It was too late when he realized that he was in love with Jim Moriarty.
How the hell did that even happen?
Yes, they were in some sort of odd relationship, but he hadn't intended to - to fall in love with the man.
He couldn't help it though. He loved the way he over exaggerated things. He loved his child like glee when it came to creating mayhem. He loved how he got joy in seeing peoples lives ruined before his very own eyes. He loved the way that only he knew that there was another side to Jim Moriarty.
Maybe that's why he was attracted to him as much as he was; maybe it was because only he knew how great the man truly was.
Everyone knew him now as Richard Brook - or, well, if you believe that Sherlock Holmes wasn't lying, then you know that Jim Moriarty was real. He wasn't a bloody actor who was turned into a sniveling idiot when he came face to face with the consulting detective. No, Moriarty was better than that. How dare there be people walking around in the world thinking that this could be true. Oh, how the media has slaughtered his reputation. If only everyone knew him like he, Sebastian Moran, did.
He was complex, a true genius in every single way - and Sebastian would never say that about just anyone. Seb would do anything for the man if he just asked. He was never as loyal to anyone as he was with Moriarty. And that should have been the tip off.
There would be times in the future when Seb would look back, wondering if Moriarty had loved him even a tiny bit. The memories, as clear as day, playing in his head before he has to shut them out so they didn't consume him.
There would also be times when Seb will hate Moriarty, wishing that he had never met him because of the pain he can feel in his heart; it will never go away.
There was a bond between the two that neither of them had felt with anyone before. Seb, always the one who was patiently waiting in the background, not wanting to be seen was bound to be a perfect match with Moriarty. He was out going, not ashamed to advertise himself by breaking into the crown jewels and, upon being found sitting in the chair, saying "No rush."
Thankfully Seb was able to get his hands on the CCTV footage.
Jim showed him how grateful he was while they watched it.
Just thinking about it now sent shivers up Seb's spine. Moriarty was everything to him. He was a great new chapter in his life that showed him that he could be more than he was.
Even though sometimes it was hard, Seb enjoyed every minute with Jim Moriarty. Their little moments before putting a scheme in action, even just when they were walking side by side quietly, neither saying a word before they separated to get into position was precious memories to Seb now.
One of the best was just a few weeks ago.
He woke to find Jim in bed beside him, staring blankly at his face. He looked tired, more tired than Seb had ever seen him look before.
Jim was lightly running his finger up and down Seb's arm, tickling his dark hairs. He suddenly spoke, his voice hallow and emotionless. "I'm going to be going a way for a while." Seb felt his stomach drop but made sure to keep his face clean of any emotions.
Jim met Seb's eyes then, but Jim could see right through him. He always could. "But, don't worry, Sebby. Daddy will be back before you know it." As he finished his sentence there was a slight twinkle in his eyes before it quickly disappeared. They then flickered down to look at Seb's lips then back up into his eyes again.
Next thing he knew, Jim's head was slowly inching nearer and then the other mans lips were against his own.
It wasn't the first time Moriarty had kissed him and it certainly wasn't their last but something in the kiss was needy, as if Jim was worried that it would be. If Seb hadn't been still half asleep and flustered by the sudden kiss he would have thought more about it, but instead he simply kissed back.
That was the last Seb saw of James for a month and a half. Well, no, he saw him on TV as the threat of stealing the crown jewels but other than that, he had no contact. He hadn't gone to visit him in jail or anything - it wasn't like he could anyways.
He had desperately wanted to though. He missed Jim calling him at 3 in the morning, telling him of how he bought a new suit the previous day or how stupid people are. He missed coming home and finding Jim in his flat, Seb's possessions all scattered around him, claiming that the reason behind it was plainly because he was bored or because he missed Seb.
Some time in August about a year ago, Seb entered his flat to find the consulting criminal sprawled out on his couch dressed in Seb's clothes. The man said that it smelt like him and that, since his assassin wasn't picking up his phone, he needed to do something to keep his mind busy or else Parliament would be burned down. Obviously he decided to raid through Seb's clothes.
He vaguely remembers calling Jim sentimental before something was thrown at his head.
It's the little things you miss about people when they are gone - even if you hated it at the time.
And oh had Seb hated Jims little quirks. Jim and he used to argue - mind you, it did end up in a rough fuck afterwards - quite a lot. Each man was bruised for days and bloodied up from the punches that were thrown.
One night, Seb had come home to find that Jim had messed up all his guns. Yes, he only had one that was dear to him, his sniper gun, (and it was slung over his shoulder at that present time) but Seb didn't like anyone but himself touching his weapons. They were the only thing - save Jim - that had made him feel alive again and if it were anyone but Jim, they would be dead before they could even apologize.
"Sebby!" Jim was sitting cross legged on Seb's living room floor. He hadn't even turned his head to see if it was really him - but it didn't take a genius like Moriarty to figure out who it was. Seb never had friends or visitors and no one else had a key to his house. Jim didn't even have a key but yet he somehow always found a way to get in. Seb suspected that he secretly did have a key but refused to tell Seb; it was all part of the game he would say.
When Jim turned his head to look at up at Seb, a grin took up his whole face. "I hope you don't mind but I was looking for a perfect gun."
"I thought I told you that if you're going to break into my house, one of the rules was that you don't touch my guns. Ever." Growled Seb, as he put down his bag and placed his keys on the table. He wasn't actually surprised though; what did surprise him was that Jim hadn't done this sooner.
"That seemed like a challenge, Seb. You know never to give me a challenge." the gun that Jim had in his hand clattered to the floor.
Seb's eye twitched.
He heard a quiet "Oops" come from Jim before he got up and brushed off his Westwood suit and then faced Seb. With just one look he smiled and cocked his head "Been on another stakeout? Who was it this time? A fat man that ate too much or was it like last time when you had to listen to the man fucking his wife?"
Seb heard the mockery in Jim's voice but ignored it "First off, you paid me to stake out the man who was fucking his wife but to answer your question it was neither. It was a rich businessman."
"Oh, is that the one who had gotten into a little bit of trouble with that Greek man who had the annoying voice or is it the one who had shot the German mistress?"
"Don't tell me you've tapped my phone now, Jim." Seb sighed as he ran a hand through his black hair. God, he needed to find the man another hobby.
"Just when I'm bored." His eyes were wide as his innocent grin made its way back onto his face.
"Well start collecting stamps or something, Jim. Stop fucking listening into my damn phone calls! Some of them are private."
"Are you talking about your calls with that woman? Lillian Small? My dear Sebastian, I know we aren't in a committed relationship but it does make me a tad bit jealous when I know my favorite pet is sleeping with someone except me." Jim moved towards Seb. Since the other man was taller, Jim had to look up a bit.
Seb held his gaze, trying to see if he was just toying with his mind like he always seemed to do. "I really don't want to play this game today." he muttered, going to move away. Before he could, Jim pushed him roughly up against the door Seb had just entered through.
"What the fuck, Jim?" Jim smiled coyly before taking a fist full of Sebastian's hair in his hands and pulled him down to crash their lips together.
It was a rough kiss that, when Jim pulled away, had Seb panting. He smirked as he looked down at Jim "Oh, so we're going to play it that way now, are we?"
He switched their positions, this time it was Seb who was pinning Jim to the door.
Jim's head hit back against the door with a loud thunk but before he could complain, Seb reattached their lips. He loved it when they got rough with each other, it left him thoroughly shagged afterwards and where was the down side in that?
"You're just trying to distract me from the fact that I should be mad at you, aren't you?" He muttered as he broke away from the kiss.
Jim just smiled "Now, why would I do that?"
"Because you're a manipulative little shit, that's why."
Jim's smile broadened. "Oh come on, Sebastian. I know a better use for that mouth that doesn't include you spitting insults at me. Although, it is pretty hot."
Should those moments even matter now? Why couldn't Seb just forget about Jim Moriarty and move on with his life. But here he was now, sitting on the floor in his flat, a drink in one hand and the other resting on the gun Jim shot himself with. He'd nicked it from the evidence pile of course but who bloody cares. It was his own gun anyways.
Seb scratched his head with the gun and took a sip of his drink, the ice cubes clinking against the cup.
Fuck. If only Jim Moriarty could see what his assassin was like now. It wasn't like he would care anyways Seb thought to himself.
He should just pull the trigger and go out with a bang (literally) just like his former boss. He'd probably meet Jim in hell anyways. Seb had killed many people without even batting an eyelash. It was why he was sent back to England anyways. He loved killing too much. Wasn't that considered to be a sin?
So why couldn't Seb end it with something he loved so dearly in his life? Something that had a huge impact on his life. Something that he loved doing. Something that was so familiar in his hand that it wouldn't even scare him to just pull the trigger again, except this time it would end his own life and no one else's.
He could already see Jim in hell. Oh, the damage they could do down there. They'd burn together. For eternity.
Seb smiled at the thought and closed his eyes, his finger ready on the trigger.
I see that you've made it to the end! Congrats!
I would just like to say thank you for actually reading it fully. This took much longer to write than it should have. But, if I must say, I'm pretty proud of myself because it's the longest I've ever written.
I really hope that you enjoyed this - even if you hated it though, I would just like to say thank you again. It was a pleasure having your attention. But yes, it's horrible, I know. Please don't hate me.
I'm just going to go hide in my corner now until I'm over my shame.