So, I'm in the mood to write one shots! Don't worry, Heated Gem is not going to be pushed off until later, I am starting the next chapter, but I want to write one shots. So, if you have an idea that you want to be a story and you like this, let me know (:
I grimaced at the alarm clock as it shouted out the uniform beep for the umpteenth time. I didn't want to get up and out of bed because that meant it actually happened. It meant my worst fears were reality and nothing could help them. It meant that my world was completely shattered and not bent. Today was the day that I had to say goodbye to the only one in this world that I was in love with. Today I had to bury my best friend and lover. Today was the day that we were laying Jesse to rest.
It wasn't as though I was happy that he was dead, but I wasn't completely devastated either. He wasn't in pain anymore. He didn't have to go every three months to get poison pumped through his veins just so he could stay here with us longer. It was completely selfish of me to think that my happiness should have been placed before him being pain free, so I tried not to think like that. I tried to believe that he wasn't going to be forced to have his body beat itself up anymore.
The viewing wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. I laughed sadly with his friends and family as we took turned exchanged small things about him. I shuffled through the crowd to find a seat as the preacher began his service.
"And now we have a few words from his girlfriend, Beca Mitchel." The preacher announced as I walked slowly to the podium. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths before I decided that I could make it through at least the beginning.
"It's funny how in life we are always told that time heals everything. Well, in times like this we can only hope that it will. But yet in the same time we realize that Jesse wasn't blessed, in fact it was time that took him away from us. As people, we are terrified of time. The thought that it could take away something that we love is terrifying. It makes us realize how much we take for granted and how often we don't realize until we are too late. Jesse was special in some way to each and every one of us in this room. I know that if he were here he would bust through the door and tell us that there are people that are dying from starvation and there are people with bigger problems. But that still doesn't take away the hurt that we now know. He would tell us that in order to change something we first need to change ourselves. He was always like that, always so positive. Those are the things you miss the most when someone is gone. You miss those little things that you never realized you had memorized so closely. I miss the way his hair always seemed to lay perfectly on his head every day even if it was right when he woke up. I miss the way he would carry me from the car to my bed when I was too exhausted to walk. I miss the way that his smile could make your day even when it seemed like everyone hated you. I miss the annoying little habits he had the most. I miss the way he would ask the same question four times even though he knew you were concentrating on something else. I miss the way his hand would constantly brush up against you when you were walking. I miss his voice when he was trying to mock me when he knew I was right. I miss him.
"I remember the very first date he took me on. We went ice skating down at the pond. I fell so many times that he had to carry me to the car because I was so sore. He had his old jeep, which at the time didn't seem like the best choice because the windows didn't work. He was speeding down the back roads and my scarf blew out of the window. It was my favorite one and I was so mad that he wouldn't turn around to get it. He came in school a week later with my scarf around his neck. He told me it looked better on him anyway. He would always comment on how it always smelled like me even after all this time. He never knew that I sprayed my perfume on it every night after he went to sleep. I remember the time that his mother insisted that we look through every photo album from when he was younger. I remember the exact shade of red his cheeks turned when he couldn't talk his mom out of showing them to me. I remember the time he opened the refrigerator door at midnight because he claimed he was hungry. Of course, that was just Jesse. He had other plans that night that didn't include eating. I remember the way he came up behind me that night and insisted that we danced without music. That was probably my favorite moment. He was so carefree that night, but that didn't matter because anyone that knew Jesse, knew that he was spontaneous.
"Jesse never gave up. He fought long and hard even after he was told that it wasn't going to get better. He wasn't one to just lose a fight, especially when he had so many people that continued to root for him. He fought up until he couldn't breathe anymore. I still pinch myself hoping that I'll wake up this will all be a cruel dream. I wait for him every morning to jump on my bed to tell me that he has a surprise adventure planned for the day. I crave for him to tickle me while I'm trying to bake him a cake on his birthday. I wait for him behind every door ready to jump out and scare me. I'm not the only one in the room that waits for him. I know you all wait for him too. You wait for him at the long light after school, hoping you would see him in his car and he would be lip syncing dramatically to you. You're probably waiting for him to burst through that door telling us so joke that he found on the Popsicle stick that he'd deny eating. When we realize that he is not going to come, the hollow aching pain comes stabbing us relentlessly in the heart. It's only then that we truly understand the phrase "time heals all wounds". We need it to because we can't fix this. There will never be a day that I won't wake up wondering what he would be doing. I just hope that one day I can look back and smile instead of having tears spilling out of the corner of my eyes. Jesse left us each something. Some of you might not have even realized that and you might not realize it until much later, but he did. He showed me that the future isn't that scary. The future is just an adventure that you need people to help you with. The future isn't something that you should go alone in, but you should dive in with the closest people you have. Jesse will always be watching us whether we know it or not. He is in our hearts every day. He didn't make this journey alone. We all were there for him but now we need to be there for each other. We will feel ourselves forgetting the exact way his voice sounded or the exact way he smelled, but we will never forget the way he warmed our hearts. We will never forget you, Jesse Swanson."
I look up one final time before I move away from the podium. I knew that no matter what life had in store for me, Jesse would be there in my heart. I know that one day I'll move on and be happy again, but right now, I'm okay with not being okay because one day I'll be able to tell the story of Jesse to his child when he is old enough to understand what a great man his father was. I know that with every day that passes, it's another day closer to a new beginning. It's another day to having a little Jesse running around to make me whole again. It's another day closer to being happy again.
I hope you like it (: I'm sorry it was sad, but I hope you enjoyed reading it!