This is the song "Maxwell's Silver Hammer", but I just made it into story form! Yay me! Reviews are always, and I do mean always, welcome. Enjoy, enjoy!

~Robin

Note: I do not own this song, or the lyrics.

Joan was quizzical, studying pataphysical science in the home.
Late nights all a lone with a test tube,
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine, calls her on the phone.
"Can I take you out to the pictures,
Jo, oa, oa, oan?"

But as she's getting ready to go, a knock comes on the door . . . . .

Joan just couldn't understand it. It took her this long to get out of a bad relationship, and now there isn't a good one in sight? Perfect, just bloody perfect. His name was . . . Oh, forget it, she didn't remember, and it didn't really matter. She hated men, and that was it. All her life, Joan had been told that she was perfect, that she was the catch of all catches. She was the big fish, in the little pond. I didn't make any sense. How could he turn her down like that? No. She turned him down. She was trying to be optimistic. Dammit. She thought. I can't go on like this, feeling sorry for myself. Maybe something'll pop up, some sort of opportunity. That was true, she needed to wait. She didn't like that, though. Joan wasn't the patient type. I need to focus. School is more important that idiotic men. She went back to her desk, and sat down. She looked at her data, and realized how much work she needed to get done. Oh, well, might as well get going. After a few minutes of writing data, and filling in the charts, the phone rang sharply in her ear. She picked it up.

"Hello?" She said into the phone.

"Joan?" A voice answered.

"Yes?"

"This is Maxwell Edison." The voice continued. "Remember? From your Advanced Chemistry

class? I'm the medicine major."

She laughed. "Yeah, I remember." She also remembered giving him her number while going through her tough times. "What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering," He said, after a pause. "If you, possibly, would want to go to the movies tonight? I know you just got out of a relationship, and you're feeling pretty low, but I thought maybe you need a night out."

Joan was surprised by this. Nobody really asked her on dates anymore.

"I'd love to." She answered, finally.

"Great. I'll pick you up in a half hour?"

"Sure."

She hung up the phone. Odd. This wasn't like any other men she'd met. Oh, well, might as well get ready, she thought.

Maxwell's POV:

It was time. I knew she'd never forgive me, but, who cares. I slowly tucked it under my coat, and left my dorm. Joan was depressed, anyone could see it. Time to take care of business, or, at least, that's how I thought of it. She was someone who was beautiful, but just had bad luck. It was time to put her out of her own misery. She wasn't miserable, that's a bad way of putting it. It was more of, relieving her. She needed to realize that life wasn't worth living anymore, she was lonely, and I was just helping her out. Some will think it's wrong, but that's too bad. Joan needed my assistance, and that was a fact. Besides, who was going to take her, anyway? Not to put her down at all, but she needed to learn, mistakes will be made, and she needed to face the facts, life just wasn't working for her. She'll be okay, she might even allow it to happen, be happy about it, maybe.

Anyways, it indeed was time. Finally, after a long walk, I knocked at the door.

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's Silver Hammer came down, upon her head.
Clang! Clang! Maxwell's Silver Hammer made sure, that she was dead.

Back in school again, Maxwell plays the fool again, teacher gets annoyed.
Wishing to avoid an unpleasant
Sce, e, e, ene.

She tells Max to stay when the class has gone away, so he waits behind.
Writing fifty times "I must not be
So, oh, oh, oh."

But when she turns her back on the boy, he creeps up from behind . . . . .

She hated kids. All they do is piss and moan about how hard life is. Yeah, well, have you ever taught imbeciles like you? I didn't think so, you bastards. She especially hated college kids, for one reason, too. They always think they're smarter than the teacher. Most kids think that anyway, but, college kids were the worse. They think that, once they get to college, they get to screw everything over, just because they're "free". Not true. She would always think. Her kids walked into the classroom, and all took their seats. My favorite class She thought, sarcastically. She despised this class for a reason. Maxwell. That stupid kid. . . Everyone else was fine in that class, but he was the one student that she just couldn't stand. He also had his own entourage. They were all decent kids, too, Rose, Valerie, Richard, and others she couldn't remember. Oh well, she thought. Gird your loins, then.

"Good morning, class." She said, plainly to the class.

"Good morning, Mrs. Harrison." The class answered, all except Maxwell.

She ignored this. "I do hope that all of you brought your assignment from last class, The Chapter Six workbook?"

The sound of shuffling papers, and opening of backpacks filled the room. Teacher was pleased by this. Finally, she thought. They actually did their homework this time. Her eyes fell upon Maxwell. He was sitting there, with a blank stare, looking aimlessly around the room. She sighed heavily. For once, could you do what I ask?

"Mr. Edison?" She called. He barely noticed.

"I hope you finished the assignment, yes?"

"No." Max muttered.

"That's unacceptable, Maxwell." She said, for the umpteenth time. "You must do your homework in order to pass."

"So I can get the hell out of here?" He blurted.

It's no picnic for me, either, buddy. "Essentially, yes." She replied.

"Why can't they just let me out now?" Max continued. "I didn't do anything!"

No shit. "Well, Maxwell" she tried to coax, "You must do the work."

"Fuck that." He muttered, barely audible.

"That's enough!" She shouted. "Maxwell, you will stay after class, so you can think about your own actions. Maybe you can even think about your choice of words around a teacher!"

"He didn't do anything." Valerie chimed.

"Don't make me have you stay here too, young lady." Teacher yelled. "I know you wouldn't want that." Valerie had always been the "good" girl of the class.

Maxwell's POV:

God, I hate her. I actually hate teacher to begin with. But, she's so ridiculous. Excuse me for actually having a life, not having some drab, useless, excuse of an existence. My, God. She always does this, too. I try to voice my opinions, and she shoots me down. I'm allowed to have my own view on things, it's my life, thank you very much! I really do hate her, though. She's always been on my case, ever since day one, she's bitching and yelling at me. I didn't do anything! Okay, so I dropped an "f" bomb, holy shit, call the cops. Anyway, maybe this is a good time to do what I've always wanted to do. I think it is. . . She never notices me, anyways. Why the hell not? She deserves it more than anyone. It doesn't really matter. Her existence is useless to begin with. It's settled. I'm gonna do it.

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's Silver Hammer came down, upon her head.
Clang! Clang! Maxwell's Silver Hammer made sure, that she was dead.

P.C. Thirty-One said, "We've caught a dirty one."
Maxwell stands alone.
Painting testimonial pictures,
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

He had seen weird cases before. Besides, he was a cop, one of the most tiring jobs in history. He hated it sometimes, especially when he had creeps like this. A college boy murdering people with a hammer? What next, an old lady killing people with a pitchfork? That was the one thing this police officer couldn't deal with. The crazies. It just wasn't fair to the rest of the population to have idiots like these people. Who would be compelled to kill people, let alone with a hammer? It was a terrible concept to fathom. All part of the job, the sergeants would tell the rookies. Idiots getting guns and knives, thinking that they're bigger than the world. It didn't make any sense. He actually was starting to just lose faith in the human race. He understood gang wars, and fighting for "turf", but a hammer? Killing your girlfriend, and your teacher? I don't get it, he thought. It didn't matter, though, he needed to talk to this kid, and try to knock some sense into him. He entered the interrogation room and sat down.

"Well, Mr. Edison," He began, slowly. "What do we have here?"

"Bullshit." Max answered, coldly.

"What's bullshit?" The police officer continued. "The murders, or your motives?"

"Neither."

"What is it, then?"

"I shouldn't be here." Max continued. "I'm innocent until proven guilty, remember?"

"Yeah, well, there were too many witnesses to what you did." The officer said.

"Tough shit," Max said. "I deserve a lawyer."

"And, you're going to get one." The officer said. "You have to understand, you are going to be punished for this."

Maxwell just sighed, obviously frustrated. He didn't want to go to prison, with Joan, he was just helping her out, and he just loathed the teacher. He understood the teacher, his motive was pretty thin. Still. He wanted all of them dead. Even the officer he was looking at, he wanted to kill. They took his hammer, though, so he was screwed. Dammit.

"This is a violation of my rights!" Maxwell tried.

"Not true." The officer said. "I am here to interrogate you, and figure out why you did it. Maybe even get a confession out of you. The evidence against you is too much for you to be acquitted. That's just too damn bad, isn't it? Guess what? You're probably going to be locked away for a long time, and I couldn't give a horse's ass."

Maxwell spit at the officer's face. The officer stood up, and left the room. He walked out to the offices, and looked at his partner.

"We've caught a dirty one."

Rose and Valerie, screaming from the gallery
Say hey must go free
(Maxwell must go free!)
The judge does not agree, and he tells them
So, oh, oh, oh.

But as the words are leaving his lips,
A noise comes from behind . . . . .

After the spitting incident, Maxwell was sent to the prison for an overnight. He skipped Juvenile prison, and went straight to the big house. He entered the courtroom the next day, to a full house. The jury was sitting there, ready to hear each side of the story. Maxwell looked into the crowd, and saw Rose, Valerie and other members of his posse. He felt better, seeing them with him. Although, he couldn't say they'd be much help at this point. He was in deep shit, and he knew it. Max looked up at the judge, and gulped. The judge was an aging man, white hair that was slightly balding, and his beady eyes stared relentlessly at Max. Max took his seat at the defense table, and his lawyer quickly joined him. His lawyer quickly took papers out of his briefcase, and spread them across the table. He looked up at the judge, and nodded.

"Now, then, ladies and gentlemen," The judge began. "Let the case of The People vs. Maxwell Edison commence."

After each of the testimonies, and a 15 minute recess, Maxwell knew his fate. There was talk of life in prison, with no bail, or he may even be sent to death row. Death row was a slim chance, because he was a minor. Still, that one scared him. As he sat in the men's restroom, waiting, not really doing anything, he reached under the toilet he was sitting at. He felt the cold object get warmer when he hit his hand against something else. A hammer. The biggest grin came across Maxwell's face, and he quietly tucked the silver token into his pants. He walked out of the bathroom, to see his lawyer standing there, waiting impatiently. They both entered the courtroom, and sat down at the table. The jury had been released, and everyone was waiting on the verdict. Slowly, the jury walked into the courtroom, and all but one sat down. The man, a pale, thin one, began.

"Your Honor," He cleared his throat. "We, the jury, have found that this boy is guilty of all charges brought against him."

There was some secluded applause in the audience. Obviously, no one wanted to see Max go free. The judge looked up, and banged his gavel, just once.

"Ladies, and gentleman," He began. "This boy was found guilty of all charges brought against him by the jury. Therefore, I have no choice but to allow the sentence to be the maximum. Lif-"

"Maxwell must go free!" A shout came from the audience. Rose and Valerie Maxwell thought.

The judge looked up at the audience. "On the contrary," He almost chuckled. "This boy committed vicious murders, with full awareness of his actions. I have no choice! This boy deserves to be put away!"

The guilty Maxwell was leaving the courtroom, as the judge was speaking. In this courtroom, the judge's table was lower, and directly in at eye level with everyone else. Maxwell walked closely to the judge's table, eying his every move. The judge continued to speak.

"It is my duty," He chose his words carefully. "To sentence this boy to life in prison, with out bail, and I must stress the fact that this boy is in fact guilty, and cannot be released. Furthermore—"

You didn't get to hear the furthermore.

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's Silver Hammer came down, upon his head.

Clang! Clang! Maxwell's Silver Hammer made sure, that he was dead.

Hope you enjoyed it! I know, this is totally random, but, that's okay. I certainly enjoyed writing one of my favorite songs!