Summary: Ienzo practically grew up as a Nobody and now that he's a Somebody he's starting to think maybe there's something wrong with him. But as Ienzo learns to deal with his feelings, he slowly comes to realize that he's not nearly as broken as he feared.
Notes: Written for Aromantic Awareness Week 2019
So this was just supposed to be an introspective piece about Ienzo and Tron being friends. This... is not that story. I mean, Ienzo and Tron hanging out happens. But Leon showed up intent on being a good mentor and basically hijacked part of the story. And the poetry just sort of happened.
I generally do not write poetry. But its there. Poetry happened.
In other words, this story got away from me.
Hearts in a Void
"Be careful with that control panel," Leon warned the researchers tersely. The leader of the Restoration Committee wasn't particularly thrilled to have Ansem's former apprentices back. Not that Ienzo could blame him. They were the ones responsible for unleashing the Heartless on Radiant Garden; their experiments into the nature of the heart had crossed far too many lines and harmed far too many lives.
"The digitization laser controls had to be patched in there after the Heartless broke the original interface," Leon continued to explain, oblivious to Ienzo's introspective distraction. "There isn't a delay, so if you activate the controls you're pretty much immediately digitized. Tron's pretty quick about sending anyone who gets stuck in the system sent back – and it can't be too difficult considering Sora, Donald, and Goofy managed it – but better safe than sorry."
"Who's Tron?" Ienzo asked, confused. Was someone living permanently inside the simulation?
"He's a security program. He's sentient enough that he has a personality, and heart, of his own. Never actually been in there to meet him face to face, but we've talked a few times when he's tapped into the intercom." Leon gestured to a set of speakers in the main console.
Ienzo nodded. A sentient security program. He wasn't entirely certain that made sense, but then there was a time when Ienzo would have said the concept of Heartless and Nobodies didn't make any sense either. However it was that Tron existed as a person didn't matter; what mattered that Tron did exist and thus deserved to be treated with all due respect.
He stayed silent for the rest of the demonstration, re-familiarizing himself with the computers and technology that, once upon a time, Ienzo had known better than everyone except for Ansem the Wise himself. Ienzo kept glancing curiously at the digitization laser, though. His curiosity had been piqued and now... he desperately wanted to know what the datascape was like.
Besides, if he had to introduce himself to Tron, then wouldn't it be more polite for Ienzo to do so in person?
"Oh, wow..." Ienzo trailed off, moving to the window and gazing out into the datascape. It was beautiful. Eternally dark beyond the lights of the city-like grid, there were programs whiring away - some mindlessly, some not - completing their designated tasks quickly and efficiently.
It reminded him, somewhat, of The World That Never Was or maybe Castle Oblivion. Darkness and light in harmony... or at least appearing to be that way from a distance. There'd been a curious sense of clarity of purpose while part of the organization that Ienzo missed. That sense had been misleading - probably an affect of having no heart and no conscience to make him care about the after effects of his choices. But compared to the chaos Ienzo's heart was in now, he missed that calm.
If Even had truly chosen to become Vexen again, as Ienzo feared he had, Ienzo could almost understand the appeal.
Still... Ienzo was grateful to feel whole again despite the turmoil his memories of being Zexion brought him.
"Hello. Are you the User who activated the portal to the datascape?"
Ienzo turned away from the window to see a man - no, a program - standing in the doorway. "Yes. Are you Tron?"
The program nodded.
"I am Researcher Ienzo. I'll be working with this system and was alerted to your existence as the computer's main security program and liaison to the datascape. I wanted to meet you personally, as we'll likely be interacting a great deal from here on out."
Tron offered a smile. "It's nice to meet you, Researcher Ienzo." He offered a handshake, which Ienzo accepted.
"Would you..." Ienzo glanced back at the window and the sheer beauty of the datascape. "Would you mind giving me a tour of this world? It's quite beautiful."
"That would be acceptable." Tron gestured for Ienzo to follow and then led him out of the arrival room. "I take it that you're much more technically minded than Users Sora, Donald, and Goofy?"
"I believe so, yes. Though I'm not well acquainted with them and so cannot judge their level of familiarity with technology with much accuracy."
Tron tilted his head to the side, amusement evident on his face. "Their familiarity with technology was quite low, I assure you."
"Would you... tell me about what happened here? Why a Keyblade wielder would come to this place?"
"I believe their first visit was an accident," Tron began, smiling fondly at the memories. "But there were quite a few digital Heartless here and the cause behind them unclear."
In the darkest moments of the night
My mind quiets but my heart
Whirling with chaos
Cannot rest without the light
Still balance eludes me
Ienzo finished inputting the details of his improved search algorithm and began compiling the new program. Tron said that none of his new programs had reached true sentience yet, but he was glad to have a few new companions in the datascape. This one was meant to trawl through Ansem's research on Sora - recovered from the system in Twilight Town - for more information on the hearts sleeping inside Sora and the young Keyblade wielder's dormant power of waking. There was at least one indicated by the research Ienzo had looked through so far, but his own browsing methods were proving to be too slow for his tastes. Ienzo suspected there was at least one more heart inside Sora, though he couldn't say why he believed that with such certainty.
In the meanwhile... Ienzo turned to the project he'd been working Aeleus and Dilan on. Neither trusted themselves with research into hearts and their reticence was slowing Ienzo's progress. But he wasn't pushing the issue for now as he understood why they had decided to redirect their efforts in other directions.
For instance, the gummiphone project. It had actually been Ienzo's idea. Or... well, it had been Zexion's idea if he wanted to get technical about it. Being in the datascape had brought back memories of some of the ideas he'd never gotten to implement during his time in the Organization and the gummiphone had been dismissed by Marluxia as a waste of time. But now that Ienzo was nominally in charge of the research? Gummiphone time.
The first step had been to completely take a part a communication gummi. Little pieces of tech all over the pace and Ienzo was still convinced that Dilan had dropped a piece behind their work table that they'd never recovered. But once they'd put it all back together they'd had their first prototype gummiphone. It hadn't been able to do much - place video calls to gummiships equipped with a communications array and connect to a basic messaging service that the castle researchers had used before... well, before the Heartless.
Ienzo, however, wanted the gummiphones to do more. A lot more. Upgraded text-based communication system allowing for stand-alone posts with tagging and comments. Access to digital encyclopedias that could be updated with information on new worlds as they were discovered and the inhabitants interacted with; containing information on Heartless, Nobodies, and the Unversed as well as any noteworthy quirks about world and the best way for visitors to blend in without upsetting the world's sense of order. And the most ambitious idea was, well... Tron had mentioned that the world where his program had been cloned from had something called video games. Video games sounded fun and Ienzo already had an idea for a sort of 'game engine' that could be used to run any number of games with simple pixel-based graphics.
"How goes the second prototype?" Ienzo asked, settling down at the work station.
"I think we've improved the graphics display on this one a great deal. And its interfacing with the updated message system a lot more smoothly." Dilan handed Ienzo the phone with a proud look. "Here, see for yourself."
Ienzo smiled as he saw the display light up. The colors were definitely brighter this time, almost photo realistic and... and that gave Ienzo another idea. "Do you think we could put a camera on this? Something that created digital photos instead of film?"
"I... I think we'd need to incorporate pieces from a few different types of gummis..." Aeleus mused, pulling out an assortment of gummi parts. He held up something with a lense on it and then nodded. "This'll do." He immediately started tinkering, carefully unscrewing the casing and popping the gummi open.
"I'm going to work on creating the framework for the encyclopedia it'll need to interface with," Ienzo told them, leaving the older researchers to the mechanical side of things. His new search program would mesh well with his design for the encyclopedia, but he still needed to flesh out a suitable indexing method for the articles or else it'd turn into an overly complicated mess where no one could find anything. Which there'd been more than enough of that with Ansem's files.
Ansem may have been wise, but his filing system made Ienzo want to tear his hair out.
Pulling up the text editor he'd been creating pseudocode json objects in earlier - playing around with the archival formatting and standardizing the article types in anticipation of building UI displays before he started building the database - Ienzo spared half an ear to listening to what Aeleus and Dilan were talking about.
"I finally found Inara this weekend," Dilan was saying.
Hmm... that name was familiar, but Ienzo couldn't place it.
"She's married now. Wasn't very happy to see me, either," Dilan sighed. "But then, who is?"
"You should have had me go with you," Aeleus said chidingly.
"No, it was fine. I think... maybe she needed the closure. I was a terrible fiance, particularly towards the end. I'm glad she was able to find happiness with someone else. We ended up... talking about why things went wrong between us. Mostly my fault, my obsession with our research... I practically forgot she existed when I was in the castle sometimes. I think we both got some closure out of the meeting, though I probably won't see her again anymore. She chose to stay in Twilight Town - its where she landed when she escaped Radiant Garden's destruction - and neither of us like using gummi ships..."
Ienzo frowned, momentarily distracted from his work. Dilan had been engaged? Had he known that as a child? He certainly couldn't remember hearing Dilan talk about Inara before. But then, the name did sound familiar. So he must've... right?
He shakes the thoughts off and ignores most of the rest of the conversation. Since a lot of it Aeleus enthusiastically complimenting Dilan and Dilan growing increasingly flustered, it's not really that interesting anyway.
At least, the conversation isn't interesting until Aeleus calls to Ienzo and asks him what he did over the weekend.
Turning around in his chair, Ienzo starts telling them enthusiastically about the datascape and Tron and... and he trails off when he sees them exchange concerned looks. "What?" he asks flatly, eyes narrowing even as he feels like retreating further behind his hair to hide from those expressions.
"Ienzo... you know you can leave the castle now... right?" Dilan asks hesitantly.
Rolling his eyes, Ienzo shrugs. "Yes. I am aware. Unlike you two I don't have anyone waiting for me out in town. No family, no friends, no former girlfriends or whatever to seek closure from. So I spent the weekend making a new friend. Is he a conventional sort of friend? No. But he's someone I'll be working with a lot, so it seemed pretty important." He scowled at them, adding, "I'm not about to turn into a shut in, alright?"
"We're just concerned, Ienzo. Not trying to be insulting," Aeleus responded gently. "Just... maybe get a out a little. See how Radiant Garden looks now that its been remade."
They're not listening.
Huffing quietly, Ienzo turns back to the computer and opens a new document and just... writes.
If I speak from the heart
I fear being spoken over
My words dismissed by worries
Well meant
Will no one listen
And so my thoughts are held inside
Unheard
Ienzo doesn't really want to deal with Aeleus or Dilan the next day, so he spends the morning working in his private lab and then heads out into the gardens in the afternoon. He intends to read - he found some ridiculous sounding murder mysteries in library he intends to give a try - but he finds Leon there.
"Ah... sorry for disturbing you," Ienzo said, upon finding Leon reading in the quiet nook that had been Ienzo's favorite as a child.
"It's alright. I was taking a long lunch today and... I guess I got caught up." Leon waved what looked like a stack of reports.
"What's that?"
"While we were excavating the city and castle, we found some ruins. The outer part of the city to the south caved in a little on them and it took us a while to fix that area without wrecking the older parts beneath." Leon shrugged, adding, "we found an old map there and so once we finished our work rebuilding Radiant Garden, the Restoration Committee decided we'd excavate the old city on the map next. If there's anything there worth preserving we could probably make a pretty interesting museum. Mostly its digging now, though, and since I'm in charge I get to deal with all the paperwork and cajoling the investors. Which is mostly Mr. McDuck of Disneyland."
"Coming here relaxes you, then?" Ienzo takes the unspoken invitation and joins Leon.
"It does."
"I found it that way too, as a child."
"How goes your research?"
"Master Ansem's filing system should be taken out back and shot," Ienzo mutters, frustrated. Then he flushes and waves his hands. "I'm... sorry, I don't mean to complain..."
Leon snickers. "It's fine. I dealt with his filing system some myself and, I have to say, I agree."
"I met Tron."
"Really?" Leon looked interested.
Ienzo nodded. "I... I went into the datascape. I thought I should meet him in person."
"I keep thinking I should go there in person as well, but... I'm not really comfortable being digitized."
"I can understand why," Ienzo replies. "It's really... strange. The datascape is beautiful, though."
"Hmmm... well, how about that side project. That thing Aeleus and Dilan are working on?"
"The gummiphone?" Ienzo frowned thoughtfully. "We're on the third iteration. Calling, text messaging and text posting, and a camera function. I'm still working out the database for an encyclopedia it can interface with and... I haven't talked with the others about this yet, but I want to make it play video games."
"Video games?"
"Tron showed me something called Light Cycles that... its a program meant to be played for fun."
Leon put aside his paperwork. "That sounds more interesting than those. Tell me more about it."
Ienzo smiled and, enthusiastically, began to explain.
On the west side of town, Ienzo called Dilan and Aeleus, who were on the east side of town.
"Signal seems clear," Ienzo observes.
"We'll have to give one to someone headed for another world to test next." Aeleus glances over at Dilan. "I suppose one of us could go to Twilight Town..."
"Mr. McDuck is headed there. If we give him one he can test out my video game engine and tell me if the idea's marketable." Ienzo pauses when he gets two very blank stares across the video screen. "What?"
He'd told them about the video game idea and... they'd been less enthused than Leon had been. Ienzo had gone forward on it anyway and now had both a basic game engine and a database the phone could interface with to record articles on worlds, enemies, and notable people. He was planning on getting Jiminy Cricket to help fill it in with information from his notebooks. There were only entries on Radiant Garden, Twilight Town, and Yen Sid's Tower... and well, a handful of people from those places. Starter information that Ienzo filled in so he could work out a very basic UI. He wanted to make it nicer, but that could wait now that his search program was had finally started returning results from Master Ansem's data regarding Sora.
"How did you know Mr. McDuck is heading to Twilight Town?" Dilan asks.
"Leon told me the other day. Mr. McDuck and his nephews are helping set up a restaurant in Twilight Town. There's some genius chef rat that Mr. McDuck thinks could really shake up the culinary scene there."
"Genius chef... rat?" Aeleus repeats. "Like... an anthropomorphic rat?"
"I have no idea." Ienzo shrugged. "I'll see you two back at the castle later. I'll... swing by Mr. McDuck's store on the way and talk to him about testing the gummiphone."
Aeleus and Dilan agreed and the call ended. Ienzo did not head in the direction of the store, however. First... he had somewhere else to go first.
He walked to a graveyard instead. It had been largely untouched by the Heartless, from what Ienzo heard. Heartless had little interest in the dead. No hearts to steal, after all.
Even though he hadn't been there in years, Ienzo's feet still knew the way to his parents graves. Two headstones with their respective names and the years of their birth and death recorded. He'd bought some flowers from Aerith earlier and now he placed them atop the grassy mounds of dirt.
"I'm sorry its been so long," Ienzo tells them. "It's been... it's been far too long since I was last here. I'm sorry. I've... I've done some pretty terrible things. If you two were still alive... you'd probably be ashamed of me. But I am trying to make up for it. If I can. If... the people I've wronged will let me try."
I don't remember if I cried
When I first stood at your graves
Tears have never come naturally
Now they won't come at all
I feel so lost inside
And fear my heart is broken beyond mending
Ienzo spends time in the datascape with Tron again after Mr. McDuck leaves for Twilight Town. McDuck had taken one of the gummiphones with him - the latest prototype, of course, with the improved UI for the encyclopedia - and the entrepreneurial duck thought that Ienzo's game system had merit as a potential money maker... if the gummiphones were to be mass produced and marketed first. Without the phone to play the games on, well... what was the point of the games?
It was a good point. Ienzo wants to make a lot more, but the process is slow with just the three of them and there's still Ansem's files to continue combing through. He feels overworked even though he takes regular breaks.
"There's another system this datascape has interfaced with you might find useful," Tron tells Ienzo when he relates his many work projects to him. "Disney Castle has a gummi-based system run by mechanical engineering chipmunks. Their system, and their programs, are unusual and eclectic, but the duo have been known to churn out quality gear quite quickly. A number of the replacement parts Leon installed to repair the interface systems were sourced from those chipmunks."
"I'll ask Leon to put me in touch with them, then," Ienzo said, relieved to have potential help on producing more gummiphones. "I... was hoping maybe you'd help with an idea I had for a game. It would only have one level, but each time you beat it you earn a point. And maybe the timing changes a little each time? I'm not sure if that's too complex for the game engine or not yet. It's pretty basic."
"I would be happy to audit the code for you," Tron offered.
"That would be wonderful."
The next time Ienzo sees Leon in the garden, there's a woman there with him. Long dark hair, deep brown almond eyes. Pretty and very self-assured.
Ienzo hesitates to join them. She seems... infatuated. Leon is harder to read. But they see him and motion Ienzo over. So he wanders over and, nervously, introduces himself to Leon's... girlfriend?
"Ienzo, this is Rinoa... my partner." Leon stumbles slightly before the words 'my partner' but Rinoa doesn't seem to have been expecting him to call her anything else.
Was, perhaps, partner simply another term for girlfriend in this instance? Or...
They chatted amiably for a few minutes, then Rinoa stood. "I have to get back to work. See you tonight, Leon," she kissed him on the cheek then smiled over at Ienzo. "You should join us for dinner sometime. You're living in the castle, aren't you?"
Ienzo nodded, hesitantly.
"You can always come by our place if you need to get away from here for any reason. I imagine it must get a little lonely sometimes."
"Thank you, Rinoa. I... I appreciate the offer." Ienzo isn't sure how to feel about it, though. He doesn't really get lonely all that much... probably because when he's alone, he's usually working or reading or just... doing things he finds enjoyable. Walks in the gardens.
"Extroverts don't tend to really understand how people like us relate to being alone," Leon comments once Rinoa is far enough away. "Introverts like us," he elaborates at Ienzo's inquiring look. "I tend to find large groups exhausting and feel relaxed and recharged when I'm alone or only around one or two people. Rinoa tries to get it, but... she doesn't. Not really."
Ienzo nodded quickly. That sounded relatable. "Dilan and Aeleus keep pushing me to go out into the city and make more friends but... its overwhelming out there. Just walking through the streets, I feel like there's too many people, too much sound. I never felt that way in Twilight Town when I visited as... as Zexion. So it seems this feeling of being overwhelmed comes from my heart."
"Zexion... that was your name as a Nobody?"
"Yes. It's an anagram of Ienzo with an 'x' added. It was... Xemnas' way of asserting control over us. He said he was giving us new names and a new lease on life, but... really he was just using us the same way he had when we were Somebodies." Ienzo's hands tightened into fists on his thighs, self hatred pounding through his veins so sudden and powerful that Ienzo thought surely the emotions could be felt coming off him in waves.
"What did happen? Leading up to... to the Heartless showing up and Maleficent's attacks?" Leon paused a moment and when Ienzo didn't - couldn't - speak, he added, "it's alright if you don't feel you can talk about it yet."
Ienzo opened his mouth and then closed it more slowly before shaking his head negatively. "I'm sorry. I... I can't. Not yet."
Leon changed the subject to other things and while Ienzo spoke with him, his focus was elsewhere.
I let myself be fooled
As a child
As a teen
And now I fear as an adult
To let myself believe
Lest I be fooled again
Ienzo goes to the market twice a week. Usually Mondays and Thursdays, but not always. Sometimes he just gets so lost in his work that he winds up having to go a day late.
The uncertain stares he got the first few times he went into town have largely abated at this point. Most people don't really pay attention to Ienzo anymore, but the ones who do are friendly enough. But Ienzo is shy and terrible with matching names to faces. He worries about getting names wrong and every visit triggers a mildly uncomfortable feeling as a result. Ienzo suspects that feeling is anxiety.
He pushes through anyway, waving hello to Aerith and buying a few flowers from her first off. He's taken to keeping fresh flowers on his dresser in his room; it gives his suite a homier touch. Then he heads to fruit stands. He's got an idea for peach salsa chicken that he wants to give a try for dinner and apple sandwiches for lunch that sounds really good.
One of the stands is manned by a girl about Ienzo's age whom he vaguely remembers being friends with before his parents died. Moving into the castle with Master Ansem and Even had meant leaving her, and his other friends, behind, but they've started tentatively reconnecting since Ienzo started shopping there. Her name is Navi and her sense of humor was sharp. The first time Ienzo had laughed after being re-completed was due to her.
Today, though, she seems... nervous. Ienzo chats with her about his cooking plans and she offers ideas from some of her cooking experiments and then...
"Ienzo, maybe we could do dinner together some time?"
His mind stutters to a stop. Because Dilan and Aeleus have been insisting since pretty much the start that Navi has been flirting with him. And he's never going to live it down if they're right because he was so certain she wasn't.
"Dinner?" he echoes uncertainly.
"A date," she declares firmly.
Ienzo doesn't know why he's panicking, why every instinct is shouting no, no, no and run. Something must have showed in his expression and her face falls.
"I thought, with all the flirting we've been doing..."
"Flirting?" Ienzo basically squeaks the word. "I haven't been flirting with you," he tells her. "I don't ever flirt." Ienzo's pretty sure he doesn't even know how to flirt. So...
"Well, you've been doing a very good impression of it with me," Navi snaps, looking angry now.
"More like you've done a spectacular job of misinterpreting our interactions," Ienzo snaps back. Then he asks tersely, "how much?" When she stares at him blankly, Ienzo gestures to the fruit in his basket and repeats the question.
"Forty munny," she tells him and he hands over the munny chips, takes the written receipt, and basically zombie walks through the rest of his errands.
He only vaguely remembers the rest of his time in the market or the walk back to the castle or putting his food away in the kitchenette attached to his bedroom suite. What he does remember is walking out into the gardens, curling up on his favorite bench, and...
And Ienzo realizes to his utter shock that his face is wet. He hasn't cried since he was a child and, to be honest, he doesn't remember crying even then though he knows that he probably did. Most children did, after all.
He'd thought that he and Navi were becoming friends again. Now he's afraid their friendship is ruined, that its somehow his fault... even though he's certain he didn't actually do anything wrong.
Putting words in my mouth
Attributing actions that aren't mine
Why is it I'm wrong when I'm wrong
And when I've done nothing
There was a knocking on Ienzo's door that rouses him from sleep. He feels vaguely drugged and his brain is fuzzy. It's clearly still late, though, given the darkness outside the window. Or maybe just very, very early.
Ienzo stumbles out of bed, grimacing because he's still wearing his day clothes, and then pads to the door in his socks, blearily opening the door.
Leon's standing there and he gives Ienzo a scrutinizing stare. "You look awful."
It takes a few seconds for Ienzo's brain to process the implications of Leon's presence. "I was supposed to meet you and Rinoa for dinner." He covers his face with his hands. "I forgot. I'm so, so sorry."
"We heard from Aerith that something happened between you and Navi that upset you at the market today. When you didn't show up, Rinoa and I were pretty worried."
Ienzo ducks his head, feeling guilty. His chest clenches and he snuffles because it turns out falling asleep after crying for a long time doesn't actually help the sinuses clear back up. But also because he feels like crying again. "I'm sorry," he repeats. "I-I should have called." They did have one of the prototypes now so that Leon could keep in contact with Mr. McDuck more easily.
"Hey, Ienzo. I'm not angry, kiddo." Leon patted Ienzo's shoulder a little awkwardly. "There's still time for dinner, if you want it?"
Ienzo nods miserably.
"Go wash your face. You'll feel better. Do you think you'd be up to talking to Rinoa about what happened at the market?"
Ienzo shrugged, ushering Leon inside the room before ducking inside the bathroom to follow Leon's direction to wash his face.
"What's your relationship with Rinoa?" Ienzo finally asks, after he shuts the water off and drys his face. His hair around his face is a little damp, but it'll dry quickly. "It's just... the two of you live together, but you're partners? Not boyfriend and girlfriend?"
"It's... kind of complicated. Mostly because of me," Leon told him. "Put on your shoes and I'll explain on the way."
Ienzo nodded. It was a nosy question; he was lucky Leon was answering at all, especially with how rude Ienzo had been with forgetting their dinner plans.
When Ienzo had shut and locked his suite's door and they were headed toward the castle's exit, Leon began to speak again. "I'm aromantic. Sort of. It's... well, do you know what aromantic means?"
"I... I don't think so," Ienzo admitted. The word wasn't ringing any bells anyway.
"It means that a person doesn't experience romantic attraction. But for me there are times where I think I might, sort of, feel that way about Rinoa. It's not often, and its not clear that's actually what it is I'm feeling, but its something. Mostly though, I just care about her very deeply. Rinoa, however, has romantic feelings for me." He paused, giving Ienzo a moment to process it all. "Does that all make sense?"
"Yes. Mostly." Ienzo paused and then shook his head. "Okay, not really. But more because I just... don't really get emotions most of the time. I think I'm just bad at understanding them because..."
"Because of your time as a Nobody?"
"Yeah." Ienzo rubbed at his eyes; they still felt dry and scratchy from earlier. "Dilan and Aeleus don't like talking about being Nobodies so I can't really ask them about this. I'd rather ask Even or Lea anyway, but they're both... not here. Anyway, I think I understand enough for you to keep explaining things to me."
Leon ruffled Ienzo's hair lightly. "Sometimes I forget how young you really are. And sometimes I can think of nothing else."
"I'm not that much younger than you," Ienzo muttered, pouting slightly. Certainly their age difference was a lot less than him and... nearly everyone else in his life since he was a child.
"Sure thing, kid," Leon drawled, smirking when Ienzo scowled. "Anyway. Rinoa and I attempted a romantic relationship first. But a lot of the expectations for that kind of relationship made me extremely uncomfortable. Neither of us wanted to put an end to our relationship, but we both realized things needed to change for us both to be happy. It took us a while and a lot of open communication which... I'm terrible at, but I've improved because of her support. We discussed the parts of our relationship that made us uncomfortable and what we each needed out of a relationship and... by the time we were done ironing things out we didn't really have a conventionally romantic relationship. Some days are more like a romantic relationship than others and some days its not really like a romance at all. But we're both pretty happy with what we have together now. We decided that we'd use the term partners instead of girlfriend and boyfriend. Though that decision is still pretty new, so we're both adjusting."
That all sounded pretty nice, actually. "Navi asked me out on a date. I... I think I sort of panicked. And then she got upset because she thought I'd been flirting with her all this time and I... I don't even know how to flirt. And I don't think I want to flirt with anyone anyway." Said like that it made him wonder if maybe the word aromantic sounded... like him. Which Ienzo wasn't going to think about right now. That was maybe too much for him to deal with just yet. "I don't think she... I don't think she wants to be my friend anymore," he finished lamely.
"I think Rinoa can give you better advice there," Leon decided after a long moment.
Ienzo snorted in amusement.
My head hurts from the tears
My face and eyes are scratchy
But at least now I know I can still cry
So why do I still feel broken inside
"We have a guest room you can stay in," Rinoa offered. "It's pretty late, after all."
Ienzo is pretty sure that was what Leon had intended from the start. These two were clearly very sneakily trying to take care of him.
"Sure. That sounds good." Ienzo followed her into the back where she showed him the guest bathroom and the guest room.
"Are you alright now? Because, if you want to talk some more..." Rinoa trailed off, leaving the offer open ended.
"I guess... I just wish I knew why I started crying over all this. It's... kind of embarrassing."
"Oh, Ienzo, sweetie... you've been through a lot. I think... maybe you needed something to push you a little over the edge to find a sort of... catharsis? Yes. That's the word I'm looking for. Catharsis. I know you felt pretty awful, but what about now? Maybe a little like there's a weight missing that was there before?"
Huh. Well, what do you know. Ienzo nodded, surprised. "Actually... yes. I kind of do feel that way."
"Good night, Ienzo. Sleep well."
"You too," he replied.
A few minutes later, Leon stopped by with some spare pajamas and neatly sidestepped accusations that this was his plan all along.
Ienzo fell asleep feeling oddly well cared for. It was a nice feeling.
Navi is chillier than a frost shard the next time Ienzo sees her. But he mostly feels sorry for her, that she'd rather waste a friendship than admit she'd read things between them wrongly.
It finally occurs to Ienzo one day that he's... he's actually really angry at Dilan and Aeleus. At the other researchers too - Even and Braig - but they're not there for Ienzo to be angry with. So he's settled on the two who are.
Little things that bring to mind the past around them make him snappish. Like when they treat him like he's still a kid who needs their guidance.
"I don't need your help on this matter," Ienzo tells Aeleus sharply. He doesn't say 'go away go away go away' but the chant is in his head and he just wants to be left alone.
"If that were true, you and your girlfriend wouldn't be having this little tiff," Aeleus replies teasingly and...
And really that's the last straw.
"She's not my girlfriend," Ienzo tells him, not for the first time, but this time Aeleus is going to listen because Ienzo's voice has gone low and dangerous. The sort of tone he'd taken as Zexion before beating the crap out of something. Usually Heartless or low level Nobodies. Aeleus recognizes the tone; Ienzo can tell because he shifts uneasily and glances at the door. "I don't need your help in 'matters of the heart' because my heart doesn't work like yours does. I don't fall in love, not like you have with Dilan. I'm..." he hesitates because he's only used this word to describe himself in the safety of his own rooms and gardens so far. But he takes a deep breath and says it out loud now anyway. "I'm aromantic. I just don't work like that. And that's normal for me. So stop treating me like something in need of fixing, because I'm not broken!"
Aeleus takes a step back. "I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."
"I only told you to back off how many times? Of course you meant to." Ienzo rolled his eyes. "You expected me to be eager to take your advice like when I was a kid and so desperate to prove myself that I'd do anything any of you said for a chance at recognition."
"That's... that's not how things were."
"Oh, really? So you all didn't manipulate me into being the one who convinced Master Ansem to make that special lab for running experiments on hearts? I wanted so badly to prove I was one of you, that I could be taken seriously despite my age and you all... you used and lied to me. Every single one of you. Because Xehanort had us all so caught up in his cult of personality that you told a child that his guardian... his only remaining family had abandoned him. And that it was my fault for helping hide our experiments from him. You made me think he'd gone mad and I was to blame. I knew our experiments were wrong, but you were the adults. I followed your examples because I thought I could trust you to do the right thing, to protect me. I shouldn't have needed protecting from you!"
"You're right." Aeleus drooped, his body language painfully contrite. "What we put you through was unconscionable. Unforgivable."
Ienzo sighed, anger spent. "I suppose I've been holding that in for a while now." He glanced outside. It was such a pretty day. Maybe he'd spend a few hours in the garden. "I need to know you and Dilan will treat me as a respected peer and leave my personal affairs alone."
Aeleus nodded. "I promise."
"Good." Maybe forgiveness would come in time, but Ienzo didn't want to make promises he didn't know for sure he could keep. Hopefully... hopefully this would settle things between them all for now, once Aeleus caught Dilan up.
Anger burning hot
I say the words that had choked in my throat
Bottled up so long
They poured out until at long last
I finally felt whole
Demyx is every bit the lazy, incoherent mess that Ienzo remembers from his days as Zexion. He drops a body in the middle of the lab and Ienzo has to clamp down hard on his first instinct to ask Demyx who he murdered and also could he please keep blood off the floor?
Not that Demyx would be insulted, but... still. Instead Ienzo tries, in vain, to get Demyx to actually explain himself.
"Apparently I'm just so far off everyone's radar that I'm just the guy to handle a special delivery." Demyx had opened up another dark portal and now he stood aside, waving his hands dramatically. "Taadaa!"
Master Ansem walked out of the darkness and into the laboratory.
Ienzo must have exclaimed the man's name quite loudly because Aeleus and Dilan rushed in as Ansem said, "well met, little Ienzo." Ienzo's fellow researchers froze in shock at the sight of their long lost Master returned to them at last.
As for Ienzo, he looked down in shame, shaking and on the verge of tears. "They told me you'd gone mad. That you'd abandoned us. I was just a boy... but I should have known better. I am truly, deeply sorry."
Ansem stepped forward, placing his hands on Ienzo's shoulders. "I think what matters is that you recognize the mistake. Peace, Ienzo."
Looking up at last, all Ienzo could find on his former guardian's face was forgiveness and acceptance.
"It was I," Ansem continued, "who was consumed by hatred - who failed you in my obligations as your mentor. Forgive me."
For once, Ienzo was grateful for Demyx's presence. The Nobody's awkward laughter was about the only thing that kept Ienzo from breaking down in tears. "So, uh... are we cool to get on with things here?" he asked, pointing towards the body he'd brought through before Master Ansem's arrival. "Got ya a present from Vexen. One was all he could manage for the time being, but hey, he figured you guys would know what to do with it."
Comprehension sunk in. Not a dead body, but... a replica. A body just waiting for a heart to fill it, shape it. And Ienzo knew just who to start with.
Sitting in the afternoon sun in the garden with Master Ansem, Ienzo animatedly caught the elder researcher up on everything they'd been working on over the last several months since re-completing. Ansem was particularly impressed by the gummiphone's versatility. However, Ienzo did have some complaints that simply had to be voiced.
"I hate your filing system. You may think it makes sense, but only in the same way that the Cheshire cat makes sense to someone born in Wonderland."
"And you're not from Wonderland," Ansem filled in with amusement.
"Not even remotely." Ienzo smiled as Master Ansem began to laugh.
Forgiveness
Falls like warm rain
Feels safe like home
Brightens like the dawn
Forgiveness
Brings peace
Settling the chaos
That dwelt within my heart
Ienzo opened up the text post app and nervously checked his posts for comments. He'd put his poetry up the night before. An impulsive move prompted by Rinoa insisting she'd wanted to read it all when he'd mentioned that he wrote sometimes.
There... were a lot of comments.
Lea had gone through and commented on every single poem. Everything from smiley faced emojis to crying emojis to short comments about liking the imagery to just tagging the peom with '#I'm not crying your crying #ugly sobbing'. That guy never really changed. But it was nice to see all Lea's support laid out like that.
Rinoa also commented on everything, including calling Lea's tags a mood because she was definitely crying too. Leon commented a few times here and there. Master Ansem only commented once - on the last poem - that he was so very proud of Ienzo's creative talents.
Tron commented a few times too, accurately guessing when a poem had to do with the datascape. Roxas and Xion even commented some. Mostly to make fun of Lea, but they also made it clear that Ienzo's poetry had spoken to them and their experiences with being Nobodies. Isa joined in mocking Lea, though he also had some insightful questions about Ienzo's process and word choices. Some of which made Ienzo's fingers itch to type out something new.
Ienzo let out a shaky breath of relief. They all liked his poetry. They... they all accepted his feelings without trying to change him. They liked Ienzo... exactly the way he was.