This is a speculation fic of sorts – not really something I think might actually happen, but it is something that's been running through my mind. Based on a combo of the early-season spoiler that Deeks goes back to LAPD and the IA investigation introduced in Fighting Shadows (and my naïve hope that we would get a Deeks/Kensi/Densi-centric finale/cliffhanger).

As always, I don't own anything related to NCIS:LA (except the DVDs).

"Detective!"

Deeks groans as the walk to his desk is interrupted by the rather irritated tone in his boss's voice. He drops his head and takes a deep breath, all he wants to do is sit down and get through the day.

He shakes his head sadly when he thinks of the measly, uninspiring to-do list he has these days. His idea of a good day used to include waking up with Kensi, catching some bad guys and saving the world, hopefully avoiding paperwork, and going home to spend the night with Kensi.

For reasons he doesn't think he will ever comprehend, his days still begin and end the same way as before, with his beautiful, strong, and stubborn girlfriend-slash-partner. He whole-heartedly believes that's the only thing keeping him somewhat sane right now. Because between the hours of nine and five, his only goals are to sit at his desk, rifle through old case files, maybe beat a few levels of Candy Crush, and talk to as few people as possible.

It's been the same routine for two weeks now. Two long, stressful, lonely, and boring weeks. That's how long he's been on desk duty. That's how long it's been since he was last in the field with his partner. Hell, that's how long it's been since he's even been at work with her.

Two weeks.

That's how long it's been since Internal Affairs demanded that he stop working in the field and return to LAPD headquarters for the time being while they continue to conduct their investigation into him.

Exhaling, he backtracks a couple of steps and stands in the doorway of Lieutenant Bates' office.

"Sir?"

"You're late," Bates grumbles, not looking up from whatever he is reading, "You're supposed to be here by nine."

Deeks rolls his eyes, an annoyed habit he has apparently picked up from Kensi, and sighs, "Bates, it's not even 9:15. And what does it even matter? I'm just going to sit at my desk until it's time to go back home, just like every day."

Recalling his morning, he finds it virtually impossible to feel even a little sorry for being late. Probably because his delayed start was the result of a surprise, albeit very welcomed, guest joining him in the shower. He can still feel Kensi's fingers tugging the hair at the nape of his neck as she kissed him fiercely and with a hint of desperation while the hot water rained down on them.

So, yeah, sue him, he can't really muster up feelings of guilt as he remembers her wet, naked body pressed against him when he was supposed to be leaving for work.

Bates looks up from the file in his hands and leans back in his chair, "Listen kid," he starts, interrupting Deeks' little trip down memory lane, "it doesn't look like IAB is going to stop digging up whatever they can on you anytime soon. Just play by their rules for now before you get into more trouble."

Deeks can't help the unamused chuckle that escapes, "If they're going to use my ten minute tardiness today as an example in whatever case they're building against me, I think I like my chances."

Bates glares up at him, but Deeks doesn't wait for a response before he steps back and walks away.

When he reaches his desk, he drops his messenger bag on the floor and then drops himself unceremoniously into his chair. The desktop itself is practically bare except for a phone, a stack of case files, and a thin layer of dust that has apparently taken up permanent residence on the faux-wood laminate because no matter how many times Deeks wipes down the desk, he can't seem to get rid of all of it.

Leaning back in his chair and crossing his feet on top of the desk, Deeks links his hands behind his head and stares at the ceiling. It's part of his morning ritual here, to think about everything while he looks for answers in the old ceiling tiles.

Eventually, he will give in to another day of doing two things he hates most about being a cop - sitting at a desk and paperwork. But for now, he replays in his mind everything that unfolded that brought him back to this God-forsaken place.

Weeks ago, he had lied to Hetty when she asked if there was anything, besides Kensi, that Internal Affairs could use against him. It was obvious by the look she had given him that she knew he wasn't being truthful and he hadn't needed to look at Kensi to know that she wasn't buying it either.

He truly doesn't know what IA's endgame is or exactly what they plan to use against him, but he does know of certain things that could easily be twisted and manipulated to fit whatever agenda they have. And while he's a good cop, defending the scum of the earth as a public defender and then pretending to be the scum of the earth as an undercover cop certainly opens a few doors for them.

He had felt virtually no hesitation in withholding information from Hetty - God knows the woman hasn't done anything to earn or keep his trust in the past year and a half but his reasons for lying to Kensi were completely different from his reasons for lying to Hetty and that is what he is still struggling with.

There is no one else on this planet he wants in his corner – in all things – more than Kensi Marie Blye. She's smart, determined, capable, and he has no doubts that she would protect him at all costs. But therein lies the crux of his worry, if Internal Affairs ends up costing him his career and she ends up going down with him, he would never forgive himself.

Deeks lets out a long, slow breath and puts his feet back on the floor. Leaning his elbows on the desk, his mind drifts back to that night they had spoken with Hetty. He had known that Kensi was unhappy about the whole situation and was going to want answers. He just wasn't ready to give them.

After leaving the Mission, the drive home had been silent other than a quick agreement to pick up a pizza for dinner. They didn't speak as they were eating either, each of them seemingly trying to figure out who was going to start the conversation.

"You lied to Hetty," Kensi says, getting right to the point as they finished up their meal.

There is nothing accusatory in her tone, but Deeks can't help but feel a bit defensive, "Can you blame me?" he asks, his words more clipped than he meant them to be.

"No, and that wasn't my point," she snaps in return.

"You don't want me to lie to you," he responds, his words softer as he leans back on the couch and pulls Kensi's feet into his lap.

"I don't want you to do this by yourself," she corrects, pulling her feet away and putting them back on the floor. She leans forward with her elbows on her knees and turns her head to look at him, "And I don't want you to lie to me."

"Kens-"

"No, Deeks," she speaks firmly, "I know there are things we still don't know about each other's pasts and I know you want to protect me...to protect us. But I want you to let me help you. When I said 'all in,' I meant it, Deeks. In everything."

"I know," he fidgets with his hair before reaching over to grab one of her hands, "I just don't want them to have more reason to keep following you. I want them to leave you out of this."

He sees her readying another argument and puts his hand up to stop her and cuts her off with a quick shake of his head.

"Kensi. The more they even think you know, the more they'll push. And if I go down, and they find out that you knew things…" he trails off, letting out a long sigh, "As my current partner - my current partner who is also my girlfriend - you would be putting your own career at risk. I can't let that happen. I can't be responsible for that."

Letting out a frustrated grunt, Kensi's gaze doesn't waver, her eyes sparking with that fire he loves so much, "I don't like this."

He snorts and shakes his head slightly as a tiny smirk crosses his face, "I think I'd be offended if you did."

Letting out a soft chuckle of her own, Kensi sits back and relaxes against his side, "If this gets out of control or you get in too deep or you need anything-"

"You will be the very first person I come to," Deeks wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer, "I promise."

"I still don't like it," she responds quietly.

"I don't either, Kens. I don't either."

"Earth to Kensi," Sam teases as he waves his hand in front of her face.

Snapping out of the trance she was in and focusing her gaze on Sam, she doesn't try to hide the frustration, which has become her default emotion over these past two weeks. She huffs out an irritated breath, "What?"

Sam gives her a sad smile, "Come on, we need to go pick up a witness."

"What about Callen?" Kensi asks. It's almost lunch time and she's not really wanting to give up her daily routine of eating her feelings at whatever food truck she stops at before she goes to the firing range to release some of her pent up anger.

"Thought you might need to get out, maybe talk—"

She shakes her head vigorously, "What I need, Sam, is my partner back."

She hates this. She hates needing anyone. But apparently that's what Deeks has done to her over the last five years – made her need him. And the sad thing is, she still has him - she still sees him every night, every morning. But right now, her partner isn't here. He hasn't been here for two weeks and being without him at work, flying solo around the mission – or worse yet, being the third wheel to Callen and Sam in the field – it's more difficult than she could have imagined.

Between her time in Afghanistan and Deeks spending all those months hidden away in the aftermath of the Sidorov case, Kensi has had plenty of unwanted practice working without him, but this time it's different. This time, they're more than just partners, they're both still in LA, and no one is on a bogus mission or recovering from unimaginable torture.

But Deeks is hiding again – only this time he's hiding his problems instead of himself.

She's heard his reasons for keeping her away from the whole IA situation no less than five times. And while she wants to be understanding, it's a challenge trying to ignore her instinct to help him and it doesn't stop her from wishing he would just talk to her.

She glances up at Sam who looks as though he's waiting for her to keep fighting him, but she doesn't have the energy, "Fine. But I don't want to talk." She's up and walking outside before Sam can even comprehend that she actually agreed to go.

. . . .

Kensi is grateful that the first few minutes of their drive are blissfully quiet. She is trying to focus on anything other than wishing Deeks was the one in the car with her. Instead, all she notices are things that remind her of him; the waves and the beach, his favorite food truck spot, the sky and how it matches his eyes…

Damn it, Kensi, stop being ridiculous, you're going to see him tonight.

Her thoughts are interrupted when Sam clears his throat.

"Kensi, look—"

"I said I didn't want to talk, Sam," she responds tiredly, not taking her eyes off the road in front of them.

Sam nods, clearly expecting her reaction, "You don't have to talk, just listen." He glances over at her and watches the reluctance settle on her face before he continues, "I know you don't like that Deeks is keeping you away from whatever game Internal Affairs is playing but he just wants—"

"To protect me," she cuts him off, "And us. I know. But I don't need him to protect me and we are better when we work together."

Sam smiles at her, "Believe me, he knows that, probably better than any of us. But whatever is going on, whatever he's hiding, it's not because he doesn't trust you or that he thinks you can't protect yourself. I know you know that, you just have to remember it."

Kensi continues to stare out the window. Sam is right, and she does know that and it's not anything she hasn't told herself time and time again since the day they first noticed the detective following them. But knowing it and accepting it are two different things.

"When you were looking into your father's death and then went off the grid to track down Peter Clairmont, why didn't you let Deeks help you?"

Kensi's head snaps up and she stares at Sam, caught completely off guard by the change of topic and the question. She's speechless for a brief moment, and then understanding hits her like truck.

She sighs, "To protect him. Because it wasn't his fight."

Looking over at Sam, she rolls her eyes at the Deeks-like smirk on his face.

"Okay, fine," she groans, "but I still don't like it."

Sam's light laughter fills the car, "I never would have guessed."

Time may fly when you're having fun, but it sure seems to come to a screeching halt when you're desperate to be almost anywhere but where you are. Deeks thinks he probably shouldn't be surprised at how every day seems to drag on slower than the one before, but yet, he's proven wrong every single day.

After his unwanted detour to Bates' office this morning, he had succeeded in keeping to himself all the way through lunch. But now, with nothing between him and the end of the day but four empty hours, the boredom is really setting in. In what has become almost as routine as his morning solo think tank session, he pulls out his phone and taps out a quick text to Kensi, 'Hey Sugarbear…dinner's on me tonight…your choice. Just tell me what to get, where to bring it, and when to be there. Be safe.'

He stares at the phone screen long enough that he can almost hear Kensi telling him to stop being creepy. Chuckling to himself, he puts the phone on top of his desk and grabs the next case file from the slowly dwindling pile. Brushing up on the details of his old cases isn't what he wants to be doing today, or any day for that matter, but he hopes that maybe it will help pass the time.

. . . .

After almost two hours, Deeks drops the folder into his lap and rubs his tired eyes. Picking up his phone and illuminating the screen, he can't help but automatically feel a little uneasy about the lack of response from Kensi.

Given their line of work, it's not as though it's abnormal for her or any of them to be unreachable for chunks of time, but the pangs of worry he feels are an ever-present, nagging side effect of not being there to watch her back and they're currently hitting him at a rapid speed.

Closing his eyes and leaning forward with his elbows on the desk, his forehead pressed to his knuckles, he starts making a mental list of all the logical reasons that could explain why he hasn't heard back from her. While he was hoping it would help to alleviate the feeling of dread that has settled in the pit of his stomach, all he is able to focus on is that a lot of those logical reasons involve nasty criminals, guns, and hospitals.

Unwilling to continue torturing himself with the internal 'what-if' game, he gives up and decides to call her. Selecting her name from his speed dial list, he tries to convince himself that he's being ridiculous and that Kensi is fine…good, even. And surely someone would have called him if that wasn't true. Right?

As he holds the phone to his ear and listens to it ring, he's silently begging her to pick up. He wants her to tease him for his frenzied concern and to demand Bulgogi for dinner and to tell him to pick up Monty before heading over to her place after work. He just wants to hear her voice.

When the call connects and he hears the voice on the other end of the line, those annoying pangs of worry disappear. But only because he's fairly certain that his heart is about to beat right out of his chest.

Because the voice he hears isn't Kensi's.

"Sam?" He is trying desperately to keep his voice even but he's pretty sure he's failing, "Is Kensi there?"

He hears the muffled voice of Callen in the background before he hears Sam respond quietly, "It's Deeks."

"Sam!" he repeats, louder, "What's going on? Where's Kensi?"

This time, Deeks hears Sam let out a long, slow breath and that single, wordless response practically knocks the wind out of him.

Something is wrong. Very, very, wrong.

A split second later, and without waiting to hear what happened or to find out where he is even supposed to go, Deeks is on his feet and rushing out of the building.

There are a million thoughts screaming in his mind but all he hears is the deafening silence on the other end of the phone.

..tbc..