Disclaimer: do not own

"Harry Potter."

Harry wasn't a lawyer, but he knew enough things to defend himself, especially in this situation. Now, he wasn't going to snap his wand and declare himself a muggle from now on, or kill everyone, or kill himself, or anything like that. No, he was going to go the damn simple way.

Harry walked up to Dumbledore and the judges, and said, in a very loud and clear voice, "Contracts signed by minors are not legally binding."

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that, my boy?" Dumbledore asked. Harry inhaled.

"CONTRACTS SIGNED BY MINORS ARE NOT LEGALLY BINDING UNLESS IT IS FOR NECESSITIES! AND THIS TOURNAMENT ISN'T A NECESSITY, SO THAT PIECE OF PARCHMENT IS NULL AND VOID!" Harry yelled.

"But-" Bagman tried to interrupt.

"CONTRACTS SIGNED BY MINORS ARE NOT LEGALLY BINDING! CROUCH SHOULD BE ABLE TO TELL YOU THAT!"

Crouch said, in a dull, monotone voice, "That is incorrect."

Harry walked up to him and smacked him in the head.

"Then you are bloody incompetent, because everyone knows that law. Professor Dumbledore, I'm right, right?"

Dumbledore had a twinkle in his eye. "Of course, my dear boy."

"SO HA! I DON'T HAVE TO ENTER THE BLOODY COMPETITION BECAUSE CONTRACTS SIGNED BY MINORS ARE NOT LEGALLY BINDING!" And with that, Harry sashayed out of the Great Hall.

Fuck. He didn't expect the Potter brat to be smart. Even his father wasn't able to stop him under the Imperius. Fuck fuck fuck.

His Lord's plan is going to fail now. Maybe they shouldn't have gone with a complicated plan after all.

The next morning, when Harry entered the Great hall, everyone was staring at him. He slid next to Ron and Hermione at the Gryffindor table, helping himself to a glass of water.

He looked at Hermione, who had a look of pride on her face, while Ron looked somewhat guilty.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Oh Harry, I'm so proud of you!" Hermione sobbed as she hugged Harry like a mother would. Harry caught bits of "Using his brain," and "Standing up for himself," and "He's all grown up."

"Hey, Harry, I'm sorry." Ron said.

"What?" Harry wheezed as Hermione suffocated him.

"I thought that you really did enter, so I kinda..." Ron trailed off.

"It's okay. Just help meeeee," Harry choked out as Hermione squeeze his breathe out of him.

Once Harry regained his breathe, he looked at the Staff's table.

"Hey, where's everyone?" He said, peering at the empty seats.

"Apparently, Mad Eye Moody was actually an imposter! They're having a trial right now!" Ron exclaimed.

"Wait, what? How did they find out?" Harry asked.

"The imposter pissed himself, then fainted! Can you believe that?"

In the end, Voldie never regained a body, and so everyone lived happily ever after. Harry became a lawyer, and the unofficial Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. Because it was unofficial, as Harry said, the curse didn't affect Harry, because the curse only affected official professors. So as long as they called it unofficial, they were fine.

The End