This is the result of reading the Rose of Versailles (or Lady Oscar, depending where you live) manga and checking on Wikipedia the life of Oscar's father (an historical character). By the way, Jean-Antoine Pierre Marie Victor de Reynier actually existed.

by lord Martiya

The Trial of Jeanne Valois

That day I, Jeanne de la Motte nee de Valois de Saint-Remy, was in trouble. Or to say it the right way, exceptionnellementen merde. My theft of that diamond necklace had been discovered before she could cut all the loose ends and run, leading to her arrest and trial, and Nicole d'Olivia, the one loose end she had failed to cut, had just ruined her attempt at making a scapegoat out of Rohan with her very presence.

To try and escape my fate, or at least become a martyr, I had accused the Queen of being the real culprit and presented her as a lesbian, with herself, the Duchess of Polignac and that Oscar François de Jarjayes as her lovers. And would avenge my mother, murdered by the Duchess of Polignac. Still, I was a bit displeased for Oscar: she had taken care of my beloved sister Rosalie, saving her from God knows what horrible fate (a knife in the gut or the wheel if she was lucky), but as a crossdresser she was just too obvious of a target. And her protest would serve to cement my claims in the eyes of the people. I counted in my mind, and Oscar did not disappoint me.

"Don't blame Her Majesty for my father's obsession!"

And my plan fell apart due to sheer surprise.

"Wait, what?" I cried.

"My father is obsessed about having a male heir!" the furious Oscar replied. "He had already forced my oldest sister Jean-Antoine to dress and act as a man, and when she died before my birth I took her place! Everyone knows it at Versailles!"

I looked at the many Versailles-allowed nobles present, and all of them nodded (with some snickering). Even Rohan, the one prince étranger who didn't know that Royals sign with only their given names, was nodding.

"You have to be shitting me... My masterpiece in the art of lying and the way to frame that Austrian cow for this ruined by a male heir-obsessed count..." I thought. Then I noticed how everyone (even the people) was looking her, and realized what had happened: "I said it out loud, didn't I?"

"Yes." the president of the Parliament replied. I facepalmed. "Colonel Oscar, the public is forbidden to intervene, please keep it in mind. Now, madame de la Motte, shall you finally tell us the truth?"

"It's a LONG story..."

"Take your time."

"Also, I'm not sure about parts of it, I've reconstructed them with information I found after sneaking my husband into Versailles thanks to the Cardinal's love for acting without thinking."

I said everything. I started from my father, count Jacques de Valois de Saint-Remy, having me from his servant Nicole Lamoriere, who was forced to move to Paris with the count's other illegitimate daughter Rosalie after he wasted his entire fortune. I then said how I was taken in by madame de Boulainvilliers and falsified her last wills after her death (omitting how my role in said death), and how I got my husband and willing accomplice Nicolas de la Motte into the Gards du Corps and found out from him about Jacques and Marie-Anne, the two legitimate and equally desperate children of the count that she had never managed to meet (Jacques being a soldier serving in Africa and Marie-Anne a nun in a convent she had never managed to find).

I countinued with Rosalie, who had been taken in by the count of Jarjayes thanks to his wife and younger daughter's intercession (Rosalie had been reticent on saying how she met them), telling me how our mother had died after being ran over by the carriage of the duchess (then countess) of Polignac, and that her actual mother was a noblewoman named Martin Gabrielle. I continued with my investigations, finding out that the full name of the only Martin Gabrielle at Saint-Remy at the right time to have Rosalie from the debauched count was Yolande Martin Gabrielle de Polastron, and my refusal to check if the Duchess of Polignac had a cousin with her same name.

I then started the juicy part: my heists in general and how I cheated a crapload of money from Rohan using the fake letters from the queen and Nicole d'Olivia. I told everything, including how the swine tried to seduce me (and his failure: not only I had made a point to not cheat on Nicolas, but I had heard that Rohan wasn't exactly skilled in the bed), and how I successfully stole the diamond necklace, only failing to run in time.

"Then I lied my ass off in the attempt to get away with a slap on the wrist or at least become a martyr for liberty, and you know the rest." I concluded.

"I see." the president stated coolly. "Madame de la Motte, I still have a few questions. Have you ever met Her Majesty the Queen?"

"Saw her from distance once."

"Does Alessandro of Cagliostro have any role in this heist?"

"You think I'm stupid enough to let that swine near me?!"

After that, the Parliament delibered on the case. Louis René Édouard de Rohan, prince of Rohan-Guéméné and Archbishop of Strasbourg, was aquitted with the justification that idiocy is not a crime, and kicked in an abbey by the King (he may be too nice for his own good, but you can't touch his wife and hope to get away with that). Cagliostro was aquitted for not being involved in the facts in any illegal way, and told by a medic that French air could damage his lungs (heard he's in London too, now). Rétaux de Villette, my accomplice and material author of the forged letters, was exiled to Italy. Nicolas was sentenced to life in prison as soon as he was arrested (not that I told them where I sent him). And I was sentenced to life in the Salpêtrière, the prison for whores. I stayed there one full day before Oscar herself came and brought me to a convent in Auxonne, the Queen's pay for opening her eyes about her own naivety. Now I'm serving my sentence there. Who knows what will happen...

Author note

When I discovered that the historical Count of Jarjayes actually pulled an Oscar with his firstborn daughter I just had to write a story where Oscar replied to Jeanne's slander in a different way. It was to be a one-shot in my Deleted Scenes series, but now I have plans for a story detailing how history changed. Stay tuned.