Warning: violence and swearing, don't know what'll come later.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sam, Dean, the Impala, Bobby or anyone else related to the show.

…Carry on my wayward son…

~Shattered~

And I've lost who I am
And I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken
Rejecting your love
Without love gone wrong
Lifeless words
Carry on

But I know
All I know
Is that the ends beginning

Who I am from the start
Take me home to my heart
Let me go
And I will run
I will not be silenced

All this time spent in vain
Wasted years
Wasted gain
All is lost
Hope remains
And this war's not over

There's a light
There's the sun
Taking all the shattered ones
To the place we belong
…Shattered by Trading Yesterday

The Impala rumbled down some highway with Metallica blasting from its speakers. Inside there were four persons all sitting in an awkward silence, even with music playing softly in the background.

Dean was driving the car with his hands gripping the wheel so tight his knuckles were white. Beside him was Sam hunched up against the door fast asleep, or more like unconscious, but no one knew.

In the back seat sat Bobby and Kate. The psychic was asleep against Bobby's side while the hunter himself stared out of the window in silence. His gaze flickered to Sam's sleeping body.

They pulled into the parking lot of the first motel they found. Bobby paid for two rooms and returned to the car.

"Okay, I got two rooms. Dean I assume you wanna share a room with Sam, so me and Kate will take the other. Hope that's okay?" he asked and looked at Kate who nodded in agreement and got out of the car.

Dean got out of the car himself and walked straight over to Sam's side and opened the door. Sam, being unconscious fell right into Dean's waiting arms. "I'll help ya" Bobby walked too Sam's right arm over his shoulder and Dean did the same with the left.

"Open the door will ya, kate?" he dangled the key to her and she quickly snatched it and they took off in the direction of the rooms.

A grunt escaped Dean while himself, and Bobby were trying to get Sam to their room. "Damn! You gotta lay off the food, Sammy" he complained. Bobby gave a snort and continued towards the room where Kate was standing outside rubbing her arms to fend off the cold.

After successfully getting Sam onto one of the beds, Kate and Bobby said goodnight and went to their own room, leaving the two brothers alone. Finally alone, Dean took of the flannel shirt he had put on Sam's bare torso. As soon as it was removed he couldn't help but stare at the white marks Lilith had made. His mind flashed back to the events that had only occurred last night.

"Why you starin' at me?" Sam's low voice brought him out of his trail of thought and he looked at his brother's face. "I wasn't starin' at you. I was thinkin'" he knew it was a lie, but it was natural for him to say something like it anyway.

"Where are we?" Sam asked confused as he looked around the motel room. "First and not necessarily the best motel room we could find." Dean quipped. Sam carefully hoisted himself into a sitting position and winced at the throbbing pain in his head. "And who's we?" he asked while rubbing his temples carefully.

Dean hesitated for a moment. "Kate and Bobby are a few doors down." His brother nodded thoughtfully and closed his eyes for a moment and massaged his temples. "Dean…?" his voice was a whisper now and Dean could hear the emotions in just one little word. "Did I die again?" he opened his eyes and the kicked puppy look was working overtime.

His brother didn't reply which Sam just took as a yes and closed his eye, feeling a tear run down his face. With one of his answers confirmed, Sam almost knew the answer to the second one; the one bothering him the most. "She saved me didn't she" it wasn't a question because he was already pretty sure that's what she'd done. "She shouldn't have done that." His voice cracked at the last word.

"If it makes you feel better even the angels didn't want her to do it." Dean knew it wasn't really comforting, but he didn't know what else to say. But Sam only stared at his hands and rolled over so his back was turned to Dean. "I'm just gonna go to sleep." He brushed him off.

"Sam…" Dean started but Sam only turned his head around and gave him the puppy dog look followed by a "Please." So he just nodded and left the room for some air.

Sitting outside on the hood of the impala didn't do any good for him, but he wanted to give Sam some time and hopefully—he cursed at himself for it, but Sam needed it—have a big chick flick later. A sudden presence behind him made him turn around alerted.

"Easy there cowboy" Kate threw up her hands in a mock surrender and smiled slightly. He let out a sigh and let her sit beside him on the car.

They sat in silence for a while just staring at the sun set. Kate had to admit it was pretty romantic and she found herself scooting closer to Dean, who didn't seem to mind at all as he slung his arm around her. "Did you tell him?" she asked as she laid her head on his shoulder. He sighed and stared into the sunset. "No, he remembered himself. Wouldn't even talk to me afterwards, just said he wanted to sleep."

She could relate. When she'd heard about her father she didn't really want to talk to anyone, but being a social person made it harder to shut everyone out. "Give him some time and he'll come around, trust me" she breathed and snuggled closer to Dean.

Six months later

Sam entered a run down bar in the middle of nowhere and made his way towards the counter and sat down on one of the high stools. Letting his eyes roam around the room his eyes stopped on a waitress with blonde wavy shoulder length hair, wearing tight jeans and a Slipknot top. Also having spotted him, she came over and smiled at him.

"Want anything?" she flashed him a genuine smile as opposed to the fake ones he was used to receive from people who just tried to be nice because he either looked like crap or was drunk.

"Whiskey, please." He said and gave her a small smile. She nodded and found a glass for him and poured drink into it. He took a small sip and let the alcohol burn down his throat.

"New in town?" the bartender was leaning over the counter, looking at him with a smile on her face. He just looked at her for a moment before answering in a flat tone, "Here on business. Me and my partner are investigating the murders." The girl nodded and glanced to the end of the counter. "One sec." she said and walked over to a middle aged man sitting at the other end.

The familiar buzz of his phone interrupted his thinking and when he picked it up from his pocket the name Dean flashed across the screen. Upon seeing who it was Sam simply put it back in his pocket. Whatever it was he was sure Dean could figure it out by himself.

As he brought the glass to his lips he couldn't help but let his gaze wander to the bartender. She was leaning over the counter, cleaning up someone's mess while a guy at least in his fifties was eyeing her rack. She seemed to have learned to ignore it and she walked back over to him.

With a sigh she refilled Sam's glass. "I swear, the only thing those men do is stare at my ass or my boobs." She complained and shot the old man a glare. When she turned again she saw Sam eyeing the refilled glass with one eyebrow raised. "Oh don't worry it's on the house." She said and again gave the old man a glare. "Anything for a conversation with someone young and relatively sober"

"Sorry, I'm rude." She excused herself and extended her hand to Sam. "My name's Nicky." She introduced herself and Sam took her hand and shook it. "Sam," he said flatly and dropped her hand. She raised an eyebrow and cracked a smile. "Nice to meet you Sam"

Sam ended up talking to her for a couple of hours. Nicky would tend to other customers, but would return to Sam and continue to talk. Sam at first wasn't very talkative but then he had figure he could talk to the girl and get his mind off other things. Getting drunk was just a bonus.

"That's it, my shift's over!" she announced happily when the clock read 1. Sam just looked lazily up from his glass at the clock and wondered why Dean hadn't come looking for him by now. Probably snuggling with Kate, he snorted inside his head.

Suddenly Nicky was next to him wearing a brown leather jacket and a cell phone in her hand. "Are you gonna stay or do you want me to follow you back to the motel?" motel? Did I tell her were we're staying? Oh well, might have. "Sure." He answered and got up and swayed. "Easy there." She pulled his arm around her slender shoulders and helped him outside.

Fifteen minutes from the motel Sam passed out and since he was much bigger than the small blonde, they both crashed into the pavement with a loud string of curses from Nicky. "Come on big guy! I can't carry you to the motel." She grunted while trying to get him up again, but failed because of his much bigger and heavier body.

Sam groaned at the constant ranting coming from the person he was with. His foggy mind tried to figure out who it was but he was just too out of it. Cracking open an eye, he saw a blonde leaning over him saying something but he didn't pay much attention to that, something else about her had his full attention.

"I miss you so much." He whispered and cupped her cheek, which gave Nicky a confused expression and she shrugged her hand out of his grip with shock written all over her face. "Your eyes!" she exclaimed and scrambled backwards, ending up on her ass on the pavement.

"You didn't mind them before" he accused as her and failed when trying to get to his feet. Her brows furrowed and she looked at him like he was crazy. "What the hell are you talking about?" she asked in a frightened voice and tried to crawl backwards away from him.

He blinked a couple of times and looked at her with big, brow eyes instead of the yellow ones he had worn a moment ago. "You never acted like this before" He said in a small voice and sat up. "You regret it don't you? Bringing me back." He turned his gaze away from her and tears started trailing down his face.

Nicky sat there dumbstruck and looked at the man openly crying in front of her. She carefully stood up and took tentative steps towards him and crouched down in front of him. "Let's get you to your motel room, okay?" she said when he turned to her. She almost didn't get the words out because of his incredible puppy-dog look.

"Okay." He whispered and let her help him get up to his feet. The rest of the way back to the motel was spent in an awkward silence between the two of them. "Which room are you in?" she asked when they stood outside the motel. "15" he answered with eyes closed. As quickly she could she steered them both towards the room.

"Do you have a key?" she asked when they stood in front of the door, but he shook his head and knocked loudly at the door. There were some muffled sounds from inside the room before the lock was turned and the door opened to reveal the face of Dean.

He eyed the set up outside the room with narrowed eyes. Sam was leaning heavily on a small girl that looked like she was ready to croak at any given moment. "I take it you're Sam's partner?" the girl asked while shifting Sam weight a little, which Dean took as a queue to take the load of the poor chick. "Uh, yeah." He answered while taking his brothers arm over his shoulder and hoisting him up to a standing position.

"He was at the bar I work at and I kinda figured it wasn't safe for him to walk home like this" she gestured to the half conscious state he was in.

"Thanks." Dean said and flashed her a smile which she returned before he shut the door on her. "Dammit, Sam!" he cursed and guided his sibling to his bed. "Me and Kate get back and you're gone? And having a chick carry you home? So not cool dude!" Sam just groaned and turned onto his side, facing Dean. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times at his brother.

"She hates me…" he whispered heartbrokenly and his bottom lip trembled. Trust Sam to get emotional while he's drunk Dean scoffed. At least he isn't pissy like he usually is. "Who hates you, Sam? The girl? 'Cause I think the reason she walked you home is because she likes you, not hates you."

Sam shook his head sluggishly a few times while he mumbled 'no' over and over again. "Not Nicky, she's just scared." He mumbled as he shook his head and his eyes darted to his brothers. "Kim." He whispered quietly and looked down at his hands.

Kim? Dean was shocked to say at least. It had been the first time in six months that Sam had spoken her name to anyone but himself. Anytime someone would bring up the subject of his deceased girlfriend he would storm out of the room, stare them to death with an angry glare or just tell them to shut up.

"Sammy…" he sighed and waited for his brother to look at him. Once he did, he continued. "Kim doesn't hate you! When are you gonna get that through the freakish head of yours, huh?" Sam turned shyly away and his hands started fidgeting with the sleeve of his jacket.

Dean's green eyes kept piercing him, waiting for an answer; he could feel it. He knew that some part of him was going to regret telling Dean about the dreams in the morning, but right now he couldn't care less.

"She got scared when my eyes flashed yellow." He murmured while still looking down. Dean frowned and made his brother look into his eyes. "Dude you're talking about a demon here, why would she get scared because your eyes were yellow?" He said and tried to get his brother to lie down on the bed, but Sam resisted too much.

"But she was scared; she tried to get away from me!" he stared innocently into his brothers. "She's scared of me." His eyes started to water and he really looked like a lost five year old kid. "And she tells me how much she hates me every night; how much she regrets saving me." Only half of it was making any sense to Dean but he guessed he was talking about nightmares.

Sammy… Dean could feel his own eyes start to water at all the emotions his brother was finally showing. Six months of a cold, ruthless Sam had been annoying, but the breakdown was downright heart wrenching. "No matter what that freaky head of yours conjures up it's not your fault. She did it out of her free will. It was her own choice and she chose to save you."

"but…" Sam protested, but was silenced by his brother. "No buts, she didn't hate you back then and I doubt that where ever she is now that she hates you." He said seriously, hoping his brother would listen.

Sam just stared so innocently at his brother for a long moment before he lowered his eyes to the floor. "I hope you're right." He whispered and a tear snaked down his cheek and dropped onto the floor.

Dean swallowed back the lump in his throat and pushed his brother further onto the bed. "I know I'm right. Now go to sleep." He ordered and Sam, too tired to care just rolled onto his stomach and was soon fast asleep, snoring lightly.

Dean leaned back on his own bed with a sigh and scrubbed a hand over his face. Maybe I should start sharing a room with him again, he thought since it seemed Sam had nightmares and it seemed worse than with Jess. At least then he was talking and somewhat handling it. Now he wasn't handling it at all!

A soft knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts. He glanced at Sam's sleeping form before he walked slowly over to the door and looked through the hole. A small smile spread across his face as he opened the door and revealed Kate standing outside.

Ever since they had let out Lucifer she had become an addition to the once duo Sam and Dean had been. A relationship had blossomed between her and Dean and she had started hunting with them. The current living arrangement was Dean and Kate in one room and Sam in one on his own. Dean had been pretty reluctant at first, but Sam wasn't exactly much company these days and his brother was the one who had convinced him to bring Kate.

"Hey, did you find him?" She asked worried and stepped inside only to be stopped by Dean. "What?" she frowned then noticed the tension and emotions in the room, then Sam passed out on the bed. "Wow, he have a confession?" she asked in a serious tone and Dean dragged her outside and locked the door. "Yeah, he came stumbling in drunk on his ass and he actually talked about Kim." He said surprised and could see that Kate was.

"At least it's something." She said encouraging and wrapped her hands around Dean's waist. Dean kissed the top of her head and returned the hug. "Yeah." He mumbled. "You should go inside." He whispered and looked down in her face. "I'll be come, I just need minute." He said and she reluctantly walked over to their room.

Dean sighed loudly and walked off into the parking lot. "Uriel!" he tried, not really expecting an answer. "Come one, man! I could use some help here. As a matter of fact, I could've used your help months ago!" he shouted angrily while looking at the star lit sky. "If you're sitting on a cloud ignoring me, I swear I will kick your scrawny ass to hell and back! Finding out what happened to your brothers doesn't take six months!" he shouted it and stomped angrily off in the direction off his and Kate's room.

To be continued…

Okay, lame ending to a chapter but on the other hand, Yay! The sequel is officially started. Hope it was any good at least better than the first one which I hate my own writing in the first chapters. But who can blame me? I'm a Norwegian teenager for crying outloud!

Reviews are loved!