I knew that I was never meant for this world. The sore ache of my heart, the burning of my lungs, far greater than what anyone else has to suffer, the constant secret visits to the hospitals were all reminders of that. And Yet, I couldn't let go. I couldn't let go of the people I had come to love, the people I had come to despise and hate with all my heart, or the people I wanted to serve and protect. I knew that I would come as a burden one day, that one day I could die and become a bag of dead weight that would slow down my team as they carried my corpse back home… and yet, I couldn't let go. I realized that I was being selfish, that a shinobi should sacrifice all they had to the people before them, and the thought that I was doing the opposite clenched my already paining heart in a different and inner mind way.
I knew that I would one day have to give up on the life I was having even before I created it. I knew that the time would be soon when I lost to Temari at the Chunnin exams. I could have had a chance to win, and yet once again, fate went against me and caused me humiliation from my teammates and all those important to the world of the Shinobi. I let myself lose, and that alone had my world crashing down and letting me realize that it was soon going to happen. I was fated in this world, hell to others but heaven to me, the world of the shinobi, to face hardships like many of those suffering in the world, and never have a life of contempt like the others would. I would never live life to the fullest, the happiest extent, the brink where dying wouldn't be a horrible thought for living the life that they wanted was a good enough exchange for death. I was fated to live the life of constant servitude to help others feel happiness and hope, fated to be forgotten and never recognized for my contributions. I accepted the fact knowing I couldn't reject it, even if I tried. I was fated with the cruelest force that a shinobi could be born with. Still, you treated me with such feelings and actions, that it made life so far, worthwhile.
Chakra Rejection- A three stage disease in which chakra control cannot be distributed normally or not at all, or a severe case where chakra can be used at least once in the lifespan of the human, but serious signs of exhaustion, fatigue, and stress on the body that fallow will eventually cause the body to fail and lead to a constant fainting spells, coma, or death, with a chance of recuperation or awakening from a coma at 5%. No proven cures.
Stage 1: Chakra control is close to impossible and end result is person to be unable to use any form of jutsus or use elemental chakra.
Stage 2: Chakra is unable to be used at all, and similar diagnosis to stage one- the usage of jutsus and elemental chakra is null and void.
Stage 3: Chakra is able to be used but in retaliation, serious effects take place, i.e. definition above.
Without stage three chakra rejection, I could have lived happily and peacefully. I could have used chakra in my weapons so that Temari's wind would not have affected the course of my weapons. I could have done many things in which would have led my life up instead of its constant dropping. I could have prevented many things that I have come to regret. I had used my one time only chakra at the academy, for the genin testing. Soon after, I was emitted to the hospital that night by my foster-care and that was when I found out. But, I know that without it, I would have never realized the beauty of friends, love, bonds… that I should take everything that I still have and cherish it, for I might lose that too one day. I knew that this illness would become a life obstacle in which I would never overcome, never overcome like Rock Lee did with his stage one rejection. And still, I pursued the life of a shinobi. The 16 years of my life, though they have been hard, have been a challenge that I have come to respect as a journey that I had to go through to be where I am now. I am truly grateful for how I lived, and I am truly saddened by what is probably happening right now. I apologize for keeping everyone in the dark, shutting everyone out from my secret, for I was merely trying to prevent anyone close to me from treating me different if they knew what was wrong with me. I'm sorry if I had made anyone mad at me. It was hard for me to lie and deceive you all, but I believed that it would become harder if anyone found out. I knew that my time was coming, I knew that I would become bedridden, and I tried to prevent others from worrying.
I know that that is impossible, however. I know that any form of bond is sacred and that I will be remembered, no matter how much I try to close those bonds. I know how Saukra and Naruto felt for Sasuke, though Sasuke didn't realize that the bonds that connected them together all those years ago were still strong and just as intact as it was all those years ago, until now.
I'm fated to be endure fainting spells and then, maybe over time, receive death, and I repent for all my regrets.
I'm sorry to those that I have become close with: Saukra, Ino, Hinata, Naruto, Sasuke, Neji, Lee, and Shikamaru.
I'm sorry that I was never strong enough to fight when we were training, on missions, or that I was never able to meet up with any of you during my days off or holidays. I'm sorry that, as I was gradually growing weaker and more and more exhausted, I lied and made up an excuse about training and whatnot. I can't use my disease as an excuse. I would have rather shortened my life than to abandon my friends. But…I was a coward. I couldn't face dying because I lived to see the faced of the ones I loved every single day. And yet, what's ironic about that is that it was reverse psychology…abandoning all of you made it so that I didn't see your faces as much as I would have if I strained my body. I was foolish. I'm glad that these last few days, I trained with all of you, ate with all of you, and spent some real time together. I can't be atoned for the sins I have committed and I am truly, deeply sorry for all the pain and hardships I have cost anyone. Please, I don't want to be a burden to anyone. Don't waste your efforts on me. I'm not worth it. I know now of my mistakes, my regrets, and all the wrong doings that I have done, and I'm sorry, and thank-you for everything, and…I love you. Goodbye.
~Tenten
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The letter fluttered lightly as a feather to the floor. The friends, comrades and teammates, and sensei, and all who had been close to Tenten watched the rise and fall of her chest, hoping that she would somehow wake up from the trance and all would be fine. They hoped that she was never sick in the first place… The thought that she was under such a horrible disease, and that they were oblivious throughout her pain of the 16 years she was alive... clenched the deepest pits of their hearts and tore at them again and again and again. The heart monitor continued to beep and display her status.
She lay in the hospital bed, pale and unmoving. Her skin shone eerily against the light streaming in through the window. Her hair was let loose, golden brown tresses sprawled over the pillow. Perspiration stuck to her forehead, proving that she had felt pain from the illness, proving that she had been in a façade all these years.
She did not wake up.
Saukra fell to the floor on her knees. Her choked and strangled sobs echoed in the room as her hands flew to her mouth to muffle her voice. Sasuke squatted down, agonized, and brought Saukra to his chest. She clenched his shirt and buried herself into him. Sasuke wrapped his arms tighter around her small form and whispered soothingly to her.
"It's okay. Shhhhhh Sakura, It's okay."
Naruto could do little to console his girlfriend. Hinata desperately clung to him, her thin body racketing from her sobs.
"Hinata-chan, please don't cry. I hate seeing you cry."
"I'm sorry Naruto-kun." Hinata's voice wavered and tears rushed out of her eyes, unable to stop. Naruto enveloped her into a bigger embrace and hummed to her lightly.
Ino just stood there, unable to look at anyone's gazes. A hand grasped her shoulder and squeezed it to reassure her. She looked up at Shikamaru, who for once wasn't laid back and uncaring. He for once wasn't disclaiming anything "troublesome". He for once had a serious expression, which broke all of Ino's self control and her knuckles turned white, shaking..
"How could she…" She murmured. Hot, angry tears dropped like sprinkles and rolled down her cheeks. Her voice rose. "How could she keep this from us, from her friends! She should have fucking told us… She worked so hard," She sobbed. "And yet, we never praised her, congratulated her… for anything… She shouldn't have this burden on her." She fell to her knees and then onto her bottom. She looked at the direction of Tenten, dazed.
"She was in so much pain…"
The letter had told them all. The one person that had contributed her life to them, the one who was not recognized for help for how things turned out until now, was gone from their grasp before anyone could thank her for her deeds. She was right when she said that she was never acknowledged and never noticed for her deeds… and yet, she was fine with it. She was fine with being in the background… doing the dirty work and letting others get credit for her work. And it was sadistically ironic: she was gone from them and out of their grasp before they could apologize to her and start to acknowledge her.
Lavender and silver eyes of her beau closed, a trickle of a tear running down his smooth face. Neji stood, tensed, and unable to comprehend what was going on. One minute, he and Tenten were training. The next second, she collapsed, looking more sickly and deathly pale than he had ever seen.
How could she be sick?
He should have seen it…the alarming sharp intakes of breath, the minimal, but still visible cold sweat that would form as they went to missions, and the wary expression that she would wear when she thought that nobody was looking.
This was his fault. He had trained with her vigorously. He had requested frequent missions for Team Gai. He had only caused her body to become more exhausted until she finally broke down.
A cold chill entered him.
Tenten has a high chance to die.
'No. She can't die. She can't…' A wave of determination hit his body, full force.
'She's not going to die…not it I can't help it.' With that in mind, he disregarded all the others in the room and walked towards the still figure. Neji sat on the chair next to the bed and grasped Tenten's hand.
'I'll prove to you that you are worth it. You're not a burden and you're definitely important to everyone.'
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Not noticed by anyone, a silent tear fell from the corner of Tenten's eye.
'I don't understand it… why are they wasting their time on me?' She growled inwardly in frustration. Her bosy was shut down, in a coma-like trance. She could hear everything but she could not respond...yet. It was any minute now when the pain would return and she would be able to move again.
What frustrated her the most was what she was hearing.
'Why arn't they moving on and leaving me to die. I spent all these years prepared for this. why?'