Summary: Hartley is used to a status quo where Cisco doesn't make time for him outside of work but Caitlin watches classic movies with him occasionally on weekends and Barry trades book recommendations with him all the time. And then Dante dies, the epic bro-ship of Cisco/Barry appears to be sinking and suddenly the status quo has changed because Cisco?

Cisco has started hanging out with Hartley all the time.

Of course, you can't keep a good friendship down. Hartley knows this and even wants Cisco and Barry to be friends again. Even if that means Cisco has no more time for Hartley again.

Even if it means Hartley's heart gets stomped on.

Notes: I posted this over on Ao3 in December/January and realized as I was crossposting my Hartmon Fest works that I hadn't posted this story over here on ffnet yet.

This story contains the following:

* genderfluid/demi-boy bisexual Cisco, but he spends a lot of time questioning himself and dealing with internalized queerphobia before he finally starts accepting his labels in the second part

* Hartley dealing with anxiety issues

* Cisco dealing with depression

Part 1: Hartley

This was... not the normal state of things.

That was literally all Hartley could think as he followed Cisco into the engineer's place for the first time since Hartley had gotten his own apartment shortly after the singularity. He'd been couch surfing between Joe, Cisco, and Caitlin's homes before landing the fairly nice one-bedroom apartment and though the others had been to Hartley's place a couple of times, Hartley had only been back to Joe and Caitlin's places since moving in.

Though he'd gotten along fairly well with Cisco during the couch surfing months (and hadn't that been a shock for everyone?), the two of them hadn't been friends. Not really. In fact, Hartley wasn't really friends with any of them and when Team Flash had finally reformed, Hartley had considered very carefully the option of staying on at Mercury Labs and just... leaving the whole vigilante business behind. He'd come up with a list of pros and cons that weighed heavily on the side of Mercury Labs being the right choice. But... irrational as it was, he still wanted to stick it out with STAR Labs anyway. He ended up shredding the lists and flipping a coin... which then rolled under the couch. So he just went with his gut feeling and joined Caitlin in annoying Dr. McGee with the decision to leave Mercury Labs to go back to STAR.

(Caitlin had seemed grateful not to have to deal with Dr. McGee's gaze of disappointment all on her own.)

Afterwards, Hartley seemed to connect fairly well with Caitlin and Barry. Caitlin shared Hartley's secret love of cheesy movies from the sixties, seventies, and eighties while Barry had similar tastes in books so the two were constantly giving each other reading recommendations. But... Hartley couldn't seem to get anywhere with Cisco. They worked together just fine and Cisco always seemed pleased when Hartley got all his sci-fi references and responded in kind... yet they never hung out socially unless it was all of Team Flash.

The state of things, for a while, had been that Hartley would ask Cisco to do something, maybe watch a show or a movie or play a video game that they were both interested in. Cisco would reply with some variation of 'sorry, maybe another time' that was always polite and seemed sincere... but there was never another time. So Hartley, eventually, stopped asking.

Yet, now here he was. Not because Cisco was genuinely interested in being friends, either, which sucked. No, Cisco had made it obvious that the only relationship he wanted with Hartley was a professional one. Which was fair enough; Cisco may have forgiven Hartley for their past, but he wasn't obligated to do more than that and Hartley was, mostly, fine with the way things were between them.

But now Cisco had used hanging out with Hartley as an excuse to ditch Barry, who'd only been asking about their usual movie night to try and gracefully back out of it to give his grieving friend space.

Hartley had gone along with it to let Cisco save face, but he hadn't expected to actually go home with Cisco afterwards. He'd been prepared for Cisco to beg off at the last second, but instead Cisco had shown up in Hartley's lab space as Hartley was shutting things down for the day, and proceeded to start chattering about Tales of Zestiria. Both of them liked the Tales series; neither of them had found time for Zestiria yet and Cisco had a copy and maybe they could play it together? Or they could watch the new season of Daredevil?

Cisco seemed to genuinely want to hang out with Hartley. Which was weird.

Hartley didn't intend to point that out for fear that doing so would ruin everything. But part of him kept wondering what weird twilight zone he'd entered where Cisco wanted to hang out with him and was irrationally angry with Barry.

And now he was actually walking into Cisco's apartment and... he didn't belong here. Not really. Cisco would probably realize that any second now and kick him out. Politely, of course.

"Are you good with pizza?" Cisco asked.

"Sure," Hartley replied, hesitantly shutting the door behind him. "Supreme?"

"Sounds perfect." Cisco had made a bee-line for the shelf where he kept his games, sliding his fingers along the spines of the cases until he found the one he was looking for and plucked it off the shelf. Hartley could only assume it was Tales of Zestiria. "Here," Cisco held out the game to him. "Will you set it up while I call in the order?"

Hartley didn't trust himself to speak. So he nodded and smiled and took the game. Then he did as requested, turning on the TV and the PS3, cycled over to the correct input settings, and then popped the game into the playstation. He checked the battery levels on Cisco's controllers and then settled onto the couch with two of them (having plugged in the other two to let them power back up) and waited for Cisco to join him.

He also waited for that moment when Cisco remembered he didn't actually want to be Hartley's friend. When the pizza got there. When they argued over how long to go between trading off controller one so they could both have a turn controlling the on-screen exploration. When they realized it was after midnight and they still had work the next morning. When Cisco offered Hartley the (very comfortable) sleeper couch and some spare pajamas so that he wouldn't have to drive home exhausted. When he woke up the next morning and Cisco was making breakfast to share with him...

The moment never came and, slowly, Hartley relaxed. And he even accepted the offer to hang out again the following evening so they could make more progress on Zestiria together.

Hartley was still pretty sure that Cisco didn't really want to be his friend. It was that Cisco didn't want to be Barry's friend right now either, but needed someone to hang out with in Barry's place until he finally had enough time and space to put his grief over Dante behind him. Then the Cisco and Barry show would resume and... Hartley would be back to waiting for 'some other time' that was never going to happen.

Hartley quickly determined, after Barry admitted to screwing with time (again), that he had not been a member of Team Flash before the whole Flashpoint timeline shift. Barry didn't say as much, but then he didn't need to. The side-long looks and general wariness spoke volumes. At least he seemed accepting of Hartley's place on the team.

Or maybe he just didn't want to antagonize Cisco any further. Cisco had basically glued himself to Hartley's side since Dante's death and Barry's refusal to go back to save him. The two of them worked together with Caitlin at STAR Labs all day, then retreated to one of their apartments – usually Cisco's – for video games or movies nearly every other evening. Honestly, Hartley would've thought Cisco would be a little sick of him by now; most of his past boyfriends had been unable to stand him to such a degree and at least some of them had claimed to love him.

At the moment, the duo were nearly through Tales of Zestiria, gleefully referring to Sorey and Mikleo as 'the boyfriends' and complaining good-naturedly about the addition of Rose to the team who, as an assassin with a heart of gold and a tragic past who could have easily been the Shepherd if Sorey hadn't gotten there first, was pretty clearly the creator's pet Mary Sue. They'd been considering queuing up Lego: Harry Potter (Years 1-4) as their next game… but Hartley doubted they'd actually get to it.

Cisco and Barry were besties in a way that made Hartley ache with jealousy, even more so now that he'd gotten a taste of what it was like to be Cisco's best friend. He knew, though, that it was only a matter of time before Cisco realized that he couldn't stay angry with Barry forever and the two made up. Then Cisco would be back to watching The Wrath of Khan with Barry and, if Hartley was very lucky, Cisco would make enough time for them to finish Tales of Zestiria before relegating Hartley back to the position of afterthought.

He just… hadn't expected it to happen so soon.

The Rival shouldn't have been a problem for Barry to take on, as the more experienced speedster. But Barry's head hadn't been in the game and Cisco had been the one to save him. Which, apparently, was what the two of them had needed to re-cement their friendship. They'd spent the night at Joe's, afterwards, apparently introducing Wally to classic Trek episodes and the wondrous campiness that was sixties television.

Hartley then got to hear all about it that morning, spending the rest of the day trying to pretend he wasn't stewing in a combination of jealousy and… it wasn't heartbreak, but it kind of felt the same. Which was ridiculous, of course. It wasn't like he'd been dating Cisco. Cisco was straight. Hartley did not do crushes on straight guys.

(At least, he hadn't since the tragedy that was Mark. Hartley had still been in college at the time, even more prone to flights of the dramatic sort than he was now, and had managed to wind up with a crush on a particularly queer-phobic straight guy. The whole thing had been a recipe for disaster and it had taken Hartley several weeks to move on properly… and those weeks had involved watching more romantic comedies and eating more ice cream than Hartley was comfortable admitting to. Also he might've lamented to his roommate a few times… a few dozen times… that his life was ruined.)

Anyway, the point stood that Cisco wasn't breaking up with Hartley for Barry and that Hartley had absolutely no reason to feel even more wrecked now than he had when Chip had broken up with him. But he was mopey and despondent all day anyway (garnering a few concerned looks from Cisco and Caitlin; they probably thought he was having one of his frequent migraines) and when he got home to his empty apartment that evening, he very nearly started crying when he realized that his fridge was practically empty. He'd used up the last of the sandwich fixings the night before and…

… and tonight was usually game night. Hartley hadn't planned on grocery shopping until Thursday afternoon.

He considered a salad, until he realized the half-empty bag of mixed greens was… decaying. Sighing to himself, Hartley picked up his phone to order some Thai only for it to start buzzing in his hand as a call came in, Cisco's name on the screen.

"Hello?" Hartley answered, feeling a touch uncertain and hating himself for it. Surely Cisco was still busy reaffirming his bro-ship with Barry. What was he calling about?

"Hey Hart," Cisco greeted cheerfully. "I know you were feeling down all day, but are you still good for some Tales of Zestiria? Or maybe we could do some catching up on the Marvel Netflix shows? Luke Cage should be out soon and we're only halfway through Jessica Jones."

Considering they'd only been watching one episode of Jessica Jones at a time because Hartley couldn't handle more than that – he wanted to see the show through to the end, but the whole plot was really triggering for him and he was tempted to tell Cisco to finish it on his own and then summarize it for him - Cisco was being really patient and understanding about the whole 'watch an episode, wait a week or two, watch another' pace they were crawling along at when all the episodes were already on Netflix, practically begging Cisco to binge watch at his own discretion.

"I'd rather Zestiria," Hartley told him. "I… I don't think I can handle any Jessica Jones tonight."

"Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?" Cisco asked, concern in his voice.

Hartley could just imagine it now. 'I'm moping like a high school student who just suffered their first big romantic rejection because you've got Barry again and don't need me.' Yeah. That'd go over swimmingly.

"No… no, I'm just… having an off day," Hartley said instead.

"Perfect timing," Cisco told him. "Dinner showed up just before you got here."

"Great." Hartley's voice was a little strained. Despite his resolve to cheer up before he got to Cisco's, he'd been unable to tear his thoughts away from the idea that Cisco was going to tell him they weren't going to have as much time to hang out anymore and that by 'not as much time' what was really meant was 'no time at all.' So he was still very much the opposite of cheery.

"Hey… seriously, Hart, what's going on with you today?" Cisco flushed, like he hadn't meant to ask. Then he straightened and his expression became determined. "Did I do something to upset you or…? I dunno… you're not upset I spent last night hanging out with Barry, are you?"

Hartley's mouth opened and then he snapped it shut again, pursing his lips and looking away. "A little, I guess." He shrugged. "I'm just being ridiculous. Don't worry about it."

"I'm not ditching you for Barry," Cisco told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You know that, right?"

Instead of relaxing, which was Cisco had clearly been aiming for, Hartley tensed up further. "Cisco… how much did we hang out, just us, before you and Barry had your falling out?"

"Ah… well, I guess not much?" Cisco wrinkled his nose in thought, which was more adorable than it had any right to be. "I guess we weren't very good at that before."

Hartley snorted. "Do you know how many times I asked you to hang out after work? Grab a drink? Play a game? Watch a movie? 'Hey, Stranger Things premieres tonight, want to get a pizza and binge watch the first few episodes together?'"

Cisco cringed and Hartley could only assume he remembered being asked that exact question months earlier. Then, slowly, something horrified seemed to dawn on the engineer's face. "I'm an asshole."

"That's not… that's not what I'm saying at all," Hartley back-pedaled, feeling a bit panicked. "I just… you never had time for me like this before."

"No. No, I was being an asshole," Cisco insisted, looking a bit dazed. "Fuck, Hartley, I didn't even realize I was being a dick to you. But I was and… there's no excuse. I'm so sorry."

"You just… didn't want to be friends. That's not exactly being a dick," Hartley insisted anyway, wishing he could take this whole conversation back

"Nope, no making excuses. My behavior was awful. I made you feel awful and then I made you feel like… like we could only be friends if I was using you to stick it to Barry and I am a terrible person." He saw Hartley's flinch because... yes, Hartley had thought exactly that. "I'm going to be a better friend from now on. I promise." Cisco pulled him into a hug and it was wonderful and it was...

It wasn't fair, Hartley thought as he burrowed into the warmth of Cisco's hug and muttered something about holding Cisquito to that promise and smirked as the engineer spluttered over the nickname.

He was supposed to be past the point of crushes on straight guys by now.

It wasn't fair.

Hartley watched Doctor Who the following night. Specifically, he watched the first two episodes of series three, with Martha Jones and the Tenth Doctor.

Out of all the companions on the show, Hartley had always seen himself as more of a Donna or an Amy. He'd always thought of himself as spunky and flirty and bossy. But apparently he was a Martha because, even though he was smart and supportive like Martha was, Cisco looked right through him the way the Doctor looked through her.

At least Cisco didn't have a Rose, yet.

"I know that look," Barry said, gazing at Hartley with an expression that's half worry and half commiseration. "I have worn that look since before I knew there were words that described it."

"I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about," Hartley responded in bewilderment.

"The look of the unrequited crush."

Hartley felt suddenly anxious. Was it too late to run away and hide in his apartment instead of hanging out at a (too loud) club with Barry, Cisco, and Caitlin. At least the other two were off dancing and not witnessing this tragedy.

"What?!" Oh god, he'd squeaked the word out. Maybe the floor would open up and swallow him whole. He'd never know how Tales of Zestiriaended; never know whether or not Sorey and Mikleo would declare their undying love for one another in the form of re-upping their pledge to go adventuring through all the ruins in the world together one last time. But if it meant that he wouldn't have this conversation with Barry then that was the sacrifice Hartley was willing to make.

"You've got a crush on Cisco," Barry clarified. "It's obvious, but he's oblivious and..."

"I… I don't crush on straight guys, Barry. I just… I don't, okay?" Hartley was not going to start hyperventilating. (He sort of was.)

"Whoa, hey. Sorry," Barry gently touched Hartley's shoulder. "I just… thought I could give you some support or something. Someone to talk to who knows what its like."

Its too loud in the club, but Hartley had been able to grin and bear it before. Now he felt like the sound alone might smother him.

"Why haven't you said anything to him?"

Because Hartley'd only just figured it out himself. Because he was shy and awkward and anxious. Because no one who said they liked Hartley back ever really meant it. Because he was too high maintenance for Chip and too sharp for Harrison and… too very clearly male for Cisco.

"He's straight, Barry." Hartley repeated those words again, slowly, then clarified it further, just in case Barry was having problems understanding his point. "As in, Cisco isn't attracted to men. Not sexually and not romantically. Aesthetically? Sure. Not as much as women, though. So, hypothetically, if I did have a crush on Cisco and told him, he'd probably say he was flattered but really sorry 'cause he doesn't feel the same way and then game night would get awkward and probably ruin the ending of Tales of Zestiria with all the waves of pity coming off him, so… back off." Hartley felt too hot and kind of queasy. "I need some air," he snapped, leaving the club.

It was cooler outside and Hartley went from too warm to too cold in far too short a time. He wished he'd grabbed his jacket before heading to the club, but… too late.

"Hey!" Cisco's voice caught Hartley attention and he turned back to the club entrance to see the engineer hurrying over to him. "Are you okay? Barry didn't say anything stupid, did he? I know how insensitive he can be sometimes." He held out Hartley's jacket, which was received gratefully.

"No," Hartley lied as he pulled on the extra layer. Lying about his feelings to Cisco was fast becoming a habit. He didn't like it. "I just..." he gestured to his ears.

"Oh… oh!" Cisco's eyes widened. "I'm sorry, Hart. I didn't even think about your hearing when I suggested clubbing. Why didn't you say something? We could've gone, like… bowling or something. We're all terrible bowlers; we could have put on the gutter guards and made bets over who'd get the most side bounces by the end of the… set? Are they called sets?"

Hartley snorted in amusement. "I don't think they're called sets, but I know what you mean." Yeah… that would've been fun. "You looked so excited about the club idea that I… I guess I didn't want to be a downer."

"Yeah, well say something next time," Cisco insisted. "I want us all to have fun, not just some of us."

Why did Cisco have to be so sweet?

When they finished Tales of Zestiria, including the bonus dungeon and the harder version of the final boss battle, they finally conceded the game was as close to 100% completion as they were going to get. (The optional boss battle versus the Dark Turtlez was, perhaps, the best thing in the game.) While they agreed that it wasn't the best of the Tales games (Hartley insisted that was either Symphonia or Vesperia while Cisco, the heathen, thought it was Abyss), both were looking forward to the upcoming prequel, Tales of Berseria.

"When that one comes out, we're gonna have to drop whatever game we're playing and switch. Velvet just sounds so badass," Cisco enthused.

"I'm still stuck on the idea that you prefer the game with Luke fon Fabre over Lloyd Irving or Yuri Lowell. Just… I don't know how to deal with that."

"Keep it up and I'm going to start calling you Crona."

"Now I want to watch Soul Eater," Hartley grumbled.

"Your own fault," Cisco told him, taking Zestiria out of the PS3 and replacing it with the first Lego Harry Potter.

Hartley idly wished that, when Cisco returned to the couch, he could play while curled up against Cisco's side. He had to remind himself 'no straight guys, stop thinking that' and it hurt.

Hartley wandered into Barry and Julian Albert's lab, standing awkwardly by the door and waiting to be noticed.

"Hartley? Is something wrong?" Barry asked after a few moments when he looked up, standing up with concern on his face.

"Okay, first, you're an asshole."

"Finally, someone who sees sense," was the very, very quiet sound of Julian Albert.

Barry winced and opened his mouth to say something, but Hartley cut him off. "However… you weren't wrong. About what you guessed. Is your offer of a friendly ear still open?"

"Yeah. Oh, um, Hartley, this is my coworker, Julian Albert. Julian, this is my friend, Hartley Rathaway."

"Lovely to meet you," Julian greeted Hartley pleasantly, standing up as well and meeting Hartley halfway to shake his hand. The guy was hot, British, and bore a certain resemblance to one of Hartley's childhood celebrity crushes – Tom Felton. If Barry had remembered anything about Hartley at all, then it would have been ridiculously telling just how gone on Cisco Hartley was that he didn't respond by flirting but was merely congenially polite instead.

And maybe Barry did remember something, because he was looking a little more worried now. Or maybe he was remembering that, even playing the part of the villain to the hilt, Hartley still hadn't resisted the urge to flirt with the Flash every chance he could get while in the pipeline. (It was for science, really; Hartley had to know if Barry could blush the same shade of red as his suit. Inquiring minds needed to know.)

"So I take it you're here for lunch?" Barry asked wryly, locking his computer and grabbing his phone and wallet from his desk.

Hartley just nodded.

In the end, Hartley didn't do a whole lot of talking after admitting, out loud, that he did indeed have a mega-crush on Cisco and he wasn't sure how long because he was almost as oblivious as Cisco. He just sort of turned it around to getting Barry talking about his feelings for Iris and some of his failed attempts to move on.

"I hate to say it, but maybe… maybe game night just the two of you is a bad idea right now. It's just..."

"Not conducive to moving on?"

Barry nodded, looking a little miserable himself. "I'm sorry. I know my longtime feelings for Iris aren't really the same because, well, it's not like she and I exactly have incompatible orientations going on. I mean… I had a crush on this guy in college, who was straight, but I didn't know him well enough to tell him how I felt even if he had been gay or bi."

"How'd you know he was straight?" Hartley asked, curious. He knew Cisco was straight because they'd had a few STAR Labs slumber parties after Barry was paralyzed and, one of those nights, they'd swapped some 'coming out queer stories'. It was the most Hartley had talked about his parents in years.

Finding out Barry was bi hadn't been too surprising, given the low-key crush Hartley was pretty sure the guy was harboring towards Captain Cold, though Caitlin being demi-ace pan-romantic had been kind of a surprise. He'd walked in on a lot of hot-and-heavy makeout sessions between her and Ronnie, after all. But then… he ought to know not to lean on stereotypes for guessing other people's orientations and it wasn't like being ace meant that a person didn't like kissing or sex… it just mean they didn't feel sexual attraction. (Attraction did not equal action, after all.)

Cisco, it turned out, had gone to a few GSA and LGBT meetups in high school and college too. He'd joked about being the token straight on Team Flash… and then admitted to something he clearly hadn't meant to say out loud.

"Sometimes I kind of question the whole gender thing – like, I wonder if maybe I'm a demi-guy… or demi-boy, whatever. But… I don't know if that's because I really feel that way or if I've just taken so much flack about my long hair and stuff that I'm confusing being a little nonconforming with being a little non-binary. But when it comes to attraction… I'm definitely straight. Anyway I was always just an ally at the meet ups at college. I guess I'm getting to be an ally again tonight."

"You know it's perfectly valid to be questioning, right?" Hartley had told him. "That's one of the things the Q is supposed to represent on the extended acronym."

In retrospect, the warmth he'd felt at Cisco's smile probably should've been a warning sign.

"He was only at the college LGBT meetings because of his girlfriend. He stopped coming when she broke up with him," Barry said, drawing Hartley's attention back to the present conversation. "He was straight and… a little bi-phobic now that I think about it."

"Ugh, straight and phobic… I've been there," Hartley fiddled with his napkin, only to wince a little when he realized he was starting to shred it in his lap. "I don't want to give up game night," he said in a small voice.

"Then don't. Just… distance was sometimes helpful for me to keep a handle on my crush on Iris. Obviously my feelings never went away, but… it helped."

"I know. I should."

"Or maybe you should get Caitlin or me, or both of us, to crash game night so its not just the two of you?"

Hartley bit his lip nervously and shrugged. He didn't want to admit that the only reason he knew his feelings were a crush was because of how ridiculously jealous of Barry he'd been and that he really, really didn't want to share his Cisco-time with Barry. Instead, Hartley changed the subject back to Barry again. The speedster gave him a knowing look, but went with it for now.

HR was… adorable. Seriously adorable.

Hartley had his doubts at first, but when the Earth-19 version of Harrison Wells turned out to be a writer of all things? Not a genius but a muse? He might have had a little bit of a giggle fit in response.

"You have to get us copies of all your books," Hartley insisted, once he recovered enough to talk and earning a dirty look from Cisco, who clearly wanted Hartley to give his vote on whether HR got the trial period or not. "What genre are they? Science fiction, fantasy, historical fiction, romance?" Hartley wouldn't say it out loud, but he was really hoping for some period drama romance novels with Fabio-types on the covers.

"Mystery romances, though some of them are set during some important historical events on my Earth," HR told him. "I've got digital copies of them if you're really interested."

"Definitely."

"I guess Hart votes stay," Cisco grumbled, pouting a little at being ignored.

"You know, when I was being a dick to Cisco all the time, a large part of that had to do with how jealous I was over Harrison's fawning over him. Don't argue," Hartley told the engineer. "He did. All the time. Now, of course, I know he was fanboying over getting to meet Vibe before you became a hero, but at the time it was ridiculous. Your resume was impressive, but it wasn't worth all the borderline waxing-poetic he was doing before you even showed up."

"Um… Hartley, do you have a point with this?" Barry asked.

"Julian is probably being an asshole to you because of his own insecurities and you're just the most convenient target."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Cisco waved his hands wildly and pined Hartley with an expression that was probably best described with a freaked out looking emoticon. "Evil Wells fanboy-ed over meeting me? What?! No. No way."

"Well, I wouldn't have called it fanboying at the time, but in retrospect? Definitely fanboying."

"I… I don't think I know how to deal with this information," Cisco replied in bewilderment.

"Sorry, Crona, don't think I can help," Hartley told him.

"Crona?" Barry repeated, looking a little lost.

"Soul Eater," Hartley told him absently.

"Oh yeah... been a while since I saw that one. Mostly I just remember Troy Baker singing the Excalibur song."

"He does have a most excellent singing voice..."

Caitlin was sitting on the floor, knees tucked up underneath her chin, tears running down her face as she hugged her shins and tried to ignore the world. Given her extremely violent outburst as Killer Frost and the fact that she'd thought kidnapping Julian Albert was a good idea… well, it was understandable she was in shock now.

What she was probably reeling from the most, however, was from her decision to deliberately reopen the chasm between Barry and Cisco regarding Dante's death.

Hartley sat down beside her.

"So… PTSD, unstable powers, and maybe a split personality, huh?"

Caitlin didn't respond.

"Have you considered therapy? Because I've been considering therapy. Even before the whole exploding accelerator and instant metas, just add Dark Energy thing, I could have really benefited from it. Probably wouldn't have turned to villainy if I'd worked out some of my issues before all that crap started..."

Caitlin was staring at him now with a very… blank look.

He sighed. "Thanks to Wells and Zoom, we all could use some therapy, Caitlin. For all we know, your powers showing up now isn't random or Flashpoint related at all. It could just be all the stress Zoom put you under caused… well, previously latent abilities to start manifesting. And for all that you think that you're the big bad Killer Frost when your powers come out… you just seemed like you but angrier and a lot less rational. Like your powers are trying to force you to deal with everything you've been bottling up and ignoring for the past few years."

"Hartley." She sounded icier now than when she'd been using the frost-tinged voice of her alter-ego.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

Hartley winced and went quiet, but he persisted in sitting beside her despite the death glare she'd given him. This was still preferable to bearing witness to the (re)fracturing of the Barry/Cisco bro-ship. Then, quietly, "seriously. You think you're having a bad year? I've got a crush on Cisco. Bad enough when I could pretend it was just low-key crush, but now that I've seen the way that 'Vibe' suit of his hugs his ass? I'd say I'm screwed, but my problem is the opposite of that."

There was a moment of silence and then, quietly at first, Caitlin began to laugh.

"You think I'm joking, but I'm serious. He's so tragically straight; I just know this is going to end in tears."

She leaned against Hartley until her (slightly hysterical) laughter finally tapered off.

"I blame you for my crush on Cisco," Hartley told the speedster, idly sipping his one beer for the night (his sense of hearing didn't like him getting drunk so he'd set himself up a limit after the first, and only, truly horrendous hangover he'd suffered through after the accelerator incident).

"How did you come to that conclusion?" Barry asked morosely. He poked at the beer that he wasn't really drinking since it wouldn't effect him anyway.

"I wasn't part of the team before Flashpoint, was I?" Hartley asked. "I mean, it's kind of obvious that I wasn't."

"You helped… usually phoned it in, though 'cause you were living in Opal City running a couple of Mercury Lab's biggest projects there. Shit… I ruined your successful career and gave you an unrequited crush on my straight best friend. Who hates me now. I'm just screwing everyone over, aren't I?"

"Self-pity helps no one. Neither do anxiety attacks," Hartley informed him oh so helpfully.

"Wallowing makes me feel better," Barry lied.

Hartley side-eyed the other man, but ultimately opted not to call him on it.

"I also blame you for the fact that Jesse doesn't remember me at all. She was like a little sister to me and now she barely knows who I am." Hartley paused, then added, "but you know what? I don't hate you for any of it. And Cisco doesn't hate you either. Much as he wishes he did."

"You're terrible at this 'helping Barry feel better' thing," Barry told him.

"Who said anything about helping?" Hartley asked innocently. "I thought I was supposed to be piling on the guilt in Cisco's honor."

"And you called me an asshole," Barry complained.

"Oh, you are. That just means we have something in common."

"So, are we going to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"The gaping chasm between you and your best friend?" Hartley prompted uneasily.

"If you're referring to Barry," Cisco grumbled archly, "he's not my friend anymore."

Hartley winced. Hopefully this would all blow over before Cisco actually said something to that affect in front of Barry himself. The speedster was doing a good job of pretending otherwise, but the guy was depressed. Hartley might have said it flippantly to Caitlin, but he'd meant it when he'd told her they all needed therapy. No one could go through as much trauma as they all had and come out the other side mentally healthy.

"Okay," Hartley said in what he hoped was a placating tone and then cast about for something – anything – else to talk about. "You know... it's been a year and you haven't said anything about whether you've finally settled on demi-boy as a label or not. Is that something you're still questioning or..." he tried not to wince again. Of all of the topic to choose from and instead of asking what game they're going to play next he asks about Cisco's gender identification instead?

"I don't..." Cisco sighed and dropped unceremoniously onto his couch. "I keep going in circles," he said quietly. "Most of the time I'm a guy. Being a guy feels right and I can't imagine not using he/him pronouns. But sometimes. Just... sometimes..." he takes a shuddering breath. "Sometimes I don't feel like a guy or any gender at all. And I think maybe... maybe it would be nice to be referred to as they/them. Not that he/him feels wrong, its just... but what if... what if I'm just confusing myself and I'm not really demi and I'm just... blowing things out of proportion?"

"Cisco... what you're feeling is valid. You aren't blowing things out of proportion, okay? If you think you might be a demi-boy or genderfluid or agender or non-binary, or queer or whatever, then you should use those labels. Any of them. All of them. If a label helps you better understand yourself, then that's what they're for. They're not some... some yardstick for measuring 'you must be this queer to ride this ride.'" He mimed with his hands as if to show a cut-off height like there were for roller coasters. "Whatever label you choose, I'll support you. Whatever pronouns you want used to refer to you, I'll use because your identity deserves to be respected."

"I just... I don't think I'm ready to..." Cisco shrugged listlessly, avoiding Hartley's eyes.

Right, so for now just keep treating Cisco as he had been and using he/him pronouns. If that was what Cisco needed, then that was what Hartley would do.

Hartley wondered if it had to do with Dante. He knew Dante had given Cisco grief about his hair and had referred to Cisco as 'she' and 'mija' a few times, not bothering to hold back on the mockery even in front of Cisco's friends and coworkers. The only reason Hartley had understood Cisco's desire to build a better relationship with Dante was because of his own shaky connection to his parents. Certainly his very real fears about being disowned for being gay had fueled his initial denial of his orientation and caused him to tangle himself up in so many layers of self-loathing that he was still encountering those feelings when he least expected.

"Want a hug?" Hartley offered tentatively. In response, Cisco tucked himself up against Hartley's side and buried his face against Hartley's shoulder.

"Thanks Hart," Cisco mumbled, voice muffled against the fabric of Hartley's shirt. "When... when I am ready to... well... you and Cait will be the first to know."

Barry too, Hartley filled in mentally. Cisco might not want to admit it, but he loved his best friend far too much to never forgive him. Barry had acted rashly out of grief, but had tried to do the right thing in fixing his mistake. Now Cisco was the one being irrational from grief and, eventually, he'd also want to fix the mistake he was making in pushing Barry away.

They just needed time.

There was no time, however, to fix the problems between Cisco and Barry, however, because aliens showed up.

What Cisco should have done was shelve his feelings of enmity for a time when the fate of the Earth wasn't on the line. Instead, Cisco effectively turned the combined forces of Teams Flash, Arrow, Legends, and Kara (who was a small army all on her own) against Barry. And Hartley couldn't…

He just… he couldn't do it. He couldn't even look at Cisco as he sided with Barry and Oliver and stayed behind while the others left to fight the Dominators. He couldn't look up as Cisco walked by him to get a few minutes fresh air outside the bunker before heading back in to rejoin Felicity at the computers. The quiet little sound of what could only be disgust said it all; Hartley couldn't bear to see the look of betrayal that surely graced Cisco's face.

When the door shut, Hartley did his best to make sure it didn't look like he was bolting for the bathroom to throw up from his nerves. (Oliver maybe didn't realize there was anything wrong with him, but Barry wasn't fooled in the least.)

"I think its better if just Felicity and I go with them. I don't know about you, but I could use some space." The words were like a punch to the gut.

Hartley waited until the Waverider had vanished into the past before giving in to the panic attack that had been edging up on him since he'd chosen to back Barry instead of Cisco. He wasn't too surprised when Caitlin basically tranquilized him and hauled his drugged ass back to STAR Labs to sleep it off.

"Well, considering his best friend decided to go time traveling in the middle of a crisis with a non-combatant, a man who once strapped me to a bomb, and two people we only met today," Caitlin was saying, "I'm honestly surprised he managed to hold off his freak-out until after you left. Especially since you were treating him like a pariah." She sighed. "Hartley was right. We do all need therapy."

Hartley considered cuddling into the infirmary cot and maybe pulling the pillow over his head in a symbolic (futile) gesture. Instead he made a grumbly noise and sat up, running a hand through his hair and fumbling for his glasses on the bedside table.

"Cisco?" he asked, blinking at the Cisco-shaped blur. Then he scowled at the Caitlin-shaped blob. "You drugged me."

"You were hyperventilating and ignoring my attempts to calm you down. Damn right I drugged you." Caitlin did not look, nor sound, particularly repentant once Hartley could see her properly. But then she relented a little. "I'm not much use fighting aliens, but looking after a friend having a bad mental health day? I can do that."

Hartley nodded and offered her a wan smile. "Thanks." Then he turned to Cisco warily. "So, find out everything in the 50s that you needed?"

"Yeah. Look, man, I'm sorry. My behavior was way out of line. I promised I was going to be a better friend to you and now I've gone and screwed it all up..."

Hartley shut the other man up with a hug. "I forgive you."

The afternoon after they beat the aliens, Hartley and Cisco completed Lego Harry Potter and called in Barry and Caitlin to play Tales of Symphonia with them on Hartley's recommendation.

When it was just them, they sat side-by-side on the couch, but with the others there… Hartley let Barry and Caitlin take the couch with Cisco and he settled on the chair off to the side (after dragging it over to have a better view of the tv).

Game night turned into a slumber party and they made Barry play as Lloyd because clearly Lloyd was wearing a proto-Flash outfit. Caitlin claimed Kratos because he wore purple; she insisted it was an ace thing (it took a moment for Hartley to remember that the purple on the ace flag represented the ace community) and then jokingly demanded cake, before admitting she actually preferred blondies. Hartley took Genis and Cisco vacillated between Raine and Colette. Though Hartley ditched Genis for Raine for the fight against Efreet after their first attempt failed miserably and Colette had to be in the party.

Though the game had voice-acting, only really important scenes were voiced. Side quests, minor scenes, and skits were all silent. So Hartley started reading Genis' unvoiced lines in a high-pitched, snooty voice; within minutes he had everyone else doing voices too. Cisco's falsettos for Colette and Raine were priceless while Caitlin deepened her voice to mimic the way Kratos spoke to comic effect. Barry changed accents every ten minutes or so; he did a fair impression of Julian's accent, but his cockney accent was atrocious, his attempts to sound Irish would've probably offended anyone who was actually Irish, and the less said about his attempts at generic Scottish, German, French, and Russian accents, the better.

It all went really well until Hartley woke up the next morning to find Cisco curled up around him on the floor while Barry and Caitlin were each half falling off the couch in their sleep. Hartley had to slowly creep away, fighting down the impulse to brush a kiss against the other man's cheek as Cisco lay sleeping, and regret how his attempt to follow Barry's advice had, ultimately, failed him utterly.

"Christmas threw up all over the cortex," were the first words out of Hartley's mouth when he saw what HR had done to decorate the place. There was low-key and there was festive and then there was… this.

But the older man looked so pleased with himself that Hartley redirected the conversation away from the complaints in order to ask him if he'd ever written any Christmas themed novels. Which he had and, since Hartley had really enjoyed the ones he'd already read, HR offered to see if he had the file stashed away somewhere on the jump drives he'd brought with him from Earth-19. (Thankfully USB drives and ports between the two Earths were compatible, though Hartley'd had to write a custom plugin for Calibre in order to read the files.)

"I know you, Caitlin. Cisco, Hartley, Joe, Wally. The fake Wells. I know your fears and I know your weaknesses. I know you better than you know yourselves. I know your destinies. One shall betray you. One shall fall. One will suffer a fate far worse than death. One will break. This is the knowledge I have for you. About your everlasting damnation."

"Who are you?"

"I am the future, Flash.

"When he said 'one will break' he meant me," Hartley said quietly.

"No way, he was just psyching us out," Cisco insisted, but there was worry and fear in his tone.

But if Iris was the one who 'shall fall' and Caitlin's transformation into Killer Frost meant she'd betray them… then that left the 'fate far worse than death' and 'one will break' up for grabs. And after his panic attack during the Dominator crisis, Hartley knew his mental health was a lot more fragile than he was comfortable admitting.

"I found a therapist. She's got good reviews and is really LGBT positive, so I'm hoping it'll be a good fit." Hartley fidgeted, tugging lightly at the hem of his shirt. "I… I set up what's basically an interview appointment for later this week."

"I wish Caitlin would follow your example," Cisco told him. "I've got this terrible feeling… like I'm going to lose her."

Watching Cisco and Lisa flirting the year before had been annoying, but tolerable.

Watching Cisco and Gypsy flirting was like having his chest compressed until there was no room for air in his lungs.

But at least she was going away. What were the odds they'd ever see her again? It was a pretty big multiverse, after all.

"She was wonderful, wasn't she?"

"She wanted to kill HR."

"I mean, aside from that."

"Her code name is an insulting term for the Romany people."

"Maybe it isn't an insult on Earth-19?"

"Look, can we just get back to playing the game instead of going on and on at length about someone you're never going to see again?"

"Fine." … "But she was gorgeous, right?"

"I will suffocate you with this pillow. I'm sure Barry and Caitlin will understand."

"Valentines day was last week," Hartley said, walking up quickly to the two Wells, grabbing the spit defiled coffee cup from HR and proceeding to shove it hard enough against Harry's chest that the older scientist had to grab it in order to steady the thing enough that it didn't slosh coffee all over him. Hartley retracted his hand, leaving the coffee mug in Harry's hands, and smirked triumphantly. "But if I remember correctly from your novels… Friends Day?"

"Friends day," Harry echoed flatly. "Novels. You've been reading his books."

"They're really imaginative," Hartley told Harry, offering HR a grin.

"That's right, today is Friends Day." HR returned Hartley's smile gratefully. Then he hugged the younger man. "It's the day we show our appreciation for the friends who make our lives brighter."

"Happy Friends Day, HR. So how goes the novel in progress? Need a beta reader?" Hartley asked, his tone growing more cheerful as Harry glowered at them both. "Also, I need to tell you about a very important impending holiday. It's called Pi day."

"Jesse, I know you don't really know me, like… at all, thanks to Barry's Flashpoint snafu. But do you mind if I give you some unsolicited advice anyway?"

She shrugged at him. "You can't do worse than HR's advice," she told him dryly.

"Okay, so... on your Earth, you have a life already. Not just your dad, but your friends. College classes. I remember there was this internship you'd really wanted at a bio research lab that sometimes partnered with STAR Labs. And I imagine that Jesse Quick's made a name for herself already, helping protect that Earth's Central City. It's a lot to give up for a guy. Even a guy you like as much as Wally."

"Are you saying I shouldn't do it?"

"I'm saying that even though its possible for the two of you to keep in contact via Cisco's inter-Earth text message system… neither of you bothered with it. But now that you've seen each other again, the two of you want to… move in together? And it would be moving in at Joe's because Wally's a broke college student himself. And he wouldn't be giving up college or his friends or family… this is all very much on you right now.

"With all this… why not take a third option? The two of you alternate weekends on Earth-1 and Earth-2, you both get to finish college, see if this relationship will actually go anywhere… and the two of you won't be starting off on a decidedly unequal foundation."

"That's… actually a really good plan." Jesse brightened.

"Happy to help."

"I'm going to marry that woman," Cisco declared in a daze. Clearly he'd found his 'Rose'.

Hartley wanted to cry.

Flippant though he might've been when he'd said it to Caitlin after her rampage as Killer Frost, he knew this crush was only going to end in tears.

Therapy was actually going really well and Hartley felt like he was handling the stress in his life better. His anxiety felt less suffocating, even when Wally and Barry were nearly eaten by the Speed Force or when Barry and Kara were put into a deadly dream musical that only true love could save them from. (At what point their lives became a bizarre double-feature rendition of Sleeping Beauty, Hartley had no idea, but he'd stopped questioning these things when he learned that Dementors were real and time travel was a matter of running really fast and wishing really hard.)

Also he and Cisco were finally playing Tales of Berseria. It was every bit as glorious as they'd hoped and Hartley completely identified with Velvet's desire for vengeance over reason. He'd lived that, after all.

Naturally, this was when Gypsy came back.

Joe had screwed up, nearly costing them Abra Cadabra (and putting the detective firmly on his daughter's shit-list). And Cynthia, aka Gypsy, had finally revealed her name to Cisco… as well as her backstory of being partnered with a speedster – both professionally and romantically – who'd been murdered by Abra Cadabra.

It was juvenile of Hartley to rank those two events together, but each was profoundly upsetting to him for different reasons. He'd thought better of Joe than all of that… and he hated watching Cisco crush harder on the Earth-19 viber.

But concentrating on those two things meant that he didn't have to think about the third major fuck up of the evening.

If Julian had just put the damn snowflake back on Caitlin when she'd woken up… or if he'd respected Caitlin's wishes… then maybe… but, no, love and desperation made people do stupid things. That was tonight's lesson. Killer Frost was on the lose in Central City's streets as a result.

"Now, now, Hartley, deep breaths," the icy voice told him mockingly. "Caitlin's not here to sedate you if you have another panic attack."

"So he's a time remnant of you who would rather see Iris dead than with anyone else. Or, admittedly, risk his existence for hers." Hartley paused a beat, then said, "still, you may want to consider that you've got issues with possessiveness."

"Do you think your therapist would be good with keeping secrets regarding vigilante alter-egos?" Barry asked.

"Yeah, probably. Mostly I just talk about everything except the vigilantism, though its not like I need to keep it quiet I'm a meta like you do. But she's not taking on new clients right now anyway. I could probably get you some referrals, though. If you're serious."

"I… I think maybe I am. Just… not until this is all over."

They were both silent for a minute and then Hartley finally asked the question that had been bothering him since the moment Barry returned from the future. "I had a nervous breakdown, didn't I? After Iris died and Caitlin froze Cisco's hands off."

Barry hesitated a moment and then nodded. "Yeah. You were, uh... you were doing a lot better by the time 2024 rolled around, though."

"That's... good to know." Hartley shrugged, not sure what to say. His therapist thought he'd benefit from anti-anxiety medication but thought it should be his decision. He'd been waffling, however, on whether or not to actually do it because it would mean having to discuss his anxiety problems with yet another person in order to get the prescription, but this... this decided him.

"Okay, so… erasing Barry's memories somehow erases Savitar's, but also keeps Savitar from gaining any of Barry's new memories?" Hartley asked Caitlin – Frost, whatever.

"Yes," she responded shortly.

"And it also somehow causes Wally to lose his speed because…? See, I'm a physicist and this shit makes no fucking sense. If it's because Savitar is less likely to exist and thus less likely to have used Julian as Alchemy to turn Wally into a speedster, then why do we remember it happened? And why would affecting just his memories do all this when Eddie committing suicide only made Eobard Thawne poof out of existence at the same moment, but left all the effects he'd had on the timeline up to that point in place?"

"Maybe the creepy-pasta is right and reality is written by bad horror novelists?" Frost quipped, irritation lacing her voice. "Now shut up and let me work."

Hartley smiled. Whether she liked it or not, this version of Killer Frost was really just Caitlin with all her anger issues laid bare. His smile dimmed, though. Just because he knew that was true didn't mean she wouldn't do her best to become the mask, especially if she let her friend die because she was too angry and afraid to face her issues.

"I'm just saying, the inconsistency really bothers me."

(Frost might've growled at him.)

After Barry and Captain Cold left to go steal the alien tech from the secret government agency (the way Barry kept glancing at Snart's ass told Hartley all he needed to know about that low-key crush sticking around) and while their microphones were still off, Hartley elbowed Cisco lightly. "Isn't it great how, after vowing not to time travel anymore, Barry keeps time traveling?"

"As long as he puts Snart back so that the timeline doesn't change and averts the future he visited so that I can keep my hands, I'm totally fine with this," Cisco muttered, rubbing his hands together in agitation. "I like my hands. They're nice hands."

Hartley rolled his eyes and wondered why he was in love with such an idiot. Not that Cisco's hands weren't nice, but... oh, wait. He paused that train of thought and rewound because… he was in love with Cisco?

He was in love with Cisco.

Shit.

Iris was alive.

HR was dead.

Somewhere along the way, HR had gotten it in his head that his life meant less than theirs.

How had Hartley let his friend down so badly?

Everything had fallen apart so quickly. Caitlin came back to them at HR's funeral… but only to say goodbye so she could go on some journey of self-discovery. Barry got eaten by the speed force, though the avatar that had taken Nora Allen's visage had promised it wouldn't be a punishment for him. Julian went back England because there was something wrong with one of his parents (he said it was just a visit, but Hartley was pretty sure this was leading up to a goodbye). Tracey was transferring to a doctorate program out of state.

Harry was sticking around for a while, which was probably, hopefully, maybe a good sign.

But everything was a mess and Hartley felt trapped.

Harry took the bottle out of Hartley's hands. "I think you've had enough, Rathaway."

"Nope. Noooooooo." He reached for the beer, misjudged, and nearly face planted on the floor. "I just wanna forget. Just a little while, tha's all."

"Is this… is this about HR?" Harry asked softly, surprising gentle for someone usually so abrasive.

"I let him down and now he's dead."

"Oh, kid… you didn't let him down." Harry poured out the beer in the break room sink while Hartley watched mournfully.

"I did. He's dead. Gone. Never going to decorate the lab like the holidays threw up everywhere again. I liked that. Spent so many holidays alone that it was kind of fun having cheerfulness everywhere. He was like a… a real life Rainbow Brite. Except a dude." Hartley sniffled and rubbed at his eyes. "Murkey Dismal isn't supposed to win."

"Rathaway… Hartley. You're drunk. Just… lay down, take your glasses off, and sleep it off. Okay?"

"Fine." Hartley did as he was told, closed his eyes, and... someone other than HR came to mind as he muttered, "she crossed the multiverse to save his life. How could I ever compete with that?"

(In the morning, Hartley regretted everything and Harry made him coffee.)

"I've only read two so far, but if all the novels are of the same quality then I'd be more than happy to help you get them all published. You're sure that Mr. Randolf wouldn't want any of the proceeds to go to his surviving family?"

"HR doesn't... didn't have any relatives left," Hartley told her. "Just friends. That's why I've got copies of all his writings. He was... too shy to send any of them out; he put on a good act, but really he was always afraid that no one would take him seriously. He never... he never really got the appreciation he deserved. I can do this for him now, though. Every last cent in royalties that he would've gotten goes to charity in his name. He'd have liked that."

Milla Davies was an editor for a small publishing company known for two things in Central City: a strong belief in releasing only DRM free ebooks and working closely with local charities. It had seemed like a good fit for the only sort of tribute Hartley could think of that would do his friend justice. She smiled at Hartley and nodded. "I do think this is a wonderful thing you're doing. Now... I've got a few edits for the first two, so lets get those hashed out and released. I figured we can release one or two a year until we've finally run out of his books. Ready to get started?"

"It's my mother," Julian explained, looking a little harried as he was shoving clothes into his suitcase. "She's been ill on and off for months now - that's why I've visited a few times over the last several months - but now we know why. She... she has a tumor. In her brain. The location's inoperable." The last words were said almost as a sob. Julian blinked back tears and went back to packing. "So I... I'm going to have to leave. I don't know how long. She's only got a few months left and then... Father will need me around for a while. I've... I've already submitted my resignation to Captain Singh..."

"Hey." Hartley put a hand on his shoulder. "Call us. Whenever you need someone to talk to, don't worry about the time differences, okay? Just call."

"Once Team Flash, always Team Flash," Cisco agreed. "I can even open up a breach between here and England if you need someone there in person... or a little time away."

"Nothing says friendship like offering to illegally enter another country to say 'hi'," Hartley deadpanned. Cisco elbowed him, not undeservedly.

"What can we do now, though?" Cisco glanced around, "need us to pack up the kitchenware?"

"Yes, actually... Hartley could you take it all with you to one of the Freespace donation centers for me?" Julian sounded frazzled. "I'll be staying with my parents at first and it's just easier to buy new plates and things when I actually need them again than to ship and store them."

"Yeah, sure. Let me know if there's anything else you want to donate too. I can probably get one of the volunteers to bring a truck by if you've got too much for my car."

When the first two books were released, Hartley sent a notice to Tracey, complete with copies of the finalized ebooks, links to the webpages where the novels were for sale, and a short explanation as to why the nome de plume was 'HR Randolf' instead of 'HR Wells'. Tracey sent him back a short, to the point response. Just two words. 'Thank you.'

Mid-October the news across the nation was buzzing with reports about what was being called the Big Bang. A gang fight in the warehouse district of Dakota City had gotten out of hand and been exacerbated by police intervention; an explosion went off in one of the warehouses, releasing an unidentified chemical compound in the air that had caused mutations in everyone exposed to it. The chemicals hadn't just affected the gang members or cops involved in the fight, either. It had take hours for the chemicals to finally disperse to levels low enough to have no effect on living beings. A nearby homeless shelter, a bus full of band kids on their way home from a football match, several nearby apartment buildings... the reports were still coming in of people having delayed reactions and manifesting as metas across the city.

Hartley did a lot of volunteer work with Freespace. In fact, he'd become their go-to guy when someone with unstable meta abilities showed up. And now he was being offered a job to do that full-time at Dakota City. They wanted him to lead a new initiative there working with several local Labs, including one of Mercury Lab's smaller branches, to help these new metas - or bang-babies, as the local bloggers had taken to calling them - learn to control their powers.

He wanted the job, badly. It took everything he loved about volunteer work and science and mashed them together. And it would give him the distance he needed to maybe, finally get over Cisco.

Therein lay the problem, however. If he accepted the job, what was he going to tell Cisco?

"So, which game should we play next?" Cisco asked. They were fast coming up on the end of Lego Jurassic World and that was when they usually queued up something new. But this time...

Hartley paused the game. "Cisco there's... there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

"That sounds ominous," Cisco quipped setting his controller aside.

"Freespace is putting together a new initiative in Dakota City based on some of the volunteer work I've done, coordinating Mercury Labs with the various shelters in the city to offer help to metas whose powers are hard to control. They... asked me to run it. There are way more active metas in Dakota City than there are here; it'd be a full time job, if something of a pay cut from what I'm making right now, but..."

"You sound like you accepted already," Cisco said, his voice flat, unreadable.

"Not yet. I've got some time to think it over before they need to have a definitive answer. But... I'm going to accept the offer. And it's not just because it's kind of a dream job for me. There's... there's this other reason and I'm not really sure how to say this to you so just... let me talk?" He winced a little but forged ahead. "Okay so I..." Why was it so hard to say the words 'I have a ridiculously pathetic crush on you' sans the 'ridiculously pathetic' part? He took a deep breath, tried again. "Doctor Who, series 3, Martha gets that massive crush on the Doctor, but he just... never notices. That's been me for a while now. A long while, really. And what she did at the end of the series? Turns out that's a really, really hard thing to do and I need to. I need to get away and get out and... learn how to move on because I just can't seem to while I'm here."

"Is it Harry?" Cisco asked, oblivious to the last.

"No, Cisco. In this analogy, you're the Doctor."

"I..." Cisco's eyes widened and he just sort of sat there in open mouthed shock for a long moment. Hardly the most attractive look the man had ever sported and Hartley still wanted to kiss it off his face.

"I can't keep sitting around, wallowing in this crush, knowing that much as I might wish otherwise, you're never going to return my feelings."

"You're leaving because of me?" Cisco finally asked, voice small and wavery. "Because I'm an oblivious idiot."

Hartley was clearly a horrible person because he was tempted to say 'yes.' "Cisco, you've said it yourself. You're straight. You've got this... profound bond with Cindy Lou Who."

"Please don't mix Supernatural references with The Grinch Who Stole Christmas," Cisco objected weakly. "It's weird. Makes me worry someone will gank the Grinch."

"Anyway," Hartley stressed, cutting him off, "I'm leaving because of me. Because I can't handle watching you fall in love with someone else. I'm not going to be gone forever. And it's not like I'm going to stop taking your calls. We can even start up game night again using your intra-dimensional breaches, once I've had enough time and space. I'll be gone a year minimum, two max. Then, if Team Flash still wants me, I'll come back. Maybe I'll even have a boyfriend to bring back with me by then."

"This is not the way I ever wanted to be compared to the Doctor," Cisco muttered, then he threw his arms around Hartley in a fierce hug. "Everyone keeps leaving but I never thought you would too. I don't want you to go."

"And I can't stay without breaking my heart," Hartley replied, petting Cisco's hair while the other man sniffled against his shoulder.

"I heard you were leaving."

Hartley blinked and then frowned, subtly pinching himself to make sure that he wasn't having some sort of weird dream.

Nope, the pinch hurt. Definitely awake... and facing Caitlin who looked... normal.

"How'd you hear that? You've been incommunicado for months. Ignoring Cisquito's calls; he's been very worried about you." Hartley let his irritation with her seep into his voice even as he let her into his apartment. He understood why she'd needed space. But that was no excuse for not even texting the occasional 'I'm still alive, doing fine, not resorting to criminal uses of my powers, hope you're cool too' messages.

"I have been listening to his messages," Caitlin told him. "Just... I've been too much of a coward, I guess, to call him back. Or pick up the call at all. But then last night I got a call from him and he was crying in the message. Because you're leaving?"

"He was crying?" Hartley's voice went up in pitch and he felt a little sick. Maybe this was a bad idea. He hadn't formally accepted the job yet; he was planning on doing that in person that afternoon.

He thought of Cisco and Cynthia kissing and... no. He needed to leave, for his own peace of mind.

"Yes. My best friend was crying because of you. I thought you agreed that would never happen again." She was starting to look a touchy icy there...

"I told him about my crush on him," Hartley said quickly, seeing Caitlin's eyes soften back to normal. "I really wasn't joking when I told you about that. I kept hoping that maybe I'd finally move on, but it just won't happen. If anything my feelings for him just keep getting stronger. But he's got this thing, whatever it is, with Cynthia and even if being from different realities is too much of a hurdle, Cisco's straight. Why the hell my heart won't take that into consideration I don't understand..." Hartley's voice cracked and he realized, distantly, that he was getting a little teary-eyed.

Caitlin walked over and hugged him. "I'm sorry, Hartley. I was so wrapped up myself that I didn't take you seriously. I'm so sorry."

"I don't want to leave him, Caitlin, but I can't stay. I can't."

"I know. I will."

"What?" he pulled away from her and looked at her quizzically. "You will what?"

"Stay." She smiled wanly at him. "I'll stay. I've been away long enough. Besides, Cisco doesn't deserve to be stuck in this drafty old place with only Harry for company and since you really do need this... then I guess I'll have to stick around."

Notes: Part 2 is from Cisco's PoV and it'll wrap up the story.