Not for now, But for Eternity

Chapter One: How do I say Goodbye?

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do however own a vintage SEAL Team 6 sweatshirt that is still comfy, I've only been wearing it for 12 years.

Any similarities between people is purely coincidental.

Special Thanks to my Beta, fuzzyltlwingedthing. She's now beta'ing two of my stories.

This story is almost complete written, and will post more regularly than my other story, A Strange in the Night. That story will still be published at the same rate it's being published now.

Bella

Present Day

"If I walk out, I'm never coming back," he said, collecting his coat off the hook and shrugging it on.

"Go then," I said. He'd said it before. He always came back. Always.

"I mean it this time," he said, grabbing his cover from the table.

"You know I can't give you what you want, you've always known that." I put my nail up to my mouth and start to chew. My sleeves are covering half my hands. My computer is lying on my lap, giving me laptop burn. I've watched him leave before. By this point in our relationship, he's left many times. He always comes back. Always. And he always says he won't be back.

You see, it's just the way we are. He comes, he tries to press upon me his feelings, I get mad, and he leaves. And then he comes back. Again, and again. It'd been that way since we met in college. He always came back.

"I mean it Bells. I'm not coming back this time." He was standing at the door, his hand on the knob. I pushed my shoulder length brown hair behind the arm of my reading glasses. I hated that I had to wear glasses, but presbyopia had hit me early and I had to have readers. It sucked.

"You always come back," I said picking up the bottle of Arizona tea I was drinking. I watched him run his hand across the top of his head. It was a signature Edward move. That's all he could do, was rub his hand across the top of his buzz cut, his longer hair, the hair I loved that he had in college, was all but gone, but the motion, the action engrained into his body, was still there. He turned his emerald eyes towards me and repeated his words.

"I'm leaving, Bella." His hand turned the knob and his arm swung, pulling the door towards him.

"Edward," I yelled. One final attempt to keep him here. "If you walk out that door, you will not be welcome back here."

"If that's what YOU want Bella, then fine. I won't be back." I watched as he walked out and I heard his car start, the headlights shining through the windows of my bottom floor apartment.

I sat there for a few minute, knowing that he would be back.

He always came back.

I sat there for the rest of the night, until I was so tired that my eyes were drooping and I resigned myself to the fact that he was really mad. I was certain, however, that he would be back in the morning.

He always came back.

I woke up in the morning, took a shower and dressed for work. I pulled my lab coat out of the closet and draped it over my arm. I liked to be in the office early, so that I could leave early. I had planned to spend my free afternoon with Edward. I'm sure that after a long talk, we'd be back to the way we 'were'.

I sent him a text message saying 'hello' and knew that it wouldn't be long until he responded. He was always up early; he liked to go to the gym before doing anything else with his morning.

As I pulled into the parking garage on 5th and Jackson, I heard my phone chirp.

I knew he'd answer me. He always came back.

"There was an error in sending your message." I looked at my phone for a minute and then saw that I had no bars. I forgot that I didn't have a signal in the parking garage. I parked my Prius, got out, grabbed my purse and my lab coat and headed into the office building. I bleep my car locked.

I waited until I got to the top of the parking deck and checked to make sure I had four full bars then send the message again. Less than a minute later, my phone chirps again, signifying that the message wasn't sent.

"Fuckin' A," I say to myself. I had a full signal. My battery was fully charged and I wasn't exactly sure what the problem was.

I'd just call him.

I went to my call log and clicked his name. I knew he'd be up, so I wasn't afraid that I was waking him.

"Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system," it continued to drone on and even though I loathed and despised voicemail, I knew that I should leave a message.

"Edward, its Bella. I tried to text you, but for some reason, it won't go through. Please call me so we can discuss last night." I clicked the end button and continued my hike into the brick building that the company had occupied for the past twenty years. I was one of its newest employees, having only worked here for a little over a year. I pushed the down button for the elevator and waited patiently. Several minutes later I hopped on an elevator, anxious to get to the basement and start my day.

I moved my ID past the reader and the security doors opened. I went into my office and dropped off my purse, then replaced my suit jacket for my lab coat, slipped my phone into my pocket and walked out ready to face the day of cadavers before me.

Eight hours later, I was exhausted but felt fulfilled from a full day of work. I had determined that the woman that was supposedly a suicide was really a murder and that the young guy who had come in had an abdominal aortic aneurysm and nothing anybody could have done would've saved him.

I walked into my office and took my lab coat off, and slipped my suit coat on; I grabbed my purse and my lab coat and headed out of the building for the day.

I looked at my phone for the 9,000th time that day. Still no call or text from Edward. He'd never gone this long without talking to me, unless he was on a mission and didn't have access to a phone. He wasn't expected to leave for his next mission for two weeks and if he expected to stay in my apartment while he was here, he'd better call.

I tried his phone again, and again it went to voicemail. I was starting to hate his voicemail. I imagined that the automated lady started to snicker at me every time I called.

I made it home to my apartment and parked my was dark and he obviously wasn't home yet. I found my keys and unlocked the apartment door and walked in. I looked throughout the apartment, just in case he was sitting in the dark, in the bedroom, waiting for me.

He wasn't.

I called him again. Fucking voicemail. I was getting mad. It wasn't like Edward to ignore me for this long.

I called Esme; she'd tell me where he was.

"Hi Bella," she sounded sad when she answered the phone.

"Is Edward there?"

"No. He left. He got called back early. He didn't tell you?"

"No, he didn't." He had really left. He never left mad, especially to go on a mission. I hoped that he would be ok. This is why we couldn't be together. I didn't like sharing him. I didn't like that at a moment's notice, he had to stop everything and leave. When we dated, it was like the military was his wife and I was his mistress. And while the sex was fantastic, and he treated me like a princess, I couldn't play second fiddle. I was never good at being second.

"Oh," was all Esme had to say. "Are you and Edward ok dear?"

"I'm not sure," I replied. Even though Esme was Edward's mom, I had known her so long, she was like a second mom to me. "We had a fight," I mumbled into the phone.

"Oh dear," she replied. "And then he left. I told him to never leave mad. It doesn't put him in the right frame of mind. He'll be ok. Just let him cool down. He'll call in a few days."

"Yeah," I replied. "Your probably right."

"Thank you, Esme. I'll call you later on this week, maybe we can do lunch"

"That sounds nice, Bella." She always wanted us to get married and give her grandchildren. That's the problem with being the only child, everything is up to you. Needless to say, she was pissed that Edward hadn't bothered to settle down and have a few kids. She understood my feelings on the topic. Routinely sided with me about the whole military spouse thing. But she still wanted us married, with children. She desperately wanted grandchildren.

Edward had asked me to marry him. Not once, but twice. And twice I broke it off. I'd promised him after I had my career set in stone, and he got out of the military, that I'd say yes.

I had just started my career.

And he had no interest in leaving the service.

We were at a stalemate.

And that's what our fight had been about.

Our relationship hadn't always been so hard.

At one time, the only thing in the world that I wanted, besides to be a doctor was to be with Edward Cullen.

But things have a way of changing.

Fate has a way of kicking you in the ass.

Reality tends to make you see things clearly.

This is the story of how we met, fell in love and ended up where we are now. Thousands of miles away from each other and not talking

Sometimes the story is happy. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's sad. But it's the truth. And it's my story. And I can't wait for you to hear it.