I lay in bed my first night in Dauntless, Al's sobs keeping me awake. All I can think about is Abnegation.
I'm ten years old. Mother takes me with her one evening to feed the factionless, or at least that's where she says we're going. But when the Abnegation houses are out of sight, we take a left instead of a right, and she breaks into a run, pulling me along behind her. I struggle to keep up – running simply isn't done in Abnegation. It's indulgent. And yet, my perfect, selfless mother…
When we finally stop, we're deep in a wooded area. Mother turns to me with a seriousness I've never seen in her eyes before.
"Beatrice, what I am about to tell you, you cannot repeat to anyone. Not your father, not Caleb, and certainly not Marcus." I nod, although I'm confused about why she includes our leader, Marcus Eaton, in that warning. Not because I would tell him, but because I can't imagine anything so serious as to warrant his involvement.
My mother scrunches her face, contemplating how much to tell me. "The faction system was supposed to bring peace. That peace is crumbling, has been crumbling for a while now. You're in danger, Beatrice-"
"Me? But why?" I'm just a little girl from Abnegation. What could I possibly do?
"You have to trust me, sweetheart. And I promise, I'm going to do everything I can to keep you safe."
That night, I learned my mother was dauntless born. She began training me in strength and endurance. As I got older, she taught me the basics of self-defense, and eventually offensive fighting maneuvers. But she didn't mention the looming threat again until choosing day.
Snip. Snip. I watch as the blonde hair falls around my feet while my mother trims, possibly for the last time. I still don't know what I'm going to choose. The test was supposed to tell me where I belong. Now I'm more confused than ever. Divergent. That's what the test administrator, Tori, called it. Equal aptitudes for Abnegation, Dauntless, and Erudite.
Her voice pulls me out of my internal debate. "No matter what happens today, I'll always love you." How can she possibly know I'm going to transfer? I haven't even decided. As if she can read my mind, she continues, "you won't be safe in Abnegation after today. I won't be able to protect you. Your Father…"
"What about Father?" I know it's selfish to ask questions, but I'm utterly confused. My Father has never been anything but the perfect Abnegation man. He may not be physically affectionate, but no one here is. Still, I've always felt loved.
"Andrew isn't your father. Marcus is." What? She sighs. "I tried to tell you this so many times, Beatrice. Now, there won't be another chance." She tells me everything. How Marcus beat his wife. How he raped my mother. How Evelyn faked her death and ran to the factionless after Marcus learned she gave birth to a son with another man in Erudite before their marriage.
"I still don't understand why that makes Abnegation dangerous."
"You're divergent." I tense, and think about denying it. There's no way she could actually know. Tori recorded my test result as Abnegation, and I haven't told anyone. "Marcus is divergent. So am I. It's the only possible outcome."
She takes my chin in her hand and turns me so we're eye to eye. "No matter what anyone tells you, divergents are not the problem. They are the solution. If you were anyone else, you would be safe here. But Marcus is a very proud man. He'll do anything to protect his reputation – including kill. There was nothing he could do while you were still a dependent, but as a member... He's head of the counsel. His word is law." I shudder at that thought. I've never particularly liked Marcus, and if what Mother says is true, Abnegation is truly dangerous.
"Then what do I do?"
"Marcus and Evelyn had a son, two years older than you. Tobias. Your best chance is to go to Dauntless and find your brother. He'll keep you safe."
Al's continued sobs have me on the edge of insanity. I slide out of bed and pad, barefoot, down the twists and turns of the Dauntless compound until I reach the Chasm. When I sit, my feet dangle precariously over the edge, but I feel safe enough behind the metal railing. A soft spray from the water below meets my thin bedclothes, leaving me chilled, but the sound is soothing. I'm thankful for the calm; I'm still processing my mother's final revelation of the morning, particularly in the wake of the rest of the day's events.
Mother pins my hair into a bun and leads me into her bedroom. She pulls a box out from under her bed. Inside are Dauntless clothes. I lift them up one piece at a time to examine them. They're tight, revealing. I can't ever imagine my mother in something like this.
"Wear these under your shift. You'll have to start acting dauntless right away, and it will be much easier to jump onto a train in these." I start to change, and she continues our earlier talk.
"Evelyn's older son also transferred to Dauntless. The boys were only 10 months apart, like you and Caleb. They would have been in the same initiate class. They didn't know about each other, though. Evelyn always regretted that."
Even on my scrawny frame, the Dauntless clothes feel more like Dauntless underwear. I'm thankful to pull my grey Abnegation shift back over my head. "What was his name? The older son, I mean."
"Eric. Eric Coulter."