked over to me, sat beside me on my bed and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"I'm… I'm terrified," I confessed, knowing that I couldn't lie to my mother and that I had to get it all out. "And so… I'm ashamed of myself."

"Clary, you shouldn't be. Everyone becomes frightened at some point in life," my mother told me.

"Dad's never scared," I blurted. "He always says such emotions are a weakness-"

"You truly believe that your father has never been frightened?"

My eyes darted to my mother's, knowing that they were the same shade of green as my own, as she stared into my soul. When I nodded she shook her head and sighed at me.

"Well. Let me tell you that that is certainly not true," she murmured. "Honestly your father has been frightened many times over the years…"

"He never shows it."

"That doesn't mean he doesn't feel it," my mother said. "He feels all those emotions. The only difference is that he never admits to it and always hides them."

"Is that what I have to do?" I questioned.

My mother sighed once more, shaking her head, and pulled me further into her arms. I didn't fight her, even though I hated being held. She placed her chin on the top of my head and rubbed my back, as if I was still a young girl.

"No. Not at all," she responded. "You only hide those emotions in front of enemies who would use them against you."

"But aren't they a weakness? Like Dad says," I mumbled into her chest.

"I don't think so. I believe that only the brave and the strong reveal their emotions," she told me. "It takes a lot of courage to admit that you're scared. It also takes a lot of strength to carry on with your fear and to not let it rule your life."

"But I don't want to be frightened!" I hissed, as my fear began to shift to anger. "It's silly! Why do we have to feel such pathetic things?"

"Without fear, there isn't courage. Without shame, there isn't confidence. You need those emotions to feel the others," she whispered into my hair. "It is only silly, if you let them stop you from living your life."

"It doesn't stop me from wishing I didn't have them," I grumbled.

"That's alright. It would be worrying if you enjoyed your own sorrow and fear…" My mother sighed a third time. "Now, tell me why you're frightened."

"I'm not ready for… boys or love," I whispered. "I don't even think I want it. At the moment I'd rather be alone, without all that stuff."

"That's normal," she replied. "Once we settle into New York, everything will become easy… and you might find that there's a certain someone you like…"

"What happens if they don't like me?" I enquired.

"Then that boy is the stupidest boy to ever live, who has made the worst mistake in the world, and doesn't deserve a girl as perfect as you," she answered without hesitation.

"What happens if none of them like me?"

My mother lightly pushed me away, lifting my chin with her fingers and she looked directly into my eyes. She had kindness and love in her jade eyes.

"Why would you think such a thing is possible?" She demanded, and I shrugged in return.

"Because… I don't see beauty when I look at myself…"

My mother shook her head at me and sighed, as if she had suddenly aged a million years. She released my chin and smiled sadly at me, pitying me.

"Come with me," she said, as she got to her feet and went into my bathroom. "I want to show you something."

I knew what my mother wanted me to see in the bathroom, and I rolled my eyes. Although, I didn't argue because I wasn't in the mood and was too nervous for New York. I only followed.

My mother grabbed my arm in her scarred hand and tugged me over to her side, in front of the large mirror over the sink. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and brushed my hair behind my ears, turning me to my reflection.

"Tell me exactly what you see."

I stared into the mirror for a long time and took every detail in. My eyes flickered over myself, my mother and our surroundings. I did it more slowly than I could have, since I didn't want to confess what I saw in the mirror.

I started at my eyes, before running over my face and down my body. I then went to my mother, from her hair to her feet. Lastly, I studied the scene around us, before going back to my own eyes.

How can I look so similar to my mother, and yet have none of her height or beauty? I wondered, noticing the many similarities between us. I was a carbon-copy of my mother, only she managed to make the red hair, green eyes and pale skin gorgeous.

"I see a plain and boring girl, standing next to her kind mother and looking into a mirror, inside an old and familiar bathroom," I murmured, never looking away from my own jade eyes.

"How can such a talented artist as yourself not see the beauty that all others do?" My mother asked, as if there was a reasonable answer to her question.

"Because… it isn't there…." I responded so softly that I wasn't sure if Mum heard.

However, my mother looked away from the mirror and to my face, with an extremely heavy sigh. I saw through the mirror to her face and all the emotions in her eyes.

Pity. Shock. Sadness. Confusion. Frustration. And more pity.

"Mum!" I groaned.

Her eyes darted away from my face and she released her hold on me, almost jumping away from being startled. She placed a hand on her chest and relaxed her breathing.

"What?" She demanded.

I turned to my mother, placing my hands on my hips and crossing my eyebrows. When I saw more of the same emotions on her face, I wanted to growl.

"Don't look at me like that! I'm not some lost puppy that needs a loving home! I don't need sympathy!" I snapped, more rudely than I had intended. "I'm a Shadowhunter, almost an adult, and pity won't help me in the slightest!"

"Okay." My mother nodded and let her face go blank of all those emotions I hated directed towards me. "Just don't doubt yourself like that-"

"I'm just being realistic," I told her, before noticing the pity's return to her face. "Mum!"

I began to glare at her, until she realised that she wasn't masking her emotions and locked them away at the back of her mind. She took a deep breath and shook her head clear.

"We better go, Clary," was all she said, since she knew I had had enough of this conversation.

I nodded, rushing out of the bathroom and tossing my duffle-bag onto my bed. It had my best weapons, half of my clothes and all that was precious or important inside. The rest was either on my body or staying at home.

For now the New York Institute was only temporary. If neither Jon or I had success in New York, we'd be moving to another Institute and another until we found the place for us, with our spouses.

Once we were settled into an Institute, with our lives heading towards a happy ending, our parents would head home and send the rest of our stuff over. They'd also visit regularly and we'd be able to do the same.

But, I wasn't sure if there was such a place or such a man out in the world for me. Which meant I'd either be sent back home, or stay with Jonathan, finding whatever man I was thrown at.

Thankfully, we weren't the only family doing this. Many Shadowhunter families were travelling from Institute to Institute, finding spouses and lives for their children. Especially to New York, one of the most popular of all Institutes.

I quickly tucked my stele into the back of my sock, rolling it over the stele to protect it. I then placed three seraph blades into the hem on my pants, one on either hip and the last at my back. My mother rolled her eyes when I pushed my sword, which had been made for me, into it's sling on my back.

"Clary, isn't that a bit overboard?" She asked.

"I want to be prepared for anything," I answered, as I threw my duffle-bag over my shoulder, pulled my hoodie over my face and left my room.

New York. New York. Here I come.