A/N: This is short and odd but I just had to try writing something, and I guess when I'm stuck I just default to HonoUmi. Honoka might seem a bit OOC, but I think even she can worry about things from time to time.
"What are you reading Umi?"
The question shook Umi out of her trance with the book in front of her. She looked to her side seeing Honoka sit down on the end of their bed. Her pajamas were just a little baggy and her hair was just slightly damp after her bath. Umi always found herself getting caught up in Honoka's beauty on nights like these when her love wasn't a supercharged ball of energy, instead a tired and calm beauty sitting in the dim light of their shared room. It was something Umi knew that only she was privy to, and it made her enjoy the sight before her even more.
"Nothing important," Umi answered, setting the book down on the nearby nightstand and flicking of her bedside lamp.
Umi pulled up the covers and turned onto her side, back facing Honoka. She heard the click of a lamp, the ruffling of sheets and felt a familiar pair of arms snake around her waist and pulled her in close. A few seconds passed and Umi could feel a relaxing warm breath on her neck and the subtle rising and falling of Honoka's chest into her back.
This had always been one of Umi's most blissful feelings. Having the woman she loved hold her so close night after night was a routine that she loved more than any other, but something about the way Honoka held her felt different than usual. The usual feeling of love and warmth held a small sense of trepidation and worry. She knew that the arms that held her were just slightly more loose than normal, and her love's fingertips nervously played with a button on Umi's pajamas.
"Is everything alright Honoka?" Umi's voice was low and full of worry.
Honoka shook her head no against Umi's back and tightened her grip slightly.
"What's the matter?" Umi again made sure her voice was calm.
"You love me right?" Honoka's words were barely a mumble.
Umi quickly rolled over to face Honoka, the girl never once letting go. "Of course I love you Honoka! I tell you that everyday. Why would you ever think I don't love you?" Umi asked slightly frantic, feeling many conflicting emotions all at once. An anger that her love would ever be questioned, and a need to make Honoka know just how much she was in love with her.
"I was just thinking about some things," Honoka's answer was meek and mumbled. "Like maybe if you could do better than me. That maybe I'm holding you back from getting what you really deserve out of life. I mean you're just amazing Umi, and I'm not like you. You could probably do a lot better than me if you really wanted too."
Umi took in what had been said. She stared into Honoka's eyes for a quick few seconds, seeing the small sheen of tears begin to build.
"Don't you ever think like that Honoka," Umi desperately pulled Honoka close, she hated seeing such fear in the one she loved. "Why would you ever think you aren't good enough for me?"
Umi couldn't see it. She herself would often question her own place in their relationship, wondering if she really deserved to have all of Honoka's brightness and cheer that she held so dearly. That it wasn't fair that she got someone so wonderful all to herself, almost feeling as if she were stealing Honoka away from everyone else. Honoka doubting their relationship was something new, and Umi wanted to make sure that wherever these ideas came from stopped.
"Well you know what our friends say about us sometimes." Honoka quietly said, as if she didn't want to accuse anyone of anything.
Things began to click into place. Umi knew what Honoka was talking about, and all of their friends were guilty of it at one point or another. There was Nico always telling the couple how they didn't fit together. Eli and Maki often chastising Honoka for unnecessarily being a burden at times, even if Umi never thought of Honoka's antics as anything close to a burden. Kotori's constant phone calls making sure that Honoka was fulfilling all of her responsibilities as an adult and a partner in a relationship. Rin and Hanayo's incessant questioning on how they could possibly make their relationship work when both of them were so different from one another. Or Nozomi's surprise visits to check up on how their relationship was faring, as if they needed someone to come in and check up on them from time to time.
The toll that all of these things had taken on Honoka's confidence was evident. Even if the words were never serious, continuously being told that she might not be worthy of Umi's love had kept building feelings of inadequacy that had started to boil over.
"They're our friends Honoka. You know that they would never do anything to hurt you."
"I know," Honoka replied. "It just gets to me sometimes I guess."
Umi rubbed her hand up and down her love's back, and gave a chaste kiss to Honoka's forehead.
Both sank into each others embrace. Umi doing her best to transfer her feelings to the woman in her arms, but something still felt off about the way Honoka held her. It was more confident than before, but lacked a feeling that she didn't know how to explain.
"Is there something else?" Umi meet Honoka's eyes and gave her warmest smile, trying to coax all of these feeling out into the open.
"It's not just our friends," Honoka's voice was muffled, face buried into Umi's chest. "It's our families too."
"But your family loves that we're together."
"I know they do, and I love them for that," Honoka bit her bottom lip, trying to figure out the proper wording. "But sometimes they say things."
"Like what?" Umi earnestly questioned. Honoka's parents and Yukiho had been more than accepting of their relationship and Umi was always happy for that. Though it seemed as though she had missed something.
"Well," Honoka pulled Umi in tighter, trying to take in some confidence. "Yukiho always tells me how she can't believe that you would fall for someone like me. And my mom and dad always make sure I know how great a person you are and that I should be thankful to have someone as wonderful as you. I guess at some point I just started wondering if I really deserved someone like you."
"I'm sure they never meant anything by it," Umi ran a hand through Honoka's hair, attempting to calm her down.
"But you don't think that right?" Honoka again searched for any kind of reassurance.
"I've never wanted anything from you Honoka. All I want is for you to let me love you, and that you love me back."
"I love you so much Umi," Honoka leaned in for a brief kiss before retreating back to Umi's chest, pulling the sheets of the bed over her shoulder. "But it's not just my parents."
Umi froze at Honoka's implication. She remembered just how unwelcoming her own parents had been toward Honoka ever since they began dating so many years ago, and they were hardly ever subtle about it.
"I know my parents are pretty bad, but I think they are coming around," Umi herself didn't buy into the blatantly empty statement.
"Umi they hate me and you know it."
Umi opened and closed her mouth searching for something to say to assuage some of these insecurities, but it was a hard fact to deny. She had lost count of how many times her parents had told Honoka that their love wasn't real that it was just a small high school phase. But the couple defied their expectations by making it past high school and continuing to endure, though that didn't stop the not so thinly veiled insults. Her parents began targeting Honoka's worth as a lover. Often times insulting the girls intelligence or social standing, and always making sure they brought up the many potential suitors that they felt were more qualified to be their daughter's partner. All of this despite Umi's continual protests against their behavior, and the obvious pain it caused Honoka.
"I know, and I'm sorry," it was all Umi could say. She could never lie to someone she cared so much about, and she knew it would be a lie to tell her things would be alright. "I'll try and have another talk with them sometime. Would that be alright?"
"I don't think it'll change anything," Honoka nuzzled in closer.
"You're probably right," Umi sighed. "But I want them to accept you, and to accept us."
"Thank you," Honoka's fearful grip on Umi relaxed. "I'm sorry for saying weird things. I love you so much, and I know you love me too. I feel bad for doubting that."
Their embrace eased into the same comfortable feeling that Umi had come to cherish after so many years. Gone were Honoka's doubts and fears, replaced instead by the care and affection that Umi fell in love with.
The feeling that Umi felt while in Honoka's arms was one that she was sure that she would never be able to properly put into words. And looking at Honoka, whose hair was just a little ruffled and eyes shimmering blue in the dark, Umi figured she would want to keep these feeling all to herself, no matter how selfish that may be.
"It's alright," Umi cooed, brushing a few stray strands of hair out of Honoka's face. "Just remember I love you and nothing is ever going to change that. No matter what our friends or families have to say."