Fan Special!
brought to you by 'void crabs - the only STD you should ever want infecting your personality'
"A Day in the Life of a Minion"
author notes
heyo thunder-thighs! (jking no offense anyone who may be suddenly offended)
Today as my gift to you all: [drum roll] A voidling crabs special! because why would I not involve the cutest of the voidlings creatures in my comedy major void story :D
this may or may not have an impact on the actual story leave a comment in the reviews if you want me to play this into the story or not, today's chapter is sponsored by the following:
Mundo corp: "SLURP- Shoes!"
Diana's moon ray spa: *bad jokes*
Team Battlecast and Team GotDatBooty: "when are we gonna get another chapter Hunter?-" "-shhh when I finish my Zed/Shen skit *cough cough* [its nearly done]"
also sponsored by the following friends and family who have added to my bad jokes:
N0xM3RCYxHD: "Hunter?" "yesssssssssssssssssssssssss" "what the fuck am I reading?" "your mom OH!" "..." "*smiles*" "*facepalms*" "love you too *smiles more*" "love you too now lets get back to playing league and my godly-ness" "*zoidberg sounds*"
Fisher: "Bro-" "shhh I hunting pussy cats" "... Hunter-" "shhh" "Hunter I have a Idea for you-" "shhh- wait oh ok" "do a Yasuo joke" "muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha"
Maryiah: "what is dat purple bug!" "thats Kha'zix" "and the black spider?" "thats Elise" "she looks like she doesn't get enough hugs from her mommy" "*breaks down laughing*"
Public Education: "do work" "niez" "come on you know you want to be productive with these study halls" "niez"
this is my like actual day on a normal basis… help me
also fair warning the chapter's are about to get more spaced out because end of school year and all so on, to compensate I'm gonna raise the minimum word limit from 1.1k to more around 2.5k +, this chapter is gonna be a possibly lengthy one so hold on to your fried shoes everyone we're going for a ride… song lyrics reference anyone? no? fine I hate you all too T^T
Of all the Void creatures and the few wannabes *cough cough* [fizz, nocturne, etc] The most widely unnoticed was 'void crabs'- Malzahar's personal crab army of OP AD scaling [I been playing that shit], leader of the sub group of Voidlings was 'Gregory' the smartest of the [uh… herd? group of crabs? what the hell are they called actually?- one sec googling… oh a 'cast' huh… guess that's why hollywood actors are so 'crabby' *drums* thank you thank you all I'll be here all week] 'Cast'. The second in charge was 'Jillian' the cutest and Gregory's secret crush [a crab needs love too _], followed by Alen, Frank, Dave, Kassy 3, Malcolm, Erin and Aaron and Auron, Bob, Steve, Timmy, Josè, Derek, Ryan, Nolen, Reginald III, and Xavier [the psychic one]. This 'cast' spent the majority of the time in Malzahar's room or with the other Voidlings in various group activities including the recent picnic or better known as 'The Panic' as it was nicknamed in the Journal of Justice [JOJ]
-Flashback Time-
In the background there is Bandle city on fire with explosions and mayhem on the loose, un on the hilltop where we find the entire Void gang sitting at a picnic enjoying themselves after a long day of 'harmlessly wandering Bandle city and taking in the sights'.
"so should we get going? I mean-" Vel'koz started to ask when he was shushed by everyone.
"shh, just enjoy your food while you got it…, tomorrow we are in for some serious-" Malzahar stated back when an explosion too close for comfort shook the picnic area.
"yeah… ok lets pack up"
-End of Flashback Time-
Today was special, Today was the day of Malzahar's trip to Bandle city to pay the cost for the mayhem that had ensued prior. The special thing about it all was that the Void gang had to all be present except the 'cast' due to them being quote: "mindless vermin" [the summoner who had stated this has not been heard from in a while, I mean how long can one go on 'Vacation'] As a result they were free to do as they pleased for the next 12 hours… what can go wrong with an army of crabs bent on having fun?
"everyone settle down todays meeting is about to begin" Gregory was behind a podium that was about 6 inches tall trying to gather his fellow crabs so they could hopefully organize an eventful day, to anyone but the crabs or the Voidlings they sounded something like this:
"chirp chirp… chirp chirp chirp! chirp chirp? chirp… chirp chirp chirp"
"ok good, so I brought you all here from your various activities today so we can [hopefully] plan out a group event[s]!" Gregory began.
"everyone come write a idea on this white board I 'borrowed' from 'mean-grumby-purple-wizard-guy, and then everyone make a vote on ideas" The whole cast came to the white board and did their best to write ideas down and then vote for others ideas.
-meanwhile in Ryze's 'rift education class'-
The room was naked and tossed around, on the wall where Ryze normally had a white board was a sticky note with the following:
I.O.U. Mr. Purple-Grumpy-Wizard-Guy
"... where the hell did my stuff go?!"
-back to Malzahar's room-
The board was a mess of barely literate Void runes and Valorian script all with the penmanship of a 3-year old.
"so uh… that backfired- wait this one has a credible vote here! Today we are gonna play Rift" Gregory and the gang scuttled out of the room and hurried to Summoner's Rift for some typical shenanigans, as they made their march out they scuttled by many well known summoners and champions including but not limited to:
Faker- they all chirped with excitement around him and gave him praise for being so good.
Morde and Sona- the duo were hand in hand on their way to the outer gardens to relax the day away with each other when the crabs scuttled by and said hello. They both bent down and pet the crabs and said their hellos both being able to understand the crabs due to telepathy [Morde learned from Sona].
Morgana at the Sinful Succulence- Morgana greeted the crabs and gave them a tray of cookies on the house.
-Summoner's Rift-
In a standard League match as you should know is comprised of 5 champions on either side with 4 abilities and 1 passive each, capable to hold 6 items and a trinket, farming minions for gold to gain more prowess. Today Effrem E. Doran (thats the shop keeper's name actually, or at least the old shop keeper) was greeted by a strange sight in front of his weapons/armor shop, in front of him was some of his long time friends from the cast of crabs Malz always had with him.
"ho ho! What do we have here Gregory, long time no see y'all… guess we'll need to get you set up today eyh? Hmm… ok I'm gonna upload some abilities for y'all to use, Grab a temporary item- anything you guys want even a Trinity and the normal stuff before you head on your lanes" EEDoran merely instructed the gang.
Gregory got a Hydra
Jillian bought a Gunblade
Dave grabbed a BT
Xavier nabbed a Frozen Mallet
and Derek obtained a BoRK
"Thanks Effrem! Ok so I'll take top, Jillian go mid, Dave and Xavier go bot, and that leaves jungle to Derek… play it safe till our abilities are updated" Gregory lead the team to their various lanes, they were playing on Blue today so Derek figured red would be a good start. Red buff to anyone who hasn't jungled before or is reading this randomly, is a roughly champion sized melee lizard with 2 caster lizards or ample strength, killing said lizard grants a temporary attack slow and burn effect. This is why jungler's, gap closing AD top laners, and ADC's like the buff.
"so uh… hiya Elder Lizard how are you today" Derek being typical Derek tried to start a conversation with his target.
"... uh boss did that crab try to talk to you?" The little lizard whispered into the Elders ear, all three of them were huddled together very confused by the 6 inch tall talking crab.
"um… I'm… I'm good how are you?" The Elder called back.
"Good! This is my first time on the Rift without our prophet- is that a campfire?!" Derek staggered with big eyes at the fire, he always was a Pyromaniac.
"Yeah.. its a small campfire… because we're a camp… fucking Summoner's" Elder glared at the sky.
"O_O campfire… you know what this means right?!" Derek had a look on his tiny crab face that would suck the soul from any manly man *cough cough, somewhere in the IOW Darius just wet his bed and then shat on it too*.
"... uh boss… he's scaring me-" The little lizard didn't have a chance what followed made the entire jungle tremble:
"Lets gather around the campfire
And sing our campfire song
Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song
And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong
But it'll help if you just sing along
Pam Pam Pam...
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song
And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong
But it'll help if you just sing along
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song
*the jungle monster's running in horror* AHHHH!
Song! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E...
Baron!
"..."
good
It'll help
It'll help
If you just sing along!
O Yea!"
From Top lane Gregory could hear the faint tone of Derek going on a murderous rampage, Turning back to his laning opponent Zed. From what Gregory could remember of Zed, he was a evil ninja who betrayed his brother and clan for shadow powers which he was using now to jump on his at lvl 3 - Gregory had to think quick all he had to his was a hydra for sustain, and adorableness; I mean there had to be something he could do to win this trade but what? Zed was a loner and grumpy all the time but why would he be so mad… his old group was Shen his brother, Kennen the fur ball of lightning, and - that was it!
"I BET AKALI LIKES YOU!" Gregory called out before curling up for the burst, just as Zed charged at Gregory and shadowed he heard this which resulted in a loss of all focus on his task leading to him to warp in front of Gregory and then fall face first on the ground behind him.
"Ow… *sighs* what do you mean?" Zed pulled himself up to look at Gregory trembling in fear, gently tapping him on the head to grab his attention.
"Uh- I-I-I'm sorry Mr. Zed sir! please don't hurt me-" Gregory still curled up.
"What do you mean Akali likes me?" Zed asked in a very monotone voice as always.
"well uh… I mean she is always looking longingly at you when you walk by her, like a long lost friend - a really close friend" Gregory uncurled slightly.
"hmm maybe you're right actually… ok Gregory lets both back and then not fight till you have your abilities, fair? In return after this game I'm gonna need your help with that akali issue" Zed offered his hand to help Gregory up.
"Deal, thanks Zed… you're not all that bad" Gregory took the help and recalled to base.
Mid lane was having some issues as well, Jillian had been having to fight non other than Diana. Jillian had never met Diana before this moment now, but at this moment she had an undying urge to rip her intestine out and strangle her with them… and that was after the first 3 jokes. Daina's Summoner was apparently a special case of stupid as she waltzed into Jillians tower randomly before he AFKed the game leaving poor Diana to be headbutted in the shins before a tower shot ripped her to pieces.
FIRST BLOOD
"I would feel bad for her… if she wasn't the most annoying champion I had met so far" Jillian sighed to herself as Lux showed up mid.
"OMFG YOU N00B KILLING A AFK SUCH A SHITTY PLAY" Lux's Summoner called out to Jillian before spamming laugh… that horrible laugh.
"... I spoke way too soon" Jillian with her left eye twitching walked over to Lux's Tower and casually ripped it from the ground before it shot a single blast and turned to Lux.
"HA YOU'RE A STUPID N00B, WALKING INTO TOWER-" Lux was hit with a 50 ton outer tower at about 70 miles per hour in the face.
DOUBLE KILL
Chat
Zed: "Gregory?"
Gregory: "yes?"
Zed: "your girlfriend just threw a tower at Lux-"
TRIPLE KILL
Gregory: "Zed?!"
Zed: "*coughing up blood between being smashed by a 50 ton Tower* correction she threw one at me too"
Gregory: "ouch…"
Graves: "Tarnation! that Gal is F%$#ing Crazy-?!"
QUADRA KILL
Janna: "Graves! … well shit guess she put him in his place *drums*- AHHHHHHHH"
PENTA KILL
Gregory: "... holy… shit…
Bot Lane was slightly hectic for the rest of laning phase, with Dave and Xavier doing pretty decently. Dave realised shortly after Jillian's Penta Kill that his items always returned to him, so he figured he could probably just throw his BT at Graves and then it would return to be thrown again! Xavier just like smashing Graves face in with a hammer so… yeah.
10 minutes into the game EEDoran came back with good news for the gang, he had gone and set up their abilities like so:
Passive-into the Void:
"Void Crabs are the Larva form of beasts better known as Cho'Gath"
+1/3/5 stats* (+1/3/5 AD, AP, MS, AR, MR, AS) for every Voidling in a 2500 unit area - stacks 5 times (counts self)
+1/3/5 defenses for every spell castes in a 1000 unit area - stacks 10 times (counts self)
unit kills grant 10/20/30/40/50 hp and 2.5/5/7.5/10/12.5 mana
Q-Axis:
"ohhh so thats what Vel'Koz got his Q from… huh"
launches a slow moving skillshot that explodes into a 3 pronged projectile
80/100/120/140/160 magic damage per projectile
does 50% less damage to the same target per volley
15/12/9/6/3 sec CD
does not scale CDR, but CDR speeds up the projectiles:
main projectile: 300u/s up to 500u/s
secondary projectiles: 500u/s up to 750u/s
+.7 AD scaling
80/85/90/95/100 mana cost
W-Relic:
"because the last thing these vermin could ever need was a shield- oh shit…"
casts a shield on self for ONE of the following effect:
blocks 50/100/150/200/250 damage units (defenses do not come into effect) (+.3 AP scaling)
blocks ONE projectile (skillshot) and grants 50% AOE defense - last 5 seconds after cast, if no projectile intercepts, grants 50% rebate on mana cost
heals for 50/75/100/125/150 hp (+.5 AP scaling
65/70/75/80/85 mana cost
effect #1 acts if hit by AA
effect #2 acts first unless hit by AA
effect #3 acts on a second tapping of "W"
20/18/16/14/12 second CD
E-Reverential tides:
"yeah maybe we are putting a little too much utility into these little fella's… LOL funny joke am I right?!"
blinks 350/450/550/650/750 units when moving TOWARDS an ENEMY Champion
OR
grants +30% MS when moving AWAY from an ENEMY Champion
R-Swarm:
"They act in swarms by the millions- catching otherworldly prey without remorse"
consumes 100/200/300 mana and 2.5%/5%/7.5% of current hp to form a 1000 unit radius Buff:
all HOSTILE targets take 5%/10%/15%/20%/25% more damage from incoming sources (+1% per 50 bonus AD, +1% per 50 AP)
all FRIENDLY champions and projectiles (ranged AA, skillshots, etc) have their movement speed increased by 50%
all FRIENDLY units gain +30/40/50 stats* (+30/40/50 AD, AP, MS, AR, MR, AS)
150/125/100 sec CD
not effected by CDR
each second after cast consumes 25 mana up to a 20 second duration
can be canceled after 5 seconds
THIS CONSUMES ALL ALLIED VOIDLINGS ULTIMATE'S
Voidling gang: "... Jesus fucking Jarven..."
EEDoran: "I did good didn't I"
-fast forward to team fight at 22:12-
"ok gang lets do this!" Gregory cried out as he charged into the group, followed by the rest of the gang allowing them to pop their Ultimate all together to unleash a massive combo of abilities. Graves was burst'd before he could even state "Tar-nation", Janna followed soon after while Diana ran in to burst down Jillian and Dave. Gregory followed up by Deleting Lux while Xavier and Derek managed to peel for them. ending in Diana's explosive death which just left-... where was Zed?!
-meanwhile at Blue Nexus-
Zed had gotten the nexus down to 1 hp when they finally noticed he had pushed from top lanes outer tower to Nexus in about a minute.
"so yeah uh... GG Gregory and gang" Zed smirked as he gently flicked the Nexus for the 1 hp, causing a chain reaction detonating the Nexus and winning the game for purple team, maybe he would go ask Akali on a date after this beautiful victory-
PURPLE TEAM HAS SURRENDERED 4 to 1
*everyone is teleported to the Post-game Room*
"... *eye twitching*" Zed stood next to the exploded Blue nexus with a expression under his mask that would kill at sight.
"AND THAT'S FOR FUCKING MY MOTHER ZED!" Lux screamed from across the post-game room before storming out of the room leaving a very confused group of champions and voidlings.
Graves: "... *throws hands up into the air and walks out*"
Janna: "but-...we...-but-but-but-"
Diana: "fuck this shit I'm leaving... Gregory and Co. you all earned a free trip to my spa on the house c'ya later"
Gregory and Co: "*looks at each other and then back* WORTH!"
*Ryze storm's into the room, foaming at the mouth*: "I FUCKING FOUND YOU LITTLE FUCKERS!?"
Gregory and Co: (Vl_(O~O)_lV) (RUN!)
*insert crazy chasing scene here*
"did we lose him?-"
"HERE'S JONNY- I MEAN RYZE!"
"AHHH"
*insert more chasing here*
so ... yeah that happened... but as stated before if you all want this to impact the actual story put it in the reviews :D, and next chapter we will get back on track... maybe... just maybe :P
Bai!