"Ah, Perry the Platypus., what a surprise. And by surprise I mean..." He trailed off with a look of disinterest and waved it off with his hand. "Eh, oh never mind. I see you think you're too good for your trap today." Perry looked sideways at the empty cage for a moment and back up at his nemesis somewhat guiltily. "Fortunately for me, I have another!" He slammed his fist on a nearby button and the floor dropped out from under the agent, quickly giving way to a rising platform holding Perry around his middle with a metal restraint. Perry struggled a bit and glared at Doofensmirtz who shrugged. "What? You should have seen that coming."
"Anyway, you remember the time I told you about that girl I went out with in high school? You remember that, don't you? We went to the movies and I had her ride in back of my car so we would only have to pay for one ticket. Yeah, you remember. And then I had said that I never saw her again." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Well, that wasn't exactly true. You see, Perry the Platypus, a couple of years later it turns out she really did turn out to be a pop star. And a pretty famous one at that. And it just so happens around the same time I had finally gotten lucky with another girl less than a year earlier. My ex-wife Charlene. Yeah. And well, Vanessa hadn't been born yet and those pregnancy hormones just, augh! She would just drive me off the wall with her crazy requests. Like, chocolate covered pickles. I mean, who does that? Seriously." He started pacing in from of his literally captive audience.
"So I snuck out of the house one night and went to a Lindana concert. I mean, I didn't really have much of a hobby yet. I was just getting the whole 'Tristate Area' thing of the ground, so there wasn't much else for me to do at the time." At the name Lindana Perry stopped his internal planning for his inevitable escape and stared back up at Doofensmirtz with a look of shocked repulsion. Lindana? Linda? His Linda? No way would she have any connection with Doofensmirtz, much less a date. He shuddered.
The doctor stopped mid rant at his captive's stare of disbelief. "What? I can get backstage at a pop concert. I know people. Well, it turns out that she had felt a little guilty about our last encounter. I mean, I was only trying to improve our cinematic experience. A- ah- you know, I'm just going to skip to the important part. She agreed to try her luck once more. She said," He raised his voice a bit in an attempt to quote her. "'Well, they say you can't judge a book by its cover.' Our date went remarkably well considering. She took me back to her place even." He smiled as he recalled.
Perry had had enough of this. He wanted out! He struggled even more vigorously against his ties, not wanting to know where this latest back-story was going.
"And the events following are little hazy. We were both roaring drunk by that time. But if one thing's for certain I struck it lucky that night." Doofensmirtz made a suggestive face and a faux nudging motion with his arm. "You know. Eh, eh?"
Perry's mind screeched to a halt. An expression of horrified disgust took over.
Looking startled Doofensmirtz waved his hands in attempt to ward off any misconceptions. "Oh! Nonono! You wouldn't actually think that…Hah ha." Perry allowed himself a small breath. "No, I would never have cheated on my wife, Perry the Platypus! That's not evil, that's just wrong. No, she and I didn't end up getting married until a month after this happened. With our little Vanessa on the way we wanted her to have a pair of loving married parents." Perry returned to his previous state of disgust. "Again, you keep getting me off track here Perry the Platypus. The point of this story is, I kind of accidentally have two daughters," he admitted somewhat sheepishly.
Okay, this was just too much for him now. Perry sucked in his breath and slammed his tail on the ground below him, propelling him up and out of the metal rings encasing him. "Perry the Platypus, wait! I didn't even tell you my evil scheme y- Oof!" He fell hard to the floor as he was slapped in the face with Agent P's beaver-like tail. Perry stalked over to where his nemesis had fallen. "Oh, hey. Wait, Perry the Platypus!" He held out a hand as if to ward the advancing monotreme away. Perry easily subverted the barrier and socked the doctor in his rather large nose.
"Oh, ow! That was my nose you just hit there! I'll be needing that later." He cupped his hands over his new injury. "Hey w-wait! Perry the Platypus, where are you going?" But Agent P was already half-way to the ground strapped into his familiar parachute. "Okay then. I'll see you again tomorrow?"