A/N: Well, it's nearly been a year since I finished the prequel to this one, and it's about time to catch up with Xiao and see how she's doing, don't you think? As always, comments and constructive criticism are much appreciated, so please let me know whether you liked it or not. This one is dedicated to everyone who enjoyed reading Monochrome. However, you don't really need to read it to understand what's going on in this fic, so don't worry if you haven't.

NEVER EVER

Despite my strong desire,
I started giving up.
I'd find it, release it, and sometimes
there were nights when I hurt myself.

Chapter One: Two Years, Two Letters

I wonder how long it's been since I last saw you? Two years? Has it been that long yet? I guess it must have been, because it's summer again. Long days and short nights, and lazing in the garden with a cold drink. And girls in short skirts, which I know for a fact you appreciate. I love this time of year, you know. But it would feel so much better if you were with me. Even if we were working some sucky summer job together, your silly one-liners and your smile would be enough to make me happy. Right now, I'm sitting on a bench overlooking the amusement park that Miharu and I have spent the day visiting. It's getting dark, and the whole place is illuminated with coloured lights. There's dance music coming from all over the place, and I still feel dizzy from all the times I dragged Miharu onto the rollercoaster. I can just picture you reading this and rolling your eyes. Hey, you know what I'm like when it comes to rides. And I don't mean that in a sex way, either, so stop smirking like that. I know you are.

What are you doing, right now? What's it like where you are?

Oh, hey, you know that rollercoaster I just mentioned? It's supposed to be the biggest one in all of Japan. It's awesome, trust me. When you get back, I'm totally going to make you come on it with me. No excuses!

When are you getting back? When are you going to write to me? I got your first letter, but that was about two months after you left. I haven't heard from you since then. Why?

I miss you.

I miss you being by my side. It still feels weird walking through the corridors at school without you there. You know what? I even miss your cigarettes. I bet you never thought you'd hear me say that, did you? Well, technically, I didn't say it, I wrote it, but you know what I mean. I can cope with having to wash the smoke out of my hair when it's only just been washed, if it means I can see you again.

Why haven't you written to me yet? You said you would. You haven't forgotten me and Miharu, have you? You're still alive, right? I'm only half joking with that. But of course you are. You're probably laughing as you read this. I wish I knew you were getting these letters. I've only got this address for you. Are you getting them forwarded to you? Yeah. You just haven't replied because you've been busy. I get it. But try to write to me, even if it's just to let me know you're okay. You'll be back soon, right?

Next to me, there's a huge bag of stuffed toys and sweet wrappers, and half empty drinks bottles that we've been carrying around all day. There's a guy sitting on the end of the bench, reading the paper. Today's headline's something to do with a celebrity scandal. Miharu told me more about it this morning, but I've forgotten what she said. She went to get some candyfloss for us, that's why I'm by myself right now. That's why I'm thinking of you.

And you, too, Jin. She's done a great job of getting my mind off you, and I love her for that, because all I can think of when I start thinking about you is the last time I saw you.

Your promise. Your smile.

It makes me wonder if that smile was genuine. If you were ever intending on keeping your promise to me, or if you just said it because you thought it was what I wanted to hear. I know you just wanted to protect me. You wanted me to leave so that I'd be safe. I shouldn't feel bitter about it, I know that.

I've realised something while I've been waiting here for you. Something that I sort of knew all along, but I just thought it was a teenage thing. A sixteen year old girl thing. I thought it would fade with you being gone for so long, and me being around other guys all the time with being at school, but it hasn't. If I'd have told you, would you still have left me behind? And if I tell you now, in this letter, what will you think? It's been two years, do you still feel like you did back then? I don't want to tell you like this. I want to say it when you're with me. It'll be easier to tell how you really feel if I could see your reaction. Does that sound like I don't trust you? Well, I trusted you to come back, and look what happened.

I'm sorry. I'm not being fair to you. Sorry for feeling this way.

I want to see you again, tell you all this. Writing it down isn't enough if you never have chance to read it. It's been two years. I try to keep hoping, I really do. A year ago, I was sure you'd be back. After all, you promised me. So I always smile and agree with Miharu when she says that I'll hear from you soon enough, but it's only because neither of us can bring ourselves to talk about the more likely outcome. I'm never going to see you again. You're not going to keep your promise. You're not like Hwoarang, there's nothing stopping you from coming back or making contact with me. A letter, a phonecall, anything. Unless you can't.

You're not coming back, are you? Sound pessimistic, don't I? So prove me wrong. Please.

If there were something I could give to you,
If there were something I could give to you,
It would be my unchanging, certain thoughts.

--- NEVER EVER, Ayumi Hamasaki