I'm watching you.
Just as you are always watching me. I have a secret. A secret that you've been keeping from me. I know what you're hiding from me. But, you're doing it out of necessity. As am I.
Sorry I'm not making too much sense.
I know I don't have much knowledge of this. Knowing this makes me sad.
I don't know. Why can't I just tell you what I want? It's not fair. I guess that you had thoughts like these too, Syaoran. Well, at least at first. I bet by now you have come to terms with it. But, I can't find myself able to do the same. Why can't I remember you from my childhood? Or rather, why do you think that I can't remember you from my childhood? I know why. It's because of the time space witch-san.
I respect her, and like her a lot.
I know that she didn't want to take my memory as payment. But she had to.
But what she doesn't know, is that she didn't take that memory away from me. Don't get me wrong. I'm not denying her power. But somehow, I found that face in my memory becoming more and more readable. I don't tell anyone about it. But, probably not for the reasons you think. I don't tell Yuko out of fear.
But the story is different with everyone else.
When your face first unveiled itself to me, I was truly confused. Not only because I saw your beautiful face, being the form of the boy from my past. But also, because I almost remembered you before. We were in Oto, and my memory was one step away from recalling you. I remembered your face, surprised, and then sad. Because you knew that I was about to pass out.
Suddenly, all these memories were enveloping me in themselves.
Not only memories came, as did feelings. But, I then realized that I already felt the way I did back then. I fell in love with you once more.
All of these things shocked me.
I paced around the room for a while, wondering what was happening. But then I finally accepted it, and ran to you as fast as my little legs could carry me.
I was so happy, nothing could ruin that moment. But, little did I know...that something could, and it did.
The second I reached you, I opened my mouth to practically yell to you that I knew. That you didn't have to hide it from me. You didn't have to cry. But, no words came out of my mouth.
I couldn't even mouth the words. My mouth wouldn't move.
Of course, you looked at me with confused eyes. You asked if I was okay, as I just kept trying to tell you. I felt an indescribable feeling. I couldn't tell if it was confusion or absolute utter despair. But it was both mixed together, and then spreading.
I couldn't stop it.
Fear was with me, confusion with you. I kept trying to speak, but no words came out. By then you were worried, frantically asking if I was okay.
An idea came into my head, and I ran over to a pencil and paper. I thought all was gonna be okay, and that I was about to tell him. So we could be forever in love. But when the pencil touched the paper, my hand moved on its own.
I found myself drawing a bird, rather than speaking my mind.
I tried again, and some unknown force blasted the pencil out of my hand. I screamed, and you checked to see if I was okay. I realized that I screamed, and hoped that I couldn't speak my mind earlier, because I had temporarily lost my voice. So I opened my mouth. I decided to see if I could talk at all.
"I'm fine, Syaoran." I told you, placing my hand on yours. You calmed down a bit, and I smiled, happy I got my voice back.
So I tried to tell you again, but then my mouth wouldn't move.
I became frantic in trying to find ways to tell you. I even tried to tell you with my hands, but they would not move. But, when I had other intentions with my hands, they would. I sat there confused.
I walked over to Fai, and tried to tell him. But again, the words would not flow.
I soon realized that there was no way I could tell you what I was thinking. Every time I got an idea to tell you somehow, it would never work. I became depressed about it, trying to sleep as much as I could. You never thought that anything was wrong. Mostly because it was normal for me to be so tired. So I didn't blame anyone.
I soon became really upset, and found it hard to get up.
But then one day you came over to me. You thought I was asleep, so I pretended to be.
You stood in the middle of the room, and I could tell that you were wondering if you should come over. Over much debate, you walked over to me, and knelt down. I made sure to look extra asleep, as you placed your hand on my head.
"Hello, Sakura." I heard you say, and I feared that you knew I was awake. But then you added,
"I know you can't hear me. You're asleep after all. But, Kurogane told me that sometimes people can feel what someone wants them to while they're asleep. So I came to tell you how I feel." Syaoran started, and I felt my heart pounding outside my chest. Syaoran ruffled my hair.
"I love you, Sakura. I love you more than anyone else. No one can make me feel like you do. I'm so happy that you gave me a chance when we were younger. I didn't feel anything, but you still shone through. You liked me from the start. You came to me everyday, and gave me a chance when hardly anyone else would. You made me feel." He continued, and I almost cried. Because I remembered all of that. All of it.
"I know you don't remember, and I wish that you could. But even though I know you never can...I don't love you any less." I heard Syaoran say, and I heard that he was starting to cry. I wanted to jump up, and hug him. But then he would realize that I was awake the whole time. Since he was a man of his word, he would tell Yuko. Then I wouldn't remember anymore.
I didn't want to trick her, but I didn't want to loose my memory of you. So, I kept quiet.
You left the room, and I let myself cry. Knowing that I could never tell you.
After that day, I slept less. While I was still depressed over it, I found myself wanting to wake up more. I walked more, and did what all of you did. I played games with Fai, and washed the dishes with Mokona.
I let our lives continue as planned. But then came today. When a thought came into my head.
I wanted to tell him that I knew all of these things, and that we could be happy.
But I couldn't.
But now I realized that I don't have to.
Right now, the thought entered my head, and I felt like crying. Because I understood everything, and there was no reason for me to be sad anymore. But...there is one more thing that I must do.
When night came, I walked into Syaoran's room.
His face looks so peaceful. It was so wonderful, that I practically floated over to him. I knelt down, and placed my hand on Syaoran's head. I smiled gently.
"Hi, Syaoran." I spoke, my voice as soft as my smile.
"I know you can't hear me. You're asleep, after all. But you once told me that sometimes people can feel what someone wants them to while they're asleep. So I came to tell you how I feel." I started to say, and ruffled his hair.
I love you, Syaoran. I love you more than anyone else. No one can make me feel like you do. That's why I have to tell you how I feel. I've been keeping something from you. Truth be told...I remember you. I remember the emotionally deprived boy from my memories. It was you. You and me. I fell in love with you, and you fell in love with me." I continued, and I knew that I was going to be crying at the end of this.
"But, due to what has happened...my memories were erased. They weren't supposed to come back, I know that. But...they have, and I couldn't be happier. But, soon after my memories came back I found that I couldn't tell you that I knew. I still don't understand why. Maybe that's my payment for knowing. I guess I'll never truly know. But, I do know this: You are the love of my life, and even if I can't tell you what I have to...I know that everything will be okay. We're in love. Heck, I was in love with you even before my memories came back. That just proves our real love." I told him, knowing that I was almost finished.
Syaoran's breathing made me smiled, and I kissed him on the forehead.
"So..starting tomorrow, I will be happy again. I will be one with the rest of you. Because you guys gave me the same. All of you truly deserve the best. The best days, and the best dreams. So I'm sorry I'm ruining yours. But I just want you to know." I spoke, tears spilling out of my eyes. I opened my mouth, ready to speak again,
"I want you to know that I remember you. I wish I could tell you. It would make you most happy. Although, you don't know. But I know, Syaoran..."
"I know."