A/N: Written for "The Diversity in Writing Challenge" on the Anime and Manga Challenges forum.
After the Zodiac curse broke, it would've been easy for the Sohma family to drown in self pity and resentment. After all, they spent their entire lives in an eternal gridlock of giving into their curse, a forcible look at a life they never wanted nor chose. It once looked like a blessing, bright and colorful and unique. With the years passing with the blink of an eye, this shiny blessing morphed into something else entirely, something more monstrous and destructive and gloomy. After many generations of living as their respective Zodiac animals, it was difficult to imagine life without being chained to something until their dying day. The world could now know the pain and the suffering they went through. The liberation from the curse let the Sohmas open their hearts and minds to others. A Sohma's pain could now be discussed as abuse, with a layer of psychological bondage, textured by the inexplicable supernatural.
Kagura Sohma initially bought into the mindset of shame, of self-pity, and of wallowing in self-hatred. It came naturally to her, much like breathing. Despite her brash, loud, and overbearing nature, she felt hurt not being able to show her physical affection for the few people she came in contact with who she cared for. Closing oneself off for the foreseeable future, after a past of painstaking effort to keep emotional doors shut, was the only way of life Kagura and the rest of her extended family knew. For days and weeks and months on end, she wept. The tears that fell down her cheeks were for the many emotions Kagura kept bottled up. Fear of judgement, the constant need to keep her guard up, and closing off her emotions and thoughts to others in worry that opening up would cause others to push themselves away were common lines of thought.
Her entire world changed when Kagura realized that the broken curse brought her freedom. She, much like the rest of her family after the curse broke, spent at least six months stumbling around in a confused daze, unsure of how to deal with life now that all of the actions she couldn't do became something she took for granted. When she was at restaurants, she made an effort to shake the hands of her male waiters and male hosts, lingering on the connection she made being respectful toward them after ordering heaps of complicated pork dinners. The feel of a man's callous knuckles, a man's clammy palm, a man's dry skin, it was a joyful feeling. Nobody seemed to understand Kagura's new found quirks. That was okay by her.
She had gleefully brushed shoulders with guys, giggling as she remained human after apologizing for her clumsiness. Kagura wore tank tops and shorter skirts more easily. Her fashion style changed just as gradually as her emotions regarding the broken curse. Now that she didn't need to worry about covering up in fear of skin to skin contact, she could indulge in skimpy summer outfits with more confidence. She could wear bikinis around other people that weren't her male family members. Kagura ultimately prefered wearing layers as a stylistic choice. However, the choice at hand was freeing.
The amount of choice Kagura had in life, once limiting, was now limitless. It was liberating. It was daunting as well. A part of her felt paralyzed with all the choices laid out in front of her. She could grasp almost any choice of socialization, laid out in front of her with the ease of the Internet. Everything that was once closed off opened up, like a door. How could she cope with everything laid out at the tip of her fingers?
By relishing the fact I can grab life by the horns and control what I can do on my own terms, Kagura thought with a giddy smile.
Life had moved forward for Kagura. She got a job working as a museum tour guide. It meant she could learn more about the world around her, the same world that filled Kagura with fear of the unknown and loathing of herself and too much judgement of something out of her control. Knowledge, Kagura learned quite grudgingly, was power. Although she didn't enjoy school, she learned that self study was way more interesting. School taught her that Kagura should strive for the best instead of what her heart wanted. This job was a choice to learn, and she felt empowered, emboldened by the knowledge of choice.
When life started calming down and becoming comfortably stable, marriage invitations started trickling in. The first, and most painful, was the marriage of Kyo and Tohru. It was set to happen on April 10th, when the sakura blossoms were meant to bloom. It was late in the season, but spring was a beautiful time for marriage.
Pain pinched at her heart. Kagura tried to be happy for the pair. Kyo's romance with Tohru seemed inevitable, and all too obvious to everyone. So it seemed right for them to be together. It was only right for them to have a ceremony that bound them together with a piece of paper. Kagura, selfishly, felt like crying for a brief moment. Kyo was Kagura's once, in the distant past. They were supposed to have the grand, epic romance of the ages that segued into the marriage of the century. Kyo was Kagura's, once in a distant past. Kagura loved Kyo. It was romantic at one point. She saw him as an idea hoisted high upon a pedestal for so long that a part of her struggled to see Kyo as a human. He hit the ground after falling from the high pedestal Kagura put him upon once Kyo made not-so-subtle heart eyes at Tohru. The process of moving on from Kyo was a long, arduous, tedious process full of revelations and epiphanies and difficult decisions.
This reverie couldn't have come in at the worst time. She was busy, booked with tour after tour back to back. The busy schedule allowed for more money, but it also meant that Kagura couldn't be alone with her thoughts. These same thoughts that harassed her at the same time needed to be stopped.
What good would it be to dwell on the past? Kagura realized. Kyo and Tohru were happy, and that was all that mattered.