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Rachel put the phone to her ear.
And after a few minutes, she broke down.
She crumpled up on the floor, wrapped herself up in a ball- and cried. She cried and cried until she was emotionally ready to do something about it.
She ran down the stairs, jacket in hand, keys in pocket- wearing only her pink silk dressing gown and socks, and got in her car and drove all night for her sanity.
...
"You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world"
Jesse gasps in a breath of air. He is sitting in the music hall of his old school, well technically the school he will have to come back to now. It's actually cold inside, luckily he was wearing his leather jacket, fleeced on the inside, nice and snug fitting. How many times she had stroked the arms, the chest and gripped the back. Her touches were all over- yet this is the first time he didn't feel at home in his own clothes anymore.
What else to sing? Keep your mind clear of her; keep her far from your mind.
He hears footsteps behind him. It's weird how you can recognize someone's footsteps, when you never paid attention to that tiny detail.
Rachel Berry.
She had damp hair, red cheeks and eyes, and her fringe was plastered to her forehead. Her hands were shaking, her tiny body trembling in her slightly damp gown, and only socks on her feet. All other women in the world should be jealous of her at this point. Because she looks so beautiful, so magnificently gorgeous, just like this. No fancy clothes, no makeup, wet, messy hair, freezing cold and crying. She could beat any model hands down right now at this point.
She wiped her nose on the back of her hand- and instead of speaking, she sang.
Hey, I got your message.
That you stopped by the apartment.
No worries leave your things here for one more day.
I don't know why this happened. My life is dark as hell without you. The room feels so much colder since you went away.
She walks over to the other piano, across the room- and plays.
Jesse I don't want this, why can't we sit and talk this through. I'm losing sleep and I need you to come back home to me now.
Since your brother's birthdays Friday, I sent a card from both of us, The day before there was no us how was I to know?
Don't worry 'bout your clothes and all, maybe I will pack them up, Make this easier on both of us, well just for you.
'Cause everything is breaking down now since you've been gone. I don't even know the days; I don't know where to start. I'm in agony there are times I can't breathe- now.
She collapses to the piano seat- body trembling, tears falling. She stops.
Then, unexpectedly, she stands up from the piano- and as single tears roll down her cheek, sings the final sentence. So I guess that's it, sorry for this message, your bags will all be waiting when you arrive, I hope you doing well, now. "
She tries to look at him, in the eyes- and say goodbye- and that she still loves him, more than ever.
But she can't.
...
She can't do it.
He watches as she slowly, collapses, to the floor. She almost whimpers, crying, sobbing.
Then his eyes are wet.
How can he sit here- and watch the girl that he is in love with, just crumple up and cry?
He walks over to her, and picks her up into his arms.
He lets her tears stain his shirt, and her hand grip his jacket. Just where her hand belongs.
He sits her down inside his car, stroking her wet hair, her wet cheeks- just holding her so she wouldn't feel so alone, so he wouldn't feel so helpless.
He finally whispers to her "If it is any consolidation, even singing it up the octave, you still hit the high note."
She smiled briefly, but then frowns again. "Jesse, why are you leaving me? Just tell me the truth- that's all I want to hear. I want to hear that you don't want to make love to me, or you think my nose is disproportioned to my face, or my hips are too wide or my calf's are too big- or you don't love me. Just the truth- it's all I ask. Please" She gasps. "Please, just give me that."
Jesse sighs. She will never really know. "No Rachel, none of those things are true- none of those are the reasons I am leaving you. And trust me, I don't want to. But I am being forced to by a lot of different people, and they threaten to hurt you every time I say no. So I decided to break my own heart, and leave you. This doesn't have to be the way it works. I could maybe try to stand up to the-"
"Jesse- nothing could hurt me, as much as the things you said on that message. Whether it's Finn, or Shelby, or anyone in New Directions saying this stuff- I don't care. You can be my bullet-proof armour, you can be my protection. It's all I need. All I want is you. I know we haven't been all the way yet, but I feel like I can love no-one else- ever, in my whole life. You feel right to me. Don't you feel it, Jesse? "
Jesse gulps. This was it. The moment he had been waiting for. "Yes, Rachel. "
He lay her down in the backseat of his car, and kissed her. He held her head, held her waist- she held his heart. She gripped his leather jacket with her tiny hand, and put one hand over his heart.
When they were done, he drove her to a hotel down the road from the school. They booked a double bed- and until 11 o'clock at night, discussed what they were going to do tomorrow.
He looked at Rachel's list:
Tell Shelby to get stuffed. (He was going to tell her to buzz off, pack up his things and drive to Rachel's house.)
Open his parents saving account for him. (They did say when he needed to take care of himself, to use it. And there was plenty- now was that time.)
Un-pack his things at Rachel's.
Make Pancakes. (Rachel's favourite thing to cook.)
She came out of the bathroom, still in her dressing gown. He had turned up the heater, so her hair and clothes would dry.
"Jesse- I have one question to ask."
She sat at the end of the bed, and he came around and sat on his knees, grabbing her hands.
"I just want to know- if you think, I'm, you know...attractive?"
He smirked.
"Rachel- what do you think it is I see in you? Apart from the other things I love about you, of course."
"Well I'm not sure. That's the thing. I have nothing going for me. I'm usel-"
Jesse put a finger on her lips.
"Rachel- you are honestly the most beautiful, amazing girl in the whole wide world- and yes I find you attractive. But I love you more than that- I don't need you for that kind of stuff. But..."
And suddenly he understood why she was asking this question.
She looked up at him, and gave a tiny nod.
"You sure?"
She nodded again.
He wasn't going to wait any longer.
He grabbed her waist, the small of her back, and slowly placed her on the bed. She undid the buttons of his shirt one by one, and pulled it off- ran her warm hand down his front. It sent tingles down his spine, and made his face light up.
He untied her dressing gown, and knowing it was the only thing she had on, took it off.
"Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.
Oh but you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
Just the way you look tonight."
He sung this under his breath, the moon lighting her caramel skin, making a sparkle in her eye, making her tiny body seem more than heaven in this night.
He pulled down his pants and lay on top of her. Just letting his hips lightly dig into her waist, he whispered in her ear "Are you sure?"
And she smiled. He knew they were ready.
He pulled her onto his waist, and let their bodies take care of themselves.
And it was the start of a new journey, for both of them.