I don't deserve you.

You're perfect.

I'm such a whore!

I love you.

I haven't eaten in three days…

Don't leave me.

"John? Are you okay in there, babe?"

"Yeah! Be right out…"

Truth be told, John was NOT okay. He never had been okay. From birth, there had always been something wrong with him.

Kindergarten. The brunette was behind everyone in his class because he simply couldn't pay attention. More often then not, John would spend recess on the fence rather than the jungle gym because he'd drawn clouds and a smiley-faced sun on his paper instead of his name on the dotted lines.

Third grade. John became a victim of bullying. He was called fat, dork, and spent a lot of time in the nurse's office with a bloody nose, scrapes, and once, a black eye and shattered glasses.

Middle school. Buck toothed loser. Braces that didn't help worth shit, and usually had something caught under the top wire. After lunch with his sister, John would leave Jade at the table to go in the bathroom and empty his stomach of everything that was making him "fat". Two months later, his father was shocked to hear from the doctors that his son was 15 pounds underweight, and was at risk for several diseases.

Freshman year. Finally at a healthy weight, and with decent grades, John was certain that this would be his year. Until Dave moved into Seattle. John sat behind him in English class, and would constantly deny any romantic thoughts that came wormed into his mind. Not long after, he came out to the school counselor, and began attending a club after school for those who fit in the LGBTQ category. To his surprise, his friend (and old fifth grade crush) Rose was in the club as well. Of course, all good things have to come to an end. After a month of attending, John was raped by one of the members in the school bathroom, and was told it was his fault for being "such a filthy whore". He never told anyone besides Dave.

And now, in his sophomore year, John wanted to die. True, he had a wonderful relationship with Dave, and was good friends with a fiery red-head named Karkat in his geometry class, but all of the previous years of abuse, hospitals, and counselor offices had really torn the brunette's psyche apart. If a stranger looked at him, he automatically assumed that they were judging him. Laughter in the hallways at school seemed to be centered around John and the way he looked, or how slutty he looked for wearing skinny jeans that were far too skinny for a boy. Every glance, snicker, or 'Did you hear?' was about John, and he couldn't take the paranoia and torture any longer.

John was sitting on the edge of his bathtub, a bottle of small red pills clutched in his hand. Dave was across the hall in the brunette's bedroom, waiting for his boyfriend to return so they could continue their game of Mario Kart. John's dad was away on a business trip in Florida, but he hadn't gotten someone to look after his son, figuring that a sixteen year old boy could take care of himself for the weekend. '

John twisted open the bottle cap with a shaky hand, still buck teeth biting down on his lip. He wanted to do this quickly, before Dave could stop him, but… Something was slowing him down. Memories swirled like autumn leaves in his mind. And for once, the memories were somewhat happy… Getting inducted into National Honor's Society at school. The laser tag war that occurred on his 16th birthday between Jade, Dave, Rose, Karkat, his cousins Jake and Jane, and himself. His first kiss with Dave. The first time Dave let him see his ruby red eyes. When he danced with Dave at prom without any shame. Dave…

The brunette stared down into the bottle, blue eyes wide and full of tears. He could hear the laughter of his friends, and see their smiles. He could feel his dad's hand patting his back while he told his son how proud he was of him. He could feel Dave's arms around his shoulders, and his lips against his cheek. John's heart throbbed, and the tears fell. He couldn't do it. He couldn't die and lose everything and everyone he loved. He couldn't lose Dave, who stopped him from killing himself the first time.

With a loud sob, John threw the bottle onto the tiled floor, the pills scattering like drops of arsenic rain. He flung open the door and ran back into his room, tripping over his shoes and falling on his face.

"John! What- Why are you crying? Are you okay?" Dave rushed to help John up, only to be met with a loud wail and the dull, broken eyes of his precious love.

"I-I-I don't wa-anna d-die, Dave! Do-on't wan-na di-" John's hysterical crying was cut off with a fit of coughing gasping as the brunette felt his throat try and close up. The world was spinning madly, and he couldn't focus on anything but the burning in his chest. Dave pulled the panicking boy close to his chest, and tried the best he could to calm him down before something bad happened.

"No, no, no, you're not gonna die, John. Shhhhhh….. Calm down for me okay? Please. Just take some deep breaths; in and out, real slow."

"B-But I ca-ca-can't breathe! I cant b-brea-"

"Yes, you CAN. But you have to calm down first. Just close your eyes, and breathe in…"

Hiccupping and still choking on his tears, John closed his eyes and sucked in a choppy breath before letting it out with a sob.

"There you go. See? You can breathe. Keep doing it." Dave's voice was firm, but still full of concern and worry for the trembling boy he was holding.

For what seemed like hours, John continued to breathe as Dave instructed, his wheezes and hiccups eventually dying down. Eyes swollen and half lidded, John started to listen to the steady, calming beat of his boyfriend's heart as Dave rubbed his back in soothing circles, and placed a fragile kiss to his temple.

"You alright now?" He asked this quietly, earning a nod against his shoulder from John.

The brunette pulled away to look at Dave, wanting to tell him why he'd done what he did.

"I'm sorry… I was in the… the bathroom and there were these pills… I was gonna take them."

Dave didn't need to hear anything else to understand what his boyfriend meant. He simply picked the boy up, and carried him over to his bed. He laid John down, and then crawled over to lay beside him.

"I love you, John. If you ever feel like doing that again, come to me. Or Jade, or Karkat… Somebody. No one wants you to die, John. We all love you so much, and I don't even wanna think about what it'd be like to sit there at your funeral, and watch you get buried six feet underground in a box… I need you in my life, John. Don't leave me…"

John let his boyfriend's words soak in. No one had ever said something so heartfelt and sincere to him before. More tears began to well up in his eyes, but this time, John was smiling. He turned to face Dave, putting his arms around the blonde's neck as he pulled him into a kiss.

The two boys never separated once for the rest of the night. Somewhere along the line, they'd both lost their shirts and pajama pants. Dave was kissing John with a burning passion that was somehow still gentle and sweet. It was as if he wanted every movement of his lips to let John know that he loved him with every fiber of his being. John let out a shaky moan as his hips shifted back and forth with Dave's, and his arms stayed wound possessively around his boyfriend's neck. The movements continued for a little while before both boys cried each other's names, and John released against the blonde's stomach, Dave spilling into the brunette's warm insides. Dave then pulled out of his beloved little treasure, and curled his still trembling body around that of John's, softly kissing the developing bruise on his neck.

"Hey, Dave..?

"Hmm?"

"…How the hell am I gonna hide that hickey from my dad?"

Both John and Dave laughed at this, the brunette turning over to nuzzle his face into Dave's warm chest.

"But really though… I am sorry. I should have known better to think that the only thing left for me in life was to die. I have my future…my friends… my dad… and you." The brunette looked up at Dave with love and adoration sparkling in his once dead eyes. "Can you forgive me…?"

Dave smiled down at John, and kissed him tenderly.

"I already forgave you, you cute little shit. But like I said, if you ever feel that way again, just go talk to someone. No one will judge you, I promise."

John grinned back at Dave for what seemed like the first time in centuries.

"I love you… I love you so much, Dave."

"I love you too, John. Don't you ever forget that either."

"I won't."

"Strider's honor?"

"Hehe… Yeah, sure. Strider's honor. Like you have any."

"Oh, fuck you, Egbert."

"You already did that, Stri-dumbass."

Both the boys were silent after that, and Dave soon fell asleep. John laid awake for a bit more, watching the peaceful face of his boyfriend while he slept. With a yawn, the brunette closed his eyes with a sleepy smile. He wasn't afraid anymore. He wasn't afraid to live. Just before John drifted off, he thought of all his friends, what he was going to change in his life, and how lucky he was to have the boy who had saved him from losing it all.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift. That is why it is called the present." -Babatunde Olatunji