Movement
"Naruto!" I heard Sakura shout at me after I slammed the door. Somewhere in my mind, I heard Tsunade's voice as well, but my mind was already too clouded to decipher her words through the already closed door. I made my way out of the Hokage's butilding, slowly descending the winding stairs, head down.
Memories of my training flashed through my mind. I was so cocky but so happy when we first set out. I worked hard during those two and a half years, and I wouldn't be able to describe how much it meant to me if I tried. Sure, some of the training seemed pointless and tedious, and some of it was unbelievably difficult for an idiot like me to understand, but I wouldn't have traded that time with the Ero Sennin for anything.
"Hey Naruto!" I was suddenly snapped out of my thoughts with Iruka-sensei's happy voice. "I hear you're doing all sorts of dangerous missions these days. Everyone in the village is talking about you. What do you say we hang out, for old time's sake? How about we hit Ichiraku? Eh? Get some ramen!"
I said nothing in response for a moment and I couldn't meet Iruka-sensei's eyes. For once in my life, I had no desire to eat. I had no desire to move. If there was a way for me to simply fade from the world in that moment, I would have taken the opportunity.
I felt bad about turning him down. I was very appreciative of everything he'd done for me, especially at that time when I finally graduated from the academy, but I didn't want to be around anyone. For once in my life, I wanted to be alone. My entire childhood was set on escaping the loneliness I felt, but with my master being dead, my world became much lonelier than it ever was before.
I moved past Iruka-sensei, mumbling a quiet, "No thanks." As I continued walking, my shoulders hunched over even more, and I put my hands in my pockets. I was being a brat, I knew. I just said the most hurtful thing possible to Baa-chan, despite knowing that she was hurting from losing her friend too, and I pushed away the first person to ever recognize me.
Vaguely, I recalled entering my apartment and fixing some ramen only to be overcooked and forgotten on my table. I sat on my bed, head on my arm, still in shock from the news I received what was now hours ago. Kakashi escorted me to Tsunade Baa-chan's office earlier that day before the morning fog had lifted, and by the time I moved from my seat on my bed, it was already pitch black out.
Slowly, I made my way away from my apartment and down the steps in a familiar area of the business district. As I walked, I noticed the light of a general store's sign. I paused for a moment before I went inside. My body moved to the freezer and my hand grabbed one of the popsicles that have to be broken apart, like the ones that Jiraiya would occasionally buy for us to share.
I walked back outside and sat on a bench under a now lit streetlight. Again, I just sat there for a while, uncaring of the time, and lived through some reveries as the popsicle melted. Soon, I was melting just like the frozen treat dangling from my hand. I couldn't stop the streams from flowing down my face, and I just stared at a spot on the sidewalk, seeing nothing.
"Naruto," I heard a calming voice call out quietly. I looked over and saw Iruka-sensei walking towards me. Quickly, I wiped my tears on my arm and scooted over on the bench to make room for him before I even thought about it. I kept my head down, though, and continued silently staring at a new spot.
"I heard about Jiraiya-sama," he said as he sat next to me, finding his own spot to stare at. For a while I said nothing, not even knowing what to say, but my words had a mind of their own. "I wanted him to keep watching me… I wanted him to be here when I became Hokage," I said. A pained, scarcastic smile formed on my face as I continued. "To have him see me do more than just screw up. Heh." I couldn't help thinking that I'd only shown him the worst parts of me, the least mature and dumbest parts. I wanted him, one of the first people to make me feel like I had a family, to see me mature and wear a proud face as I accomplished my dreams.
"Jiraiya-sama had nothing but praise for you," Iruka-sensei said, and my head snapped up to look at him. "He'd brag constantly about you, how you were practically his grandson. How you were a man who'd inherited his spirit. He never doubted for a minute that you'd grow up to be a wonderful Hokage."
My eyes widened, for that moment, I couldn't believe that he could have had such high praises for me. Really, it was more than that. A part of me never believed that anyone could have such high praises for me, least of all such a highly respected shinobi.
Iruka-sensei stood up. "Jiraiya-sama will always be watching over you. I'm sure he's looking down on you now, wherever he is. But if you just sit around sulking, he won't be able to brag about you. So…" He paused as he reached for the melting popsicle I still held in my hand.
"Don't stop being the person that earned all that praise. Be yourself… And cheer up!" He then broke it apart, smiling thoughtfully, saying, "You're Jiraiya-sama's prize pupil—the man who he acknowledged as being the best."
I stared at Iruka-sensei for a moment more, absorbing his words before smiling and looking away slightly. "Thanks Iruka-sensei," I replied as I reached for one of the popsicle halves.
I decided that though Jiraiya was dead, I still had to prove that I was worthy of his praise. I had to prove to the sensei in front of me that I was worthy of his acknowledgement as well. And I still had my dreams to accomplish. I would not fail my precious people.