I do not own Boys over Flowers or any of the songs mentioned.
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Jan-di sat quietly fidgeting every so slightly as the heat from the many lights above burned her skin. Much longer and I'll leave with a tan she thought dryly trying her best to keep a pleasant smile on her face as beads of sweat began to form across her forehead. Her manager had set her up on Korea's top rating night time talk show to discuss her newest single which will feature on her new album. It's been three long years since Jan-di started singing and modeling to get her through university. In that time she's become quite famous and even started her own clothing line. Now she sat in some oversized black plush chair burning to a crisp on the set of Stars with Ji-woo.
"Hello and welcome to Stars with Ji-woo!" The petite brunette sitting across from Jan-di shouted excitedly grinning widely. "Tonight I have a special guest, here for her first interview with me ever is the charming Geum Jan-di!" Jan-di tried not to blink as she smiled at the camera which was now pointed directly at her, giving a small wave she looked back at Ji-woo before the lights blinded her completely.
"I am so excited to have you here tonight to go over your new single "Daniel" on the release of your newest album!"
"Thank you, it's such a honor to be here on your show tonight." Jan-di greeted trying to match Ji-woo's enthusiasm. But even the little energy she put into that small greeting had her feeling exhausted. It's a miracle that the woman sitting here across from her didn't faint from exhaustion as she puts the same energy into her show each and every night. "Tonight's show is going to be a little different." Ji-woo explained calmly. Jan-di forced a painful grin that she hoped looked polite as her eyes darted for any sign of interference from her manager. Different is not how they rehearsed their show earlier this morning. In fact that line wasn't even in the script Jan-di read over before she approved to be a guest on Ji-woo's show. Her stomach knotted as she turned her attention back to the host.
"Different how?" The question was simple, yet as the normally bubbly star hostess took a moment to collect her thoughts Jan-di felt her heart race, beating harder and faster with each second that passed..
"I have a collection of questions your fans have sent in, that we're going to be asking you tonight." This definitely was not what they rehearsed. Rubbing her sweaty palms she forced the most genuine smile she could muster. "That sounds great." Her voice cracked with the emphasis on "great". This was going to be her failing moment. She can't lie about anything, one she's a horrible liar and two, her number one attraction is that she's completely honest about all things regarding her life when asked.
"First question is from a long time fan of yours who is curious about where your inspiration came from when writing your new top single, Daniel."
"Daniel is actually a story from a fan of mine, whom I met on my last tour." That was easy enough to answer Jan-di thought as she let out a breathe of relief. Her agreement with chairman Kang was still good.
"Oh I think there's more to it than that."
"What?" Of course it wouldn't be so easy. She should have known that a basic answer wasn't going to be enough, Ji-woo had a knack for getting her guests to say more than they ever intended to.
"Jan-di, you sing the song with such emotion. This has to have touched you in some deeper more meaningful way." Her expression must have said it all because Ji-woo leaned over and grabbed her hand, giving it a light squeeze. Suddenly as if planned Jan-di's voice filled the room as her song played in the background. Closing her eyes and willing her heart to slow down Jan-di allowed herself to get lost in the lyrics.
(Song is Daniel by Dia Frampton)
Do you still sleep without your pillows in the house on Cherry street?
Do you hear the sea?
And we promised we would meet back up in Autumn,
But next spring came crawlin' on its knees.
You couldn't fit inside my suitcase,
And I didn't wanna be slowed down.
Sometimes I wish that I could turn the clock around.
Why Daniel? I wish you'd talked me out of it, through thin and thick
Why Daniel? Why'd you let me walk away, I would've stayed.
I convinced me if I loved you, I'd leave you, I was lying.
You stood there with your palms out, your crying was silent
Why Daniel? I didn't mean a word I said back then.
Why'd you let me win?
I remember when we spoke of flying North to Paris, France,
Just to feed the birds
And do you still have that old napkin you took home from the cafe,
Where I wrote those 3 words?
You couldn't follow me to LA
I should have never took that job
Now three years have passed and I still feel so robbed
Why Daniel? I wish you'd talked me out of it, through thin and thick
Why Daniel? Why'd you let me walk away, I would've stayed.
I convinced me if I loved you, I'd leave you, I was lying.
You stood there with your palms out, your crying was silent
Why Daniel? I didn't mean a word I said back then.
Why'd you let me win?
Have you settled down with someone since I gave you time to grow?
Do you ever think about me, was it easy to let go?
I was such a foolish soul.
Why Daniel? I wish you'd talked me out of it, through thin and thick
Why Daniel? Why'd you let me walk away, I would've stayed.
I convinced me if I loved you, I'd leave you, I was lying.
You stood there with your palms out, your crying was silent
Why Daniel? I didn't mean a word I said back then.
Why'd you let me win?
Why'd you let me win?
As the music faded Jan-di opened her eyes. Ji-woo was wiping her eyes with a handkerchief, touching her own cheek Jan-din realized that she was crying herself. Ji-woo offered her a handkerchief which Jan-di silently declined. "You can not tell me that the story in your song 'Daniel' is strictly a fans."
"No, it's not." Jan-Di mumbled wiping her tears away.
"Your tears gave you away." Ji-woo stated light heartedly patting her hand gently, trying to change the mood.
"They're not tears, they're memories." Smiling weakly Jan-di took a deep breath. This was going to happen eventually so might as well go with it now.
"So it's safe to say that this song reminds you of a past love? No ones gotten a chance to discuss the famous Jan-di's love life before. I must know, how many lovers have you had?"
"Just one." Ji-woo's head snapped up at Jan-di's confession. "One?" The shock was evident in the hostesses tone. "That means… you left the only man you've loved?" A slight nod was the only response given and the silence that followed could have stopped time itself.
"Why?" The question was innocent and expected but the answer was anything but.
"The situation was complicated and I'd wish to not go into detail." Jam-Di commented quietly her mind finding itself back in Chairman Kang's office on day she offered to end everything with Gu Jun-pyo. The day that she broke his heart so badly he'd never seek her out in the future, all relying on the condition that chairman Kang promised to leave her friends and family alone. A secret she could never verbalize. "I left more than the only man I've loved." Why she was saying this she didn't know, maybe it was the weight of getting some of the truth out in the open. For years her music has been her only outlet, having abandoned her friends, family, and Gu Jun-pyo.
"I left my friends and family too, I haven't seen any of them in three years." This definitely would be a show everyone would remember. Tears are not a common occurrence here on the set of Stars with Ji-woo but with each word Ji-woo seemed to cry a little more for Jan-di, definitely torn up by this confession.
"I have one more question about this topic before we have to move on or we'll run out of time." Patting her eyes again with the handkerchief Ji-woo straightened herself in her seat. "Why haven't you tried to reconnect with anyone?"
"One of the greatest things about my poor upbringing is that I can endure many things. I can endure hunger, cold, pain both physically and emotionally. I've slept on the streets and struggled for my next meal and I have worked myself to the point of breaking my body down and fainting. However, being able to endure all that I found that the one thing I cannot endure is the suffering of my loved ones."
"I have so much more I want to ask, but I have to move on. Okay, next question is…. What is your favorite song from your new album?"
Glad for the change in topic Jan-di grinned easily knowing the answer to that question. "My favorite song is a song I wrote for my family called Heaven's too far."
"I do not believe I have heard that one."
"I haven't released it yet, would you like to hear it?" Ji-woo nodded excitedly clapping her hands as someone brought a guitar out for Jan-Di. Positioning herself with the guitar in her hands she began to play.
(Song is Heaven's too far by Meg and Dia)
I used to drive 500 miles
to meet you in Arizona.
Used to call you late at night,
and talk under the blankets.
I wouldn't share you with anyone, you were my secret.
but now you're gone and frankly, I still don't believe it.
I would go anywhere to find you
I would search everywhere to find you
but I'm afraid heavens too far away
I have no doubt that where you are
is somewhere I could never follow
I feel you as I lay outside
But especially in the spring time
I see the darkness all around inside my very soul
I fear that where you've gone my soul will never go
I would go anywhere to find you
I would search everywhere to find you
I would go anywhere to find you
I would search everywhere to find you
Remember wringing out that silly coat of yours?
You looked like heaven knows
but I saw in the shadow of your halo
why do you always go where I can't follow you?
they'd never let me through
My heart was never as pure as yours
I would go anywhere to find you
I would search everywhere to find you
I would go anywhere to find you
I would search everywhere to find you
But I'm afraid heavens too far
I'm afraid heavens too far away
As Jan-di finished she noticed that the water works were coming down in full force as Ji-woo partially sobbed. "That was so beautiful" she cried blowing her nose. "Why did you dedicate that particular song to your family? It really is beautiful, we must know!"
"A year ago today I learned that my father, mother, and younger brother died out at sea in a storm. Their bodies were never recovered." Jan-di couldn't begin to imagine what her own expression was to the viewers but she imagine it mirrored Ji-woo's torn one as the hostess looked at her, eyes red and puffy from crying.
"Jan-di! You're breaking my heart tonight. Can I hug you? You know what, I don't care I'm giving you a hug! I am truly sorry to hear this about your family." The exchange was awkward, but comforting as the tiny hostess leaned across and embraced Jan-di with enough strength to force the air from her lungs. "You must tell us something happy, who was your support during this last year? Who does Jan-di turn to when battling with loss?" Her heart ached as thoughts of Gu Jun-pyo flashed through her mind. So many times she had found herself balled up in the cold tile that made up her bathroom floor while she cried herself to sleep in the early hours of the morning. Each time she wish she could reach out to him, beg him for forgiveness. But she couldn't, he would never have her now. Not with what she did.
"I wish I had someone to name for you Ji-woo. I really do, but I don't have anyone I've turned to in dealing with the loss of my family." The hostess looked at her speechless. Gaping like a fish desperate for air. "No one? Jan-di, you are something else. Tell me then what gets you through each day?"
"That's easy, my music is my biggest outlet. I have some fun songs that I just enjoy but mainly my songs are parts of my life and what I'm dealing with. It took me a year to finish Heaven's too far and I'm glad to be able to play it for the first time on the anniversary of my families claimed passing. My other outlet it my schooling. I truly have a desire to help people and my goal of becoming a doctor helps me stay focused."
"That's truly inspiring. It also ties into our next question. Your fans are wanting to know why go to school to become a doctor? Why not pursue singing and modeling full time? I think it's obvious that they want to see and hear more of you and are concerned that when you become a doctor you'll step out of the spotlight completely."
"I've always wanted to help people, since I volunteered at a clinic when I was in high school I knew the way in which I wanted to help people was by becoming a doctor. Singing and modeling have been a great means of financial support, and don't get me wrong I do love it. It's just not the only dream I have, you know?" It was obvious that Ji-Woo was not following, the hostess nodded her head like she understood but her expression said otherwise.
"I can look nice dolled up with make up and nice clothes and I appear to be a talented singer. But, why should I stop there? What does those things do for me other than provide financial security? Why am I expected to settle and not pursue more with my life. I want to do more than exploit my talents, I want to better my community. Becoming a doctor fulfills that desire. I'll still continue to sing I just may not tour as often."
"Well you definitely have my support. I have the feeling that you could become anything you put your mind to anyways. Truly an unstoppable force."
"Thank you, Ji-woo."
"Our last question is in regards to your living situation." Jan-di raised a brow in curiosity at the mention of her living situation. "You live simply, so to say in comparison to others with the same success you've had. Do you think you live more modestly due to growing up as a dry cleaners daughter?"
"I'm sure it does. I was not born with a silver spoon so I cannot say for sure. But I'd rather put more money into charities than living above necessary means." Of course her up bringing influences how she spends her money, even if she thought being born rich wouldn't make a difference in her lifestyle, she's sure it would because she'd know nothing else.
"I know I said that was the last question, but I have one of my own if you don't mind. You reference the United States a lot in your songs. Is there a specific reason for that?"
"Well.. I spent some time studying abroad there. I thought being so far away from home would help me cut ties. All it did was make me miss everyone more. As a distraction I traveled as much as possible. I go back to those memories a lot when writing my songs."
"Well there you have it, thank you for joining me tonight. I'm sure your fans are standing behind you with lots of love and support. You heard it here first on stars with Ji-woo!" Almost immediately the cameras where off and the lights turned down. Hell bent on getting out of there as soon as humanly possible Jan-di darted for her room back stage where her manager should be waiting for her. She didn't even want to discuss what happened on that interview. She just wanted to go home and pour herself a stiff drink. She made sure to never drink in public, remembering the time Gu Jun-pyo warned her to never drink without him around. She's stuck to that as best she could only allowing herself to have an occasional drink in the safety of her home.
To her displeasure her manager was not waiting for her at her room, a man she hadn't seen before stood outside her door, dark suit and shades. It could only mean one thing, Chairman Kang. Taking a deep breathe she pushed open the door. Completely shocked to see Gu Jun-pyo's father standing in her room she stuttered out a formal greeting not sure what she did to have drawn out the man she used to care for after his heart attack. "Please, no need for such formalities. I came to thank you. I was told that you were my care giver for some time after my heart attack." He smiled politely, but it didn't help calm Jan-di's nerves. "Am I not who you were expecting?" He asked, noticing how she distanced herself. Definitely not who I was expecting she thought trying to force a smile.
"Perhaps you were expecting Gu Jun-pyo?" His question caught her off guard, and she froze at the mention of Gu Jun-pyo, he couldn't have had anything to do with his father being here right now. Shaking her head she decided silence was better than possibly making a fool of herself. "It's okay child. He's healthy, and he doesn't know I'm here." He seemed pleased with her reaction "I am sorry to hear about your family. Please accept this gift and my sincere condolences."
"Thank you." She whispered accepting the basket one of the security guards handed her. She gently placed it on the table, fearful she'd drop it with the shaking of her hands.
"My wife, I'm confident you know her. She's stepping down and is no longer to be chairman. The official announcement is going to be made to the press here soon. She's told me a great deal of you Jan-di. You've suffered a lot because of her. I wanted to let you know that you can come home if you desire to do so and I offer you my deepest apologies for how you've been treated."
"Thank you again," Jan-di began looking at him directly for the first time. "But it's not so simple as moving back home. I can't so easily just walk in and out of their lives as I please. I've hurt all of them and I've lost my family. I feel as though I have no place to call home right now."
"I understand, and though that may be your decision at the moment please know that once word gets out they may make a different decision and come to you if you won't go to them." The man who was standing outside the door opened it, announcing that it was time for Gu Jun-pyo's father to leave. The news was a relief but at the same time she had so many questions, she didn't want him to go just yet.
"One last thing before I leave you. Chu Ga-eul and So Yi-jung are expecting a baby boy. Please keep them in your prayers for their baby boy to be born strong and healthy." Surprised by the news of her friends pregnancy she stood silent for a moment as her visitor vanished quietly in the shadow of his security detail. "Please wait!" She yelled chasing Gu Jun Pyo's dad out into the hall a small stuffed bear in her hands. "Can you give this to Chu Ga-eul for me? It was my brothers, a gift from her and her family when my mother was pregnant. Please give it to her." Smiling gently, he grabbed the bear from her shaky hands and turned to leave without another word.
For the first time in three years Jan-di would not cry herself to sleep. There was no sleep to be had at the possibilities that this visit has brought.