Children

Miranda Lawson rarely visited Commander Shepard's cabin.

While she was officially the Normandy's first officer and the Illusive Man's primary contact aboard, Miranda was glad that her loyalty had yet needed testing. When she had first been tasked to retrieve Commander Kira Shepard's body and then oversee the project that revived her, Miranda could not have foreseen the impact that this woman would have on her.

Their first meeting went much as Miranda expected. The sharp-faced blond woman was very demanding. Shouldn't Shepard have been grateful for what the Illusive Man had done for her...especially after the Earth Alliance Military had written her off? Instead she had reacted with suspicion and anger. Miranda had originally cautioned the Illusive Man against leaving Shepard… "untethered."

Now, months later -with the Collectors defeated and their base in the hands of Cerberus- it was really hard to argue with results. Not to mention that Miranda had gotten to know Shepard as a person, not just as a dossier. The blond woman's hard-edged charisma was astonishing. The Illusive Man may have provided the contacts, but it was Shepard that had not only recruited one of the most powerful -if diverse- teams in the galaxy, but also commanded their absolute loyalty. That is what scared Miranda... for Shepard had also gained her loyalty.

That loyalty came with a price that she did not think she had been capable of paying. Shepard made her question how she saw herself. For her entire life Miranda had always been sure of one thing. It had become her mantra: she was superior because she was designed to be. But according to Shepard, it isn't what you were born with, but what you do with what you have.

It was that new-found loyalty that had compelled Miranda to ride the lift to Shepard's cabin. Ever since Shepard's return from Eden Prime, the Commander had been withdrawn. The rest of the crew had become restless, and even the team members who had been with Commander Shepard the longest seemed worried and reluctant to intrude. If the recent past was anything to judge, the one person Miranda thought she should be talking to was tellingly absent. Kaidan Alenko had not returned from Eden Prime with Shepard.

Miranda told herself that it was concern for crew efficiency that brought her to Shepard's door as she exited the lift...but what was it that caused her to hesitate at that door? Was it fear of Shepard's temper? Could it be, as Katsumi said, "it would be like poking a sleeping bear?" Miranda took herself to task. If there was one thing that the Illusive Man had taught her it was that the worst lie you could tell was the one you told yourself. She finally admitted that she genuinely cared for Shepard's well being, something that she had never felt for the Illusive Man.

As Miranda reached for the call button Shepard's voice came from the intercom, "What can I do for you Miranda?" Far too self controlled to show her surprise, Miranda answered "We are ready to break orbit at any time, except for a few things that need your acknowledgement." The door split apart in front of her and slid into the walls.

Shepard was sitting at her desk with her feet propped up on the corner, her right hand idly played with a small purple box sitting next to the picture of Kaidan Alanko. On the terminal in front of her was a picture of a dark haired man and a blond woman. Miranda handed over the data pad and Shepard scrolled though the information. After a few minutes Shepard looked up. "You didn't come up here to show me this", she said as she waved the data pad at Miranda. "You can tell everyone that I'm fine."

Oddly Miranda appeared to have stopped listening to Shepard and instead was staring at the couple displayed on her screen. Concentrating on the image Miranda said, "I know I've met her. Who is she?"

With some surprise Shepard responded, "That seems unlikely. She's my mother...and she's been dead since I was five."

Miranda shook her head, "I may not have a Drell's perfect recall, but I definitely have met her. Can I use your terminal?"

Shepard dropped her feet to the floor and said, "Yeah, okay."

Miranda's fingers flew across the keyboard. Images and text would only briefly appear on the screen before she was typing again. Finally she stopped on a picture of a diverse, conservatively-dressed group of men and women...possibly a gathering of coworkers. Miranda then expanded the images of the central man and woman. To Shepard's surprise the woman was her mother. Miranda then confidently pointed at the man and simply said, "That's my father."

"So...what-? Are you telling me that my mother and your father were in business together?"

"That's not the only thing I'm saying… Kierry."

Shepard pushed her chair back from Miranda, as if to get a better look at her. "...Mandy..?"

Kira Shepard's earliest childhood memories came flooding back so suddenly that it momentarily made her dizzy. The long days spent dreaming of adventures with her serious, older friend, "Mandy"... and one night in particular: the night her mother died and Shepard's life had changed drastically.

Mandy's visit that night, while unexpected, was not surprising. What was surprising was the deep bond that had formed between the two little girls. While the girls' parents often clashed in the boardroom the affection the children had for each other was unmistakable -which was a little surprising considering their difference in age. Miranda was nine years old while Kierry was only five. The differences in age aside, the two appeared to be cut from similar cloth. They were both headstrong and adventuresome, although oddly it was the younger Kierry who normally took the lead.

This particular night, when Mandy came through the front door, she was even more intense than she normally was. She immediately drug Kierry to their favorite play area, which happened to be behind the living room couch. Mandy whispered intently, "There is something I have to show you." Fishing a small tool out of her pocket Mandy was soon working on the bolts that held the cover to the return vent for the building's air conditioning. Kierry's eyes widened in surprise and anticipation. The two children's adventures had led them to every possible nook in the rather large apartment, but this was something entirely new. The five year old's mind held no thought about consequences or why Mandy appeared rushed and nervous. There was room only for curious speculation of what lay beyond the vent.

Mandy had just removed that last bolt when the sound of the front door exploding shook the room! Kierry's mother's surprised voice was cut short by a wet thud and a red mist coated the wall above their heads. Mandy grabbed Kierry's arm and pushed her into the vent. Mandy crawled in after her and closed the vent behind them. The air shaft was impossibly small for an adult, but merely tight for the two small girls. The sound of heavy footfalls receded behind them and the last thing they heard as they turned a corner was of the cut short scream of Agatha the house keeper.

Kierry was prodded down the long, dark air shaft by the older girl. As they passed junctions they would stop only briefly for Mandy to check their progress on her omni-tool and then choose a course. Their long journey at last ended at a grate-covered opening. Mandy spoke softly to the shocked five year old, "Kierry, I didn't have enough time to open the grate at this end. I need you to use your TK to remove the bolts." In the soft orange light of Mandy's omni-tool, Kierry's face held no expression. Nothing in the little girl's life had in any way prepared her for the events of the last few minutes. Mandy pleaded, "Please, we don't have any time." Kierry blankly turned and placed her small hand against the grate. After a few moments the grate popped free.

The girls crawled out of the shaft -hands, faces and clothes smudged with the dust covering the shaft's surfaces. Kierry looked back the way they had come and her small voice pleaded, "Mommy?"

Mandy grabbed her and pulled her eyes from the air shaft. "Kierry, I could only save you! I have to go, but I'll be back soon. Wait here for me." Those words repeated in Commander Shepard's mind.

..."Wait here for me."

Shepard's eyes looked up at Miranda accusingly. "You - never - came - back."

While Shepard's voice was calm and measured, Miranda wasn't fooled. "I was nine years old. When I got back to my apartment my father rushed us to a plane headed for Australia. He...was the one who had had your mother...killed...so he could take over the company. That was when I decided to start planning my escape. It took me several years, and I was about ready, when I learned of his plans to make me a sister. I couldn't abandon her to that fate, so I postponed my plans until I figured out how to get her away, too!" Pleading, Miranda continued, "When I had finally escaped I returned to New York and hired investigators to track you down! I'm sorry I couldn't find you! I...finally came to the conclusion that you...had died..."

The silence hung between them like a fog.

When Shepard finally spoke, her tone was deceptively conversational. "Do you want to know how old I was when I first killed someone? I was eight. As for who I killed? He went by the name "Paco." That's all I knew about him. Well, that...and the fact that he was twelve years old."

It was the years of training that saved Miranda as Shepard exploded from her chair and punched her in the face! All the muscle and skeletal upgrades that Shepard had acquired in the pursuit of the mission had made her substantially stronger than most humans and even many Krogan. If Shepard had truly connected with the full force of that punch it may well have caved-in the side of Miranda's face! As it was, Miranda was able to raise her biotic shield and brunt most of the impact. It still hurt a great deal and caused her to stumble back a few feet...just enough to send her over the threshold between the office and the living quarters.

Falling down the short flight of stairs, Miranda continued rolling until she landed on her back, facing Shepard. Her shame and sorrow over their shared past only intensified the throbbing in her left cheek. But Miranda was never one to not respond to any attack. Anger and indignation surged up and she pointed at Shepard and commanded, "STOP."

Shepard stood at the threshold of her day cabin and her face was no longer calm. She screamed at Miranda, "I was five and you let them kill my mother and then you left me! We were friends! You have no idea of the life you condemned me to! The things I had to do to survive!" Blue biotic fields swirled around Shepard like fire.

Miranda leapt to her feet -her hand and biotics reaching for Shepard, attempting to lift her from the deck and slam her into the ceiling. Shepard used her own biotics to simply shrug aside Miranda's attack and charged -her face stretched in fury and a sound not unlike a great cat's roar shrieking from her throat.

Desperately flinging herself across Shepard's bed, Miranda tried to flee from Shepard's attack. But Shepard's enhanced muscles allowed her to follow and catch Miranda. One hand around her neck pinned Miranda to the bulkhead, while a second hand poised back for a final blow -when another voice screamed.

"Shepard DON'T!"

The voice belonged to Tali Zhora, one of Shepard's oldest surviving friends, and one whose eyes -until now- had only ever seen Shepard as a savior, a hero. Hearing Tali's anguish was enough to cut through Shepard's fury and, instead of hitting Miranda, her biotically enhanced blow dented the bulkhead! The thin hard arms of another crewmate -a Turian- wrapped around Shepard and pulled her away from Miranda and onto the bed.

Miranda slumped to the floor, the red side of her face beginning to slightly swell. Relief flooded through her, along with a thin dagger of shame and sorrow, for it had been two aliens who now comforted Shepard. It seemed that for most of the humans in Shepard's life she was merely a weapon to be pointed at their enemies. But unlike the Drell Thane, Shepard could not disconnect from the actions she took to overcome those enemies. Her soul had always been present, but armored...and now Miranda knew where that armor had been forged. The telling absence of Kaidan Alanko spoke of cracks in that armor, and Miranda's revelation had been the blow that had shattered it!

Miranda looked at the three figures huddled on the bed. Two aliens desperately trying to comfort the sobbing human. The sound of the portal into Shepard quarters opening drew Miranda's eyes away from the bed. Four figures quickly strode into the spacious quarters, assessing the scene. Dr. Chakwas and Jacob Taylor jogged over to Miranda, while Thane Krios and Jack simply stood in the elevated office area.

Thane's eyes swept the room, like a living recorder he would certainly review all he had seen to glean what answers he could. Jack looked confused, trying to work out if Shepard's forced truce between Miranda and herself was at an end.

Jacob helped Miranda to her feet, while Dr. Chakwas's fingers gently probed the slightly puffy side of Miranda's face. "Nothing appears to be broken, but it's always best to be sure." Jacob and Dr. Chakwas helped Miranda up the short flight of stairs that she had so recently fallen down. "Jacob, can you walk Miranda down to sickbay? I'll be along shortly."

"Can do, Doc!"

Jocob's words sounded almost flippant, but Miranda saw the deep concern in his eyes. There was a time when that would have meant a lot to her. She looked back at the now quiet Shepard and again at Jacob and thought it might be time to reevaluate her earlier decision. Miranda took one last look at Shepard, again thinking on her loyalty and the decisions she had made throughout her life. She thought her life at times had changed so radically and so suddenly. She wondered if she still had a place on the Normandy...and if not, could she really go back to being just an operative for Cerberus? The door closed behind Miranda and Jacob. One of those pivotal moments now passed and yet the ultimate outcome was still, as yet, unknown.

Dr. Chakwas then looked over at Thane and Jack, "I think it's time for you two to head back down." The look she gave them was authoritative and brooked no argument.

"But… but what happened?" Jack sounded confused and a little rebellious, but Thane placed his arm around her shoulders and steered Jack through the door. "Shepard took a bite out of the cheerleader and I missed it!" Jack's disappointed voice vanished as the cabin door closed.

Shepard, Garrus Vakarian and Tali'Zorah had moved to sit at the end of Shepard's bed. The three sat quietly, Garrus and Tali simply holding Shepard, waiting for her to share what she was feeling and possibly what had transpired between her and Miranda.

The Doctor took a moment to set the fallen office chair back upright and picked up the small purple box. She walked back down the stairs and stood in front of the trio. Speaking softly she said, "I need a little time alone with our Captain."

Garrus and Tali looked up at Dr. Chakwas and nodded their agreement, for they knew that, as the doctor of the first Normandy, Dr. Chakwas had known Shepard far longer than either of them. They knew the Doctor was also privy to Shepard's military records and psyche profile, and -perhaps most importantly- she was human...and probably had insight beyond what the two well-meaning aliens could possibly have.

After the door closed behind Shepard's two friends, Dr. Chakwas sat beside Shepard and placed the small purple box on her lap, opened to reveal a small diamond ring. "Why does this scare you?"

Shepard looked up at her in surprise, but Dr. Chakwas had put her finger on the catalyst of the events of the last few minutes. It wasn't the ring itself, but what it represented that terrified Shepard more than any battle or even her own death had. It represented an unknown future. A future that her life so far had not in any way prepared her for.

"Children." The word was spoken in a whisper. "Can I have children?"

Dr. Chakwas's voice didn't show any of her own surprise, "Well, we can run some tests. I don't know what the Lazarus project does to fertility...but even if you can't have your own children there are still plenty of orphans, human or otherwise, in the galaxy."

Shepard's face was etched with sorrow. "I think what I should have asked, considering my life, is if I would be a good mother?"

"I'm not sure I'm the right person to ask that question to. I never had children of my own." Dr. Chakwas then put her arm around Shepard and gave her a quick hug. "But as I see it...the fact that you are asking that question puts you ahead of many who already have children."

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