Harry Potter and the Harry Potter of Harry Potter
I sit in my cradle thinking, wow. I am a piece of cheese. My mom walks into the room. "Harry, did you take your meds?" She asks. "Yes," I reply. She stands above my looking down at me. Suddenly, a man with no nose walks into my room. "Nevada-ke-dabb-a" he shouts as he points a brown stick at my mom. She collapses on the floor screaming in pain and ugly unicorns. The man walks over and tries to point the stick at me but I take the pointy stick and throw it out the window. "Curse you Harry Potter!" he yells at me as he jumps out the window and his magic Swiffer flies him away. Then, a man with a beard as big as Santa Claus' comes into my room. You are a harry wizard. "Cool," I say and he magically disappears into thin air. I get out of bed and walk over to the door. I punch the door open and walk outside. It smells nice. The mail carrier comes and opens the door to the truck. "Delivery for Harry Pooter," he says. "That is me," I reply. "He you go." He takes off without looking back. I open the letter. Dear Harry, You have been invited to Warthogs school for wizardry and witchcraft, it reads. Cool. Now I am a wizard. I call for a taxi and I pay him 4,000,000,000 pieces of gold since the drive is 4 minutes, I walk up to the entrance. "Welcome to PS 1271821287618736483518," someone greets me. "I thought this was Warthogs," I say. "Oh," replies the women. "Warthogs is 2 feet west," she says. "Thank you," I thank. I walk 3 feet to the left and I miss the door by 1 foot. I walk forward 2 feet. Oops. I overshot the door by 1 foot. I walk back 3 feet. I overshoot the door by 198274 feet. I get on my magic Swiffer and fly to the quidditch field. I see the quidditch. I run over and get it using my tongue. Yay. I won 4,000,000,000 pieces of gold. I go in the room Gandalf told me never go in. Never mind Gandalf. I dabb and walk into the room. I walk deep into the chamber and see a man with no nose. "Nevada-ke-dabb-a!" he shouts as he points the brown stick at me. I take the stick and snap it in half. "Meesalikejarjarswifferdanknessspongebobseasontwelvesocialmediaiscoolmemesandlifeislikeapieceofchicken!" he chanted. His Swiffer arrives, and he hops on it. "CURSE YOU HARRY POOTER!" he shouts at it as he rides away. What a pile of cheese, I think to myself. I walk further into the room. Wow. Gandalf was very wrong. This place is amazing. The columns holding up the place depict a battle between a kid with glasses and a man with no nose in this very room. "Eh," I say aloud and move on. I walk further on into the chamber and I see a light. I see a magical world ahead of me with weird cotton trees and bears with fish in bowls. A little orange person walks up to me. "Welcome!" he greets me. "I am the Lorax! Welcome to Sneedville!" "Where am I? What kind of world is this?" "MEMEVILLE!" he shouts. "WHY?! MEMEVILLE IS THE WORST! Gandalf was right. I should have never come here." "NONSENCE" the Lorax yells. "THIS PLACE IS WONDERFUL!" "Why do you have to yell?" I ask. "OH" he says. "I FORGOT TO TURN CAPS LOCK OFF. That's better." "I'm leaving," I yell and get onto my magic Swiffer and fly away. I fly back to warthogs and see a giant spider eating everyone in sigh—wait. We don't have the budget to do this. Sorry everyone. We can't do this scene due to extreme violence and not enough budget. Cut it all out. So Harry travels to warthogs and meets Dumbledore and he teaches him about stuff. Roll the tape! "Wow Dumbledore! This place is amazing! I've learned so much!" I say enthusiasticly. "Yee," he replies. THE END!
(Note to reader: I am not a good writer. Don't judge me. This was a complete joke if you couldn't tell.)