You know the drill. I have no copyright on anyone featured here, nor do I make money out of these characters. Thanks to Darkenning for the inspiration and proofreading. This is a companion piece to his much better story Conquests of an Accidental Stud Monkey, and while it runs parallel to it, it shouldn't be considered as taking place in that same universe. Because this one has CROSSOVERS!

Side Conquests of an Accidental Stud Monkey.

Chapter One:

Greetings. I am Uatu, the Watcher of Sector 2814, to use the most commonly accepted term spread by the Guardians of the Universe. Since the fiery birth of this universe, our species has monitored and chronicled the exploits of any and all other living species throughout the galaxies, always sworn to bear silent witness, without ever interfering. Unless the Fantastic Four are involved.

I observe the whole spectrum of situations and activities with which the denizens of Earth concern themselves. How they wage war on each other, how they love and destroy, how they succeed or succumb to adversity. There is no ill will whatsoever in any of this; no malice or improper desire to pry into their affairs is involved. The few who know of us often find this difficult to believe, but we find no pleasure on observing and recording such affairs, other than that the satisfaction of performing one's duty.

And we are certainly not Peeping Toms.

Which is why, when I relay this story of the human being known as Negi Springfield and his associates to you, it is not with a lustful spirit or intent. Such things are beneath the Watchers.

Because we are not Peeping Toms.

Let this be spoken and recorded for posterity.

In the meanwhile, please do watch, listen and learn the lessons to be derived from this strange saga...

(WARNING: This fanfic's management wishes to make clear there's no real lesson to be learned from this snappy little tale of lust, no matter what the cosmic Peeping Tom may say. Underaged unprotected sex is VERY bad, mmmmkay?)

'No man is an island.'

Wise words, as long as we consider 'man' to stand for 'sapient being' in that sentence, but we'd probably be splitting hairs at that point. Regardless, their core meaning still rings true; nothing of what we do will ever stop having subtle influences on others, and those others, in turn, will influence other people directly or indirectly connected to their lives, and so on. We are all part of a tangled web we all weave together. Of course, some of us will always have more of an influence on the whole than others. It stands to reason that the decisions, accidental or conscious, of someone who has saved the world before hitting his twelve years of age would mean more than those of you and me.

Well, you, anyway.

That is the reason why we are sharing this story today.

As for that day, the day this story actually started, since prior aspects of it have been better narrated elsewhere, we should probably start at the main infirmary of Mahora Academy, where the school's most popular, and youngest, teacher was undergoing an examination to determine why he wasn't looking that young anymore.

"Months?" Negi repeated incredulously.

"At a minimum. In case you weren't certain," answered Konoe Kouko.

"But, but - wait, I have to deliberately absorb a spell in order to use it as a Pro Armatione," Negi protested, flailing about for some way that this could be a mistake. "How can it -"

"Mm-hm, and you normally have to incant it. You didn't have to incant anything to use the pill, did you?" Kouko asked, as Negi slapped his own forehead. "There probably was a moment where you chose this, but it might have been something almost unconscious. Some moment where you wished things were different than they were."

"Nyergh," Negi said cleverly as he remembered thinking just that while watching Fate toying with the cheerleaders.

"Well, it's not so bad. But before you get any clever ideas about taking another one and trying to get yourself back to normal that way, let me state clearly - that would be a bad idea. We don't know what might happen, and there's a real danger that you might suffer a more serious problem."

The academy's official nurse, who until then had remained at the sidelines listening intently, chose that moment to speak up. So far, she had stayed out of the discussion since magic had never been something she could or wished to understand, but now she knew for sure that magic was stuck, it was time for science to toss its figurative hat in and prove how much better and more useful it was.

"I think I could help you with that," Mikado-sensei offered, extending a small jar of pills towards the aged-up Negi. "Konoe-sensei's concern is the age changing magic could react unfavorably with your Magia Erebea-induced change, isn't it? Then, by taking one of these pills of my own concoction, which are similar in purpose but created through purely scientific means, you could bypass those concerns."

The black haired woman frowned thoughtfully. "Actually, I'm not sure that would be the wisest course of action, either. Too many unknown variables."

Negi accepted the pill jar from the alien nurse. "I think I'll do it. After all, I'm immortal now. I doubt this could damage me enough to make it actually dangerous. What's the worst that could possibly happ-"

With a small frown and without a single word, Kouko yanked the jar of pills from Negi's hand.

"But why?" The savior of a whole world would never whine, but Negi came dangerously close to it then.

"You jinxed it. I'm doing this for your own good," Konoka's mother said.

"I suppose I should feel offended," Ryoko said, although with a playful smile that never left her lips.

Kouko looked evenly at her. "I have seen enough of what your medications can do on humans. Please do stick to aliens."

"However, technically I am an alien, right?" asked Negi, all too willing to grasp for a solution. "I mean, half Martian at least, and we're not exactly sure where my mother chose to ... I'll shut up," he held his hands up at the quiet, cold glare Kouko was giving him. "I guess ... well, could you let my friends in so that I can tell them?"

"Of course," Kouko, heading over to the door to the small examination room. She opened it and let Kotaro enter quickly, followed more patiently by Fate. She regarded the white-haired boy with no small amount of suspicion, in stark contrast to Ryoko's interested smirk, but allowed him entry nonetheless.

Half a moment later, Itoshiki Nozomu-sensei walked in as well, shoulders drooped. "I feel so out of place here," he shared. "Like I shouldn't even be here."

"Well, the good news is that I'm perfectly fine," Negi said. "The bad news is, I'm stuck this way and we don't know how long."

"That is good news," Fate said. "There should be no problems completing the tasks for the project in this form. Actually, for those which would require you to appear as a more mature person, it's more convenient, since you won't run the chance of shifting back in the middle."

"It's also really bad news," Kotaro said, glaring at Fate. Itoshiki was too busy making a pale rictus of bizarre shock to comment. "Where the heck are you gonna stay here on campus?"

Negi blinked. "Oh, feathers!" he cursed.

"... that's a curse?" Kotaro asked.

"Actually, in Rann, it is," Mikado-sensei said, then quickly added, "Long time enemies of Thanagar, you know."

That didn't actually explain anything to the rest of those present, so they decided ignoring in favor of the actual matter at hand.

"I never even considered that!" Negi said, hopping off the table. "I can't stay in the girls dorm room like this, the Headmaster-"

"What about me, Negi-kun?" said a cheerful voice from the doorway. Itoshiki's face, which was returning to some semblance of normality, immediately returned to its expression of shock. As he saw the old man calmly entering the room, supporting himself on his cane, he was sure that was it. The end of the rope for the sole child (and we mean that!) of his old mentor (actually, more like 'guy who had vaguely kept watch over him for a while when he was a child') Nagi Springfield. There was no way the Headmaster would let Negi live with Konoka-san after this, and that meant Negi would be expelled from the campus, or even worse ... sent to live with Itoshiki himself!

"Then we're agreed," Konoemon was saying cheerfully. "You will be-"

"I'M IN DESPAIR!" Itoshiki cried, striking his characteristic Despair Pose. "HAVING THE WEIGHT OF ANOTHER CHILD TOSSED UPON ME WHEN I'M NOT READY HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

The scream, of course, caught everyone's attention, and they all stared at him. "Is there something the matter, Nozomu-kun?" Konoemon asked politely.

"Uhhhhh ... no, Sir," the lanky man quickly denied.

And so, it had been decided while Itoshiki's mind ran nightmare scenarios feverishly. Negi would, after all, stay living where he had over the last few months. Which takes us to the next stage in our tale.

"And that is basically everything," Headmaster Konoemon finished his tale for all those gathered around the table. "So now you know, Negi-sensei is to be allowed continued residence in the female dorms until further notice, despite the special conditions of his new state."

"With all due respect, sir, have you really given the situation all the thought that demands?" Nikaido Yuri asked him. "It's rather unheard of ... or at least, it was until Komori-san was allowed to room in Itoshiki-sensei's residence, but still -"

"That is but one of my many shames," Itoshiki mused darkly, hands crossed before his pale face. "I won't hold anything against you if you decide to finally bring charges against me because of it. All I ask is for Komori-san to be spared! It's all my fault for being so pathetically -!"

Konoemon interrupted the incoming Despair Rant with a well placed, "I appreciate your concerns, Nikaido-sensei, but I have the utmost faith in Negi-sensei's sense of decency and decorum, no matter the circumstances."

A heavy burst of thunder was heard in the distance, and when it passed, they could hear Itoshiki saying, "- unlike me, since I happen to be nothing but a weak-willed, good-for-nothing, woefully underqualified shame of this glorious academy and deserve nothing but a swift demise, preferably -"

"I trust Negi-sensei too!" Nekomome Shizuka said, just to cut him short while she could.

Ririko Kagome shrugged indolently. "If the Headmaster considers it so, I see no reason to oppose."

Ninomiya Hinako nodded vigorously, but whatever she was saying went muffled through her mouth filled of ice-cream mouthfuls.

"I must say I don't distrust him, exactly, but-" Akashi Wataru added dubiously.

"We are talking about a young man who is faster and stronger than a fighter jet," the cattily smiling lamia in human form spoke then. "I doubt a girl with the abilities of, let's say your daughter, just to pose a standard example I'm not using as a specific personal attack of any sort, could ever force him to do anything he didn't want to."

"Sure she could!" Akashi replied, pride in his daughter momentarily overcoming his common sense. "She'd just have to back-shoot him with a magic suppressing bullet, followed quickly by a paralysis round, and then she'd be... able... to... um, of course, I'm just being hypothetical here," he concluded once common sense reasserted itself. "Very well. If the rest of the Council accepts it, I'll add my vote of trust as well."

"Is my vote worth anything at all? It shouldn't be, since I am the worst judge of character here, but -" Itoshiki began.

"We accept your vote for Negi-kun, Nozomu," Takahata nodded. "So relax, please."

The Despair Teacher frowned, annoyed at being shown up by Takamichi once again.

"Very well," Konoemon rasped. "Next topic in today's agenda, what to do about the Dorm Supervisor after she snapped Kamijou-kun's neck."

"But he's recovering, isn't he?" asked Hinako-sensei, licking ice-cream leftovers from her fingers.

"Just barely, but that isn't the point."

That was the easy part. After all, they all were paid, and richly so, to basically follow Konoemon's instructions.

The real difficult part would come next. Naturally, the students themselves would rather quickly realize there was a boy who was definitely older than Negi-sensei living in the female dorms, so that would have to be addressed as well. And so, after the staff meeting was over, they ushered the students in the know about magic into the meeting room.

Said meeting room, wide as it was, seemed so very tiny and cramped now.

Takahata looked at Konoemon. "Sir, when did so many-"

"After the Obsidian Prince Crisis that took place during the summer weeks you spent in Mundus Magicus, Takamichi-kun," the old man explained patiently.

"It was truly depressing." Itoshiki ran his bony hands through his own hair, even pulling on it. "And the worst part was, I didn't even die! Even when besieged by a private army, and then legions of monsters commanded by an ancient -"

"A private army?" Takahata interrupted.

"The Searrs Foundation," Konoemon answered, while the last few students took their seats. "You'd probably call it one of your average Tuesdays, only it took place here."

"And then there was the Holy Grail War-" Nekomome reminisced.

Nutmeg-chan twitched a few times. "It was ... horrible ..."

"Oh, really," Takahata said. "I suppose that explains why Kirei's church, and Kirei himself, are missing."

"Nothing of any value was lost," Akashi shrugged.

"Indeed," Caren Ortensia-chan said.

"Well, that's nice to know," Takahata said, meaning it, "But I was under the impression the last War had been only -"

Konoemon stood up and rasped, addressing the mostly puzzled students. "Good afternoon, everyone. Thank you for attending our call so quickly, leaving your other commitments for the day behind. Let me assure you, there is a good reason for this abrupt call -"

Info Dump ensued.

"And that is basically everything," Headmaster Konoemon finished his tale, for he was a person of habits and never one to stop using a perfectly good Info Dump as long as it remained useful. "So now you know, Negi-sensei is to be allowed continued residence in the female dorms until further notice, despite the special conditions of his new state. I trust you will help us ease your classmates and associates into this situation without revealing anything they shouldn't know."

The students just sat there, mostly dumbstruck.

"- so, he's a HiME, then?" Minagi Mikoto asked. "Because only girls can be HiME."

Konoemon mentally counted to ten before answering. "No, he's not a HiME, Minagi-kun. He's a mage, on loan from Wales' Merdiana Academy, and we trust you to keep this a secret."

Mikoto looked around the room, counted a few times with her fingers, then said, "I think we're too many for this to be a secret anymore."

You could have heard a needle falling then. As a matter of fact, Hinako-sensei had just dropped one, just to verify this. It was deafening.

Finally, Yuuki Nao snorted, looking aside. "She's said something not only sensible, but reasonable. Are you sure the world didn't end?"

"Hey!" Tokiha Mai began.

Finally, after several moments of sitting there with eyes reduced to the size of mustard seeds, Suzushiro Haruka stood up violently. "Headmaster, Sir! With all the due respect to your authorizitation, that is -!"

Tohsaka Rin's pigtails stood up at the word that closed that statement, and even Matou Shinji seemed horrified. Then again, his near death during the War had left him much more impressionable (and even more of a pushover) than before. Emiya Shirou blushed and tapped on his knees uneasily, while Mikoto cocked her head aside and began making mouth motions as if to ask Mai something. Mai just shook her head quickly and placed a hand on Mikoto's mouth.

"- because it's a complete moral alternation of our guidelines, and likely to bring several issues that would be easily prevoided if he only was moved in with someone his age and gender!" Haruka ranted. "Surely even the soon-to-be-graduated-and-thus-happily-deposed president of our Student Council agrees with me here!"

"Actually, I trust Negi-sensei with all my heart," Fujino Shizuru calmly said, surely not just to go against her, not at all.

"AAAARRRRGHHHHH!" Haruka sizzled. "I can't believe this!"

"When you mean 'his age', you mean like his real age, or his current age, or -" Emiya Shirou began asking, then fell silent as he felt most glances fixed on him. Meekly, he added, "Did I err?"

Tate Yuuichi then blinked in contemplation. "On second thought, maybe that's not such a bad question..."

Konoemon cleared his throat. "Suzushiro-kun. I'm infinitely grateful for your honesty and the heartfelt expression of your feelings of concern about this Academy."

"Sir," Haruka saluted him respectfully.

Konoemon studied for a moment if he should add a slight reference to how most others no doubt thought like her but didn't have the guts to say it outright, but decided against it. "However, the decision already has been made, and it is final. At least for the time being."

"But that's a contravention in terms!" Suzushiro gasped aloud.

"Contradiction, Haruka-chan," Kikukawa Yukino softly corrected her.

"You'll find out life is often seemingly self-contradictory, yet it always obeys a greater design, Suzushiro-kun," the Headmaster sagely said. "Well, I'll start listening to your questions now."

Takahata raised a hand from the report on the summer's 'technical difficulties' Shizuna had just lent him. "Sir, may I ask about this 'Fake Mahora' incident? This section seems to be very spottily redacted."

"We ... we had a really packed summer," Kurosaki Ichigo-san replied awkwardly.

Back when they still were a force to be reckoned with in the Japanese magical community, the Matou family had established places of residence all across the country. After the Fuyuki fires ten years ago, the elder patriarch of the clan, Matou Zouken, had moved with his grandchildren into the old home he had bought decades ago from the previous Mahora management. The house had, against all odds, survived the recent Grail War mostly intact, although the pecking order inside had changed radically. Not enough to make Tohsaka Rin feel all easy about being there, but at least enough to make her walk in, in the first place, after enough prodding from Sakura. The last thing Tohsaka wanted after all that had transpired in the War was to antagonize her long estranged sister any more than she absolutely had to.

Now, gathered at the Matou household long after most other students had retreated into their homes, most of those present at the meeting were drowning their mostly mild annoyances in delicious food and non-alcoholic drinks. Shinji only sat there in stiff, occasionally shivery silence, which was creeping Tohsaka out more than his usual behavior would have. Sakura, on the other hand, only smiled placidly as she sat at the head of the large table, as if she actually owned the place.

For Tokiha Mai, who only had a passing knowledge of what had happened in the War and had been far more involved with the HiME conflict, that barely registered. "So, what are we supposed to do if they comment on it? Like heck Aoi and Chie aren't going to start asking around as soon as they see him walking in and out of the dorm building, and what do I have to tell them then? 'Oh, don't worry, I'm sure there's a perfectly rational and non-magical reason that hunk is living with the headmaster's granddaughter?'"

"Hunk?" Tate huffed, as Shiho smirked slyly.

"To use a term they would use." Mai waved a hand into a circle, just once.

Nao snorted as she kept her eyes fixed on her cellphone and the message she was texting. "I know how I'd answer. I'm gonna answer, 'I have no freaking idea, go ask the old man'. And I suggest you all do the same."

"As if anyone would ask you anything to begin with," Kuga Natsuki muttered.

Nao smiled. "True. It's great to be me, isn't it?"

Mai sighed. "You know, I actually miss Midori now. Crazy as she could be, I bet she'd at least have some idea of what to do about-"

"I have no freaking idea whatsoever about what to do here," Sugiura Midori said as she stole some rice from Mai's plate.

"AHH!" Mai jumped back. "You were here!"

"Yes, always," Midori nodded.

"No, you just arrived," Mikoto told her.

Tate blinked. "Sensei? Say, didn't you go to America with your -"

Midori was now crouching in the corner, facing away from everyone else as shadows wrapped her. "I ... I had to come back."

"The Most Important Person Ever let you down?" Nao guessed.

"I don't want to talk about it!" Midori snapped, still staring into her corner.

"What was it?" pressed on Nao. "Another woman? 'It's not you, it's me'? Erectile dysfunction?" Nao asked, before Haruka frowned and none-too-softly bopped the back of her head. "HEEEYYYY!"

Mikoto looked at Mai. "What's erectile dysfun-"

"Don't think about it!" Mai commanded.

Then the sounds of tired dragging steps called everyone's attention towards a shriveled, spent old man in dark houserobes holding a large tray with several glasses. "My, my, my, how lively ... ahh, the long lost pleasures of youth, never to return, cruelly mocking me ..."

"Leave the drinks to me, Grandfather," Sakura gently said, as the mere sound of her voice made Shinji, again, cower behind a stoic Rider-san, who sat at her Master's right. She accepted the tray, and then realized something. "This one has a worm, Grandfather." She all but pushed one of the glasses against the old bald man's face, the pixilated-looking worm on its edge squirming much to everyone's disgust. "How many times do I have to tell you not to leave worms everywhere, Grandfather? You are experimenting again, aren't you?" she asked with a dangerous dark edge to her voice, as a black aura seemed to surround her for a moment.

Matou Zouken seemed to shrink down pathetically. "- no! I swear it must be a leftover from when I cleaned up the workshop!"

Sakura breathed deeply, then smiled angelically once again. "Never mind, then! I'll take this one. The rest are for you!" She cheerfully offered the rest of the glasses to her guests.

Most of said guests, by now, were hiding behind Shinji.

"- I'm not thirsty, thank you," Rin said.

"I want to leave!" Shiho whined, making herself a tight ball as she hugged Tate.

"Thank you!" Mikoto reached over to grab one of the glasses, before Mai pressed her hand down against the table.

"No. You aren't thirsty."

"Ah? But, Mai -"

"You aren't thirsty," her busty roommate repeated.

Higurashi Akane looked down at the glass from which she had drunk when she settled herself at the table, then pressed a hand against her mouth as her cheeks swelled up quickly, and a purplish hue washed over her features.

That night, after a vigorous session of mouth-washing, Tokiha Mai rested on her back, on her bed, with an arm blocking her eyes, and Mikoto ... well, Mikoto hadn't come to bed just yet. Then again, the same nature that made her unwilling to sleep in her own bunk also made her unpredictable in her rest hours, so Mai was sure she'd come eventually, as soon as she felt the need for it.

Mai was, right now, more concerned about her own personal life. She had thought that, after the destruction of the Obsidian Lord and the HiME Star, everything would be far easier from then on. But then, when you are riding the bicycle of life, the easiest roads were the downhill ones, right?

Ugh. What a metaphor, she cringed.

It wasn't like things had worsened since then, in all honesty. Okay, they had in a way. She missed Takumi very much, but she forced herself to understand it was for his own good, that he needed becoming more independent, that Akira-chan would take the best care of him in the meanwhile, while they were ...

... away.

It still hurt. No matter how much she tried to rationalize it, she still couldn't stop missing him so much. And the worst part was no one understood. Mikoto was ... Mikoto. Nao was ... Nao. Natsuki was too busy on her own, trying to cope with coexistence with her long lost mother and Alyssa-chan AND Miyu (Miyu!) not to mention the whole awkward relationship with President Fujino. Midori had been away until now, and now she was a wreck. Akane did her best, God bless her soul, but she wasn't strong enough to support others. And Tate ... well, he understood the least of them all. She loved the boy, but God he could be dense. His basic reaction to any problem was a hearty 'Well, stomach it up, put your best face on, and move ahead already', which wasn't without its wisdom, but did little to ease an aching heart. It worked fine to get by on a daily basis, but didn't fix the core issues underneath.

She knew that was a selfish view on her part, perhaps. After all, Takumi's health had improved greatly, and he was happy, and that was what mattered the most. But surely, she could be forgiven over still feeling bad about his absence, couldn't she? She loved all the others left with her ... even Nao, to some degree ... but even so, as Midori's return had proved, even the relationships that seemed the strongest, even the thickest bonds, could prove to be fickle.

She worried about Tate. Was their relationship, after all, strong enough to prosper when even Midori's mature bonds had -

"Mai," Mikoto said, tugging on her pajama's right leg, "What does 'Just shut up and fuck me, will you?' mean?"

After a moment of perfect silence and stillness, the forearm blocking Mai's eyes moved just enough to allow a single light violet orb peek out. "What?" Mai asked, with a strangely tense tone.

Mikoto nodded quickly. "I heard weird noises coming from the next room, so I put my ear against the wall, and -"

With a blushed face, Mai blocked the eye again. "It's probably Saotome-san giving one of her dramatic readings to her friends. I'll tell her tomorrow to -"

It was Mikoto's turn to interrupt her. "Not that room. The other next room."

"- keep her Yaoi fantasies lower, and you don't need to worry about the meaning of what what what what?" Mai asked, bolting sitting upright on the mattress.

"The other next room," Mikoto said as if lecturing a very small and slow child, and pointing at the wall opposite them. Mai knew very well what there was at its other side, and that made her gag in her saliva. Surely, there had to be a mistake.

Mikoto was moving like an agile cat towards that wall, sticking an ear to it. She made a comically cute face of deep concentration. "Now she's saying 'How great your cock feels inside my cunt'. Ah? What's that? I-" She all but was pushed aside when Mai, face bright red, rushed over to listen intently as well. However, that didn't turn out the way Mikoto had expected.

Mai ended up taking her ear from the wall and humming to herself. "I can't hear anything," she had to admit.

"Mai's hearing is very bad," Mikoto stated simply, with some slight disappointment.

Mai clenched her teeth. "Compared to yours, everyone's but Superman's is. Look, Mikoto-chan, ah ... aren't you misinterpreting things, maybe?"

"What's that?"

"It means, are you sure you aren't thinking you're hearing things, when you actually are hearing other things?"

Mikoto made that small pout that passed as a frown in her, then shook her head vigorously. "No, no, no no! My hearing is excellent." She stuck the ear to the wall again. "Mai herself said it. Negi-sensei, with his new grownup voice, and Red Hair-san, and Konoka-san, and Sakurazaki-san, are all shouting and grunting weird things like those. They're panting now."

"What?"

"Panting, Mai, is when you make a sound like this." Mikoto began giving a perfect vocal impression of an excited dog mounting -

"I know what 'panting' means!"

"Then why do you ask?" Mikoto couldn't understand why Mai felt so frustrated about having things explained to her. Usually she felt frustrated when they didn't explain things to you, right?

"I wasn't asking that, I was ... forget it. Look, are you sure those were the exact words you were hearing?"

"Which words?"

"You know which ones!"

"Um ... no, I don't."

"The words you didn't know!"

"See? I told you. Ah!" she slammed a small fist on the palm of her other hand. "You mean 'fuck' and 'cock' and 'cunt', right?"

"- riiiiiight."

"Are you feeling okay, Mai? Your face is so red."

"I am! Just answer my question, please!"

"Which one? You have been asking so many, and you haven't answered mine ... what do those words mean?"

"First, I need to know if you're sure those were the exact words!"

"Yes, they are." Well, that had been an easy question, at least.

An oddly pale Mai looked at her with terribly wide and frazzled eyes for a moment, then said, "Those words all mean 'trouble'."

Mikoto blinked. "'Just shut up and trouble me'?" she paraphrased.

"No, I -"

"'How great your trouble feels inside my troub-'"

"Gneeeerggghhh," Mai expressed.

Next morning, and all of that.

"Oh, well, I suppose that you should wait until your exercises are done to shower," Konoka said, nodding. "So, have fun with that," she added, waving politely at Setsuna as she started to ever so gently pull Asuna and Negi towards the en suite door.

"Ah," Setsuna said cleverly. "Right. Okay then." Slowly, she exited, wondering why that hadn't worked out like she'd expected. But then, she supposed that she should have expected things to not work out as she expected them to, since very little lately had ... but wasn't that a paradox?

Her head hurt.

What had happened to her life? How had her dreams of glorious and honest service led her to this point? Why was she the only one who seemed at all disconcerted by what had happened last night? Clearly, the fault had to be hers, but what exactly was it?

Her head really hurt.

Right after she passed by next to Mai and Mikoto's door, an orange haired head peeked out, waiting for her to turn a corner before following her, tip-toeing in a nearly ridiculous way. Left behind in the bedroom, Mikoto kept snoring cutely, with a small snot bubble coming in and out of her nose.

Normally, Setsuna would have detected the clumsily stealthy presence following her at a distance rather quickly, but aghast and lost in contemplation as she was, she would have missed an ambush by Tsukuyomi wearing a neon trenchcoat and with a police siren attached to her head. She barely realized the arrival of Kotaro as he jogged past her in the hallway, heading back to the room he shared with Ayaka, Chizuru and Natsumi. Mai, however, took that as her cue to back away frantically before they could realize she was there, hiding back behind a corner before anyone thought she was some sort of stalker or nosy concerned citizen, because surely there was nothing to be concerned about, Mikoto had to be mishearing things, riiiiight?

"Good morning, Kotaro-kun," Setsuna said politely, determined not to let her inner turmoil show.

Abruptly, Kotaro froze in place, failing to hear the agitated breathing of the girl hidden around the corner, to sniff at Setsuna's body scent, in the wake of the great shock he had just experienced. Then he slowly swiveled to look right at Setsuna, eyes wide.

"What?" she asked, a bit startled.

Slowly, he walked towards her, eyes narrowing, sniffing as he approached. Abruptly, it occurred to her that Kotaro's sensitive nose might detect-

"Oh. Holy. Shit," Kotaro said, eyes wide open once more.

"... why am I being punished for not taking a shower when I wouldn't actually be showering?" Setsuna asked of no one in particular.

A few minutes later, Mai's eyes were bugging out as if violently pulling to pop out of her head. What she had just overheard thanks to her not-nosy-no-stalking had left her so stunned, she barely could assume an air of rattled normalcy and feigned innocence as she pretended just to be passing by, completely oblivious, when a just as shattered Kotaro walked past her. Fortunately for her, the boy was rattled enough himself as to ignore the possibility this girl who was just passing through that spot might have been standing there long enough to hear that conversation he'd just had.

Mai's pretended obliviousness meant she had to walk just slow enough to lose track of Sakurazaki-san, but that mattered little by now. She had just gotten her confirmation, and there only was one thing she could do now. She walked back to her room, looked for Shizuna-sensei's number in her cellphone, and made a call asking for a few minutes with the Headmaster that afternoon. Her recent role in the conflicts that had shaken the school gave her some leverage, although Shizuna had been reluctant at first, claiming she needed to know the reasons. Eventually, Mai managed to convince her to trust her on the subject.

As she put the phone down and sighed, she tried to tell herself that was the sole right thing to do. She wasn't a stool pigeon or a nosy stalker, she was only doing the right thing for everyone's greater good, even that of Negi-sensei.

... right?

At least, she hoped so.

Insert Wacky Emotional Hijinx with Chizuru and Kotaro here.

"Come on now, tell me all about it!" Chizuru's voice said. "Don't be shy now, Ko-"

And then ... silence fell, and lasted for several moments.

It was broken by her voice once more, only this time sounding utterly unlike her normally confident and cheerful self - rather disturbed, instead. "Ko-Kotaro-kun?" she asked.

"No!" he said, almost yelling. "No, this is not ... it's not what it - I've gotta go!"

"Wait, don't-"

He rushed past Natsumi, who'd just barely managed to make herself invisible with her artifact. For a dizzying second, though, she had the impression that he wouldn't have noticed her even if she was in plain sight, for he seemed intent on running with his hands oddly placed over his crotch, as though covering something.

Whawhawhawha? Natsumi thought.

In the dining room, Chizuru, still standing in a position that left her leaning over the table, in a way that gave onlookers a very good glimpse at her cleavage, had an utterly startled look on her face.

"... but you're only twelve," she murmured. "So ... why ..."

Kotaro's frantic escape from Chizuru, and by extension his living quarters, was aimless and thoughtless. Thus, he really couldn't be faulted when his mindless dash, eyes closed and hands firmly clasped on his crotch, led him through -

"EEEEEEE!" British exchange student Shirley Fenette cried as the black haired near-blur passed by right before her face while she was pulling herself up out the swimming pool. "AAAAAAHHHH!" she comically waved her arms for a moment, all balance lost, before falling on her back into the water, splashing in all directions.

Ikoma Minami blinked, cheeks flushed. "Isn't that the brother of one of your classmates, Ookuchi-sempai? Why was he touching his -"

"You'd have to ask Murakami-san," said Akira, looking elsewhere and proving that being nice doesn't mean you have to take bullets for others in vain.

Nyamo-sensei's eyebrow twitched a bit. "I think I'll do just that."

Mizuno Ami-san kept on staring at the speck in the distance that was Kotaro now before realizing her swimming teacher and trainer, and the rest of the girls, were staring at her instead. Then she badly feigned innocence. "Perhaps it's a medical condition?"

"I think I have one now," Shirley-san said from where she floated on her back, mouth clenched aside in a wince of pain.

"EEEEEEEEE! HENTAIIIIIIII!" the girls through the dresser shrieked as they flung brushes, books, handbags and the occasional wooden sword at the head of the quickly fleeting Kotaro, who to his credit not only didn't even realize he was running through a female dresser, but neither really felt the hits raining all over him.

As soon as he left, the girls rushed to the Kotaro-shaped hole in the back door. "They start younger and younger nowadays, don't they?" Kotegawa Yui frowned. "For shame!"

"Isn't he the little brother of one of your sister-in-law's classmates, Akane-chan?" asked Sayuri-san.

"Maybe. I don't remember," Tendou Akane lied.

Kuga Natsuki looked through the locker he had stumbled through in his run and cursed after noticing a missing item. "Damn that idiot! He took Number 39!"

"Eh?" Nao asked her.

"- you have panties wrapped around your left leg. Why do you have panties wrapped around your left leg?" Ichijou Raku asked the younger boy who had just stopped, breathless, by the Onodera Candy Store.

"- just ... just shut up..." Kotaro panted raspily.

Maiko Shuu looked down at him. "Don't look now, kid, but isn't that a boner, too?"

"AAAAAAA!" Kotaro screamed. "Somehow, it grew worse as I ran! But why? WHYYYYY?!"

Dat Afternoon... I mean, That Afternoon...

"I'm very grateful you could grant me this visit on a Sunday, sir," Mai sad respectfully as she sat before Konoemon's wide desk in his office. "I apologize for ... how much I am going to bother you, in advance." She said this while lowering her gaze.

"It's never a bother, Tokiha-kun," the old man affably said. "Although I am very intrigued about your reasons for bringing this directly to me. Has that rascal Nagi reappeared?"

Mai grimaced despite herself. 'Rascal' wasn't exactly the word she'd have used. "Ah ... no, thankfully, no. In truth, this is about ... ummm ... your granddaughter. That's why this had to be between us, because it's a personal matter, and as you can see ..."

She apparently stuck herself there, so after a few moments of waiting, Konoemon patiently asked, "This concerns Negi-kun as well, doesn't it?"

"Ahhhh ... yes," she blandly admitted.

"Well, Tokiha-kun, I must start by saying, as a matter of fact you aren't exactly the first one to bring this to me..."

"I'm not?" she blinked. Wait, had they been that noisy? Or maybe Mikoto was right and her hearing was that bad.

"No, but I appreciate your concerns all the same. Not everyone is as zealous as Suzushiro-kun." As he said that, he placed a huge stack of papers on his desk. "This is her thesis on how much she objects to the arrangements. I'm struggling with the meaning of ... a few ... words, but I think I'm getting the basics of her points," he chuckled.

Mai tried to chuckle back. "Ahhhh ... of course. You would ... you would be very upset if... something bad were to happen because of it, wouldn't you?"

"Well, I know it won't happen, but yes, I would," he nodded. "In the completely impossible hypothetical case my Konoka-chan and Negi-kun were to act beyond the boundaries, I would be -"

Dead, Mai thought, sweat covering her forehead. My poor ancient heart couldn't take it. I'd collapse at the feet of the person who happened to bring me the news. That person would have killed me, and all in the name of something she doesn't even have solid proof on, who knows, it still might be a misunderstanding, maybe Sakurazaki-san was only -

"- forced to make them marry," Konoemon finished, with a very grim and serious tone but a glint in his eyes that seemed mostly mischievous and excited, in contrast.

"Eh?" Mai babbled. "Ah. Huh. Sorry, sir, but aren't they ... too young?"

"Perhaps, by current standards, but her mother married when she was around your age."

"But ... you'd still be mad, wouldn't you?"

"Oh ... yes," he added, after leaving the short sentence oddly hanging in the air for a few moments.

"And sad."

"I suppose you could say I would be left rather shocked and disillusioned as soon as I hear about it, which never will happen, but -"

"And they would be punished."

"Well, that's a given, wouldn't it? Although for it, we'd need extensive proof of the ... misdeed, as with any weighty accusation against a teacher. Unfounded rumors and baseless blaming can lead to serious charges of defamation and slander ... my my, are you getting paler, Tokiha-kun?"

"... no, sir ..."

"Hmmmm. Maybe you need a better regime of rest, exercise and vitamins after your summer ordeal. Although, if it isn't a burden for you, as their next door neighbor, I would be grateful if you kept an eye on them all the same."

"- sir!"

"Not that you're obliged to do it if you think you can't or shouldn't."

"Ahhhh ... I haven't said that, sir, but ..."

"You came here in the first plaace because you were worried and you didn't want to confront me in public, didn't you? Just like all the others."

"All the others? How many, besides Suzushiro-sempai?"

"Ah, I'm afraid I can't share that information. Perhaps I even have talked too much as it is," the old gentleman rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Still, since you were concerned about what might, but won't, develop in the first place, you have my permission to keep a discreet watch on them. Mostly to ease your concerns, of course."

"Of course," Mai said, feeling like a cornered rat.

"Well, that's nice to know! We are feeling much better now, aren't we?"

"Ohhh... yes, Sensei, n-naturally..."

"I still think you should go have a physical checkup, though. I believe you have gone even paler now."

Stupid, stupid, stupid! You should have become far braver after all that happened! Mai berated herself as she left the main building behind. Instead, you were spineless, didn't take the risks for the right thing, and only ended up even worse than you began!

A tiny Nao devil popped up on her right shoulder. "Screw that noise, bitch! Forget all of that and just mind your own business!"

A tiny Chie devil popped up on her left shoulder. "No, Mai-chan! You must keep prodding into people's private affairs! Because it's the, um, righteous course of action!"

A tiny Homura Nagi devil popped up on the top of her head, reading The Trail of the Serpent. "Ah, ha ha! Oh, Mai-Hime, when will you learn? What you need to do is-"

Mai shook her head and the hallucinations off and strayed off the public path to go lean against a tree, her hands planted on the trunk. "What should I do?" she wondered aloud. "No matter what I do, I'm going to screw it up! Whatever I choose, I'm going to hurt them. I'm the worst!"

"Well," a voice said from behind her, calmly, "It's nice to see you've finally realized that. What have you done this time, Tokiha Mai-san?"

That obviously was no hallucination, but it indeed was another tiny devil. With a tired groan, Mai turned around to face an impishly grinning small redhead. "Shiho-chan. If you're still worried about me dating Tate, wouldn't it be easier for you to keep stalking him?"

The smaller girl recoiled with a grunt. "Eh! It isn't stalking, it's DEEP LOVE! Tsunetsuki-sempai said so!" A beat. "I mean, when I follow Oniichan around. With you, it was just a case of just ... happening ... to be passing by and then just ... happening ... to overhear your guilty lamentations!"

"Alright," said Mai, who wasn't in the mood for a discussion.

Munakata Shiho cocked her hands on her own, slim hips. "So, what's your terrible, most likely relationship-ruining secret?"

Mai already was walking away. "See you later, Shiho-chan."

"Eh? W-Wait!" Shiho ran after her. "Don't ignore Shiho, you big fat cow! I'll tell Oniichan!"

"You're welcome."

"And he'll want to know, too!"

"Well, then I'll tell him," answered Mai, not looking back, speeding her pace up as Shiho stubbornly kept up.

"It's something really horrible and dark, isn't it? Otherwise, you'd tell Shiho!"

"Think whatever you want."

"Don't be that way! Tell me!"

"No."

"Tell me!"

"No."

"Tell me!"

"No."

"Tell me!"

"No."

"Tell me!"

"No."

"Tell me!"

"No."

"Tell me!"

"No."

Twelve minutes across the campus later...

"Tell me!"

"No."

"Tell me!"

"No."

"Tell me!"

"No. Have a nice day, Shiho-chan," Mai deadpanned as she quickly walked into her apartment, then slammed the door on Shiho's nose. Once inside, she relaxed with a long deep sigh. "Mikoto-chan, I'm hom-"

"Tell me!" Shiho repeated, now standing right before her. Inside the room.

"AHHHH!" Mai backed away against the door. "How, how did you do that!"

"Trade secret. But I'll tell you if you tell me!"

"No!"

Shiho pouted, then looked at the other petite girl sitting before the TV watching Japan's Funniest Kaiju Videos. "Whatever. Miko-chan? Will you tell me what's going on with your stressed, suspiciously guilty-looking roommate?"

"Mmmmm?" Mikoto looked away from Gojira's hilarious pratfall on the Fukushima Reactor to frown at the sight of the Munakata girl. "Oh. It's you."

"Come on, Miko-chan!" Shiho turned the sweetness up. "We're friends now, aren't we?"

"Um, no, we aren't. Are we?" she consulted Mai with a look.

"We're acquaintances who tolerate each others' annoying quirks," Mai informed.

"Huh?" doubted Mikoto.

"Sort-of-friends," Mai summed up.

"Oooohhhh, come on, Miko-chan!" Shiho cooed, sliding next to the feral girls, whose fingers itched for her Miroku. "Be a dearie and tell me what's got Mai-san so worried so I can help her! I'll give you a lollipop!" She produced said lollipop out of her Powerpuff Girls purse.

"I'd never sell Mai's secrets for a lollipop," Mikoto stated very seriously, as Mai's already generous chest swelled up with pride.

"And a cupcake," Shiho added, offering a pink cupcake with a cute drawing of Rainbow Dash on the wrapping.

"She's been acting worried all day long because Negi-sensei stuck his trouble into Red-Hair san's, Sakurazaki-san's and Konoka-san's troubles, and then troubled them up," Mikoto said, taking the cupcake. Mai's hand palm crashed against her own face.

Shiho blinked a few times. "Um, what."

"Trouble means 'cock', 'cunt' and 'fuck'. Or the other way around. It's sort of confusing," Mikoto explained as best as she could, while Mai's hand clawed her own face.

Shiho blinked even more, then said, "Oh. I see. That's all?"

"That's all, you say?!" Mai yelled. "What the hell! Why aren't you overreacting like a normal girl would-!" Okay, so she was Shiho, which didn't exactly equal 'normal girl', but still!

"And why should I be worried or anything?" asked Shiho. "Whatever others choose to do with their own lives is their own problem, isn't it? If anything, I should be glad, since if Negi-sensei is, ah, troubling, those three girls, then it's three less girls who won't trouble Oniichan ever again, isn't that right?"

Mikoto nodded. "When she's right, she's right." Then she stared at Shiho. "But what did you just say, again?"

Mai stared at her self-proclaimed rival with a mixture of disbelief and disgust. "Wait, don't tell me you ever thought of those girls as potential rivals for -"

Shiho wagged a finger. "When you are walking through a minefield, think of every step as your last one, Mai-san. So said Tsun Zu."

"There are so many wrong things with that sentence, I don't know where to begin!"

Mikoto already was listening against the wall, beckoning for Shiho to get closer. "Oi, oi, they began troubling again. From what they say, looks like Negi-kun has a big trouble. Maybe we should help him if it's so big?"

Mai growled, red faced. "We won't do that!"

"Eeeehhh? But Mai, you've always said we should help those with big troubles!"

Shiho's cheeks were red as well, and her nose leaked red strands, as she listened as well. "Wow ... that sure sounds like some trouble."

"It does, doesn't it?" asked Mikoto.

"You can hear it, too?!" Mai gasped.

Shiho gave her that glare. "What, you can't? They'd wake the dead up!"

"Poor Mai's got very bad hearing," Mikoto sadly sighed.

"Oh, definitely!" Shiho agreed.

"I do not!" Mai protested. "And stop acting like partners in crime! You're creeping me out!"

Shiho looked at Mikoto's face. "Living with her is a daily test, isn't it?"

"Huh? Ah, no, tests are boring, strange and hard. Life with Mai is nice."

"Suuuure it is," Shiho said. She got back up from her kneeling spying position, dusted herself off, and said, "Okay, before you say anything, Mai-san, I won't tell a soul. The busier those three are with their man, or boy or whatever, the further away they are from mine."

"Mine," Mai corrected.

"Mine," Shiho hissed.

"Mine," Mikoto came behind Mai and groped her, possessively.

"You got that right," Shiho nodded sagely as Mai huffed. "But anyway, if you're struggling with the burden of this knowledge ... for once I'll give you some advice and suggest you to leave it alone. I sure wonder what would Tatsumiya-sempai say about this, though." She giggled evilly.

"What's so troubling about this trouble?" Mikoto wondered aloud. And then, "Anyway, if we can listen to the trouble, and the trouble is supposed to be a secret ... why couldn't the others, on the other side, listen to it as well?"

Mai and Shiho froze.

"Unless," Mikoto added, "their hearing is as bad as Mai's."

"I don't have bad hearing!"

The tiny animal was an odd one indeed. He was supposed to be a monkey, but he looked more like an overgrown mouse. An admittedly cute and even charming mouse, but still. He acted just as weirdly, as well; ever since Tenjou Utena had begun living with Himemiya Anthy (after apparently gaining her hand in a duel against the Vice-President of the local French Fencing club, but then the girl was as weird as her pet, and her school for that matter), Anthy's beloved Chu-Chu had proved himself quite the quirky little fellow, acting more like an all too human mouse than any sort of monkey Utena had ever read about.

Just like now, when he was dragging a stethoscope pulled from God knew where through the room, passing over Utena's feet, and then applying it against the wall separating Utena's bedroom from Konoka-san's.

Utena lifted her gaze from the pile of homework she had been working on. That new child teacher, Averruncus-sensei, was terribly strict, although Utena was not in the 'He's going to FALL!' camp yet. "And now what are you doing?" she wondered aloud, seeing how Chu-Chu's fine eyebrows went up and down as his mouth curved itself in a strange comical smile.

At least he wasn't as bad as Negi-sensei's underwear thief ermine, Utena supposed.

"Chu-Chu just happens to be curious about what transpired between our neighbors last night, and now he's heard the first signs of a repeat, he wants to listen as best as he can, Utena-sama," Anthy replied quietly from her dishes-washing self imposed duty. Utena had tried to arrange an alternating schedule with her, but despite the dark skinned girl always agreeing with her on everything, she still found ways to tackle all the domestic chores herself one way or another. That was a wife's duty, she said, even if she happened to be a Rose Bride. Whatever that happened to be.

Utena would have, until a short time ago, answered this outrageous claim with a question. One like 'And you know that for sure, because?' However, after a few times getting 'Because he told me, of course' as perfectly straight faced, intended to be serious reply, she had stopped trying the uphill fight against Anthy's strangeness, and instead tried to work along with it. "Oh, I see. They had another fight?" It wasn't unheard of Kagurazaka-san and Negi-sensei to engage in rather one sided shouted discussions, usually related to baths and the need or lack thereof for them, although those seemed to have diminished in frequency and intensity as of late.

"Well," Anthy said, "I wouldn't call it exactly a fight."

Utena blinked. "Wait. You heard it too?"

"You didn't? Oh dear, Utena-sama seems to have a bad hearing."

"I don't - oh, forget it," the pink haired and fair skinned girl sighed. "So, if it wasn't a fight ... not that it's my business, I know, but ... it's about that young man who is visiting them so frequently now? I think that's Sensei's cousin, right?"

"His cousin? Oh, no, Utena-sama, that's Negi-sensei himself."

"Utena-sama?"

"Anthy, what did you just say?"

"I said that's Negi-sensei himself, Utena-sama."

"Come on, Anthy, that's just plain impossible."

"Remember what happened when we traded bodies, Utena-sama?"

"Oh. Uh, are you telling me, then, Sensei and his cousin -"

"Oh, no, there's no such cousin." Anthy walked back from the kitchen, drying her hands off. "I just mentioned that as an example of the sort of normally unheard of incidents that may develop when you dabble into the mysteries of magic. Or Indian cooking."

"So, did he -"

"It definitely wasn't Indian cooking, Utena-sama."

Utena sighed, rubbing her already aching forehead. "And you know all of that, because -?"

"Chu-Chu told me, of course."

Darn. She had done it again.

"Okay. Very well, let's recap, then," Utena said patiently, closing her Neo Horizon book. "Basically, you're telling me Negi-sensei is that older boy we've seen walking in and out for the last couple of days."

"Indeed."

"But, Sugiura-sensei was saying -"

"Sugiura-sensei says she's seventeen, Utena-sama."

"Point. Great, great point," Tenjou conceded. "So, assuming he's indeed that older boy, and those are him and Konoka-san and Kagurazaka-san Chu-Chu is listening to - if they aren't fighting, what's that racket that had Chu-Chu so interested?"

"I don't know," Anthy admitted. "I haven't asked him that." Then she looked at Chu-Chu and asked him, "Chu-Chu, exactly what are they doing there?"

Chu Chu made a few cutesy odd sounds, accompanied by a few jerky pelvic motions, as Anthy listened calmly, nodding occasionally. Utena, who already was regretting asking, returned to her homework.

Then Anty said, "It's nothing to worry about, Utena-sama. Given Sensei and Kagurazaka-san already act as if they were siblings, it's just fitting they do just what my brother and me do whenever we're reunited."

"Ah, that's alright, then," Utena nodded absently, struggling with a few conjugations of the verbs 'to mate' and 'to intimate'. "Yes. Sibling things, okay. It must be nice having a brother or sister, I guess."

"It had its ups and downs," Anthy said in a rare moment of real honesty about the most unsatisfying corners of her life.

Meanwhile, up and down Chu-Chu's eyebrows went, just like, at the next room, up and down Asuna went on Negi, and up and down Konoka's fingers went into herself.

"They're still going at it?" a bewildered Mai asked, getting up and staring at Mikoto intently listening at the wall as she crouched in the darkness. A quick look at the clock later, the orange haired girl gasped. "What in the world! It's past midnight now! Don't tell me they haven't rested ... since ... Mikoto, what are you doing?"

Her roommate quickly looked back, cheeks flushed, and her bright eyes those of a deer caught in the headlights. "Doing?" she asked, as she stopped rubbing her crotch against the floor. Mai thought she saw a damp spot in the fabric of her panties, peeking under her loose nightshirt, and shuddered a little.

"Mikoto," Mai said, warily, "are you even aware you were doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"That thing you were doing until right now, while you listened!"

Mikoto blinked a few times, before looking down. "Ahhhh ... that thing. I guess I wasn't. It was just something that came to me." And then she asked, "Was it a bad thing to do?"

There were no easy answers for that, which stopped Mai for several moments. "Well, no, not really. But at the same time, it's something girls shouldn't start doing until they're somewhat older than you."

"You said the same thing about sword practice, but you didn't stop me."

Mai rubbed the bridge of her nose. "This and that are completely different things. And no, I will not explain how they are different, I'm too damn tired and this has gone too far. I'm going to put a stop to it right now," she said, getting up from the bed and tying a robe around her pajama-clad curvy body.

"So you're going to help with the trouble. Can I come too?" Mikoto asked, sounding almost hopeful.

"No, you'll stay here and wait like a good girl. Okay?"

"But, Mai -"

"This isn't open to debate, Mikoto. Sorry," her best friend said, heading for the door.

"I thought you said we shouldn't tell them we know?" Mikoto trailed after her.

"We know, Shiho knows, the other neighbors probably know. It's pointless, at this point. Don't follow me there, okay? Besides, I need you here to, um, keep watch if the Obsidian Lord returns."

"Oh," said Mikoto, stopping immediately and reaching for Miroku. "Of course, Mai!" she seriously said, glad to have been given such an important duty.

"That's my girl," Mai said, nodding before closing the door behind her.

A couple steps later, she was before the door of Sensei's living quarters. She drew in the second deepest breath of her life, and then rang.

The moment after that, even she could hear a faint cry coming from the inside, along heavy hurried steps, and things being dragged and pulled along, and a brief muffled discussion in frantic, panicked tones. Then silence.

Mai rang again.

Even more incomprehensible hushed discussion ensued. Then more silence.

Mai grew frustrated, and banged a fist against the door. "I'm not going away!" she announced loudly.

A second later, the goofily smiling Konoe Konoka peeked out, feigning to rub her eyes. "Ahhhh?" she badly pretended a yawn. "Oh, but if it's Tokiha-san. Is there something the -"

"I know what did you do last night, I know what you were doing right now, I want in," she said. Then it occurred to her maybe she had phrased that wrong.

"Ah?" Konoka blinked.

And predictably, Mai blushed. "I, I mean, in as in to walk in and discuss it, because it's really bothering us! Nothing else!"

Konoka looked Mai up and down, then nodded, with an awkward smile. "S-Sure thing. Please come in." She stepped aside, then quickly closed the door after Mai went in.

Tokiha looked all around, then barked, "Okay, everyone here right now, all right? There's no use on pretending, and I won't leave until -!"

Asuna-san walked out of the bedroom, pulling the same 'Just waking up' routine. "What the heck? Hey, there'd better be a good reason for -!"

"Cut that out," Mai told her. She grabbed the front of Konoka's robe, startling her, and yanked it down, revealing she had been wearing nothing underneath. Before Asuna could angrily retort, Mai said, "Does she always sleep like this? Really? I can smell what you were doing from here, and your actions have been keeping my roommate up all night long. Where's Sensei?"

"I, I, I really sleep in the nude, all the time," Konoka began. "And Sensei isn't here, he hasn't been spending most nights here since Fate-kun took -"

A sighing Negi walked out into sight, buttoning his night shirt up. "Konoka-chan, no. Let's face the consequences of our actions with some dignity. And I told you we should have cast a sound barrier spell."

"I really thought her hearing was that bad! It's what everyone says!" Asuna protested.

Mai was mildly boggled. "Everyone says that about me? Why? And why haven't I ever heard- Never mind, I'm setting myself up there. It's good to see you're man enough to admit it, Sensei." She folded her arms.

"He's man enough for a lot of things," shared Konoka with a blissful smile.

"Tokiha-san, I'm not going to lie saying 'This isn't what it looks like', but let me assure you, there's a perfectly valid and sound explanation for this," Negi said, trying to sound as placating as he could.

"Oh, that's great. Let's hear it, then," Tokiha told him.

Konoka headed for the kitchenette. "I'll go brew some tea. What's your favorite type, Tokiha-san?"

Mai looked her way. "Hmmm? Sorry, I couldn't hear that. What was it?"

"Earl Grey it is, then."

As soon as they sat around the dining table, Negi looked at Asuna and asked, "Would you mind if I told her everything?"

Asuna looked away and shrugged. "It's all the same to me," she said, although she clearly was unsatisfied with the situation. Even Negi could see this, but all he could do was sigh and close his eyes.

"Thank you," he said, while a bewildered Mai kept on blinking.

"'Everything'? What do you mean with that?" the older (than Konoka, at least) girl asked. "Is there something that is even more of a shameful secret than having ... relationships with your students?"

"Keep it low," Asuna said. "Not everyone has hearing as bad as yours."

"Oh, now you think of that," Mai grumbled.

"Girls, please," Negi said. "Tokiha-san, from what I understand, you just went through a very difficult situation where you briefly lost your loved ones, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did, but this isn't about me, it's about -"

"Soon, Negi and Konoka will lose me," Asuna bluntly said.

Mai recoiled, hit by shock. "Ahhhh ... say what?"

"How much do you know about the Magical World?" asked Negi patiently. "As in, not only the magical community, but the actual world of magic set aside from this world?"

"Ummm, Midori ... I mean, Sugiura-sensei mentioned such a thing a few times, but never went into any detail."

"To save that world, in a few months, I'll be placed in a forced sleep that will last one century or so." Asuna just wanted to get over with it already. "It's supposed to be a secret, you know, but then, so is that HiME thing you went through. Although I'd really, really like if mine was better kept than yours," she remarked her words with strong taps of her fingers on the table.

As Konoka set a steaming cup of tea before Tokiha, the busty girl babbled, "But ... how does that work? Why has it to be that way?"

Asuna gave Negi a jaded glare. Negi rasped to clear his throat while Konoka sat down as well.

One lengthy techno-magi-babble-filled exposition later...

"And I've simplified it a lot, but basically, that's it," Negi finished. "If you have any questions -"

"No. No, I don't!" Mai shook her head quickly, the better to leave that dizzying infodump behind already. "Um, I think I got it. So, you're afraid you're going to lose her, and you want to spend those last months together as ... together as you can be ..."

"Pretty much," Negi somberly said.

Konoka gently shook Asuna's shoulder, and Kagurazaka woke up with a start, the snot bubble in her nose blowing up. "No! I won't put that on again, Fate, why don't you - oh. He's done already?"

Konoka nodded.

Asuna huffed and looked at Mai's face. "See? So basically, Negi is all but cut from the faculty already, so it won't matter that much if he's fired over this."

"I would mind!" Negi gasped.

"You're getting a paycheck without giving classes anymore, Negi," Asuna told him. "Of course, it'll be a while until your project can start paying you, so I figure it's just fair, but still -."

"No, it's not about that!" he said. "If I fail at my assignment, I won't become a Magister Magi!"

Konoka piped in. "Negi-kun, you've already done more than enough to qualify for that. Wouldn't you agree, Asuna-chan? Tokiha-san?"

"Why, why are you asking me? Anyway, what about you?"

Konoka shrugged. "What's the worst thing that could happen to me over this? That I'm forced to marry Negi-kun? Bring on the punishment, then."

Mai sighed and pinched her own nose, closing her eyes.

"By the way," Konoka added, "Let me thank you about talking this with us first, before taking it to Grandpa or any of the other teachers."

Mai opened her mouth to answer that, but all that came out was a weak "You're welcome. So, you won't stop doing this?"

"Not until I'm placed in suspended animation," Asuna said.

"Don't be so casual about this!" Mai slammed her hands on the table, and Boing Boing her breasts went. Negi gulped. "It's your whole life in the line here! You've gotta do something about this!"

"You think we haven't looked for alternatives?" Asuna snapped. "But there aren't any, well, none that work in any ethical way, so it's something I have to do! It isn't that bad anyway. Negi is immortal, so he'll be there for me when I -"

"And what about her?!" Mai pointed at Konoka, and then all other three faces lost all light as the elephant in the living room was brought back to their attention. Feeling the miserable auras around them, Mai gulped. "I'm ... sorry. I shouldn't have put it like that, especially not after all I've gone through. I... I felt like I was dying when I lost Tate and Takumi, and even Mikoto in a way, and I don't even want to imagine how it would have been, had it be perman- sorry, I'm sticking my foot in my mouth again, right."

"It doesn't only happen to men," Asuna philosophized.

There was a brief silence.

"Do ... do your friends know?" Mai shyly asked.

"Other than Evangeline-san and Fate-kun, none of them," Negi replied.

"She was asking about our friends, Negi," Asuna pointed out.

"Don't you think they deserve to know?" Tokiha asked.

"I don't want to cause them any pain," Asuna sourly said. "We're telling you only because you aren't close, so-"

"And don't you think you'll hurt them anyway, even worse, when you're gone and they realize you haven't given them a chance to say goodbye?" Mai pressed on. "You know what was the worst of everything that happened to me during the HiME war? Losing my brother without having a proper goodbye to give him. Do you have any idea how does that feel? Do you want to cause them the same -"

"Tokiha-san," Negi said sternly. "She's already under a world of stress. Don't make it any worse."

Mai deflated upon realizing, staring at the mismatched eyes that stubbornly tried to keep themselves dry. "Oh ... yes. Sorry, I should know what's that like, after ... I guess I let my emotions get ... Look, after all that happened to me, I'm willing to believe you, I really am, and ... I'm regretful I judged you before knowing the full truth, but ..."

"We'll use spells to block the sounds from reaching your room from now on, Tokiha-san," Konoka politely said. "We're sorry we have disturbed you."

Mai looked actually hurt or moved, or perhaps both. "I ... I would appreciate that, yes, but ... if there's anything I can do ... maybe, maybe we can look for Kazahana-san, see if she could have a solution? Or maybe -"

"It's all right, Tokiha-san," Negi placed a hand on her shoulder.

Mai shook her head. "No, of course it isn't! How could it be? How can you quit even trying? How can you-"

"It's what I want to do, Tokiha-san," Asuna firmly said. "For everyone's good."

Konoka sighed as she sipped the last of her tea. "Made for each other, aren't they? They both have the exact same adorable Martyr Complex."

"WE DON'T!" Asuna and Negi cried at once.

"But that's exactly why I love them and Setchan so much!" Konoka smiled bittersweetly, rubbing the corners of her eyes.

Being called out on her own Martyr Complexes more than once, Mai chose not to argue on the subject. "... fine. I suppose you'll know better than me on that. I understand your circunstances are ... unique, so I won't tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me."

"What about your roommate?" Asuna asked suspiciously.

"Oh, she doesn't even know what sex is. It'll be okay," she said. And Shiho wouldn't ever speak because of her own interests, either, so everything was okay on that front too.

Or so she hoped, at the very least.

The next morning:

"What do you want?" he asked, sounding wary as he should, for the person facing him had brought much misery on others, and wouldn't hesitate to do so again if she felt compelled by circumstances. The problem being she had such a low threshold for those circumstances.

Despite which, deep inside, she was only an insecure, highly self-sabotaging, more-than-mildly traumatized girl (bitch or not), so she swallowed and hesitated before talking. When she did, it was with a shaking, even more wary tone. "I just want to tell you something."

"Is it important, or can it wait until tonight?" the boy asked, irritated but still wanting to give her the benefit of doubt.

She looked down at her small feet, their pits curving towards each other over the grass behind the building. "You can be so mean, Oniichan. Can it wait? Yes, it can. Can it wait without hurting me inside? I don't think so. Because it's a huge weight, and I need a kind soul I can trust on this, and -"

He sighed and crouched down, gently placing his hands on her small shoulders. "Oi, oi, I'm sorry. I guess I woke up cranky today, that's all. Don't start pouting like that and just tell me what's bothering you so much. You know you can trust me on anything, unless ... you didn't kill Mai and hide her body, did you?"

Choosing to pretend those few last words had never been uttered, Munakata Shiho smiled adorably. "That's so sweet from you, Oniichan who never would think me a conscious murderer, and who still works for someone who massacred a whole building of admittedly bad people! I know I could trust you! Well, the thing is, you see, yesterday, Shiho learned a very dark secret about very important people, and now Shiho is kind of worried about the repercussions."

After all, those three skanks being with Negi-sensei didn't mean anything if Oniichan wasn't aware of it. Until he knew, he couldn't be aware they were taken, or that they were such filthy huge pedo whores. Right? So she had to tell him, only him, and after all he was discreet and quiet anyway, and never a stool pigeon, and sure, she'd be breaking her promise, but it was only a promise to Mai-san after all!

So she said, "It's Negi-sensei. He's doing the ecchi with three girls."

Tate Yuuichi's face went completely blank.

"... oniichan?" she gulped, after a few moments of eerie calm.

"Damn. I owe the President, then."

"Eeehhhh?"

He rubbed the bridge of his nose, up and down. "Nothing. Nothing, it's just we made a stupid bet on whether he'd still be a virgin or not by the time he - wait, how do you know that anyway?"

"Yes, how do you know?" someone else asked, and that made Shiho and Tate look towards the source of the voice, startled. As their faces were suddenly drained of all color, the newcomer sneered. "What? Why so shocked? I take this path to school everyday, you know, and you weren't exactly whispering, and do you think I'm as deaf as Tokiha-san?"

Tate ran a hand down his throat.

And that's where we leave him for now.

To be Continued.