A/N: I actually have no idea where this came from. And I might have made a separate ff account so I could post this without dread of people knowing that I was actually the one that posted it. But that's neither here nor there. This is just the introduction, do you think this is worth continuing? You should definitely let me know. So thanks for reading! :3
Disclaimer: Do you really think if I owned Glee I would be spending my time writing this? The answer is no, I would not be. So it's not mine.
The weight of lies will bring you down and follow you to every town,
'Cause nothing happens here that doesn't happen there.
So, when you run make sure you run to something and not away from,
'Cause lies don't need an aeroplane to chase you anywhere
The Avett Brothers - "The Weight of Lies"
"Why am I doing this to myself…to him?" He asked himself over and over again. Nothing seemed to make sense. He shouldn't be here. He should be in his own bed right now, dreaming about his current distraction, how he would be back to his sham of a life in a week. But here he was, knees pressed to his chest, crying on a bathroom floor that did not belong to him. It was the third time in the past two week he had woken up, blissfully intertwined in a bed that was all too familiar.
The panic began to set in. This was against everything he had created. All of his walls, all of his lies, all of his practicing for these moments just seemed to disappear the moment he ran into the boy…no the man…that he had left behind. He couldn't stop replaying the scene over and over again, trying to imagine how different things could have been…
"Blaine?" he heard his name called across the crowded store from the all too familiar voice of his ex. He didn't want to turn around, he wanted to drop all of the groceries his mother asked him to get and just escape. The voice was getting closer and he couldn't get away, not now.
"Blaine, hey…I didn't know you were back, but I guess I should've expected that…it is Christmas break…you look good…what are you doing?" Kurt rambled on, not aware of the pained look growing on the other boy's face.
"I, um, had to get fruit. And then I had to leave, I have to leave. I'm sorry Kurt, it was good seeing you. You sho-",
He stopped himself. He couldn't finish asking him to keep in touch. He had broken his heart, why should he ask him to be his friend now? Why was Kurt even talking to him right now?
Blaine had no idea how things had gotten so out of hand. It wasn't like he didn't want this. He just didn't know why he was cowering, hiding Kurt's bathroom while he slept blissfully content. Blaine didn't know why he wasn't laying in the warm bed with him, why he couldn't just let himself be happy for a little bit longer. He would be going back to Connecticut in a week, where there would be someone waiting for him, waiting to share his details of his break, waiting to shower him with kisses until Blaine forgot all about his trip back home.
No. He was here now. He had to do something. He would just go home. He couldn't wait until morning, he couldn't wake up next to Kurt and seeing how beautifully disheveled he was when he awoke. He couldn't say goodbye again. He couldn't break his heart once more. It was something that he seemed to be all too good at.
He got up, feeling stronger than he had 20 minutes ago, determined to clumsily find his clothes in the dark and escape. He left the bathroom light on as he opened the door so he could see the general area where his clothing lied. They had been thrown across the room in a fit of passion and Blaine was now regretting everything that much more. The light that escaped the bathroom was dim, but not dim enough. Kurt shifted sleepily on the bed.
"What are you doing, Blaine, come lay down. It's-"he glanced at the alarm clock next to his bed "-4:32 in the morning. It's cold over here" he pouted
"I'm leaving" Blaine said shortly "I can't pretend that what I'm doing isn't wrong. I'm not coming back either. Don't call me please. I'm sorry I didn't stop this. I'm sorry I keep hurting. You know that you're better off without me so just…don't call, don't text. It'll just be easier for the both of us. And I…" he stopped himself before he would regret everything he had said and choose to just stay wrapped in the arms of the only person he knew he would love for the rest of his life.
Finding his clothes was harder than it was to lose them. He didn't bother looking at Kurt. He couldn't hear the things he was whimpering. He couldn't breathe. He had to get out. Get out of this house, get out of this state, get out of this life. Blaine could feel Kurt's heart breaking all over again (had it ever even truly healed in the first place?) and he knew that nothing he could be said to make any of this better.